46

Tyler's alarm went off way too soon the next morning. I moaned as I buried my face into his neck. "Ugh, it's so early."

He laughed softly, pulling me closer to him. "I can snooze it one time, but we really do need to get up. I need to finish packing before you take me to the airport."

"Fine. Wake me up when the snooze goes off."

I didn't end up falling back asleep, but I soaked up the time of us being together in the quiet.

When his alarm went off again, I said, "Tyler, are you sure you can't just come home with me? Do you really need to go to California?"

"Darling, I haven't seen my sister since August, remember?"

"I know." I sat up and stretched. "Remind me what time we need to leave for the airport?"

He looked at his phone. "How about I meet you back here in an hour?"

I nodded.

He gave me a long kiss on the forehead and left.

After I showered, I finished packing and double-checked that all of my assignments were submitted and received. I threw all of my bags into the backseat of my truck and debated whether or not I'd have time to get gas before we left. I didn't, so I decided that it could wait until after I dropped him off at the airport.

I ran into Everly on the way back up the stairs. She gave me a quick hug. "You're still coming over next week right? I promise not to be mopey that Sabrina isn't going to be there. And, you can help me re-dye my ends."

"Planning on it." Her parents invited me to their Christmas Eve party every year. It was always a good time. We did gift exchanges, sang Christmas carols, and baked cookies. No one threw a Christmas Eve celebration like Edgar and Elinor Rawlings.

"Text me when you get home," I said, continuing up the stairs.

Tyler knocked on my door a few minutes later.

His eyes were red and puffy, and he looked frazzled. He placed his backpack and duffel bag at my feet, holding onto his guitar case.

"What happened?"

"Nothing. What do you mean?" He asked me.

"You look like you've been crying."

"Oh. No." He didn't meet my gaze. "I was getting this –" He nudged his duffel bag with his foot. "– down from the top shelf in the closet and dust got into my eyes."

Yeah. Right. "Tyler. What's wrong?"

He picked up his duffel bag and checked the time on his phone, making a point not to make eye contact with me, rubbing his face with his free hand.

"Nothing's wrong, darling." He looked at me and half-smiled. "It's just going to be a very long day, and I really hate flying."

I thought we were past you being evasive. I didn't want to push it and get into an argument with him before dropping him off at the airport.

"You sure you're okay?" I asked him, taking his hand.

He nodded and squeezed my hand. "Just going to be a long day. I'm not looking forward to my layover in Las Vegas or the car ride home with my grandmother. Ready?"

I internally sighed. "I'm ready. Let's go."

***

"I. Hate. Denver. Traffic. How late are you going to be?" I asked Tyler, trying to navigate my way through traffic and ensure that we took the correct exit for the airport.

He looked at the time on his phone. "It's only 9:45. My flight isn't until 1:00, so we still have time. I don't think it will take me three hours to get through security and find my gate."

"I don't know. It's the holiday season and DIA is always a nightmare."

As if to prove my point, we got stuck behind a car accident that blocked two lanes of the highway.

"Ugh," I groaned, putting my truck in park and resting my head against the steering wheel. "This isn't how I was hoping this morning was going to go. I should have gotten gas this morning."

"We're going to make it," he said, pulling his notebook and a pen from his backpack. "And, you're not going to run out of gas before you get home."

"I hope you're right."

"You're quieter than usual," I commented, causing him to jump in the passenger seat. We were finally getting past the accident, and neither of us had said anything for almost twenty minutes.

"I'm just thinking about a lot of things." He closed his notebook and placed it on his lap, doodling on the cover with his pen.

Is that all you're going to give me?

I glanced sideways at him. "Tyler, how long are you going to keep pretending nothing is bothering you? You've been different all day."

"Darling, I'm fine." He looked out the window. "I told you, it's just going to be a long day. I'm not looking forward to my layover in Las Vegas or seeing my grandmother tonight. She's leaving in the morning though."

"Where is she going? Is she not spending Christmas with you and Siobhan?"

"Her sister had her hip replaced this morning after a fall. My grandmother is going to spend some time with her in Oregon to care for her. I'm not fond of her, obviously, but I was expecting her to be around for Christmas. We had a big fight about it this morning."

That explains you acting evasive.

"Does she have to go?"

I looked sideways to see him nodding. "Her sister doesn't have anyone else."

"It's going to be a sad Christmas with just you and your sister," I said, wishing they could both spend it with us.

I pulled into the terminal and parked along the sidewalk for departures. Tyler got out and grabbed his bags from the backseat. I went to the other side of the truck. He put his backpack on and pulled me into a tight hug. He gently kissed me and pulled away.

"I'll text you when I land in Vegas," he said.

"Tyler," I whispered, squeezing his hands. "Are you going to be okay?"

He nodded. "I love you, darling."

"I love you, too."

He pulled me into a long hug. I didn't want to, but I had to pull away. Traffic was getting backed up, and I couldn't delay leaving, especially four days before Christmas.

"You'd better let me know when you get there." I kissed him, and we pulled apart. I watched him pick up his duffel bag and guitar case and head into the airport. He looked back once and waved. Then, he was gone.

I got back into my truck, noticing Tyler's notebook on the passenger seat.

I'd waited long enough. After pulling into my dad's driveway next to Sierra's car, I put my truck in park and reached for Tyler's notebook.

You really shouldn't do this, Lex. Leave. It. Alone.

Looking around to make sure no one was watching me, I flipped through the pages, stopping at the one dated December 21.

This is from this morning.

I lie to my mirror

I smile on the outside

But inside I'm falling apart.

The constant stress

The pressure

The pain

I don't tell anyone

Especially the window on my wall

The window to my soul

So I lie and wear a smile

And the pain goes away for a little while

I slammed the notebook shut, grabbed my keys and backpack, and ran into the house. The house that was completely lacking any Christmas decorations. Sierra was channel-surfing on the couch, trying to decide on something to watch.

"I'm worried about Tyler," I said, scratching Pebbles behind her ears as a greeting.

Sierra put the remote on the couch next to her and asked "What? Why? What happened?"

I slumped onto the couch next to her, and Pebbles lay on the floor. "Nothing happened. I just have a really bad feeling."

"Tell me everything."

"When he came back up today from packing, it looked like he was crying. He said that he got dust in his eyes."

Sierra rolled her eyes. My feelings exactly.

"Then, I asked him what was wrong, and he kept blowing me off. He seemed frustrated and distracted but wouldn't tell me why. He said that he hates flying and it's going to be a long day, which is true, but I know that's not all that was bothering him."

"Well, he doesn't get along with his grandmother, right? Maybe that's part of it."

I nodded, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my cheek on them. "But, he said they had a big fight this morning because she's going out of state today to take care of her sister who just had surgery. It almost seemed like an excuse for the way that he's reacting."

"I don't know, Lex. That all seems legit to me," Sierra said.

"He left this on the seat when he left." I held up the notebook. "I know I shouldn't have looked, but…"

I found the latest entry and thrust the notebook into her hands.

She read it once. "Oh."

She read it again and nodded. "That's intense."

"See? I'm worried about him, Sierra." I exhaled sharply. "Really worried. He said he's going to call me when he lands in Las Vegas for his layover."

"Good. Make him talk to you, Lexi. If you're worried, then he needs to know." She squeezed my hand. "He's going to be okay."

I nodded, but I wasn't sure.

"What if he's not?"

"Worrying about that right now isn't going to help anything. Talk to him when he lands, and we'll go from there."

"That's a good idea in theory, but it's not really helpful," I said, running over the lines from his notebook in my head.

So I lie and wear a smile

And the pain goes away for a little while

"You know what you can do?" Sierra asked me, getting off the couch and turning off the TV. "You can help me bring out the Christmas boxes, and we can start decorating."

"Why didn't Dad start decorating yet?" I asked, getting up to head into the basement with Pebbles right behind me.

She shrugged. "He didn't say. Maybe he's waiting for us? He's working until like seven, so let's surprise him and start making this house look like Christmas."