TWENTY SIX

ESTELLA

The apartment door clicked behind me.

I’d barely been able to hold myself together on the drive home. Everything within me told me to go back. To rush into Leo’s arms and lock myself in that house with him.

To lay out on that roof night after night, swapping stories and kissing until both of us became breathless. Nights wrapped in his arms.

But temptation often clouded reality. And I wanted a full relationship. A full life.

Leo couldn’t offer that.

But neither could Graham.

‘Should I put on a pot of coffee,’ he asked, dumping my bag on the sofa.

‘Graham, I need to talk to you.’ I sat at the table, and pushed a seat out for him.

‘Eager to start the planning already?’ Graham grinned.

I felt like a grade A cunt, about to kick a goddamned puppy.

‘I can’t marry you.’

Those four words seemed to suck all the air from the room.

‘What?’

‘Something’s missing. It has been for a long time. I thought it was enough, but it isn’t.’

I waited for him to cuss me out. To throw his chair back and have a go at me. To show some sort of emotion.

‘Nothing is ever good enough for you, Estella. Always got your head in the sky expecting fireworks.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I mumbled.

‘It’s okay. It’s been a busy few days. We’ll forget all about this and give it a few weeks before we set a date.’

My head swam.

‘I’m not marrying you.’

Graham stood, leaning down to place a peck on my forehead. ‘You just need a nap, babe.’

‘You’re not listening to me. You never listen to me.’ I pushed my chair back, fury rising.

‘Because you’re being hysterical .’

He lit my fuse. I tore his ring from my finger and thrust it into his hand.

‘Graham, I want you to go find someone who fits. I want you to have someone who makes you her whole universe. But that woman is not me. ’

‘I’ve never hurt you.’ Realisation finally hit Graham, his eyebrows lifting.

‘A relationship needs to be more than just not hurting. I need a man who wants what I want. Who craves the things I crave.’

Red infused Graham’s face as he rolled his eyes. ‘Is this about fucking sex again ?’

‘It’s about so much more than that, Graham. So much more. If you’d ever tried to meet me half way, maybe things would have been different.’

Graham gripped my neck in a lightening fast move, cutting off my air.

‘Is this what you want?’

Shaking my head, I spluttered, trying to speak.

‘You want me to choke you and take you like a little whore? You’re a sick bitch, Estella.’

My eyes bugged as I reached up, scratching at his wrists, trying to catch a breath.

An ache stole of my chest as my vision spotted, Graham’s nose flaring.

My phone rang, pulling Graham out of the rage he’d found.

He let me go, dropping me to my knees as I gulped down air.

‘You deserve to be alone,’ he spat.

I stayed there on the floor, sobbing until the door shut behind him.

The phone continued to ring, Leo’s name flashing on the screen. He’d been watching us.

Wrapping my arms around my knees, I gave into the pain, letting it wash me under.