CHAPTER TWO

Bea

Loki doesn't make a move to meet me. Instead, he stays rooted to his spot, leaning like a damn sex god against the doorframe while I walk toward him. Inwardly, I am giving myself a pep talk, one I most definitely need. I'm almost to him when suddenly, my brother, Theo, steps in front of me, blocking my path, a bright smile on his adorable face. My eyes widen, and I have to pull myself up quickly to stop from running straight into his chest.

"Morning sunshine, how's the head?" Theo asks, grinning at me like he knows I feel like absolute death.

Groaning, I slump my shoulders, somehow relieved but also annoyed at the same time that he's stopped me from making it to Loki. It's been years since we were in the same room. Talking to him face-to-face is going to be awkward, so as much as I have been trying to avoid it, I was amping myself up on the walk over. Now, I'm going to have to do that all over again once I'm done with my older brother.

I don't know if my nerves can take much more of this.

"Did the alcohol take away your ability to speak, or are you sleepwalking right now, baby sister?" Theo chuckles, gently nudging my arm.

Huffing, I cuddle into his side and rest my head on his shoulder. "I think I might actually be dead. I think I died last night, and this is all a weird kind of purgatory."

Theo chuckles under his breath, softly rubbing my back. "You were pretty fucking wrecked…" He laughs. "Mom and Dad would be proud of you, Bea."

I snort out a laugh, looking up at him, but then my smile falters, remembering why I was drinking in the first place. "They wouldn't be proud of me if they knew why I was partying, though… would they?"

Theo exhales with a shrug. "We'll figure this out, Bea."

Furrowing my brows, I glance around the clubroom and shake my head. "Hey, can you tell me why the hell I'm here?"

He smirks, glancing over at Loki and then back to me. "You called Loki in your drunken stupor last night while you were out at a nightclub. You were sorority-girl drunk on the phone and going off on him about something, he wouldn't tell me what, then he yelled down the line at you in front of the whole clubhouse that he was coming to get you. So, we left, and honestly, I have never seen him drive as fucking frantic before."

I let out a small exhale. "Honestly, I don't remember any of that. I was stressed because of the breach on the app, so I suppose I'm not completely shocked I reached out to Loki. He is a tech genius."

Theo scowls, rolling his eyes. "I do work in Silicon Valley. You remember that, right?"

"No, I know, but Loki helped you build the app…" I shake my head. "Anyway, that's all beside the point. Did I… did I say anything weird last night?"

Theo shakes his head. "Loki threw you over his shoulder, carried you out of the nightclub, and then you passed out in the car on the way back to the clubhouse. When we arrived, you puked in the parking lot, passed out again, and then he put you in the bedroom and came back out to the party they were having. He genuinely seemed annoyed by the whole thing. He seems annoyed with you, Bea, if I am honest."

Exhaling, I slump my shoulders, glancing back over to Loki, who's cautiously watching me. "I should go talk to him."

Theo flares his nostrils, craning his neck to the side. "I know you two haven't been in the same room for a while for whatever reason." He shrugs his shoulders. "Just remember, Bea, he is my best friend. And this is his home. Please don't make a scene."

I spin around, looking at the rest of the bikers who are casually glancing my way.

Suddenly, I feel the weight of the world resting on my shoulders.

I was Loki's family once upon a time.

He has a new family now.

And this family is watching his back, making sure I don't mess with him. The thing that's even more scary about that fact—they're all 1% bikers and could make me disappear without a second thought.

I need to play this carefully.

I never meant to hurt Alex.

I have no intention of hurting Loki.

I just have to pull up my big girl panties and go talk to him. Thank him for being my white knight and rescuing me when I needed saving from myself.

Craning my neck, trying to ease the pain in my head from my still-pounding headache, I risk a glance in Loki's direction as I head his way. His luminous green eyes are steadfast on mine, and a wave of memories, emotions, and all those little things we used to do and say to each other flood my mind.

That familiar spark in his mischievous eyes is still there, though it has dulled. Like some of his playfulness has evaporated, and in its place is something colder, darker—he's more hardened. I can't blame him, though. So much has happened in his life to crush his spirit.

Even if those eyes staring at me as I approach are not the same ones I knew when I was younger, they still make my heart skip a beat. The rhythm is almost out of control the closer I get to him. I hear my pulse in my ears, reminding me of the crappy music from last night. My stomach swirls, a wave of nausea rolling through me as I step right in front of him, and I have to hold my breath—just in case.

He weakly smiles while my knees shake at the sight. Fuck, he is even more gorgeous now that he's grown into himself. Damn! I can barely control my thoughts.

"Breathe, Bea," he urges, his voice low and gravelly. I let out a long breath, trying to relax my shoulders and rub at my temple. "How are you feeling this morning?"

My eyes shoot open, looking at him again, and I do my best to pull my shit together. Sure, I haven't seen him in thirteen long years. Yeah, I have thought about him every day since and what it would be like to be in the same room as this man again. But never, ever, did I picture it would be from him saving me after wiping myself out and him coming to my rescue.

That's not who I am.

I'm the upbeat, carefree girl.

I don't get so depressed I drink myself into a coma.

Letting out a long breath, I tilt my head with a fake smile. "Like I got hit by a truck, then it reversed back over me, then dumped its load of crap on me for good measure."

He raises his brow, a slight smirk appearing on his lips. "I'm not surprised! Is drinking like that something you do often? It doesn't really bode well for the owner of a health and wellness app."

Scowling, I jut my hip out. "It was a one-time thing, Mr. Judgmental. And just for your information, if I want to go out and drink like that, I would be allowed to because I am my own woman. I am in control of my own body…" I pause, bringing my hand to my mouth, as my stomach lurches with a heave, but I am lucky enough to be able to control it and keep the wave of nausea down.

A hint of a smile peaks at the corners of his lips when he nods. "Yeah, Bea, looks like you're in real control of your body there."

Frowning, I huff. "I just need something to eat. That's all."

Loki steps away from the doorframe he's leaning against and gestures toward the tables in the middle of the clubhouse. "Let's go grab a table. I'll get you some grease to soak up the entire bar you drank last night."

I can't stop the small laugh that escapes me at his quip. "Hardy-fucking-har. I didn't drink that much."

He leads us toward a table, and I follow him. "Oh, you're a lightweight then?"

Glaring at him, I take a seat at the table opposite him, and he gestures to a woman who steps up to the table.

"Morning, what can I get ya?"

"Morning, Navy. Can you fry up a full breakfast for Bea here… extra bacon for her, please? And coffee. A strong one," Loki orders for me.

Navy smiles, tilting her head. "Sure thing. Welcome to the clubhouse, Bea. You're gonna love it here," Navy states, and I widen my eyes.

"Oh, I'm not staying. I actually wasn't even planning on coming here, it was kind of an accident," I blurt out, not really knowing what I'm saying.

Navy simply smiles. "In any case, we're happy to have you. Breakfast will be out soon. You want anything, Loki?"

"I'm good. Thanks, Navy," he replies before she walks off toward the kitchen.

Slowly, I turn back to face Loki. That tension is hitting my chest again as my eyes meet his once more.

He clears his throat, scrubbing at his bearded chin. "You really shouldn't drink like that. No matter how bad shit gets, Bea. It's dangerous."

I shrug. "Sometimes you just have to let loose, you know? Have some fun. Do you even know what fun is, Loki?"

He folds his broad, tattooed arms across his chest. "You think what you did last night was fun? That calling me in the middle of the fucking night, rambling on about how you'd fucked the company. Then started crying, no, sobbing to me about how you'd wished you'd never left to go to San Jose thirteen years ago and that you wished you'd stayed in LA. You think that is fun?"

My eyes widen, and I let out a gasp. I have no memory of saying those things to him… at all. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I lift a shoulder. "I was drunk. People say and do things when they're drunk, Alex."

He narrows his eyes on me. "Bea, you know everyone here calls me Loki."

Huffing, I slump further into my chair. "Well, it's been years since I've spoken to you. And if, in a moment of weakness, I called you last night, it's because I wanted to talk to Alex… not Loki."

"Alex doesn't exist anymore, Bea. At least not the Alex you knew. If you were expecting that guy, then maybe you should leave now."

My heart races frantically as I continue to stare at him, seeing the darkness in his eyes taking over the spark that was there. I'm losing more of him, and it's killing me to watch it happen right in front of my very eyes.

The fact is, seeing him, even though he's so fucking different, is a refreshing and exciting experience I didn't even know I desperately needed. I honestly don't remember calling him last night. Waking up here this morning was terrifying, but maybe this is what I've been needing.

Maybe this is what we both have been needing.

Finding my inner courage, I slide my hand up over the table to reach out. His eyes widen as I place my hand on top of his. The instant our hands touch, that inferno of fire burns so hot it's like I can't control the rush of emotion, but I try anyway.

The best part is he doesn't pull away, just stares at me, his chest moving faster with his intensified breathing.

"Loki, I know shit between us is strained, and I know me calling out of the blue last night was weird… for both of us. But I really do want to thank you for coming to pick me up. I lost myself last night. With news of the app's data breach, I knew the only way to get a handle on it was to talk to you, and it scared the absolute hell out of me."

I take a deep breath. "I thought to give myself some courage to call you, I'd go to the bar and have a few shots of tequila, but the more I drank, the more anxious I got. So I kept drinking, and then it all just became a blur, then turned black. When I woke up with a note on the bedside table telling me I was here, at the clubhouse…"

Groaning at my own stupidity, I drop my eyes from him and run my free hand through my shoulder-length blonde hair. "Oh God, I don't remember anything I said or did… I'm so sorry, Loki."

"It's fine, Bea…" He lets out an exaggerated exhale and rolls his shoulders. "I'm just glad you're safe."

His concern lifts my spirits for a moment, and I forget about my atrocious hangover. I glance back up at him, studying his face. The years have been kind to him, especially with that added rugged charm that wasn't there before. The fiery inferno smoldering between us is impossible to ignore, but neither one of us is willing to act on it.

There's too much history between us.

"I didn't mean to drag you into this mess… I just don't know how to fix it without you."

"We're friends, right? Friends look out for each other," he states, the words almost a whisper on his breath. But there's a trace of something deeper in his eyes. Something that mirrors what I feel but can't bring myself to admit.

We've never been just friends.

We don't know how to be just friends.

But maybe that is all we can be now— after everything.

"Yeah… friends," I reply, the words feeling heavy and unwelcome right now.

An awkward silence filters over us. The heaviness of our shared past and unresolved feelings we have been avoiding for over a decade linger in the air. I clear my throat, trying to break the tension.

"I should really get that coffee," I mumble under my breath and move to stand, but as I do, the room spins with my quick movement. I stumble on the spot, my hand reaching back out to grip the table, but instead, Loki is beside me in an instant, his arm wrapped around my body to steady me.

"Easy, Bea," his deep voice growls, almost a warning, but somehow, it's sexy as hell.

With his hard chest pressed to my back, my eyes turn up to look at him, my breathing rapid, and his scent invades my senses. He's all leather, sandalwood, and danger which is something I'm not used to from him. But somehow, it only makes my spinning head swirl even more. My body shifts, turning to face him. We're close, his arms still gripping me, and I lick my bottom lip.

"Thanks for the save," I whisper, meeting his gaze once more.

The darkness in his eyes lifts slightly, a glimmer of my Alex shining back at me. His hand slides out, sliding a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "I'll always save you, Bea."

Oh, sweet Jesus.

That same spark that once brought us together is still very much alive. But with it comes the angst of everything that went so terribly wrong and the fear of repeating our past mistakes. His hands slide down, lingering on my arms, our faces inches apart. The air is thick with the things we haven't said to each other, the years of avoidance and despair. I swallow hard, feeling the pull of him, the desire to bridge the giant gaping chasm between us from when I left all those years ago.

We were going through so much back then.

So much pain.

So much heartache.

We were only kids.

How were we meant to cope with it all?

But before I can say anything—try to start to mend what's massively broken between us—Navy steps up beside the table with my breakfast plate in her hand. Loki spots her and instantly steps back from me, breaking any connection we have just made.

Navy hints at a smile while placing my food on the table in front of me. "I hope you enjoy your breakfast, Bea. Let me know if you need anything else while you're here."

Sniffling back to fight my overwhelming emotion, I nod and fake a smile. "Thank you. I really appreciate you looking after me like this."

"It's what I'm here for." She grins, then walks off with a pep in her step back toward the kitchen.

Loki takes another step away from me—it feels like a gaping chasm—but he gestures for me to sit. "You should eat. You need to build your strength up."

"Will you sit with me? We really need to talk about the app, and what are we going to do about the data breach?" I ask.

"Only if you eat. Last thing I need is you passing out again."

A slight smirk crosses my face. "Why… were you worried about little old me?"

He groans, pointing to my chair. "Sit, Bea. Eat," he demands, then walks around the table to take his seat opposite me.

Grinning, I slide back into my seat, then pick up a slice of crispy bacon and crunch down on it excessively to enhance the fact I'm eating. "You know, you're really bossy and grumpy. Maybe you need to go out on the town and have too many shots of tequila. Lighten up a little?"

He glares at me, clearly not seeing the funny side of my joke. "Maybe if I didn't have to worry about fixing data breaches and picking up intoxicated old friends, I would be able to… lighten up a little."

Crunching on my absolutely delicious bacon, I tilt my head. "Touché! But still, I get a feeling you're always this grouchy."

His nostrils flare, and he puffs out his chest. "Well, maybe everything that was good in my life left thirteen years ago." He stands abruptly, his chair scraping on the floor while my heart thumps like a jackhammer in my chest.

My breathing stops as he runs his fingers through his hair and walks past me, but I reach out, grabbing his hand to stop him. "Alex!"

He spins back, his eyes dark again, full of rage and despair. "I told you, Bea. It's Loki!" he snaps, then yanks his hand free from mine.

"Brothers… Church. Now!" one of the other bikers calls out, and in perfect synchronization, all the brothers in the room stand and begin walking to the room upstairs above the machinery.

Panic swarms my body as my eyes meet with Loki's, begging him to stay so we can talk about this, but he shakes his head. "I have to go." He spins, turning to walk with the others toward the stairs as my heart feels like it's going to explode.

My mind… a whirlwind of emotions.

Seeing him again after all these years, feeling this way—it's completely overwhelming.

But beneath it all, I still see that spark in his eyes. Even behind the darkness threatening to take over him, there's a glimmer of hope.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the start of something new.

Or the rekindling of something we thought we'd lost forever.

All I know is… Alex might be gone, and Loki is in his place, but deep down, they're still the same person. Loki is merely a front, a mask, a shield he's putting on to try to protect himself.

His world changed irrevocably thirteen years ago.

No one should have to endure what he went through.

And to top it all off, I left him to figure it all out on his own.

I have never, and will never, forgive myself for that.

It's why I haven't been able to talk to him on the phone or come back home and see him face-to- face.

Because…

… I am ashamed.

Alex needed me, but he pushed me away, and it hurt, so I left.

I should have seen it was a cry for help.

Hindsight is a wonderful and horrible thing.

Turning back to my bacon, my stomach feels even more queasy. Sliding the plate away from me, I reach for the coffee instead.

Sometimes, guilt can be worse than the mother of all hangovers, and this guilt trip I'm feeling right now is hitting me with the force of a damn jackhammer.

Why are you even still here, Bea?