6. Chapter Six

I had no idea where to take Josh, having acted purely on impulse when I asked him out. I got the impression I’d have to take charge for this relationship to work and right now what was best for him was to get out of his own head. From what I’d gathered, Josh never had any boundaries before, not really. He’d survived in fight or flight mode since birth, and it was up to me to show him how beautiful life could be. No child should have to live in fear, no adult should have to carry the wounds that he did. Someday, I’d address the things he mentioned last night. But not today. Today would be spent getting to know each other, and to show Josh the places I loved in Washington. Well, a couple at least. It would take a lifetime to share all this great state had to offer.

And now, I knew exactly where to take him.

“How, how’s this?” Josh stuttered as came out of the bathroom in his apartment in a pair of dark jeans and a simple button-up shirt. Not his normal concert shirt and ratty jeans. He’d put much thought into this and wanted to look his best and make a good impression for our first date. While I appreciated that, it wasn’t necessary.

“Josh,” I crossed the room toward him. His head was down, clearly expecting to be scolded. Gently, I tilted his chin up. “Open your eyes.” Fear, rejection and hurt reflected in them, and while everything in the last twenty-four hours was the spur of the moment, it felt right. “I’m not here for your clothing, I’m here because of you, but you look very handsome.” A slow nod was his only reply, he didn’t grasp the depth of my words. Maybe my lips could do a better job than mere words.

He gasped as our mouths met but didn’t pull away. I wound my arms around his waist and pulled him tighter, deepening our first kiss. The slight blush tinting his cheeks as we parted was adorable. Peeling apart the layers that made up Josh would be an eye-opening experience and I looked forward to it. “Grab your stuff, let’s go.”

Blushes when complimented ?

Follows direction well ?

So far, so good. As soon as we hit I-5, headed toward Mukilteo, he finally spoke. “So, you, um, you live with your mom?”

I side-eyed him, and wondered where this was headed. Only one of two ways and generally the negative one was what I got from past dates. “Yes. Is that a problem.”

“What?” His head spun around so fast I thought it’d snap. “No. Not at all. I think it’s kind of cool. I never knew my mom.”

Shit, Reagan. Take it down a notch. Remember, literally everything outside of music was new to him, family included. “Sorry. Defense mechanism. My dating life goes down in flames when guys find out I live with my mother and by choice, I might add.”

“She seems really cool. Like, the kind of mom you get hugs from.” He whispered the last part. This man was more than attention and touch deprived. The list of firsts for Josh grew exponentially with every conversation we had.

“She is. She’s literally my best friend and we talk about everything. Mom is a completely judgment free zone and she loves to give hugs.” I reached over and squeezed his hand. “Anytime.” Again, with the blush, I was hitting all Josh’s buttons today and at least they hadn’t been ones that triggered his dick.

“What are we doing at the ferry terminal?” He glanced around and I wondered if he’d been on a ferry yet.

“Have you been on a ferry before?”

“Yes, but it’s been forever. I was born here, didn’t leave until I signed the contract with Maiden.” Okay, that explained a lot and this whole time he let me believe he was from Arizona.

“Not from Arizona then?” I side-eyed him.

“No. Sorry for letting you believe that, but I didn’t want you to find out about my past, so I just went along with it.” Ah, that made sense. “But I was born in Tacoma.”

“Come on, let’s go up on deck.” Not having the PDA discussion yet, I avoided holding his hand, though I wanted to.

“Amazing.” Josh closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. “What’s the plan?”

“I want to share some of my favorite spots with you today. I’d like to drive across Whidbey Island, have lunch in Oak Harbor, and watch the sunset at Deception Pass.” Many days I’d spent doing just that. Just me, my thoughts, and a park bench. Helped clear my head and who knows, maybe it’d do the same for Josh.

We stood off to the side against the railing, the wind battered Josh’s hair. His face, a perfect mix of serene and childish exuberance. I wasn’t sure if he was about to throw his arms out and reference an all too familiar movie scene or burst into a fit of giggles. Personally, I was up for both. It was odd, how hard it hit me that I could literally watch him for hours no matter what he did. This other side of Josh, the real version I finally got a glimpse of was nothing short of beautiful. “So, how long have you lived in your apartment?”

He huffed. “The shithole? A couple months after I came back. So, far too long. I stayed in a hotel at first, thinking it’d be easy to get a gig with a local band. After it became clear that wasn’t happening, I figured it was time to face reality and get a place. Funds depleted and that’s how I ended up where I am. It came fully furnished so none of that old ass crap is mine.”

The captain’s announcement that it was time to get back in our vehicles in preparation to dock soon ended the fairy tale, though in all honestly, our story was just beginning. “Come on, lone wolf, let’s get back to the car.” He smiled, cute and cocky, like the Josh the world knew. No wonder he got laid as much as he did, that shit-eating smirk was alluring. The two sides of Josh completed him and while I knew hard times lay ahead, I had a good feeling we were both up for the challenge. Together.

Josh rolled the window down and hung his head out, howling as we drove through Whidbey along the five-twenty-five. The air was crisp, clean, and the slight chill felt fantastic. Days such as this were few and far between and it was a blessing when we got a dry one, and I fully intended to enjoy it with Josh by my side. No need for unnecessary chatter as we drove along. Just two men out enjoying the rare sunny day, smiling, and singing along with the radio. Surprisingly, Josh’s voice was pretty good. He’d be a great backup vocalist for Jason, their tenors would offset the other’s perfectly. When we reached Oak Harbor, I stopped at my usual haunt for burgers and a beer.

“Perfect!” Josh clapped his hands as we got out of the car. “Meat and beer, brings out the inner carnivore.”

“Come on, carnivore, let’s get you fed. Table for two, outside if you’ve got one.” The hostess nodded, grabbed a couple of menus, and led the way. I was surprised to see that we were the only ones who chose the patio area given what a gorgeous day it was. By the time the waitress got to us, we were ready to order our food and with that out of the way, the Qamp;A portion of our date kicked off.

“You like sports?” Josh asked.

“Meh, I can take or leave them. I don’t mind going to games if I don’t have to pay for the ticket,” he laughed. “But ask me any rules and you might as well escort me from the building. I don’t know jack about sports.”

“Never been to a game but same goes for me on the rules. Never got into it.” Josh paused and finished off his beer. “What’s your favorite part of taking this drive?”

“Today or in general?”

“Both.”

“Clarity. When my head is in a fog or I’ve got heavy decisions to make, the non-stressful drive and amazing scenery filter it. Instead of my mind going in a million directions, the drive adds focus and by the time I get home I’ve made my choices. For today, you were the reason for the drive. I wanted to share this part of my life with you, something I’ve never shared with another before.”

“Not even Mom?”

“Not even Mom, though she knows about it and always asks if I found what I’m looking for when I get home.” Was I searching for something this time? Quite possibly. Did I find it? Maybe. “Come on, lunch is on me. You don’t want to miss the sunset where I’m taking you, trust me.”

“I do.”

“You do what?”

“Trust you.”

Those two little words stopped me dead in my tracks. Josh trusted no one and with good reason, yet he trusted me. “Thank you. That means more than you know.” We arrived at Deception Pass just as the sun began its descent and took a seat on the tabletop of a nearby picnic bench. The park was deserted, the families here earlier in the day long since left. Quiet, empty, the ideal setting for the majestic show the Earth was about to perform for me and my guy.

Josh leaned into me, and I wrapped my arm around him. “I don’t think I’ve ever watched a sunset, or sunrise for that matter.”

“Amazing, isn’t it? Every color of the rainbow is represented as it rotates through them in a kaleidoscope of shades.” Ironic given how many found the rainbow to be offensive, yet its wonderful presence was found in everyday life. The rainbow was a sign of pride, strength, and happiness. Majestic and otherworldly, the rainbow shined in glory and grace. Some even believed wealth awaited at the end of it. Perception was mind boggling, but it was just that—perception, and the perceiver could twist damn near anything to suit their needs. Words, praise, books of lore. The human mind, so delicately evil and at times, unpure.

“Brr,” Josh shivered as the sun gave way to the moon and night fell around us. I hadn’t thought to bring jackets when we woke to such a beautiful morning.

“Come on, let’s head back before the park ranger boots us out.” Given the dark, I decided to drive back the way we came instead of continuing across the bridge, through Anacortes and around to I-5. We managed to get on the last ferry to Mukilteo for the night and were on our way home. The silence now wasn’t comfortable as it had been before. Something in Josh’s mind was heavy as he sat beside me, deep inside the confines of his mind.

“So, um, are you just dropping me off?” Disappointment and uncertainty were interlaced with his words as he finally managed to get them out.

“I have to be in early tomorrow. I ordered new shelving for the storage room, and it got delivered this morning.” Just at the mention of it the stress returned. I’d have to move everything out of the room in order to erect and install the shelving and then put everything back.

“Want some help?”

“As long as you don’t hurt those magic hands, I’d love some.” Funny how such a simple request and act of kindness turned a mood around.

“Thank you for everything. Honestly, this has been one of the best days of my life.” Josh further opening himself to me cemented his earlier words of trust. Had he not truly trusted me, he wouldn’t share like this. I watched him engage with others when he wasn’t aware I watched and never once was he this open with anyone but me. A gift I’d not take for granted nor abuse.

“Josh,” I took his hand in mine, “this isn’t over. It’s only the beginning.”

I kissed him goodnight and as soon as his apartment door shut behind him I drove home, fully expecting the interrogation committee of one to be waiting. Sure enough, when I walked in there she stood, all five feet of her, wearing a shit-eating smile. “I want all the details that don’t include anything naked.”

“Ha-ha,” I kissed her cheek. “And that is one of a million reasons why I love you.”

“I’ve got a fresh pot of coffee, let’s sit.”

My mother’s presence was a natural calmative for me, even at times when my stress level was off the charts. At those moments she’d say, grab a pen and paper and let’s weigh the pros and cons. At first, it frustrated me because I just wanted her to drop her words of wisdom to magically fix everything. But she didn’t play like that. Her goal was for me to learn from these experiences and work out the solutions for myself. Sure, she was there to offer guidance and support but ultimately these decisions were mine to make. I swore this woman was a saint, having dealt with me and my college-fueled mood swings over the years. I couldn’t imagine life without her and based upon her reaction to Josh, she was in full on mother hen mode where he was concerned. In my opinion, that was just what he needed. Well, that and a loving partner.

“I raised a good boy with a big heart,” Mom said as we hugged.

“Pfft, how could you not with as perfect as you are.”

“Are you getting cheeky with your momma?”

“Who me?” I innocently batted my lashes. “Never.”

“Smartass.”

“Duh.”