Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

R ae

I haven't felt like I really belong anywhere since my mom died. I've always been a creative…with the scattered brain to go along with it. Mom and I were two peas in a pod in that respect, having talent, but also a lack of focus that meant we held a myriad of odd jobs and flitted from one exciting thing to the next without truly excelling at anything. But Mom was my home base. The place I always came back to. She created a warm spot to land when life got too hard. Sadly, I'd lost that sense of home when she passed away.

I chased that feeling, of course, which was probably why I ended up marrying Gavin. If I'd had money to go to a therapist after our divorce, I'm sure she would have had a field day with my situation. I wanted that feeling of home again, and all I got was a voice in my head that sounded an awful lot like Gavin telling me I was flighty, lacked talent, and acted like a child.

So when he and Tori corner me at the food truck to utter some nonsense comment about my art, it's not that surprising. They've gone out of their way to insult me ever since they got together, which was so soon after our split, it made one speculate if things had been going on during our marriage. That was neither here nor there. I was just glad to be single and available for a fling with my hall pass.

Hutton and Henry have been a breath of fresh air for me the last two weeks. A realization that staying home and focusing on one thing isn't drudgery. I'm having fun, and it doesn't require going in a thousand directions at once. It doesn't escape me that they too, however fun and eye-opening the experience with them is, are temporary. They'll be leaving right after Christmas, a fact that ticks away the days in my head, like a demented Advent calendar of doom.

"I think you might want to stick to less-creative pursuits, hun," Tori says, her voice dripping with condescension. " The Nutcracker is a huge undertaking. Everyone would totally understand if you need to step aside."

Sadly, Tori looks adorable in a pink puffy jacket, matching knit hat and braids on either side of her head. Gavin looks like his typical handsome douchebaggery self, his arm banded around his wife's waist. He used to do the same thing to me, like he needed to let everyone know this was his wife, just in case they forgot.

"Practices are coming along fine," I respond breezily, not mentioning that it's because of Hutton's involvement that things have improved to where we might actually be ready for the town performance.

Tori's lips pucker like she sucked on a lemon. Gavin studies me, his lengthy gaze creeping me out. I feel like it's standard etiquette to quit checking out your ex-wife once the ink is dry on the divorce papers, but apparently he doesn't follow those kinds of rules. I wish, not for the first time, that I'd seen him for what he truly is long before we said our I do's.

"Too bad they aren't paying you. I know money's tight and your jobs are, well, we all know minimum wage doesn't really support an adult." He and Tori have identical smirks.

What the fuck? If he only knew how much money I make every time I nanny, he'd close his stupid mouth. I'm doing just fine. Not so fine that I'm rich, but I support myself all the same. I never even petitioned for spousal support from him, so I'm not really sure what he's going on about. And he is still going on. The fucker likes to hear his own voice.

"Some of us like to settle down and grow up. Do something meaningful." He looks over at Tori, smiling so smugly I get a weird creepy-crawly feeling over every inch of my skin. When he looks back at me and she giggles, burrowing further into his side, I know I will not like what he has to say next.

"We're pregnant."

The bottom drops out of my world. Pain, the kind that stings so badly you want to whimper and hide from it, hits me. He knows every button to push and now he's pushed the one buried so deep inside me that I truly hate him. He knows I always wanted to have a big family one day, so much so that I was willing to marry him to get it. That didn't happen, obviously, and the fear that my body just isn't capable has been spinning in the back of my brain since those monthly pregnancy tests always came back with only one line showing.

"Yay," I manage to say, so little enthusiasm suffusing my voice that it sounds ridiculous, but what did they expect? Did they want me to be happy for them? I'm sure they do, the little narcissists that they are. Well, they'll have to live with someone in this town not liking them nor being ecstatic about their pregnancy.

"Next!" the man in the truck calls out, breaking me out of this horrifying moment.

I gesture to the truck. "That's me." And then I step away from them and place an order for two hot chocolates, lips numb and heart breaking all over again. I swipe my card and hope I don't pass out. I order my lungs to take in a breath, and then release. Repeat. Repeat. And repeat again until I have those two hot chocolates in hand and I turn to see Gavin and Tori have finally walked away.

Hutton's clenched jaw comes into view and suddenly all the sounds of the screaming kids and excited voices of people around me come rushing back to my ears. Hutton wraps an arm around my waist and squeezes, peering down into my face.

"You okay?"

I hand Henry the second cup of hot chocolate and nod, pasting on a smile that feels wooden and weird. It's the best I can do. "I'm fine."

Hutton doesn't look like he believes me, but he steers our little group back to his truck and loads up the sleds while I get Henry strapped into his car seat. He looks at me again when he climbs into the truck, but says nothing. I click my seat belt into place and stare out the windshield, wishing I could get back to all those feelings I had this morning, racing down the hill with Hutton's arms around me and Henry's whoops of joy ringing in my ears. I realize with a jolt why I'm having so much fun with these two.

I finally feel like I'm part of a family again.

Practice is chaotic like usual, but between Hutton, Janna, and me, we manage to get through it with only one squabble that requires refereeing and only one girl crying over someone else ruining their part with their armpit fart noises.

"Okay, kiddos!" I finally call, feeling more exhausted than usual. "Time for us to pack up the costumes and call it a night."

Kids scramble to pack up their costumes and head home. Hutton continues to charm Ada while he helps her out to her car. Moms are collecting their kids while also trying to snag Hutton in conversation. I let it all flow over me, feeling a bit frozen from this morning's confrontation.

"Hey." Janna nudges me, dropping her voice. "Is Hutton keeping you up too late or what?" She waggles her eyebrows, and I manage a smile in return.

"Something like that."

Her expression drops and she pushes me further into the shadows at the back of the stage. "What's going on? You've been deliriously happy and now you look like you could cry. Do I need to go rough him up? 'Cause I can! Just say the word, and I'll make him regret the day he strode that fine ass of his into our little town."

I shush her, taking her hands in mine to make sure she doesn't run out of here and make good on her threats. "It's not Hutton."

She visibly relaxes. "Thank God. Kicking his ass wouldn't be good for my relationship. You know I love John, but part of me might like roughing up Hutton Calder. He's just so pretty, you know?"

I snort. "He's not pretty. Handsome, yes. Sweet as can be and sexy as hell? Also yes."

She's back to waggling her eyebrows. "Then why the hell were you about to cry all over that pretty Christmas sweater?"

From experience, I know she's not going to let it go, so I tell her. Part of it, at least. "Just a run-in with Gavin and Tori this morning."

Janna inhales, looking a bit like she's transforming into the Hulk, if only in her head. "I will kill him. And her."

"He's—"

"I'll help." Hutton's cold voice interrupts. I look around Janna to see Hutton walking in from the side of the stage, clearly eavesdropping.

"What are we doing?" Mayor Nancy follows closely behind Hutton, her gaze stuck on his ass. I can't really blame her. That rounded butt in a pair of Wranglers was the thing that drew my attention Hutton Calder's way in the first place. Hell, it might have even been the sole reason he made it to the hall pass list. But I also don't like it. I feel a very keen sense of ownership of that ass. At least until Christmas.

"We're discussing Christmas gifts for the men in our lives and how we might just kill them if they give us potholders." I love how Janna steers the conversation away from the one subject I can't stand to talk about.

"Ugh, that's the worst!" Mayor Nancy says, finally dragging her gaze from Hutton. "My ex got me a teeth-whitening kit one year. Believe me when I say that did not go over well."

Naturally, we all zero in on Nancy's teeth, but none of us have the courage to say maybe the gift was well thought out. Hutton rolls his lips inward, and I refuse to look at him. For the first time since Gavin crossed my path this morning, I feel like laughing.

"I'm glad I caught you. I'm here to collect, Rae."

I clear my throat and try to focus on what our prestigious mayor is saying. "Collect?"

"Did you not get the plywood?"

"Oh!" Now I get it. "Yeah, I did. I just didn't get a chance to talk to Hutton."

"Plywood?" Hutton asks.

Nancy rounds on Hutton. "Rae thought you might be willing to help us sell out our tickets for the performance December twenty-third."

"No! That's not?—"

"Sure," Hutton answers, ever the choir boy, looking to do something good.

Nancy beams, clasping her hands under her chin. "Excellent! I told her you'd be game. I mean, we always get the new guy to be Santa, but Rae thought we might be asking too much."

Hutton looks over at me, leveling me with a glare that says I'll be paying later. "I was conned into playing Santa?"

I wince. Hutton stalks over and even Janna backs away from me. He ducks suddenly and then he's lifting me up and over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"Hey!" I swat that famous backside of his but he doesn't stop walking until we're off the stage and away from eavesdroppers. He sets me down and keeps me boxed in with the wall right behind me.

"I'm not going to complain, even though you should have told me." His gaze drops down to my lips. "How can I complain when you made your fantasy become my fantasy later that night?"

I think back to being on my knees, pleasuring Hutton. My body feels warm enough to keep fires crackling all over Snowhaven. "Want to fulfill another one of my fantasies?"

He inches closer, lips about to brush mine. "Absolutely."

I drop a kiss on the side of his mouth, shamelessly inhaling his scent. "I'd love…" I drop a kiss on the other side of his mouth. "A bath." I look up into his eyes and stop. "That's it. That's the fantasy."

He grins, plucking a quick kiss from my lips. "Done, you little tease. I'll draw you a bubble bath, get Henry fed, and then you can tell me what made you sad today. I'll kiss it all away, sugar."

This man… Just another reason why I feel my heart slipping away from me and landing squarely in Hutton's hands.

Mayor Nancy Haney: Two things: One, I saw Hutton kissing Rae at the theater today and hot damn… Two, Hutton agreed to help sell tickets. The Christmas spirit is alive and well in Snowhaven, baby!

Janna: They are pretty adorable together…

John Ross: I feel like I should go talk to him and see what his intentions are.

Doc: Okay, Dad.

John Ross: What? Rae is one of ours. She should have someone looking out for her.

Janna: My hero!

Dagny: I have questions about these tickets. Is Hutton going to put on a concert to sell tickets? Maybe lap dances in exchange for a ticket? Hell, I'd take a mini striptease. Oh! Or that dance where you shake your booty! I think it's called jerking.

Mayor Nancy Haney: Sigh. It's twerking and also…please say less.

Dagny: Details matter, Mayor. I ain't forking over my hard-earned money for anything less than a Hutton Calder ass sighting!

Chief Blade: That would be public indecency and I'd have to take him in.

Doc: I don't appreciate you objectifying men, Dagny.

John Ross: Is his ass really that amazing?

Dagny: Is Christmas the best holiday all year?

Mayor Nancy Haney: I'll see what I can get him to do, ladies.

John Ross: Jesus.