2. Montana

“Ugh,” Natalie groaned, flicking her flaming red hair back over her shoulder. “I wish we’d go to another bar. I really don’t like this place.”

“Why?” Pearl asked.

“It’s obnoxiously loud, and it smells like feet and sweat.”

“It’s a majority male bar. Of course, it smells like sweat and feet.” Kelly laughed, already a bit giddy and excited.

“Maybe we should go to the Lake club next time? It’s quite sophisticated,” Pearl suggested.

“No, no. Absolutely not. I”m avoiding Jack,” Natalie said fiercely. “He’s working in the kitchen tonight.”

“Why are you avoiding him?” I asked.

But before Natalie could answer there was a sudden roar.

“Just our luck.” Pearl groaned. “There”s a game on.”

“Better chances to meet more men,” Kelly answered gleefully as she led the way towards a corner booth. She threw her purse on one of the seats, pushed her tiny miniskirt down her hips and smiled at the rest of us.

“What do you guys want to drink? I’ll get it because I have my eye on the bartender.”

We looked over and indeed found him to be very cute. He reminded me of a younger version of Justin Timberlake, but I was very much not into that.

“I’m having orange vodka,” Kelly announced.

“French Martini, please,” Natalie said.

Pearl nodded at Natalie. “You have the most excellent taste in cocktails. Same here.”

Kelly looked at me. “What about you, Miss Hermit?”

“Get her a Sex On The Beach. That’s the only sex she’ll be getting.”

“Cranberry vodka,” I said dryly and pulled out my phone to check if my father had sent a message.

“No!” Pearl snatched the device out of my hands. Before I could even begin to protest, it was already locked away in her purse.

Really?” I complained, but she didn’t give a damn.

“Yes, really,” she replied authoritatively. “I successfully drag you out once a week and you’re not going to cheat on me with your phone.”

Kelly sashayed away and we focused our attention on Natalie. “Go on,” Pearl said, “tell us why you’re avoiding Jack.”

“I … I think he’s planning on proposing.”

Pearl screamed and almost exploded with excitement. Nothing about marriage thrilled me that much so I couldn’t work up the same enthusiasm, but I was quietly happy for her.

“Pearl looks more excited than you,” I noted. “It’s about time, isn’t it?”

“I guess so, but …” Natalie sucked her breath through her teeth.

“Uh oh, are you having doubts?” Pearl asked, wide-eyed.

“I still love him, of course, but-”

“But what?” Pearl pushed.

“I thought he’d be more by now, you know. We had big dreams, dreams of getting the fuck out of here. He said he was only getting a job at the Lake club to learn from their top-class Chef, but now ... he seems … so content. Sometimes I think he would be perfectly happy to rot in this small, nothing-to-do town forever, but me, I’m restless and bored. The way I see it, it’s only downhill from here. Sedimentary and dull.”

Kelly returned, accompanied by Jeff, the bartender of her wet dreams.

“French Martini for Natalie and Pearl,” she directed, “and cranberry vodka for Montana.”

“Thank you,” we all chorused.

Jeff winked and went on his way.

I took a sip of my divinely refreshing drink and looked at Kelly. She was standing by the table without a drink in her hand. “What of you?” I asked.

“Oh, uh, I’ll go back. Jeff says I should come back so I can watch him make mine. There’s a special technique and a new rum he wants to try. So, a taste test.”

“We already know who’s going to be having the most fun tonight,” Pearl teased.

Kelly stuck her tongue out cheekily before whirling around and returning to the bar. We watched Jeff and Kelly flirt with each other for a few seconds before returning our attention back to Natalie.

“See?” she said. “That’s what I mean. That fire is what I want.”

“That fire is called new lust. It’ll fizzle out in a couple of weeks,” Pearl dismissed.

“I’m sorry, but I disagree. That spark is important to me. I believe it’s kept alive when couples grow and improve together, not just settling like dirt at the bottom of a well.”

I looked at her curiously. “If he does propose, and you say ‘I’m not sure, let me think about it,’ it’ll be curtains on your relationship, won’t it?”

“Montana’s right. Jack’s a proud man,” Pearl chimed in. “You have to bring your concerns up now and work on it together, or else it will be too late and you’ll have to break up.”

Natalie took a long sip of her drink as she processed this. “You’re both right. It’s partly my fault. I need to talk to him. Tell him I’m not happy with the way things are currently.”

“Do it tonight,” Pearl urged. “Before you overthink it and chicken out again. Do it while the intensity of this pep talk is still fresh and you’re motivated.”

“Okay,” Natalie promised breathlessly.

“Good. Now that Natalie is settled …” Pearl turned to me. “What about you, Miss Hermit? When are we going to discuss your problem, which, as I remember, is getting urgent?”

“What urgent problem? I’m fine,” I said, confused by the direction the conversation had suddenly taken.

They both gave me a look.

“You’re bored,” Pearl said decisively. “And you need to have your cherry popped.”

“To be clear, I’m not bored, but why not shout the other part louder?” I asked sarcastically. “There might be someone at the other end of the bar who didn’t hear you!”

“Honey,” Natalie said in a matter-of-fact voice, “the whole town already knows. You do realize that you’re the last virgin left in town, don’t you?”

I could clearly see now that the alcohol was doing its work on all of them except me.

“For heaven’s sake. I’m happy as I am, okay. I’m not interested in men or in being in a relationship at the moment.”

“So … let me see if I understand this correctly,” Natalie mocked, “your big plan is to remain a virgin for the rest of your life?”

I fidgeted uncomfortably. “Obviously not. I just haven’t found the right man yet.”

Natalie snorted. “Fiddlesticks! You’ve had twenty-four years and you haven’t come across one off your own steam. I think you need some help. It’s time we ride out to Stormy City and see if we can find a man to unclog your pipes. Someone tall, dark, and fiery.”

Hoping to change the subject, I turned to look at Kelly. The scene had changed from the bartender mixing her an experimental cocktail to both of them leaning forward to drink from the same glass while staring deeply into each other”s eyes. It was surprising they hadn’t fallen over altogether.

“Jesus, those two,” Pearl exclaimed.

“That,” Natalie said decisively, “is exactly what you need, Montana.”

“Eww … a toy boy?” Pearl made a face.

“No,” Natalie said, “a man toy. Older, more rugged. Someone who’ll bone our Montana so hard she sees stars and be unable to walk properly for days.”

My jaw dropped. “Hello. I’m sitting right here.”

“Yes, I see that, but it needs to be said,” she said, totally unrepentant.

“Who knew you were sexually deviant beneath all that good girl next door exterior?” I muttered.

“I’ve always known,” Pearl said. “You should have seen the stuff she was reading in high school. Only God knows what she’s reading now.”

“I’m serious,” Natalie insisted. “Is tomorrow a date?”

Pearl nodded. “Yes, it is.” She looked at me sternly. “It is, isn’t it?”

I didn’t want a relationship. I had no interest in marriage. And yet … suddenly, I was back in the woods. I could feel the rasp of the deer’s tongue on the palm of my hand and the voice in my head whispering, ‘It’s time for a change, Montana.’ Maybe, change was not accidents and death, maybe change was just a man’s body, strong and sure, moving on top of me.

“Okay!” I agreed and hit my palms on the table causing the empty glasses on the table to clatter.

“Excellent!” Pearl shouted triumphantly.

“You’ll have to lose the cowboy hat and dress up, though,” Natalie warned. “No flannels or boots. You need to look real fancy. Fancy enough to catch the eye of the best-looking guy in the joint.”

I gave it some thought, but I didn’t want to be a spoil sport, so I nodded. “Alright, I will, but for the effort I have to put in I better meet someone worthy, or I’m never doing it again.”

“You will,” Pearl replied confidently. She threw her arm around me. “I guarantee it.”

Kelly suddenly plopped down next to us. Her lips were well swollen.

“Wow!” Pearl exclaimed. “Really?”

“Yes really. I’m calling this night a win,” Kelly sang blissfully. “Now, do you guys want more drinks?”

“Do you even need us here?” Natalie asked with a laugh.

“Of course,” Kelly replied. “At least, until he closes the bar. Come on, you promised we would be staying late for once.”

“Don’t sulk,” Natalie scolded. “We’ve made new plans. We’re going to the trendiest bar in Stormy City tomorrow.”

“Oh,” Kelly exclaimed, intrigued. “What brought this about?”

“We’re going to find a gorgeous hunk to pop Montana’s cherry,” Pearl said.

I smacked Pearl’s arm, and Kelly hooted with uncontrollable laughter.

“Whoa! This I can’t miss,” she spluttered.