Chapter 54

Back at my apartment, I poured my heart out to Brittany. A few blocks away from Scott’s house, I’d finally realized that I couldn’t walk all the way home and I’d put in a hysterical call to my friend, sobbing so much that she’d barely made out that I was asking her to come pick me up.

That had been about an hour ago and I was only calming down enough to talk now. She sat on the sofa facing me, her legs tucked underneath me and a beer in her hand. As soon as we’d arrived, she’d popped down to the store to buy a six-pack and she’d given me one too, but I hadn’t even been able to take a sip yet.

It might be a beautiful day full of rainbow lights from my suncatchers, but it felt ugly and lonesome after what Landon had just done to me. “I just can’t believe it. These last few weeks have been pure magic. Damn near perfect. Then he tells me he’s in love with me, but we have to end it? What kind of bullshit is that?”

“I’m still a little lost about how you ended up at Scott’s to begin with,” she said, her brow furrowed and her eyes glossy with sympathy. “What exactly happened with Dallas?”

“He showed up at the manor at three a.m. to tell Landon to get out. Drunk as a skunk and with two thugs in tow. I was so scared, but Landon made sure that Colten and I were safe. He never let his ego take control. We were in a good place, you know?”

“It has looked that way,” Brittany said, her voice soft and gentle. “When you first told me his ex had shown up, I thought trouble might’ve come to paradise, but then you got through that and I thought that was it. That you’d figured something out.”

“I thought it was over then too,” I admitted softly. “I figured that if a woman who looked like that, and that he has a history with, wanted him, then I didn’t stand a chance, but he was so sweet about it. He made me feel so secure in whatever it was we had. We didn’t figure out how we were going to keep seeing each other, but it sure felt like more than just a summer fling.”

I sighed, my breathing shaky as I felt my face falling all over again. “That’s the worst part about all of this. It felt so right. It all just happened so quickly and so easily that even though I knew it was going to have to end, I don’t think I really expected it to. Especially after Colten told me that he wanted to stay.”

Brittany’s eyes flew wide open. “What? Are you serious? When did he tell you that?”

“Yesterday,” I admitted unhappily. “He said he’d already told his dad about it, but he also said that he needed me. I didn’t make any promises or anything like that, but I kind of thought that was it. That if Colten wanted to stay and Landon knew about it, then…”

“Then he wouldn’t leave,” she concluded for me. “It’s not that easy, though, babe. He has a whole life in LA.”

“I know, but he likes it here. Plus, he paid off his ex to leave them alone and he’s made it plenty clear that I’ve been good for Colten, so I think I just, in the back of my mind, thought that when push came to shove, he’d stay.”

“Wow, he paid her off?”

“Yep. Two and a half million dollars is the going rate for promising to leave your kid alone forever, it seems.”

She flinched. “Ouch. That’s a lot of money. I mean, we knew he was rich, but that’s like, mega bucks.”

“Yeah, I know, but he acted like it was nothing.” I sighed. “Either way, with Kaitlin out of the way and after my talk with Colten, Landon and I just felt like we were on solid ground. I let myself be so vulnerable with him, Brit. I don’t know how to go back to my normal life now that I’ve had them in it.”

She scooted over to give me a comforting hug. “Would you ever consider moving to LA with him? It’s not like it’s on the other side of the country.”

The mere thought of it made my stomach flip over. I shook my head. “No, I haven’t really thought about it. This is my home. I could never just leave.”

“What’s keeping you here, though?” she asked. “You could always just give it a chance?”

“My family is here,” I said slowly. “Everything is here. You. Tiff. Scott. The business.”

“Yeah, but June Lake will always be here to come back to,” she reasoned. “I’ll always be your best friend and Scott will understand. I mean, Tiff might come and go if she’s got anything to say about it, but you’d see her again too.”

For a crazy, wild minute, I tried to envision moving someplace else. I tried to imagine packing up and leaving with them, not knowing when I was going to be coming back again. As I tried to picture making a life with Landon in LA, memories of the last time I’d seen my mother played through my mind.

Her smiling face as she waved goodbye, her long blonde hair blowing in the slight breeze as she shrank into her boyfriend’s side. The way she’d looked up at him just before the cab had turned the corner, like it was more important to check on him than it was to see us one last time.

As it all came back to me, I shook my head and refocused on my friend. “I’m not leaving here to follow a man. That’s just not who I am, and let’s say I do it. Let’s say that I swallow my pride and go with him. He’s just going to pour himself into his career as soon as he gets back. The shine of having me with him will wear off, and I’ll become a glorified babysitter to his son that’ll make him feel better about leaving him for as long as he does.”

I exhaled. “My life is here and I love it just the way it is. I’ve loved this time that I’ve spent with them too and I won’t deny that it hurts, but I’m not chasing after him to some city I’ve never even been before and where I’ll likely never even get to see him. I’m not changing a life I love for anything.”

“Good,” she said with a sigh of relief. “For a second there, I thought you might think it was a good idea. I had to ask anyway.”

That got a smile out of me, but it was short lived. Just because I wouldn’t move to LA didn’t mean it was easy to let go of them. When they finally left for good, I was going to miss them deeply. Their absence was going to hurt. Bad.

“You warned me,” I murmured as I looked into Brit’s soft brown eyes. “You told me to keep my heart out of it and just have a bit of fun. I tried to listen, but my heart got sucked into it anyway.”

She chuckled, shaking her head before dropping it to rest on top of mine. “I’ve got your back while you heal, girl. You’re going to be okay. I know this sucks so much, but Scott and I are here for you, and in the end, it’s going to work out for the best.”

I didn’t know about that, but I was grateful to have a friend like her even if I was heartbroken that Landon was ready to call it quits. I had been hanging onto these next three weeks we could’ve had together like a lifeline, hoping that something was going to give before they passed.

Foolish as it might’ve been, I’d thought that in time, we’d manage to come up with a plan that would allow us to stay together. I’d been willing to give long distance a try. Anything that wouldn’t involve breaking up, but obviously, Landon just didn’t feel the same way I did.

“One day, you’re going to look back on this and understand why it happened the way it did,” Brittany said softly. “Maybe it’ll be because your one true love is just around the corner or maybe the dinosaurs will come back and take out all of LA. But whatever it is, there will have been a reason for it.”

I glanced up at her. “Dinosaurs?”

She shrugged. “It was the first thing that popped into my head.”

We lapsed into a comfortable silence as I tried to process how fast that conversation had turned around. When he’d told me he was in love with me, it had been like my entire being had been filled with sprinkles of elation.

Our future together had fallen open like a road map, with so many different paths to choose from, and I would have been happy with any one that allowed us to reach the same destination in the end. In my mind’s eye, I’d pictured being there for them from now on.

Giving Colten pep talks over the phone when he went back to school. Reminding Landon to go home at night. Spending the holidays with them here for winter break. Keeping the spark alive with Landon in a variety of interesting, digital ways until we saw each other again.

It wouldn’t have been ideal, but it sure would’ve been better than this. I sighed, pushing my fingers into my tangled hair and pulling them through it.

I hadn’t even gotten around to brushing it this morning. I’d simply pulled it into a messy ponytail when Colten had come bounding into Scott’s bedroom where I’d been sleeping on a spare mattress, enthusiastic to share his idea about a day on the lake.

“I wonder what he’s going to tell Colt,” I mused out loud, feeling a fresh wave of tears coming on. “How do you think he’s going to take it? Do you think I’ll have the chance to say goodbye?”

The thought alone made that fresh wave break free and hot tears started streaming from my eyes again. There was no stopping the tide today, and I wasn’t trying to. I knew from experience that bottling up emotions never made them better. It only made me feel them that much more intensely when I finally had no choice but to confront them.

I’d done it with my dad all my life, shoving down all the pain he’d made me feel until after he’d left. Letting go enough to find acceptance had been a slow, excruciating process I had no intention of repeating. It had taken me years to come to terms with it all.

“It’s going to be okay, babe,” Brittany said as she snaked her arms around me for another hug. “I know it doesn’t feel that way now, but it will be.”

As she said it, all I wanted was to fast forward to a time when I’d be able to believe those words. A time when I’d feel like myself again, but that time definitely wasn’t today.

Out of all the men in the world, I’d gone and fallen for one who not only lived nearly five hundred miles away, but who also refused to even consider staying with me. He was sweet and kind, smart and funny, and perfect for me in every way—and he’d fallen in love with me to boot—but none of that mattered.

I’d thought Landon was a fighter, but it turned out that I’d completely misjudged him on that front. Or maybe it was simply because he didn’t love me enough to try.