CHAPTER TWELVE

Bea

My head is foggy from drinking so much last night . I really need to stop doing that. But there's a part of me that thinks—well, maybe wishing—that dream I had last night of Loki and me making out a couple of times actually happened. The vision I have of it is hazy, but it felt so damn real.

I just can't tell if it was or not because he's certainly not saying anything happened, and I can't ask because that would make it weird if it was merely a dream and my wishful thinking.

He said I puked, and he put me in the shower to clean me up, but it's not what happened in my hazy dream state. But again, my reality is really not to be trusted, considering I drank excessively.

All I do know is that when he leaned over me before and propositioned me about shoving something into my mouth, I just about exploded. I thought maybe I was dreaming again.

Shifting my eyes to glance at his back while he works, seeing he's still listening to the hacked playlist I put on his computer for him, a slow smile creeps on my face. I thought he would turn it off instantly, hearing all my girly music, but he's kept it playing.

I shouldn't be surprised, though. Alex always put up with me doing things like that to him. Like the time he took me to the drive-in to see Valentine's Day because I wouldn't shut up about seeing it. He always put me first. Always. Even now, with him listening to the stupid playlist I made, knowing he hates the music, he's listening to it just because I made it for him.

I've been in love with Alex my entire life.

I don't know how to not love him.

It's hard to be here and not be able to hold him.

But that's on me.

I know that now.

I should have never left.

I just didn't know what else to do at the time.

But thinking through those moments is only going to make my time here with him harder. So, I turn my eyes away from him and back to my cell, playing my mindless game. Loki wiped all the malware from my cell, so I am okay with using it freely now.

Thank God.

Music blares through my headphones, and I bop away to the sounds of "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. Then the next song flicks over, and the second it starts, my eyes flick up to Alex, and they begin to water, the memory slamming into me like a raging bull.

The night of your prom was supposed to be the highlight of your senior year. Not for me, though. It's so damn hard when you've been in a relationship with someone for what seems like a lifetime, but you have to keep hiding it. Going to prom, you're supposed to spend the night dancing with the guy you're dating. The guy you love.

Instead, as I walked down the front porch steps with my date, who I didn't even really know all that well, I glanced next door to watch Alex placing a corsage on his date. His face seemed just as unhappy as I was.

He peered across to look at me, a smile reaching his lips.

You look beautiful, he mouthed.

It lifted my spirits, but only marginally.

Theo came racing out the door behind me. He was late to pick up his date who was a girl from my year and leaned in, kissing my cheek as he rushed past. "Have a good night, Bea… and, Jake, if you touch her tonight in any way other than dancing. I will kill you." Theo chuckled as he bounced down the stairs.

Jake's eyes widened in shock, immediately letting go of my hand. "Is he joking?"

I shrugged. "Honestly, I don't think he is, Jake. I haven't been allowed to have any guy come near me, ever . You're lucky even to get to take me to prom tonight," I mocked.

Jake took a cautious step back from me while Theo chuckled, hopping into his car. "Good man, Jake. Take care of her tonight. I'll be watching you!" He pointed to his eyes, then back at Jake, closed his door, then sped off to pick up his date.

Jake stared at me like he was terrified, and I simply gestured for us to leave. "C'mon, let's get this over with." I took off down the stairs, and Jake followed in a huff for the car.

I chanced a look over at Alex, and he gave me a slight wave before I slid into the passenger side. Somehow, it gave me the strength to get through the next few hours.

Trying to be sociable with Jake was hard.

Everyone at prom was having so much fun. Even Theo was dancing and having a great time. I could see Jake was getting annoyed with my bad mood, so I figured maybe I needed to suck it up. It was just one night, and I was being mean to a genuinely nice guy.

"Hey, Jake… you maybe wanna dance for a bit?" I asked him.

His eyes lit up, the brightest smile crossed his face, and he stood, holding out his hand like a gentleman. "It would be an honor, Bea."

Finally smiling, I took his hand, and we hit the floor. I tried to forget for the rest of the night. Forget that I should have been here with Alex. Tried to forget that he was here with some other girl who was far prettier than I was. I let loose and had fun with Jake and let the drama of Alex, Theo, and me wash away for a few hours.

After dancing for several songs, a slow one came over the speakers. Tensing a little, Jake stepped in, his hands sliding around my waist, holding me closer. My muscles strained, and instinctively, I started searching for Alex. Not because I was uncomfortable, but because I didn't want Alex to think that I was, and for him to cause a scene.

Or maybe secretly, I did want him to.

Maybe I wanted him to finally step up and show everyone, especially Theo, what I meant to him.

With my eyes flashing all over the ballroom, they finally landed on Alex, standing by the punch bowl. His eyes were dark, his arms crossed over his chest, and he stared directly at me as if he had been in that exact position for hours.

Just watching.

Swallowing hard, the intensity in Alex's gaze made something shift inside me. I don't know what it was about the way he was looking at me, but I needed a second to breathe. Slowly pulling back from Jake, I took two steps away from him.

"You okay, Bea?" he asked, full of concern.

"I… I just need some fresh air," I replied and started to race off.

He began to follow me. "I'll come with you. Make sure you're okay."

I spun back to him and plastered on a fake smile. "I'm okay. I promise. I'm just going to head to the bathroom first. I'll come back in a minute. Can you grab us some drinks?"

He narrowed his eyes on me while gently rubbing my shoulder. "Yeah, of course. Anything you need, Bea."

I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. But I turned and rushed as far away from Jake as I could, heading straight for the bathrooms. As I turned the corner for the ladies' room, an arm reached out and grabbed me, pulling me down another hall. This one was darker, though the lights from the main room still danced through the air, sporadically illuminating the walls like glistening diamonds. The hall definitely had no other people in there, but someone pressed me up against the wall.

Hard and possessive.

I didn't scream.

I didn't fight.

I knew exactly who it was.

And my body was already buzzing as his face came into the light. My heart was pumping, my breathing frantic.

His hand came up, caressing the side of my face. "You having a good night?" Alex asked.

Smirking, I let out a soft giggle. "I am now you're finally here."

His eyes roamed me up and down, my maroon dress sparkling with the strobe lights. His fingers traced the side of my hips, and he leaned in, pressing his lips to my neck. A soft exhale escaped me while my fingers clenched into the back of his tux. "Dammit, Alex. How am I supposed to go back out there when you're doing this to me?"

He chuckled, his lips making their way up my neck to my lips, kissing me hard, passionately. His tongue delved into my mouth, claiming me as his. His body pushed hard against mine. I could feel his cock hardening in his black slacks, and all it did was make me pant harder for him as he pulled back, his eyes searching mine. "You really do look beautiful tonight, Bea. You simply sparkle."

My heart pounded so fast I could hardly breathe. There was no way I could go back to Jake after this. "Let's blow this joint and go somewhere. Just you and me. Spend the last couple of hours of our prom together. Like it should have always been."

The smile lighting his face completely melted my insides. "I know just the place. Come with me, Sparkle." He grabbed my hand and started leading me toward the back exit.

Laughing, I took off with him. "Is that going to be a thing now? Calling me Sparkle?"

He glanced back at me with a wink. "It suits you. C'mon. I might have already set something up for us."

Raising my brow, I let out a shocked snort. "You did?"

He shrugged. "You didn't think I was going to let our prom night go by without me spoiling you, did you, Bea? Do you know me at all?" He chuckled.

My stomach fluttered with butterflies, and my heart soared, knowing that Alex was the only guy I was ever going to love.

"Of course you did. Let's go," I said, and we took off, not telling our dates and definitely not informing Theo.

He drove us back to my place, which surprised me. I thought we would go somewhere nice. But my parents were out at some wellness retreat, and I guess Theo was still at prom, so it made sense that for us to get some quiet time, here would be the place.

We had spent hours alone together. Countless days, nights, months—hell, a lifetime of time together. But there was something about this night, right now, that felt different. And as he led me up the stairs of my home and into my bedroom, I opened my door to a sight I wasn't prepared for.

My eyes widened as I stood for a moment, taking it all in. My childhood bedroom had been transformed. Twinkling lights glistened along the ceiling, giving the whole room the feel of a starry night. Flowers of all kinds were spread across various cupboards, along the floor, on the bed, and even on the windowsill. A tray on top of my bed was full to the brim with chocolates, cookies, Mike and Ike sour candies, and then, because he knew how I loved balance, a mix of fruits.

Snapping my head around to face him, a slow smile crossed my face. "Alex Grimes, when did you find the time to do all this? I saw you leaving the house at the same time I did!"

He shrugged. "When you pulled away with Jake, I told Klarissa that I would have to meet her at the ballroom. I had to make an emergency stop at my grandmother's retirement village to give her meds. Klarissa went ahead without me. I came across, got this ready, then went to the ballroom and met Klarissa there while you were getting your groove on with Jake."

My entire body sagged while I stared at him, my arms slid up around his shoulders, and I smiled. "I love you. For always getting me my favorite candy. For taking me to see Valentine's Day. For putting up with my brother and his overprotective bullshit. For this, for tonight. For making me feel special even though you didn't need to… and for lying to Klarissa."

His hand came up, swiping my long blonde hair from my face. "I love you, Bea. And I do all these things because I want to. Because you're my girl. Even if I can't shout it from the rooftops like I really fucking want to."

My heart hammered in my chest. Up to this point, Alex and I had done just about everything you could think of sexually except have actual sex. Foreplay, oral, kissing, everything else, we'd been doing it for years. But sex always seemed like something we just couldn't quite get past. There was always that boundary, always something standing in our way—more namely, someone.

I think Alex was scared, to be honest. Scared that if he went there completely with me, he would definitely be breaking his friend code with Theo. I knew he didn't want to do that, so I was okay with us holding out for as long as we could.

But it was prom night.

The room looked beautiful.

And we were completely alone.

"Alex," I whispered as his fingers tangled through my hair.

"Yeah, baby?" he replied, his eyes locked on mine.

My heart pounded in my chest like an out-of-control drumbeat. My fingers trembled as I tried to figure out what exactly it was I wanted to ask him, but he simply smiled and started to lead me over to the bed. He sat me down on the edge, my breathing fast as he leaned past me, grabbed the tray of food, and placed it on my bedside table. He moved back in front of me, squatting at my feet, and picked up my high heel in his hand.

Furrowing my brow at him in confusion, I watched as he slowly started to unbuckle the clasp and then dropped my shoe to the floor, my chest rising with a hitched breath. Gently placing my foot on the carpet, he took my other heel in his hand, repeating the process, only this time, when the shoe fell to the floor, he lifted my foot to his mouth, placing a kiss on the top of my foot.

My insides clenched as he began kissing higher up my leg, his head disappearing beneath my long, maroon, sparkly dress. My breathing came so fast now I could barely catch it as his hand slid out along my stomach, and he gently eased me to lay back on the mattress. Clenching my eyes shut, I let him take the lead.

Like he had done so many times before, his hands slowly slid my dress up my legs, and then, with ease, my panties were next on his list. Deliberately, leisurely, agonizingly so, he pulled them down, and with each inch he crept, the anticipation inside me grew even more.

I couldn't control my hips as they rocked back and forth off the bed, begging for attention.

He chuckled at my impatience while he peppered kisses along my thighs. "You want me to hurry this along, Bea?" he quipped.

Rocking my hips toward his mouth, I glanced down at him. "If you don't speed this up, Alex, I'm gonna have to get to pleasuring myself for the night."

His head popped up, a hooded look taking over his face. An expression I hadn't seen from him before. One of pure, unadulterated lust. And seeing that look in his eyes only turned me crazier. "Fuck it! I don't wanna do this slow. I've waited far too long. I need you, Alex. I need you, now."

He hesitated, but it was only for a second before he stood, taking me with him. I let out a half-laugh, half-scream as he picked me up and lifted me farther up the bed, his body falling down on top of mine. The movement was strong and alpha as he slammed his lips to mine so aggressively my lips instantly felt swollen.

But I didn't care.

We had been building to this for years.

And it was finally here.

Both of us panting, our bodies rocking together as his hand slid between us to hoist up my dress. Frantically, my hands rushed down to help him with my stupid dress, lifting the fabric between us so he could gain access, all while continuing to kiss frantically. We were all teeth and tongues. But it was beautiful and passionate and exactly how I pictured it would be.

He gathered up the material, and then his hand slid down between my legs, his finger pressing against my already slickened folds. Moaning against his mouth, my clit throbbed so intensely that if he didn't do something soon, I was going to explode, but not in a good way. When he pushed his finger inside me, my head threw back on my pillow as I let out a satisfied moan of finally having him touching me.

"Fuck… harder, Alex!" I whimpered.

His mouth moved down to my neck, licking, kissing, and sucking as he slipped in another finger, the motion moving quickly in and out of me. His fingers were scissored inside, making my body begin to quiver. My hands gripped the back of his shirt, yanking it out from his slacks, and then I slid my fingers up under. My nails dug into his skin, causing him to groan out in delight.

"Fuck, yes, baby. I want the reminder of how good I make you feel etched into my skin."

"All I feel is you, Alex," I whimpered as he pushed up higher, the same time his thumb pressed against my clit. Instantly, the heat washed over my entire body, and I began to tremble in his arms. My eyes clenched shut as the storm roared through my body like a hurricane. "Oh, God… Alex," I gasped as my climax hit. His mouth captured mine, muffling my moans. It was intense, but I still needed more. My hands slid out from beneath his shirt, moving between us for his belt and zipper.

His mouth pulled back from mine, a questioning look in his eyes, one of uncertainty in them again, but I didn't stop. I continued to unbuckle and pulled down his zipper, reaching in for his already raging hard cock, and I pulled it out, sliding his slacks over his ass. His eyes met mine, and with my free hand, I slid it up to cup his face.

"Don't think, Alex. It's just you and me," I whispered, edging the tip of his cock toward my opening.

His breathing was hard like he was having trouble focusing, but that same lustful stare took over his face as his nostrils flared. "Just you and me," he replied, slamming his lips to mine at the same time he thrust inside me for the very first time.

My eyes widened with the sudden fullness. It didn't hurt as much as the girls at school said it would. Maybe because Alex and I had been messing around a lot already, but it wasn't the most comfortable thing in the world either. But Alex stopped almost as soon as he pushed forward, his body shaking, his breathing rushed and hard, both of us acclimating to the feeling. His head rested in the nook of my shoulder.

I reached over, lifting his head to look at me. "You okay?" I asked him.

His eyes were glassy, and he was physically shaking like he was about to lose control at any second. I had never seen him like this.

Furrowing my brows, I cupped both sides of his face and forced him to look at me. "Alex! Look at me!"

He snapped his eyes to mine, focus coming back into them, and I softly smiled at him. "Do you want to stop?" I asked, concern for him overriding everything now.

He sniffled, and that's when I saw it. The glassiness in his eyes. He was fighting back his tears.

Swallowing hard, it instantly caused my eyes to well too. "I… I'm sorry. Do you regret this?"

Alex finally came back to me, his eyes still glassy as he cleared his throat. "I should be the one asking you if you're okay. But I'm over here being a fucking pussy."

Confused as hell, and with him still inside me, my hands rubbed up and down his back. "Talk to me."

He sunk his head into the crook of my neck, trying to hide from me, so I held onto him as he spoke, "I just fucking love you so much, Bea. I've wanted this for so long, and now I am here, literally inside of you for the first time, and you feel so damn good. I just got overwhelmed and had to stop for a moment. Otherwise, it was all going to be over before it had a chance to even begin. And I want to make your first time something to remember. I want it to be perfect for you."

Exhaling, I couldn't help but smile at him. Lifting his head, I pulled him close so his lips were almost meeting mine. "Baby, I don't expect this to last long. I don't even expect it to be great. All I need is for us to do it together. To experience this together. Remember, Alex… all I feel is you."

His eyes lit with determination, and he swallowed, choking down the tension. "All I feel is you," he replied, and my hands slid around, my nails gripping the skin on his back.

He hissed through his teeth, his hips jolting forward, causing us to moan out with the pressure as we began to pant. "Together," I whimpered, and we both started rocking our hips in unison.

His hand shifted down, grabbing for my leg, and he hoisted it up higher so he could thrust deeper. We both moaned at the feeling.

I wished we had taken our fucking clothes off, but in the heat of the moment, we just needed each other.

His mouth returned to mine, our movements now almost frantic as we kissed to reach that climax. "Oh fuck, Bea, I'm close," he moaned into my mouth.

I wasn't close again, but fuck, it felt damn good. My entire body was buzzing, and I felt alive. As Alex began to tremble and shudder, I knew he was right on the edge, so I tried to help him along. I clenched my fingers tight into his back, definitely leaving nail marks on his skin. He groaned so loud that I was glad no one else was home to hear us while his lips slammed against mine. He thrust up deep inside me one last time, so deep it made my breath catch and almost sent me over the edge again.

Almost.

His cock jerked inside me, his entire body weight dropping on top of me like a sack of potatoes as he came with a loud groan. "Bea," he mumbled breathlessly as he dropped his head into the crook of my neck and shoulder.

Biting down on my bottom lip, a huge smile lit my face as I closed my eyes and basked in the afterglow.

Was it perfect? No. But it was perfect for us.

Alex finally caught his breath, his head lifting, his eyes bright with happiness as he smiled at me. "Did you… again?" he asked.

Smiling, I shook my head. "Almost."

His eyes shot open like he was outraged, then a big smile lit his face. "Well then, we need to rectify this situation. Immediately!" He slowly pulled out of me, causing me to wince, but then he sat up on his knees and started unbuttoning his shirt. "I will not be done with you until you are completely satiated, Sparkle."

He shrugged out of his shirt, throwing it to the floor while I sat up on my elbows, taking in the god-like view. "Oh… I see. And, um… what if you can't satiate me tonight?"

He waggled his brows. "Well, baby… we have a lifetime together for me to work on my game… now, get that fucking dress off. It's impeding my efforts."

Smirking, I nodded. "Oh yeah, it was the dress' fault," I replied, moving to the edge of the bed and turning my back to him so he could unzip me.

He swiftly slid the zipper down, and I stood, letting the dress drop to the floor, leaving me in just a red lacy bra. He inhaled deeply, dropping his slacks, his cock instantly standing at attention again, and I grinned as he stepped up to me, unhooking my bra and letting it fall to the floor. "I have a feeling now we've gotten that first one out of the way, I am going to last a lot, lot longer. Which means more pleasure for you."

Raising my brow, I shrugged. "Don't believe it till I see it," I teased.

He inhaled sharply, reaching out for me, and hoisted me up into his arms, his cock thrusting into me instantly, causing me to gasp, the new position already putting me on edge. "Oh Jesus," I whimpered, my fingers threading through his hair to hold on tight.

"I got you, baby. Tonight is all about you," he said, his eyes locked on mine as he headed straight back to the mattress.

In the light of the next morning, I woke up in my bed, completely spent. My body was sore in places I never knew existed. Alex and I had spent the entire night in every position possible. Now that we had finally given in to our temptation, there was no way we were going to waste it, especially because we had the house to ourselves all night, with Theo being away at the cool kids' prom party.

My eyelids slowly fluttered open, my arm stretching out to find Alex in the bed beside me.

But the bed was empty.

My eyes opened wide in shock as I sat abruptly, glancing around my room to see where he was.

His suit wasn't on the floor, nor were his shoes.

And my bedroom window was open.

A sinking feeling flooded my entire body as I sunk down into my bed.

Back to reality.

Where Bea and Alex have to hide their love from the people they love.

Slowly sliding out of bed, wincing with the pain through my body, I grabbed my robe, pulled it over my shoulders to cover my naked body, and then stepped over to my window. The one that looked directly into Alex's bedroom. I sat on the seat for a little while, trying to see if he was in there, but there was no movement.

In a somber mood, I stepped over to my side table, popped out a birth control pill, swallowed it down, and then flipped on my stereo, deciding to get dressed to start my day. Avril Levine's "Wish You Were Here" was halfway through playing, only adding to my already depressed state. It's like even the universe knew that it was a cruel joke that Alex and I were being forced apart.

It made me sad knowing our relationship had to be this big secret. I wished after last night that we could have had just a little more time together, especially after something so intimate and special.

Avril sang about what she would do to have him here, the lyrics hitting home as I sat back on the window seat, glancing across the way to Alex's window. Wishing more than anything that he was here with me right now.

Suddenly, my bedroom door snapped open, and Theo came barging in with an angry look on his face. "Where the hell were you last night?"

I jump from the shock of the vivid memory, almost falling out of the chair and, in turn, dropping my cell on the floor right next to Loki. My body is shaking from the intrusive thoughts. He spins to face me, and those intense eyes stare at me, furrowing his brows like he can tell something is wrong. But all I can see when I look at Loki right now is a younger version of him, of Alex, staring at me with tears in his eyes, about to make love to me for the first time.

And I can't move.

He jerks his head a little like he is confused by my actions as he goes to bend down to pick up my cell for me, and as he stretches, I catch a glimpse of something I haven't noticed before.

My breathing hitches.

My stomach flips.

When I spot a small tattoo on the inside of his forearm.

What looks like three small scratch lines appear and the words ‘ All I feel is you. '

My hands gripped the back of his shirt, yanking it out from his slacks, and then I slid my fingers under his shirt. My nails dug into his skin, causing him to groan out in delight. "Fuck, yes, baby. I want the reminder of how good I make you feel etched into my skin."

"All I feel is you, Alex."

I let out a small whimper as Avril continues to sing in my ears, the song she sang the morning when I sat at the window, pining for Alex after he left without saying goodbye.

Loki picks up my cell, glancing at the song playing, and smirks. "Old School, Avril, huh? You taking a trip down memory lane, there, Bea?" He chuckles, not knowing how spot-on he actually is.

With trembling hands, I slide my headphones off my head to sit around my neck and sniffle with emotion almost overwhelming me. "Something like that," I whisper, almost unintelligible, as I reach out, swiping my cell from him, spin my chair away, and jump out of my seat, tripping as I go.

"Hey, careful!" Loki calls out, but I collect my feet from under me and race for the door as fast as I can. "Bea?" he calls out, but I ignore him as I reach for the door, feeling like I can't fucking breathe.

Yanking back the door, I race out into the clubhouse, fighting for breath as I hear him calling my name again, but I don't stop. I walk as fast as I can away to get some air.

Not just from that intense-as-hell memory but also from seeing that tattoo I never knew he had.

A tattoo that is very clearly a reminder for him of that night— of us.

This is too much.

Everything is spinning.

Maybe I need to leave for a couple of days.

Get my head focused back into work and let Loki concentrate on the things he needs to do.

Yeah—space is what we need right now.

Turning, I head for his bedroom to collect whatever belongings I have here, and then I will go. I need to check in with Theo anyway and fill him in.

This is for the best.

Clenching my eyes tight, a heaviness weighs on my chest as I tense all over. "This is what we do, Bea. Me, Alex… we both run when it gets too heavy," I whisper to myself.

Opening my eyes, I glance around the clubhouse with tears in my eyes and peer over at Loki's den. "I guess it's time to run. Again ."