3. Montana

The loud impatient rapping on my door was quite unnecessary because I was ready and waiting to be picked up. I flung open the door expecting to see Pearl but found Kelly standing next to her as well.

“I brought wine,” she announced, holding up a bottle.

I cocked my head at her. “I thought we were heading out …”

“We are, but we’re going to need an extra hour fixing you up - ugh. What the hell are you wearing?”

I looked down at my perfectly good outfit, then folded my arms. “I look cute and I dressed up, what”s the problem?”

“Wasn’t that your prom dress?” Pearl asked unhelpfully.

I glared at her. I was hoping she wouldn’t notice, but no such luck.“Couldn’t find anything else suitable, and it was too late to buy one,” I muttered.

“God!” Kelly exclaimed dramatically. “They warned me it was going to be bad, but I had no idea it would be this dire. Thankfully, I brought reinforcements.”

“Reinforcements?” I asked warily.

“Where’s your dad?” Pearl asked.

“Gone fishing.”

“That’s good,” Kelly said with a wicked laugh. “He won’t approve of what we’ve got planned.” She pulled out a scrap of red fabric from her overnight bag.

I looked at it like the threat it was. It didn’t take me long to realize what it was: her very famous, highly provocative dress, the one that Natalie had dubbed ‘the sex dress’.

“No, I’m not wearing that,” I immediately refused, shaking my head vehemently, but they flat-out ignored me.

“Natalie is waiting for us at the club by 8 pm,” Pearl said, pulling out a pair of five-inch high-heel sandals from Kelly’s bag of tricks.

I started to back away from them. “No way, I’m definitely not wearing those. The last time I wore high heels was prom night and I almost died.”

“Stop being a drama queen. You’re not in high school anymore and you are wearing these. They suit the outfit perfectly. Now, please take that Bridgerton dress off. It makes you look like a nun’s idea of a slut.”

“My dress is not that bad,” I objected, trying one last time to convince them.

“Actually, it’s completely unacceptable,” Pearl stated.

“Okay, maybe it’s a bit too long, but I didn’t want to shave,” I began to explain, but the mood in the room soured even more.

Kelly put her hands on her hips. “Now you”re going to have to, aren’t you? And just in case, please shave everywhere so you don”t give yourself an excuse to say no when you actually run into someone cute.”

To be honest I started having second thoughts. Especially, when I thought of squeezing myself into Kelly’s giant red condom of a dress. Even worse was the idea of trying to walk in those ridiculously high heels. It seemed like too much trouble for a one-night stand. I’d rather have curled up in my bedroom window seat with a good book and a box of chocolates.

I gave Kelly a disgruntled look and considered putting my foot down, but the earnest plea in Pearl”s eyes made me draw in my claws. They were only trying to help. With a long-suffering sigh, I hurried into the bathroom to get ready all over again while both girls merrily sipped on wine.

About fifteen minutes later, fully shaven, glazed like a turkey, and tightly gripped inside Kelly’s scrap of red lycra, I stood before them for assessment. To my relief, I passed the vibe check with flying colors.

“Oh Wow!” both girls burst out in unison.

“You look really, really amazing,” Pearl gushed.

“Yup, good enough to eat,” Kelly agreed.

I was quite salty about the way they had taken over my appearance and still very tempted to kick them out, but when I walked over to the mirror and saw my reflection my eyebrows shot up.

“Exactly,” Pearl said. “That”s what you”ve been hiding under those baggy men’s shirts and dusty jeans.”

I had to admit I looked … pretty unrecognizable.

“My dad would have a heart attack if he saw me like this,” I whispered in an awed voice.

“Don’t worry, he won’t see you. We’ll have you back in your bed before he comes back at sunrise. Now, put on the shoes,” Kelly ordered.

I regarded the dangerous things warily, the same way they were staring back at me. I didn’t want to argue, but I didn’t want to be ungrateful either, so I took a deep breath and succumbed. I was the same size as Pearl. It”s one of the things we’d decided as kids was the sign we were supposed to be best friends forever.

I slipped the weapons on, and they fit well enough until I stood up and tried to walk. It was hell. I tottered unsteadily around the room, almost breaking my neck twice while both my supposed friends laughed until their sides hurt.

It was all incredibly amusing until Natalie”s call came asking us if we were ready. It lit a fire under Kelly’s backside. She jumped up.

“Okay, hair.”

I looked at her with dismay. “No! I like it like this.”

”Absolutely not, you”re not leaving it in a ponytail. That’s just lazy, Montana.”

“It”s neat and out of the way,” I argued, knowing I was going to lose this round too.

”We didn’t come all the way here to go for ‘neat and out of the way’. We want ‘striking’ and ‘in the way’. We”re letting it all down in sumptuous, glorious curls.”

I groaned. ”Curls? No time for that, surely.” But she was already pushing me back into the room and sitting me in front of my vanity.

“Curls will take me five minutes. Pearl, get on with her makeup. Load on the mascara and give the girl smoky eyes … and deep red lips.”

“Got it,” Pearl said, and ignoring all further protests, she got to work.

Ten minutes later, which I should say, was a remarkable speed, I looked like a completely different person. They seemed to have done so little and so quickly, but I looked so different.

“You”re freaking gorgeous!” Kelly said, looking quite surprised.

I stared at myself speechlessly. When they noticed my dazed expression, both girls burst out laughing. “Now do you see what we mean about you making the best of yourself?” Kelly asked.

I was too dazed to reply so I nodded.

“Okay, now for the final touch,” Pearl said and hurried out to the living room. She returned a minute later and thrust a purse so small it was practically useless into my hands.

“Stand,” Kelly commanded.

I obeyed. Then I was hurried out of the door, thrown into Kelly”s car and off we went.

I opened the purse to put my phone into it and a whole bunch of condoms fell out.

“Holy Mother of God!” I screeched.

“She found the condoms,” Pearl guessed, peering at me through the rearview mirror.

“What am I supposed to do with all these?”

Kelly burst out laughing. “Hey, that’s just about enough for one good night of fucking.”

“I’m keeping two and throwing the rest out,” I mumbled.

“Why, are you planning to let him go in raw?”

I cringed. “Oh God! Please stop.”

Kelly hooted with laughter. “Stop being such a goody two shoes.”

I looked out the window. “I urgently need a change of friends.”

Natalie was out on the front drive of her family’s farm. She was smoking and pacing nervously. She threw the butt away and hurried over.

“Finally! Where have you all been?” she demanded impatiently.

“What’s wrong?” Pearl asked.

“I’m gonna break his heart,” she said, slamming the door shut.

I was confused. “Break his heart? I thought you were going to talk to him.”

“I did talk to him. Yesterday. And he fucking pissed me off telling me we’re perfect the way we are now. Honestly, I’m better off getting out now rather than years later when he gets bored with the relationship, and because he has no self-discipline whatsoever, he”ll go out and cheat on me and expect me to forgive him. Absolutely fucking not!”

Stunned and speechless we stared at her while she ranted.

Suddenly she smiled, a crazy smile, into the stunned silence in the car. “That’s it. Enough about me. Let”s go have fun. We need to find a splendid hunk for Montana to fornicate with and a big bowl of tomato soup for me. I’m famished.”

I blinked. “Oh boy. Tonight was definitely going to be something to remember.”