Chapter Ten

Alex

I shouldn’t have done it, not this soon. But it would take a better man than me to say no to his pleas. He was irresistible, and now that I’d had him, I didn’t know how I could ever let him go again. Back at the club, it almost seemed like a dream, and I leaned back in my chair and considered what I wanted to do with all this angst. I didn’t sleep around, not in the traditional/vanilla way. I did play with a variety of partners, but it didn’t sound all that appealing anymore, and most of the time, it was for the sake of demonstration. Not that I didn’t enjoy wielding my whip, but when it was with someone I had no emotional connection to beyond the moment, it did not hold nearly the satisfaction.

I had relationships, dating or once even living together for a couple of months, but none of those came within miles of what I was feeling for West. None had been mates, nor had I deluded myself that they were. But I cared about them and vice versa. And I gave them credit for teaching me how good something could be even when it was not a gift from Fate herself. And for a number of years of that time, my wolf and I were both aware that our mate was living in wedded bliss with Emile. My friend.

Who had been as vanilla as ice cream until the day he signed up to explore new horizons at the club I owned.

Had I pushed things too hard with West? He’d been floating since Emile’s death, and I had kept my distance all that time. I should have recognized what he needed, should have put my own feelings aside and made it clear he had a friend when he had been in the throes of grief. Instead of vague comments about “call me anytime” that everyone knew were not sincere—or not intended to imply a large commitment.

Could I have been that friend and kept my emotions at bay?

I’d never know, would I? Not now or ever.

But now that we’d crossed that line, going back would rip my heart from my chest. Probably no better than I deserved. He seemed comfortable with where we were going. Still, we had not crossed that line, had not mated or marked, and in shifter world, that would normally have happened the first time we went to bed together, if it was going to happen at all. Holding back not going there with him took every bit of control I had, but I did it.

And I was fairly certain I would not be able to manage that if we made love a second time. I needed to know whether he was on board with where I was…or if he was even ready for anything like that.

With that thought in mind, I picked up my phone and sent a text.

What are you doing? Cheesy, but effective, maybe.

Binging a series I’ve seen before.

While your membership at Cuffed sits idle?

Well…you’re working, right? I didn’t want to come down and make you feel like you had to pay attention to me.

I blinked hard. My omega’s consideration was more than I deserved. What if I want to pay attention to you?

Then I’ll be there as soon as I can change into a shirt without a hole in it.

Doesn’t matter, since if you agree to play, your shirt will be off fast enough.

I have my pride.