Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

Sitting in the middle of his empty apartment, Juno looked around. Somehow, it seemed even smaller without all his stuff in it. Four walls, a door with the world's smallest bathroom, a pathetic excuse for a kitchen, and a ceiling fan that never worked right, blinds that never went all the way up or down.

It was terrible.

But it was his. Or, well, it had been. Now, he was getting ready to leave the key in the lockbox and say goodbye to this part of his life. Moving wouldn't have seemed like such a big thing if his eyes hadn't gone all wrong and his business hadn't started to slow so dramatically. At best, he'd be looking for a slightly larger unit.

Maybe one with better A/C and a full-sized stove.

Now, he was going on the road, and when he got back, he had no idea where he was going to go. He knew he'd have to talk to Piper eventually, but he had to face the reality that they might not like each other very much once they were done.

In that case, he'd have to call Oliver or Miles. Or both. He'd have to come clean maybe sooner than he was planning. And while he knew they'd be a little angry at him for keeping this to himself, they'd do everything in their power to help.

With a sigh, he glanced down at the pile of papers in his lap. One was his log-in info so he could check his DNA results. The others were the pamphlets he'd been given by his doctor. There was an acronym scribbled on the top page: LHON .

He couldn't remember the full name. It was long, and scary, and sounded all Latin and official. Between him and his best friends, he was the dumb one. Where Oliver and Miles had been scholars, he'd just been a pretty face and a hard right hook whenever someone was mouthing off and cutting a little too close to the quick.

He wished he was smarter now. He could know what he was facing. He'd understand all those medical terms, and he'd at least comfort himself with how they all fit together to make sense.

Instead, he just had Google articles that all ended in suggestions on how to cope, and none of them were very helpful.

They all read like hey, asshole, you're going blind, and life will suck. Deal with it .

He hadn't yet found a webpage that told him how to deal with the hollow feeling in his gut at the thought of people staring. At using a cane in public and having everyone know this thing about him that made him vulnerable. That would never get better.

He swallowed heavily as he flipped over one of the brochures and stared at the number on the back. Call for your free white cane and two-hour orientation and mobility session . There was small print beneath that, all the caveats, he assumed, but he could barely read what was on the page in bold letters.

He stood up and tucked that into his pocket, along with his website code, then tossed the rest in the bag he was going to throw out on his way to the bus. His car was still in the parking lot, and he needed to deal with that too.

Another favor to drop on Piper's shoulders, though he knew Piper didn't mind. The man was hedging around those three little words that terrified Juno to his core. He was shit-scared of feeling it, but he was shit-scared of ignoring it because he damn well knew this was a good thing.

He just wanted Piper to see him at his worst. Not just snapping at him in the kitchen when his mood sank. He wanted Piper to be with him twenty-four seven. To see him sleep-deprived. To smell his morning breath. To hear him fart and smell the bathroom after a massive shit. To watch him pick at his teeth and pull out wedgies and bomb the room with his smelly-ass feet after a long hike.

He also wanted Piper to see him vulnerable. He wanted him to be around when his other eye started to go. He needed Piper to see that it was going to be hard. Juno was okay now, and he would be okay in the future, but in the process?

His reputation for being a troubled teen was going to come back and haunt him. He could feel it in his bones. A revisit to the time when he didn't know how to deal with being weak. If Piper could handle that, then Juno would breathe a little easier.

But he knew he'd be destroyed if he let down his guard, allowed Piper to dig his claws in, only to be cut free when the man realized this wasn't the life he thought it was going to be.

Juno considered canceling the date the entire bus ride back to Piper's town house. He sat with his head pressed to the window, gazing out at the blurry scenery, his headphones blasting music into his ears. He knew he should probably cut that out. The last thing he needed was to fuck up his hearing with his sight going. He closed his right eye and felt a small surge of panic at how huge his blind spot was now. It obscured almost all of his vision save for a patchy ring of muted sight in the corners. He could see better out of the side of his eye than the bottom, but even when he turned his head, nothing looked right.

How was he supposed to go through life like that? The only thing that kept him from losing it was opening his right eye and letting things even out. He still felt off-kilter, but he could see.

For now.

He swallowed past a lump in his throat as he saw the 7-Eleven that was on the corner of Piper's street, and he pushed the Stop button and held the bar as the bus slowed. He kept his head down as he exited, then trekked down the sidewalk until he was standing in Piper's driveway.

The man himself was outside waiting for him, leaning his gorgeous ass against the hood of his car. He was wearing jeans and a polo, and he had his hands in his pockets, his eyes obscured by what were probably very expensive shades.

He was so goddamn gorgeous Juno's mouth started to water. And then he smiled, and Juno suddenly felt like he was floating. The distance between them seemed to dissolve by magic, and the next thing he knew, he was being pulled close, pushed against the car, and kissed breathless.

"Hi," Piper said when he came up for air.

Juno's vision was foggy, but for once, it wasn't his eye condition. He blinked until Piper's face cleared up. "Hi."

Piper chuckled softly and cupped Juno's cheek, brushing his thumb over his lower lip. "Here to pick me up for our date?"

"Except you're driving," Juno said, not quite bitter but not totally fine with that.

Piper's expression softened. "I'm happy to. I actually love driving."

Juno couldn't tell if Piper was blowing smoke up his ass, but he decided he was going to take it. "Are you ready?"

"Unless you need to change."

"I'm good." Juno had done all of his cleaning in the days before, so there hadn't been much for him to finish except a quick wipe of the counters and double-checking he hadn't missed any spots. He draped his arms over Piper's shoulders. "Let me show you a good time."

Piper chuckled and swept in for another quick kiss. "I can't wait."

The drive to the beach was uneventful, and the parking wasn't as bad as Juno thought it might be. Piper used a valet service at a nearby hotel, laughing as he took Juno's hand and yanked him around the side of the building.

"Isn't that cheating?" Juno demanded.

Piper shrugged. "I'm going to tip well." He was still grinning as they hurried along the boardwalk three shops over until Juno spotted a small, beachy-looking restaurant with an open patio shaded by wood beams and off-white tarp.

Several of the tables were empty, so it only took a moment before they were seated in the corner with the perfect view of the water. Juno had lived there a long time, but he never got tired of looking out over the ocean.

And now, he realized his time with it was going to be limited.

He closed his eyes and listened to the waves hitting the shore.

"Want to put our toes in the water after we eat?" Piper asked.

Juno nodded. The grief wasn't as profound in this moment. He opened his eyes and pulled his menu close. Piper had been right. It was bar fare. His eyes grazed over fried seafood, fish and chips, and a handful of salads, but his appetite just wasn't there.

"Want to order for me?"

Piper reached for him, taking his hand carefully. "We don't have to do this, you know."

"I want to be here," Juno told him. "I just…I don't know. I'm struggling, and even making small decisions right now feels like trying to decide the fate of a small country."

"Will it help if I take over?"

The answer to that had never been yes before. The very idea of letting anyone control his life used to make Juno sick to his stomach. But now? It was all he wanted. He understood why Miles had given himself to Emmett and Cosimo. They'd kept their dynamic quiet, but the weekend Juno spent with them, he noticed.

He saw the way Emmett ordered Miles around—a quiet command that was never, ever hurtful. He saw the way it made Miles relax. He'd never seen his friend so at ease before, and Juno realized he wanted some of that.

Maybe not the way Miles had it, but the very idea of having someone he could trust to take over when things were falling apart felt like a dream.

"If I'm crossing a line here…"

"You're not," Juno told him roughly.

Piper didn't look convinced. He stood up from his seat and walked around the table, taking the empty seat beside Juno. "I have an idea." Juno nodded, not sure where Piper was going. "Let's skip dinner. We can walk on the beach, grab a pretzel or something if we feel snacky, and we can wait for the sunset. Then we can grab something on the way home so we don't have dishes to do before we take off."

Juno's heart sank. That was exactly what he wanted right then, but that wasn't a good thing. He wanted to be a better man. He wanted to show Piper he could give as well as take. "I'm fine."

Piper laughed softly and cupped his face. "Sugar, you are not fine. I know what this trip means to you. I know what it means for you."

Juno bowed his head, pulling away from Piper's grasp, and he said nothing.

"I didn't walk into this thinking it was going to be some careless road trip. You're in mourning."

"It's just so ridiculous," Juno said, louder than he'd planned to. He set his hands on the table to keep himself from clenching his fists. "I don't even know if I'm going to lose vision in the other eye. This might be all for nothing."

"And yet, you can't wait until you find out it's something," Piper countered. "There's nothing wrong with preparing for the worst sometimes. I'm not going to resent you if we get to next year and everything's exactly the same as it is now."

It wouldn't be. But Juno didn't say that because he still didn't know for sure, and he was too afraid to put anything out in the universe. "I wanted to do something tonight that would make you happy."

"Being with you makes me happy. We can come to this place any time. Let's go walk by the water. It's sunset. I bet there are dolphins."

And, well, if anything was going to get Juno moving, it was the promise of watching dolphins just off the shore.

Piper was right. They grabbed a drink and a shaved ice and found a high part of the beach where they perched, watching the water. It only took about ten minutes before Piper spotted the first dorsal fin, and though it was too far for Juno to catch it, he did see when the dolphin's back broke the water.

"Oh!"

Piper laughed. "I love them. When I was little, I thought it would be so cool to be a dolphin. Then I found out they're kind of horrifying."

Juno snorted. "Yeah. Murder, infanticide…amongst other things. But I don't hate watching them from the shore."

Piper grabbed his hand and kissed it. "Neither do I."

Juno wanted to point out that Piper wasn't watching them. He was watching Juno. But he didn't want to call attention to it. He liked being observed in this way. His entire life, he'd been stared at because he was striking. Not beautiful the way Oliver was. Oliver seemed to be everyone's type, regardless of gender or preference. Juno was different. He was unique—a term he'd come to love and hate in equal measure.

People rarely bothered to know him. They just wanted a piece of him.

Piper was the first man apart from his small group of friends that made him feel different. He wanted that feeling to last forever and ever. He knew that even if this didn't work out, Piper was going to spoil him for other men for the rest of his life.

"What are you thinking?"

Juno glanced away from the water when the last dorsal fin dipped under and didn't reappear. The final sparks of evening sun glinted off a few waves as Juno turned to face the man who was holding his hands. "I'm happy."

Piper raised his brows, and Juno didn't blame him. He'd had moments of joy in the last few weeks, but he hadn't been happy. Not until this moment. He was still terrified of the future and what his life might look like, but right then, he was content.

If he could keep that, he could deal with the rest.

"Will you kiss me?" Juno asked. He let some of his vulnerability seep into his tone, and from the look on Piper's face, he heard it.

He shuffled closer, not quite towering over Juno, but his presence was still far bigger. His shadow blocked out the last rays of the sun, and his large hands framed Juno's face. They were warm and pressing and possessive.

There were people all around them, and Juno knew they were being watched. He could feel it. Judgment from some, curiosity from others. There were probably some who enjoyed watching them.

But everyone ceased to matter the moment Piper's lips touched his. They kept it chaste, a quick touch of tongue before Piper's lips just rested against his, but Juno felt utterly and completely owned. If Piper had ordered him to drop to his knees and humiliate himself right there, he would have done it without question. But the fact that Piper never would was what made Juno fall that much harder.

"Juno."

"Mm?"

Piper laughed softly as he pulled back a few inches. "Nothing. I just really like the way your name feels on my tongue."

Juno squeezed his eyes shut and let his forehead drop against Piper's sternum. "Who even are you? Where did you come from?"

Piper laughed harder and wrapped his arms around Juno's waist. "Come on, sugar," he said after a long beat. "The dolphins are gone, and the sun is setting."

They had a long drive in the morning, and right then, the only place Juno wanted to be was in the bed, wrapped in Piper's embrace.