Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

R ae

Earlier that day

"I brought muscles with me." Janna bounces out of John's truck, cute as a button in a pink ski cap and white puffy jacket.

John gets out a little slower, but with no less warmth as he gives me a hug. We walk back inside my house. The boys just left to go shopping and already the silence is grating on my nerves. How the hell I'm supposed to survive…well… the rest of my life without their voices ringing through my home is beyond me. I texted Janna, and like a true bestie, she came right over.

"Now, don't judge the plywood until it's all put together. I have it stacked against the garage wall out of order." Now that it's time to put up the backdrop I've been working on, I'm not sure I want to go through with it. Only the excited faces of the little kiddos when they see an actual backdrop instead of a boring curtain is what's getting me through.

"Stop it," Janna scolds, pushing me toward the garage. "I'm sure it's great, like all your work."

John lets out a whistle when we get inside the garage and he sees the stack of plywood. "Damn, woman. You moved that all around yourself?"

I shrug. "I like the creating process so much I don't even mind the manual labor."

"Well, I'll get it in my truck if you'll pour Janna a cup of coffee. She's cranky without her second cup."

Janna backhands John's arm while I snort. We all know Janna wakes up with a smile on her face, no caffeine needed. I open the garage door for John and head back inside to pour three travel mugs, doctoring them with peppermint-mocha-flavored cream.

"Thanks for helping me set them up. I was tempted to just light a match and let them burn. You know. Accidentally." I use air quotes with that last word.

Janna isn't amused. "Girl, I need to whack you with the confidence stick."

She would have to get in line behind Hutton. And Morgana. I ignore her comment and go outside to help John. We get all ten sheets loaded up and head to the theater. It takes forever to get them inside and up on the stage. I put them in the correct order and John gets to work assembling the stands to keep them upright.

"Hey, da Vinci! Come on down here!" Janna hollers from the first row where she's sipping her coffee and taking in the backdrop.

"I prefer Georgia O'Keefe," I mutter, hopping off the stage to have a seat next to her.

She gives me a funny look. "The pussy flower lady?"

"They're not—" I snap my mouth shut, refusing to get in yet another argument about the artist.

"Everyone is going to be blown away by your art!" Janna's flapping her hands around at the stage where my backdrop is finally coming together.

I shift uncomfortably, and thankfully, Janna puts me out of my misery. "But enough about that. Tell me all about Hutton! Is he fabulous in bed? He looks like he'd know how to use that body of his. Tell me everything ."

My cheeks flare with heat that has nothing to do with the steaming coffee mug in my hands. "I can confirm that he knows exactly what to do with that body of his. He's not at all a celebrity in love with himself."

Janna squeals and spills coffee out the top of her closed coffee mug. Thankfully it misses her white jacket. "I knew it! A man doesn't get an ass that fine without understanding the mechanics of a solid thrust, you know?"

I burst out laughing, which feels dang good. All those thoughts of Hutton and Henry leaving soon have been hanging over my head like a dark cloud.

"Oh, Janna. Thank you, I needed that."

She settles down and leans closer. "If he's giving you the good nookie, why the sad face?"

I deflate like Doc's air-powered Santa on his front lawn when the power went out with the recent storm. "He's leaving right after Christmas, and I think I may have developed some feelings." I wince.

Janna puts her arm around me. "How could you not? The man is not only gorgeous, but he knows his way around a woman's body and he's a sweetheart single dad? Girl, I'm surprised you haven't proposed to him yet!"

I shake my head, allowing myself to feel how deeply this is going to cut when he leaves. "I tried to ask him what we were doing and he kind of pushed away my question. Asked if we could just enjoy the short time we have together. He just sees this as a holiday fling."

Janna huffs and sits back in her chair to sip her coffee. "Hmm. I wonder if you need to take a more direct approach."

I gape at her. "Did you not hear me? I asked him what we were doing together and he basically shot me down."

Janna sputters her lips. "Listen, I've never seen you so happy and yet so grounded as you have with him and his little boy in town. But I also know you're afraid to shine." I start to argue and she holds her hand up to stop me. "It's true, sweetie. Instead of telling him how you felt, you asked him what he thought of your relationship. That's not exactly being direct."

Well, shit. She has a point. One I don't really wish to analyze right now, but Janna seems intent on driving home her message.

"You're a ray of sunshine afraid to shine. You dim your light all the time. Take your art, for example. You are straight brilliant and yet you don't get out there and share it with anyone. How many years have you directed the holiday play and you haven't done any of the backdrops?"

I frown. She rolls on, ticking things off on her fingers.

"You keep yourself so busy nannying and doing all these volunteer things around town that you have no time to dedicate to marketing your artwork. You want kids, so you get married, but you marry the lamest guy in the whole town and then act surprised when it doesn't work out. It's like you're afraid to be great, Rae. Afraid to be in the spotlight. Why is that?"

I blink multiple times, trying to clear my vision. I look at each of the panels that John has set up on the stage, seeing the scene come to life. It's beautiful. And Janna's right. I'm scared to death for everyone to see it. There's one particular memory that plays over and over in my head, even if I wish I could forget about it.

"Mrs. Northrup was our art teacher in elementary school. She was the best. Totally took me under her wing and worked with me, sometimes one-on-one after school." I have to swallow past the lump in my throat to get to the next part. "I remember coming home from school with our end-of-the-year project. Mom had been working her second job and couldn't come to the open house to see it. I was so excited to show her, along with tell her how Mrs. Northrup wanted to put my piece in a national art contest."

Janna's pretty blue eyes are trained on me. "What did she say?"

It feels like a betrayal to say it. Mom sacrificed so much for me. She was an excellent mother, burdened by financial constraints and the stress of being a single mom. Talking badly about her seems like a betrayal.

"She told me to stop bragging. That art was for the expression of one's soul, not for attention."

Janna lets me sit with that for awhile, both of us watching John work up on the stage. I can clearly see where I got this belief that I had to hide my art, but that doesn't mean I know how to suddenly act like that didn't leave a lasting impression on me.

"You know, I'm sure your mama did her best, babe, but that was a terrible thing to teach a young mind," Janna finally says softly.

"She was a good mom," I say defensively.

She nods, sympathy in her eyes. "Absolutely. One only has to meet you and they can see you had a good mama." She grabs my hand and holds on tight. "People aren't all bad, and inversely, people aren't all good. Sometimes good people do a bad thing. Doesn't mean we should keep clinging to that bad thing just to keep their memory alive. You have the ability to choose differently, Rae. Just remember that."

She lets me go and stands, hollering up to John. "You keep bending over like that with a hammer in your hands and I might develop a contractor fetish, John Ross!"

I roll my eyes, even as a tear slides down my cheek. My best friend is a hoot. And fucking smart.

I take a picture of the finished set on my cell phone before John takes me back home. I promise him a dozen of the sugar cookies Henry and I plan to make tonight to thank him for his help today. It would have taken me twice as long to haul all those boards to the theater and set them up. Janna gives me an extra tight hug before they leave.

The door swings open, unlocked when I know I locked up before I left to go to the theater. "Hello? I'm home," I call out, ready to get back to my boys.

Henry comes barreling down the hallway and crashes into me. Hutton is right behind him, a kiss on deck to make my belly swoop and my heart squeeze. A girl could get used to coming home to this welcome. Sadness quickly follows, reminding me I only have a few more days of this.

You have the power to choose differently.

Janna's words echo in my head as the boys tow me around the house, showing me all the sweet things they've done to liven up my house. As I see the personalized stockings hung on the fireplace, I realize what Hutton has done. He's made my house a home.

All the while we make dinner together and the boys tell me about their day, I think on Janna's words. What do I actually want, and what am I willing to do to get it? I feel emboldened, like telling that story about Mom freed me from its clutches. Shining a spotlight on a dark scene in my past makes me wonder what shining a spotlight on my present might do.

While the sugar cookies are in the oven, I pull out my phone and text a picture of the set to Mayor Nancy. When she immediately responds in all-caps, I feel my face pull into a proud smile. I tuck the phone in my back pocket and get busy icing the cookies with Henry chatting away next to me. Hutton strums his guitar on the couch while the logs in the fireplace pop.

If I could describe my perfect evening, it would be exactly this.

Which means I have some decisions to make.

Fast.

Doc: What if we sold beer at The Nutcracker? That would sell tickets.

Mayor Nancy Haney: Are we not sold out yet? I thought they'd sell like hotcakes with rumors of Hutton Calder being there.

John Ross: Guess he's not all that after all…

Dagny: Jealousy doesn't suit you, John.

Janna: Maybe our approach was wrong. Sex sells…except maybe at Christmastime. People are looking for something more. Something deeper.

Doc: Are we still talking about sex???

Chief Blade: I think you're onto something, Janna. An outsider can't fix a problem within the ranks of Snowhaven.

Mayor Nancy Haney: So, it's official? Snowhaven has lost its Christmas spirit??

John Ross: I don't think so. But I think Janna's right. People like to rally around one of their own. Cheer on the underdog. Come together for a good cause. How can we harness that kind of spirit?

Mayor Nancy Haney: Oh! I have a brilliant idea! Rae just sent me a picture of the set for The Nutcracker and it's GORGEOUS. What if I post it on my socials, showcasing the artwork of one of our own? Remind people they need to come out and see it for themselves? Support a local!

Janna: She might kill you. Then again, I think it's exactly what she needs.

John Ross: And maybe what Snowhaven needs.

Doc: All in favor, say aye.

Dagny: Aye

Chief Blade: Aye

John Ross: Aye

Janna: Let her rip…