Chapter 50

Ifelt like crap for bursting into tears when Landon had told me about the deal he’d struck with Kaitlin. Colten wasn’t my child, and no matter how I felt about him, it wasn’t my place to cry over it.

It also hadn’t been my intention to make it all about me and my mom, but the truth was that when Landon had told me that Kaitlin had taken the money, my heart had shattered into millions of tiny, sharp little shards that had sliced through the rest of me.

It had hurt so much that I hadn’t been able to hold back. I’d tried, but I just hadn’t been able to claw back my composure. Even now, those cuts on my insides were still smarting, though the hot water and Landon’s arms were working miracles for the emotional pain.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” I murmured quietly to Landon, gently wrapping my fingers around his forearm as I shifted my head back a little to look up at him. “It’s got to be pretty terrible to have to pay off your ex just so she won’t fight you for custody of a child she doesn’t even care about.”

I knew I’d stated it harshly, but I was so torn up about this that I couldn’t find it in myself to be much kinder when it came to that woman. At least my own mom had only left us after she’d fallen apart because my dad had left.

Before that, growing up, she’d been a wonderful mother. We hadn’t had the easiest of childhoods, and we definitely hadn’t been well off, but she’d taken us swimming in the lake in the afternoons after school and she’d cooked us pancakes every Sunday morning.

I couldn’t imagine what it was going to feel like for Colten one day when he was my age, knowing that his mother had chosen a payday over him. It was unconscionable to me.

Landon opened his eyes and looked into mine, the green of them so soft and warm in the romantic candlelight that I just wanted to crawl into them. He managed a tired smile, his lips curving up at the corners, but it was clear that he was exhausted.

“I’m okay,” he replied, his voice low and slightly hoarse, as if the emotion of it all was tightening his throat. “I’m just sorry I didn’t realize how triggering it was going to be for you. And how hard it’s going to be for Colt to accept even if he doesn’t realize it now.”

I hummed, tipping my head back a little further and giving him a small smile. “He’s got you, though. I know I’ve said it before, but he really is lucky to have you. He’s going to be just fine, and when he is, it’s going to be because he has a father who loves him more than anything.”

“Well, I mean, I love bacon a lot too, so—” I smacked his arm and he laughed, eyes coming back to mine. “Okay, fine. You’re right. I do love him more than anything. He’s pretty lucky to have met you too, though. He likes you.”

“I like him,” I said, drinking in his strong profile and wondering just how much to tell him. “We had a good talk today while you were gone. He really misses you when you’re working.”

Landon’s chest rose against my back and he blew out a deep breath. “I’m going to do better from now on. I don’t quite know how yet, but I am.”

“I believe you.” I lifted one of my wet hands out of the water and brought it to his cheeks, running my fingertips along his cheekbone. “You’ll figure it out. I’m pretty sure you’re the kind of guy who can do anything he puts his mind to. Hell, you even almost had Scott beat at the Lake Warrior contest.”

A soft snort came out of him as he bit back a laugh. “Your definition obviously differs from mine of almost having him beat, but this is something I can figure out. I will. I just need time to think about how I can shuffle things around.”

I nodded. “You’ll get there. Actually wanting to do it is half the battle won.”

Smiling as he held me tighter, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to mine. It was a gentle kiss, tender and meaningful, and I savored it. Moaning softly, I wrapped my arm around his neck. At the sound that escaped me, he groaned in turn and I felt his cock stirring against my lower back.

“I didn’t get you naked expecting anything,” he murmured into the kiss. “Quite the opposite, in fact. We’re supposed to be relaxing.”

“We are relaxing.” I smiled against his lips as I snaked my hand along the flat planes of his abdomen. “Isn’t part of relaxing also just doing whatever we want to do, though?”

“Yes,” he hissed through clenched teeth as I wrapped my fingers around his rapidly hardening shaft. “As long as you know you don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” I assured him, watching him closely as I started stroking up and down.

Landon’s head fell back, the tops of his cheeks flushed and his lips parting. He leaned back a little further, allowing his hips some space to move as they began rocking into my touch.

A thrill shot down my spine. I loved that I had this effect on him, but I also loved that I could be this close to him. That he’d let me in even after the kind of day he’d had. Besides, I really wasn’t doing this because I felt any sort of obligation to. I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to make him feel good and remind him that life didn’t have to be hard.

It could be fun. Pleasurable. Passionate. A person didn’t have to overthink everything or overcomplicate it. I knew he hadn’t brought me to the bathroom to have sex, but it was really pretty simple. I wanted him and I knew he wanted me too, so I didn’t see any reason to deprive ourselves.

His jaw tightened and the muscles in his throat started working. I leaned my head closer and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his neck. A soft growl vibrated through his chest and my nipples hardened in response.

Being with Landon like this was the best feeling in the world. Just a little while ago, my heart had cracked open in front of him and I’d bled my emotions all over the poor man, vulnerable and sensitive as hell, and then he’d taken care of me.

He helped me put myself back together, and now, even though I might’ve been embarrassed about falling apart in front of anyone else, he was making me feel wanted and loved. My emotions were raw and I knew his were as well, but that was the beauty of it, letting each other see everything there was to see and still wanting to be together.

As my hand moved, he drew me to him, kissing me deep and hard, his wet fingers winding into my hair as his tongue parted my lips. This was raw too, the kiss. We were both laying it all out there and I’d never felt so safe doing it.

I pumped my fist a little faster, an ache starting between my legs. One of his hands released my hair, running sensually with the flat of his palm against my face, throat, and neck before he cupped my ribs. I arched my back, silently begging him to touch me in any one of the many places that wanted to be touched right then, and he indulged me without question, circling his thumb and index finger around my nipples and pinching them.

Sparks of pleasure flew through me and I moaned into his mouth, rubbing my thighs together before I did something really embarrassing—like touch myself just because I couldn’t wait any longer. It was the weirdest thing, being so turned on physically while feeling so connected to him on every other freaking level.

I’d never been as emotionally invested in a man as I was with him, and while that deep current of intense feelings should’ve turned me off, it really didn’t. Instead, it made every brush of his fingertips against my skin feel that much better. It should’ve scared me because I knew it meant that I really was in love with him, but I just wasn’t afraid.

I wasn’t afraid of my feelings, intense as they were. I wasn’t even afraid of the heartbreak I knew was headed my way. In the moment, all that mattered was nurturing the connection between us. Feeling what I felt and what he made me feel.

As another long, loud groan came out of him, his thighs tensed but then he took my wrist in an iron grip, instantly stopping my movement. Breathing hard, he pulled away, his eyelids heavy as he rested his forehead against mine.

“Let’s go to bed.”

I nodded. He climbed out of the tub, and I took his hand when he offered it. My legs were shaky, but he wrapped me up in a towel before quickly drying himself. Then he led me into the bedroom and dried me off as we reached his bed.

The friction of the towel and his hot hands over it drove me crazy, but he didn’t make me wait, bringing his mouth to my core just as soon as he’d tossed the towel away. Moans spilled out of me as he sucked my clit into his mouth. His hands were on the insides of my thighs, spreading them to give himself better access as I stood there, hanging onto his hair so I wouldn’t fall over.

I was almost at the edge when he pushed me down on the bed, grabbed a condom, quickly rolled it on, and sank into me. While the lights in his bedroom were off, there was ambient light from the candles in the bathroom. I could see the wildfire in his eyes as he withdrew and the immense relief when he sank back in.

I pushed my fingers into his hair, my gaze locked on his as our bodies moved together and pleasure streaked through me. It curled my toes and exploded in bubbles of elation through my veins, but even in the midst of the most powerful orgasm I’d ever had, those words were right on the tip of my tongue.

I loved Landon Payne, and unless I was very much mistaken, he loved me too.