Chapter 41

My head was so full I could barely think. There were at least a dozen things I had to do, but I could only focus on Cody. We had to make sure he understood that he was safe and loved and had a home to go to. He asked about preschool, his friends, and his favorite stuffed animal. Miguel and I both reassured him each time.

Miguel was the one who talked to the hospital and found a funeral home to pick up Allie's body. He arranged an appointment for us to meet with the funeral home director the next day. He held me as I wept with each new stab of reality.

Marissa called us mid-morning, and we all agreed to meet at Allie's place around noon. The hospital had given me all of Allie's belongings, so I had her apartment keys and the keys to her car. Her phone had been shattered when Scott hit her with his car, so I didn't have access to her contacts. I would have to get it from her carrier somehow. God, I had no idea what I was doing.

Through all this, Miguel was rock-steady. He answered Cody's questions with patience. He kept Cody occupied when I lost it and couldn't talk anymore. He was the one who realized we wouldn't be able to fit Cody's Lightning McQueen bed in either of our cars and called Marco to bring his crew to help us.

One thing I was dreading more than anything else was Cody asking how Allie got hurt. So far, he hadn't, but I knew the question would be coming. Everything I read said to be honest but age-appropriate. What the fuck was age-appropriate about some asshole murdering his mother?

We decided to take both cars to Allie's place in case there was more stuff than we realized. Cody threw a fit when he thought I was going to have him ride with Miguel. He only calmed down when I showed him his car seat in the back seat of my car.

Marco and his crew were at the apartment complex when we got there. All of the people who'd come to help me move were there to help me dismantle my sister's apartment.

"Do you think anyone will give you a hard time for being in Allie's apartment?" Miguel asked.

I shook my head. "Nah. I was there a couple of times a week. Most of her neighbors know me."

Marissa and Andrea remembered to bring storage bins and moving boxes, making comments about men not being practical. Gabe shrugged. "We have tie-downs." The indignant expressions on the women's faces almost made me laugh. Almost.

Cody was distracted by all the big men with tattoos. He told them all about my tattoo and then said, "My mommy died. But she still has to make me a birthday cake, so maybe she'll come back."

Liam came over to me. "He has a birthday soon?"

I nodded, barely able to speak. "Thursday."

"Well, shit."

"Yeah."

We went up to Allie's apartment armed with our boxes. We decided to just focus on Cody's stuff and any important papers. The rest could wait. I had my doubts the apartment complex would care that Allie was dead. They'd probably still want their rent money. I couldn't do anything about it until I had a death certificate. Which reminded me that I had to tell the apartment manager that Allie had died. Jesus Christ. Why did I have to talk to all these people? Because an abusive motherfucker killed your sister.

The apartment was a bit of a mess, likely because Allie had been in a hurry to get out. There were still dishes in the sink and cold coffee in the coffee maker. Cody ran into Allie's bedroom calling out, "Mommy?" and it almost broke me. We all froze for a second. Then Gabe took off after my nephew and picked him up. "Hey, little buddy, why don't you show me your Lightning McQueen bed, okay?"

"Okay," Cody said sadly. "Mommy's not here."

"I know," Gabe said quietly. "Let's go get your bed ready to move to Uncle Zach's place."

Andrea picked up one of the bins. "I'll get the bed linens."

I closed my eyes, desperately trying to hold back the tears. I felt Miguel's smaller hand slip into mine.

"Zach," I heard Marco say in a commanding tone. I opened my eyes to find him standing in front of me. "Don't try to keep all that inside. It'll only come out in worse ways aimed at the people you love."

His words opened the dam, and tears welled in my eyes and slid down my cheeks. "I don't want to scare Cody. I'm afraid if I let it out like I want to, he'll be terrified."

Miguel put his arm around my waist. "Maybe tonight we can get someone to stay at the apartment while Cody's asleep, and you can go down to the beach and scream as much as you want."

My body shuddered. "Yeah. Okay." I turned to him and pulled him into my arms, tucking my face into the crook of his neck. I let my tears fall as silent sobs wracked my body. Miguel held on tight, running a soothing hand up and down my back.

"I've got you, baby," he murmured.

"Is Uncle Zach crying?" I heard Cody ask.

"Yeah, he is, baby boy," Andrea replied in her soft Southern accent. "He misses your mama, just like you do."

Cody sniffled and burst into tears. "I miss Mommy too."

I pulled away from Miguel and opened my arms. "Come on up, little man." He ran to me, and I picked him up, drawing him into a three-person hug with Miguel. We stayed like that while the others packed and moved things out to the three pickups they brought with them.

We finally separated, and I put Cody back down. He immediately ran into his room and came back with a picture frame. Handing it to me, he demanded, "I want to see Daddy."

The picture was of Nico in board shorts and a T-shirt, standing on the beach with the ocean behind him. Even though everyone said Cody looked like me, I could see Cody in Nico's features. I let out a long breath. "I'm not sure I can do that, Cody."

His face scrunched up and his eyes filled with tears. "I want Daddy! I want Daddy!"

Gabe swooped in this time and picked Cody up. "What's all this?"

"I want Daddy," Cody sobbed.

Gabe looked over at me with a questioning gaze. I pulled out my phone and typed in Notes, Trenton State Prison. Armed robbery. I held it up to show him.

Marco read the note and said, "Tino might be able to help you get a special visit. Does he have a lawyer?"

"I don't think so. He had to use a public defender."

Marco snorted. "He probably got railroaded too."

I sighed. "I should probably talk to Tino about guardianship for Cody. I read online that I have to apply to be his legal guardian."

Marco nodded. "I'll put in a call to him." He pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked the screen. He stopped what he was doing and asked, "Did you tell Tommy what happened?"

My stomach twisted. "No. It never even crossed my mind."

"You should call him. He'll want to know." He hit a number in his contact list. "You also need to contact your CO. You have training scheduled for next weekend."

"Uncle Zach, what about Daddy?" Cody asked.

I took a moment to steady myself because I was feeling overwhelmed, and I didn't want to snap at Cody. "We are going to see if we can get you in to see your daddy. You just have to give us time to work on it. Okay?"

He looked like he was going to cry again, but Gabe scooped him up and said, "You have to tell me what toys you want."

"All of them!" Cody shouted as they made their way down the hallway to his bedroom.

Miguel came over to me with his phone out. "I'm making a list of things that need to be done. I just added contacting Tommy and your commanding officer."

I kissed the side of his head. "You're amazing. Thank you."

Marco returned, still holding his phone. "Tino's out with his family, but he said he'd call you later tonight."

"He doesn't have to mess up his Sunday for me," I objected. "It can wait until tomorrow."

Marco shrugged. "He wants to call the prison tomorrow to get the ball rolling."

"It's on the list," Miguel said.

"Zach," Marissa called from the hallway right outside my sister's bedroom, "I found something you'll want to see."

I grabbed Miguel's hand and brought him with me. Marissa was standing near the bed where a box sat. There were papers all over the bed, but I focused on the ones in Marissa's hand. "What is it?" I asked.

"It's a life insurance policy," she replied as she handed me the document. "She must have gotten it through work."

I read it over and my eyes went wide. "It's for a hundred thousand dollars." I kept reading. "And Cody is the beneficiary."

I glanced over at Miguel. "It's on the list," he said.

That was a lot of money. I was definitely going to need to talk to people with more experience in this sort of thing. "Let's put the rest of the papers back in the box, and I'll take them all home and look through them there."

"Works for me," Miguel said.

Marissa helped put the papers back and then just stood there. Her bottom lip trembled, and a tear tracked down her cheek. "I can't believe she's just…gone. How is that even possible?" A sob escaped her lips, and she covered her mouth. "Oh god. I miss her so much already." I drew her into a hug, letting my own tears fall as I held her.

Someone knocked on the doorframe. I looked to see Andrea standing there. "Hey, Zach. We got everything out of Cody's room and any toys he had out in the living room. He's looking awfully tired, and the men are grumbling about lunch. Is there anything else we need today?"

I shook my head. "No, it's all good. I'll order pizza and beer on the way back."

We all made our way out. Marissa went home to be with her husband and daughter. Cody was still carrying the picture of Nico when I buckled him into his car seat. It made me remember my own parents and the fact that they had not yet returned any of my numerous texts and phone calls. It brought home the reason Allie had named me Cody's guardian. We could never rely on our parents. There was no way Cody would have been safe with them.

I looked at his sweet face in my rearview mirror and hoped with all my heart that I would be able to justify my sister's faith in me.