Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

The most frustrating part about Piper's new job wasn't that it was mall security. It was that everyone assumed he considered it demeaning. After all, how did a man go from being an astronaut to walking around chasing tweens out of Sephora? No one considered he wanted this change. That he needed this change.

That the stress of his former job was worse on his heart than space had been.

He didn't need to work anyway. He had plenty of money that he could have retired early and lived happily and comfortably for the rest of his life. But he was also the sort of man who needed to keep busy. His life before this had been raising his little brother—minding Phoenix and making sure that he grew up as adjusted as he could be to a world not built for him.

Then Phoenix had to go and meet the love of his life, and suddenly, Piper was without purpose. Which wasn't strictly true. Not really. He just needed to figure out how to live his life for himself instead of a demanding job and a sibling who was no longer a child.

So, he moved. Phoenix and Maddox decided that they were going to head to the West Coast, so Piper did a little house-hunting and found a place near the beach forty miles north. He tried a few at-home hobbies before he got bored, and a week later, he stumbled on the mall security job.

The man who hired him was younger than he was and confused when he looked at Piper's resume.

"I did your background check," Karl said. "You're not lying about any of this. You have a PhD in astrophysics. You spent two years on the International Space Station."

Piper had shrugged. He had, yes. But he'd been back on Earth for a long while now. He'd adjusted to normal gravity. He stopped dropping things midair and expecting them to float up instead of fall down. His health was doing better, and in his last checkup, his cardiologist seemed confident that his condition was going to improve.

Provided he didn't push it. Or fuck with his cholesterol too much.

He was presently on a list to get a cardiac alert dog, but the one he'd chosen was still in the womb and would need at least two years of growing and training, which he was willing to be patient for. He didn't mind a little while on his own before he had a companion. He went to work, and did his job, and made friends with his neighbors, and it was fine.

He even took up flirting with the adorable baker at Sugar, eating too many baked goods and hoping that his blood sugar levels weren't shot when he went in for his labs. It was nice. He liked Juno. The man was striking and sweet and didn't ask too many questions. He didn't recognize Piper, but he didn't treat him like some low-level mall cop either.

He was just…kind.

And he was also sad. And the afternoon Piper walked in on him frosting cupcakes with a towel wrapped around his eyes, he was scared.

Piper recognized the look on Juno's face—something had shattered inside him. He figured a death in the family. He hadn't expected Juno to tell him he was going blind. On the way back to his office to clock out, he let himself get a little wobbly about it.

It was fucked. It was beyond fucked.

Piper himself had been at risk of losing his vision. Space could deform the retina and leave permanent damage. He hadn't been up on the ISS long enough for it to happen, but it had been one of the many, many things he'd been warned about.

Juno was clearly starting to crack, but he was holding himself together better than Piper ever could. This wasn't the way he'd wanted to integrate himself into Juno's life. Hell, he'd been on the fence about acting on his urges the entire time. Juno had a lot of life in his eyes. There was something about him that called to Piper, but what did that make him?

A dirty old man , a voice whispered.

He shoved that thought aside. He probably wouldn't act on what he really wanted to do, but at the very least, he could be a friend.

He changed from slacks to jeans, then pulled the security polo over his head and shoved it into his locker. Just as he was shrugging into one of his more comfortable T-shirts, the door opened, and Mike walked in. He was dressed sloppily and looked half-baked, but Piper couldn't bring himself to give a shit. It wasn't like there was going to be some massive rush of mall patrons that required the man to be sober.

This wasn't the eighties.

"You see that bakery place is closed?" Mike said as he flopped into a chair.

Piper shrugged. "Yeah. Juno had to take a sick day."

Mike laughed. "The fuck kind of name is Juno?"

"A Roman goddess, a spacecraft orbiting Jupiter…"

"Oh shit, isn't that like the capital of Alaska or some shit?"

"No," Piper said blandly. He grabbed his bag. "Nothing to report. Have a good shift."

He started for the door when Mike called his name, and when he turned, the man smirked at him. "Feel free to dislodge that stick from your ass before I see you next."

Piper didn't respond. It was far easier to ignore him, especially when he had Juno waiting for him. He made his way down the security tunnel so he could clock out, then around the side of the building where employees entered and exited the garage. He saw Juno standing at the far end, covering his left eye with two fingers, and his stomach twisted again.

There was nothing he could say or do to make this better. He could get him a drink and give him a shoulder to cry on. He could even take him home and fuck him until he forgot his name if that was something Juno wanted. But nothing would change his reality.

He shifted his bag to his stronger shoulder, then fished out his keys as he approached the younger man. Juno offered him a wobbly sort of smile, and Piper wanted to kiss him until all the tension drained from his body.

Fuck, he really was a dirty old man.

"Sometimes, when you look at me, you get this weird expression," Juno said, his voice soft and thoughtful. "Did I do something wrong?"

It's because I want you, and if you knew, you'd probably think I was a total weirdo.

He didn't say any of that aloud. Instead, he smiled and offered his hand. "My car isn't parked too far. I have a disabled plate."

Juno blinked at him. "I don't need a guide." The yet was unspoken, but Piper heard it anyway.

"I wasn't offering that. I was trying to be comforting," he explained.

Juno glanced down, his face full of shame. "Sorry. I think I'm still panicking? Like…like my whole world was just turned upside down, then I had to come to fucking work and just get on with my day as though my doctor hadn't just dropped this goddamn asteroid on my head."

Piper's lips twitched at his choice of words. He was pretty sure Juno didn't know about his past and what he used to do. It felt a bit like kismet, though he didn't believe in that sort of thing. "Panic away. We're going to get comfort food."

At that, Juno hesitated, then reached for Piper's hand and pulled him to a stop. "I don't think I can."

"Can what?"

"Go out." Juno's breath trembled on his exhale. "I can't…seeing is getting harder out of this eye, and my right eye is fine, but the way it's all uneven is making everything all weird and wobbly. And right now, I think my anxiety is fucking me up because everything seems so loud and so chaotic, and…"

"I have a house. Well, a town house."

Juno's jaw snapped shut with an audible click. His cheeks went pink.

"I'm not trying to be forward," Piper said in a rush. "I'm saying that it's quiet there. We can order food, and I have this amazing weighted blanket my brother got me to help with my panic attacks. It's super warm, but we can crank the A/C and put shitty reality TV on silent. And you can vent. Or sit quietly. Or nap. Whatever you want."

Juno swallowed heavily. "Why are you being so nice? I mean, I'm not going to turn you down," he added with a bitter laugh. "I have basically no one, and I really don't want to be alone right now. But is there something you want from me? Like…sex or…"

"Christ," Piper said a little too loudly. He felt like shit when Juno jumped back from him. Slapping a hand over his face, he groaned as he searched for the right words. "I like you, Juno. A lot. You made my weird mall job worth going to every time I see you. You've made me smile every single day that I'm here, and trust me, not a lot of people can do that. I'm a grumpy old asshole."

"You're not that old. And you're the least grumpy person I've ever met," Juno said, sounding startled.

Piper barked a laugh. "To you . You make my day a lot more tolerable. And…" He hesitated, but he decided Juno deserved his honesty. Then he could make an informed decision. "If you wanted to have sex with me, I wouldn't say no. I've liked you that way for a while now. But I'm not doing this because I have expectations. I'm doing this because you're a kind person, and you've been given shitty news, and I kind of get that."

"You lose one of your senses?" Juno asked, his voice a little tight.

Piper's lips thinned. "No, but I was told that if I didn't stop what I was doing—my old job—that my heart was going to give out on me. And it still might. When my doctor dropped that on me, I was shit-scared and had to pretend like I was fine because I was taking care of my brother, and I had a ton of bills to pay. It's not the same as what you're going through, but I understand."

"I'm sorry," Juno said very, very softly. "I keep coming at you, don't I?"

"You're reacting exactly the way I did when I had a medical crisis. And you can use me as a verbal punching bag all you want, okay? I can take it. But let's do it in the car where it's not as hot and sweaty as Satan's balls."

Juno burst into laughter and squeezed his hand a little tighter. "Fair enough. Let's go. I could really use a burrito right now."

Juno looked up a place on his phone, and though it was twenty minutes in the opposite direction of Piper's town house, he drove it without complaint. He ordered them each the burrito that Juno had been waxing poetic about, then got some extras to snack on for later.

Soon enough, Juno was sipping on an icy horchata as Piper headed back to his side of town. It was quiet in the car between them, a sort of strange but almost comfortable tension now that all the cards were on the table. They were virtual strangers when it came to knowing anything about each other, and yet, Piper was struggling to remember life before he met the gorgeous baker.

He stole several glances at him and realized he might be taking advantage because it was Juno's left side, and he didn't know how much he could see. It didn't stop him, of course. He always found it impossible not to stare. Every time Piper did his rounds near the bakery, he indulged whenever Juno was lost in his own world, frosting cupcakes and decorating sugar cookies.

Now was no different.

Except then Juno turned his head, flushed, and smiled a little. "Do I have frosting all over me?"

Piper indulged in a long look as they sat at a red light. Juno's skin was always a rainbow of decoration, and today was no different. He had smears of red, blue, and orange on his arms. "You look fine."

"Just fine?"

Piper's brows rose as he hit the gas and turned onto his street. "Are you fishing?"

"It's been a bad day. Feed me and tell me I'm pretty."

Piper's chest went very warm. "You're pretty, Juno. Very, very pretty."

"Ha. You should meet my friend Oliver. You'd probably never look at me twice again. But he's taken, so don't get any ideas."

"Trust me. I don't think that's possible," Piper said, and he appreciated when Juno didn't argue. It was hard to imagine a better-looking man. He felt frumpy and old and awkward around him, but he also didn't mind that much. Especially because Juno never treated him like he was any of those things.

Piper's dating history was both small and sad. He'd been in the closet for longer than he cared to think about—something that had left scars behind. When Phoenix came out, Piper had been tempted, but it had taken him almost a decade after that to be brave enough to say it aloud to himself. And longer than that to say it to another person.

And he still hadn't dated anyone. His hookups had been secret and short-lived. He'd been busy with his career and then making sure Phoenix would survive if he didn't, and yeah. This—taking even a small indulgence for himself—it was very new.

Pulling into his parking spot, Piper turned off the car, then turned to face Juno, who hadn't moved. His face was pointing straight ahead, and his eyes were closed.

"You sure you want to hang out with me?"

Juno nodded without looking up. "Yes. I just don't want to be a burden."

"On whom?"

"You," Juno said with a strained laugh. He finally looked over. "Me. My friends. Society. Anyone." He let out a slow breath. "I'm going to have to relearn how to do everything."

"You're not going to need to relearn anything. You're going to have to learn how to do things in new ways. But I don't think it's going to be as hard as you're afraid it'll be."

"How do you know?" This time, Juno's question wasn't an accusation.

"I don't know. Not for sure. But I worked with several disabled guys at my old job, and all of them were as good if not better than I was." He'd also known two blind astrophysicists, and granted, they'd been blind most of their lives, but the point was they did the job just fine.

Differently, but he supposed that was a given.

"Come on. The burritos are going to get cold." He opened his door, and Juno followed suit, clutching the bag of food to his chest like it was a delicate newborn. It made Piper want to kiss him. Instead, he overtook his stride as he led the way to his front door and turned the key, pushing inside to make sure the air was on nice and cool.

It was only a little muggy, but he adjusted the thermostat before kicking off his shoes, and Juno closed the door behind him before removing his own. The foyer was dimly lit, the light coming in from the arch that led to his living room, and the curtains were drawn.

"Do you have pets?" Juno asked, shuffling from tile to carpet.

"Not yet."

Juno glanced over his shoulder. "Big plans? Going to become a cat-dad?"

Piper laughed as he held his hands out for the food and set the bag on the coffee table. "I'm actually on a list for a service dog. It'll be trained for cardiac alert tasks and medication retrieval, stuff like that."

Juno's eyes widened. "Wow. I…uh. I didn't know about your heart." Instead of sitting down, he wandered to the bookshelf where Piper kept several signed biographies his colleagues had written on one shelf, and the rest were covered in photos. He had two earth rising photos he'd taken from the station and a handful of him and the guys floating upside down.

"My time in space wasn't very kind to my body," Piper explained. "Hopefully, with all the forced retirement rest I'm getting," he said, not quite bitterly but not as kindly as he wanted to be, "it'll continue to heal and strengthen. But the dog was an agreement I made with my brother when he wanted to move to California with his boyfriend. He was afraid to leave me, and I was afraid to hold him back. So we made a compromise."

Juno looked over his shoulder. "Oh. Damn. That's good for him, though, right? Moving in with someone?"

"It's wonderful," Piper said, and he meant it. "He'd never really been in a relationship before he met Maddox. I didn't want him to hold himself back just because he was worried about me."

And he only worried about Phoenix because the world was unkind, and Phoenix was unrelenting when it came to being himself. He'd never been capable of masking the way others were, and the fact that Mads loved him as much as he did was one of the only reasons Piper slept so well at night.

"You sound like a really good big brother."

Piper laughed and watched as Juno leaned in closer to the photos. "I tried my best."

Juno was silent for a second, then grabbed one of the larger frames of him in his uniform with the NASA logo on the breast, standing next to the President. "Holy shit. Is this you?"

Piper laughed. "Yeah. Ten years ago, when I wasn't as grey."

"But you're…" Juno turned slowly. "Are you a fucking astronaut?"

Piper sat on the sofa hard enough to make his jaw click, and he shrugged. "I was a fucking astronaut. Then I was an astrophysicist. That photo was taken way after I was done going to space."

Juno blinked at him, then carefully set the photo back. "And now you're a mall cop? No offense, but why ?"

"The stress of this job isn't going to kill me," Piper said flatly.

Juno deflated and walked over, taking a seat a cushion away from him. He stared for a long moment, his eyes bright and hazel-green, and his soft curls rested near his temples, making Piper want to reach out and twist them around his fingers. He wanted to cup Juno's cheek and draw his thumb over his lush, gorgeous lips.

"I knew you were smart. I knew you looked too wrong in that ridiculous uniform."

Piper chuckled and shrugged. "I am smart. But only in one specific way. I'm kind of a moron when it comes to literally everything else."

Juno's lip quirked up in the corner. "Why do I feel like that's the first real lie you've told me?"

Before he was even aware of it, Piper had lifted his hand, and he brushed a curl away from Juno's cheek. "I won't ever lie to you. I might not spill my guts in the first couple of months we know each other, but if you ask, I'll tell you anything."

Juno's expression said he was taking that as a challenge. "Do you want me even though I'm falling apart?"

Piper swallowed heavily, nodding. "Yeah. And I feel like that makes me a filthy old man, but cards on the table, Juno? I've wanted you from the second you first smiled at me."

Juno blinked, then burst into laughter. "You had blue slushie in your hair."

It was true. It was his first day, and a kid on a skateboard plowed right into him. He'd been holding a massive Jolly Rancher slushie, which had ended up covering Piper from head to toe, and he'd taken off before Piper could get back on his feet.

Juno had laughed at him. He laughed so hard his face went red, and he looked like he was going to be sick. But even in the throes of his utter humiliation, Piper had chuckled along. Juno's brightness was infectious, and the thought of losing it to anything now terrified him.

"You were so sweet," Juno said.

"Literally. It took three showers to wash that crap out of my hair, and my temple was stained blue for a week."

Juno lifted two fingers and attempted to touch Piper's temple and missed. He looked devastated, but he corrected his aim and made it. The pads of his fingers were soft and cool. "You sat in my kitchen and dug slushie gunk out of your ears."

"And you gave me a giant cupcake to take home," Piper said. It was chocolate and cherry—it was the most decadent thing Piper had eaten in a long time. He'd taken four days to finish it, and in that time, he'd also acquired an orange cupcake, a Funfetti one, and four strawberry mini cookies. Most of them ended up in the trash before he got a few bites in, but he wouldn't tell Juno that unless he asked.

"It was like fate. Imagine if you'd gotten run over in front of Hot Topic. They'd just take video and put you all over TikTok." Juno's smile softened, and he shifted a little closer, turning his head more so his right eye was pointed directly at Piper's face.

"How bad is it?" He hadn't meant to ask the question, but now that it was out, he didn't take it back.

Juno's eyes cast downward. "It's…weird. My right eye is compensating pretty well, but my depth perception is off, and everything looks kind of…muted, I guess? It's not even a black spot, you know? Like, it's called a blind spot, but it's just this bizarre, greyish, distorted blob."

"And how bad will it get?"

"Worst case, I'll have some peripheral vision left, but I'll be colorblind. And it'll affect both eyes."

"Best case?"

Juno looked up at him. "This will be the worst it gets. But my doctor told me in so many words that's not going to happen. I don't want to get my hopes up."

"What do you want to do?"

Juno laughed. "See space. Know a guy who can get me up there?"

Piper's gut hurt because he wanted to say yes, and if he pulled enough strings and had enough time, he probably could. But by the time Juno was properly trained and certified and by the time there was a flight out to the ISS—or even out to orbit—he didn't think Juno would be able to see it. Not enough to make all the training worth it.

"I could make a call."

"I'm kidding," Juno said quickly.

"I'm not," Piper said. "But it would take too long."

Juno closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. "The truth is, I want to not think about it right now. Tomorrow, I have to do research and figure out how I'm going to keep working because I'm barely making ends meet as it is, and I need to find a new place to live. In the next few weeks, I have to sit around and wait to see if my other eye starts going. In the next few months, I have to learn to live with this new reality. And I don't know if I can."

"You can," Piper said. He glanced around at his big, empty space. "You could move in here."

"Um…"

"Not as…fuck," Piper fumbled, covering his face with his hands. "As a friend. As a roommate. I bought this place, and it's too damn big for me. I don't really know what I was thinking."

Juno hunched into himself. "Not right now, Piper. Okay?"

Piper nodded and reached over, taking Juno's hand. He turned it over in his own, staring at his burn marks, and the lines on his palm, and his thin fingers with big knuckles. Everything about him was so different from anyone Piper had ever met. He turned Juno's hand palm side up, then lifted it and pressed his lips to the center.

Juno sucked in a breath.

"I've told you I want you, but I've been too afraid to ask if you might want?—"

"Yeah. Yes," he interrupted a little too quickly. Juno laughed and shook his head as he moved over until their thighs were touching. "I've wanted to climb you like a tree since the first day we met."

Piper turned his head. "Even all covered in goop."

"Especially covered in goop. I don't know what I have to give you right now. I don't have room for promises, but maybe you can help me forget. Just for a little while?" The tremble in Juno's voice broke Piper's heart.

But he hoped his next words could help put them both together just a little bit.

"Come on, sugar. Let me take you to bed."