Chapter 22

My lunch date on Sunday was fine. Eric was nice. He seemed to like me and didn't seem to care that I was wearing makeup. Our conversation touched on all sorts of topics but nothing in-depth. I went home feeling meh. No spark. No zing. Of course it could have been because the whole time I was with Eric, I was seeing Zach's face when I told him I had a date. His expression had told me he was hurt and trying hard to hide it. It was all so confusing. To be fair, it was probably confusing for Zach too. But I would not make the first move. I couldn't.

When I got back to our apartment, Zach was alone. He was in his bedroom unpacking and putting his clothes in the closet. He had classic rock playing from a Bluetooth speaker connected to his phone. I knocked on the doorframe to let him know I was there. He turned, and the smile he gave me made my stomach swoop. "Hey, Miguel." But then his expression clouded over when he asked, "How was lunch?"

I had not imagined that he was unhappy about me going on a date. That little spark of hope grew brighter. I shrugged. "It was okay."

"Just okay?" He frowned. "He didn't give you a hard time about wearing makeup, did he?"

God, I wanted to hug him for being so protective. I shook my head. "No. He was nice."

His brows rose. "Nice. Just nice?"

I walked into his room. "Yes. I mean, there was nothing wrong with him. There was just no chemistry."

"Oh. Okay." He turned away to hide a small smile. I couldn't even be mad at him. I just wished he would stop sending me mixed signals.

"Want some help?" I asked.

His eyes lit up. "Sure."

I gestured to my outfit. "I'll just change and be right back."

I changed into workout pants and a T-shirt and didn't miss the appreciative stare Zach gave me when I returned to his room. He blushed when I caught him looking. I pretended not to notice and began helping him unpack his clothes.

We filled up his closet and dresser drawers. I got to see Zach's Army uniform for the first time. I also saw a bunch of medals that he glossed over. Then something occurred to me. "Were you ever in combat?" I asked.

A shadow passed over Zach's expression. "Yeah. I was deployed twice overseas: Afghanistan in 2015 and Kosovo in 2019. It wasn't great. We were also sent as support to Florida after Hurricane Maria."

"Were you ever hurt?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know the answer.

Zach shook his head. "No. At least nothing bad. But I saw plenty of people get hurt, and we lost a few people."

"Oh," I said. "That's…I'm sorry."

He gave me a sad smile. "Thanks."

"Do you like being in the Army?" I asked.

"I do." After a pause, he added, "But I'm thinking of getting out. They're talking about another deployment next year, this time to Iraq. I don't think I want to do that again."

"I don't blame you," I said. "And anyway, I would worry about you the whole time you were gone." I crossed my arms over my chest. "So, you can't go."

Zach chuckled. "I'll take it under advisement."

We finished putting away his clothes and moved to the boxes in the living room. I was about to open a box marked books, but Zach stopped me. "Don't worry about those. I had built-in shelves in my old apartment, so I still have to get a bookcase for them."

I looked over my bookcase. It was only half-full of books, with the remaining space taken up by knickknacks and random memorabilia. "I can make room in my bookcase for them. Most of the non-book stuff is junk anyway."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yep." I went about taking the extra stuff off the shelves and rearranging my books. It was a tall bookcase, so I put my books on the lower shelves and left the upper ones for Zach's books.

I'd just finished reshelving the last book when I heard him walk up behind me. Without thinking, I turned from my position of kneeling on the floor and found myself facing Zach's crotch. I nearly swallowed my tongue. My mouth started to water. I wanted to run my hands up his muscular thighs and over the promising bulge under his zipper. If I pulled down his zipper and pulled out his cock, would he let me taste him?

Zach shifted, and I was shocked out of my lust-filled daze. My gaze shot up to his and our eyes locked. I was expecting to see anger or at least annoyance, but instead, I saw something I couldn't quite identify. Was it confusion? Desire? Both?

My cheeks burned fiery hot, and I cleared my throat. "I, uh, left you the top shelves since you're taller."

Zach seemed frozen for a second, but then he blinked and stepped back. His cheeks were pink, and his eyes were wide. "Thanks."

I stood so I could get out of his way. "It's all yours." I headed toward the kitchen. "I'm going to get a beer. Do you want one?"

"Sure," he replied.

By the time I got back to the living room, Zach had already put a lot of books up on the top shelf. I scanned the titles to get a sense of his reading preferences and saw J.R.R. Tolkien, Terry Pratchett, and David Eddings. "You're a fantasy buff," I said.

Zach smiled wistfully. "Yeah, I really like it. I started reading it in middle school. My best friend gave me The Hobbit to read, and I was hooked."

It was the first time Zach had ever mentioned a friend before. "Best friend? Do they still live around here?"

Zach shook his head and looked sad. "No. His family moved away when we were in eighth grade." Deep frown lines formed on his brow. "Robbie was gay, and although he was only out to me and his family, the kids in school picked up on it. They would tease and bully him, but they left him alone if I was with him." His mouth twisted into a grimace. "One day, when I was at baseball practice, four kids from our school cornered him and beat the shit out of him. I think they would have killed him if I hadn't shown up and stopped them."

I think all the blood drained from my face. "Oh my god. But it was just you against four other kids? How did you get them to stop?"

"I was already bigger than everyone in my grade." He smiled. But it wasn't a nice smile. "And I had my baseball bat with me." For a moment, I saw the hardened soldier instead of the smiling, kindhearted man Zach usually was.

I blew out a breath. "Wow. So, what happened to him?"

His expression turned sad again. "Robbie had a concussion and a broken arm. His parents refused to send him back to our school, so they homeschooled him. Then, they sent him to a high school out of our district, Red Bank Regional. Then they moved to be in the district, and I never saw him again."

"But didn't he write to you or visit or something?" I asked. I felt so bad for Zach. He looked so sad.

He shook his head. "He said he would, but he never did."

I impulsively hugged him. "I'm so sorry. That must have been so hard for you."

He wrapped his arms around me. "It was. I never really had another friend like him. By the end of my freshman year of high school, I was working, and when I turned sixteen, I started working for Jeff. So, there wasn't much time for friends."

I stepped back. "Well, now you have me."

The smile he gave me was full of affection. "Yeah, I do."

We put away the rest of his books, which also included authors like Stephen King and Neil Gaiman. "We have some of the same tastes in books," I commented, pointing to my copies of The Stand and Good Omens.

"I see that," he said. He crouched to look at my collection, and I squeezed my eyes shut. He pulled out my copy of Origin by AJ Sherwood and Jocelyn Drake and read the blurb on the back. He looked at me and asked, "Is this a fantasy or a romance?"

"Yes?" I replied. "Although it's kind of both fantasy and paranormal. And also, a gay romance."

His eyes were wide. "I had no idea that was a thing."

"Yep," I said. "And they come in all sorts of sub-genres, just like hetero romances."

"Huh." He reread the blurb and then pulled out another book, Sanctuary, by Kelly Fox.

"That one is part of a series about gay combat veterans."

"Really?" He took a moment to read that blurb as well. "These both sound interesting," he finally said. "Is it okay if I borrow them?"

"Sure," I said hesitantly. "Just so you know, the sex scenes in those books are explicit. In case that's something that might weird you out."

His cheeks got pink, but he shook his head. "Nah. I'll be fine."

That gave me a lot to think about. If Zach was questioning his sexuality and was interested in reading gay romance novels with explicit sex scenes, did that mean he was moving closer to accepting that he might not be straight? I would have to wait to find out.

Our Sunday evening saw the two of us watching more Marvel movies and eating takeout because neither of us felt like cooking. When we went to bed, Zach took both books with him. That spark of hope in me grew brighter.