18. Chapter Eighteen

Christmas morning was nice. Mom and I usually didn’t do more than exchange a couple gifts and have breakfast together. The bar opened at four p.m. and closed at ten and I always volunteered to work that shift. This year it was me, Della, and Josh so Daniel and Holly could have the day off. As expected, we had a steady stream of patrons but thankfully nothing like our nights had been. Especially considering I was the only one working the grill between making drinks.

Before we knew it, Wednesday was here, and Josh was nervous as hell. Josh, Stoli and Jason would be on stage around eight. Thankfully, I’d finally built an actual stage with the help of the contractor I’d hired for the expansion. The hotel owner asked if I’d be willing to take over a portion of the dining room next to the bar that was rarely used. I jumped all over that with the plan to knock out the wall behind the bar. With talent back on the docket, I’d relocated the bar itself to the back wall and placed the stage in the center of the room so there would be a 360-degree visibility to watch their performances. It would add more seating and room for another bartender with the extended bar, too.

Josh had been so busy between practice and the recording studio we’d hardly had any time together. Then again, I’d been equally as busy with the bar renovations. No time to get the plans together for our house but it would come in time. Maybe this weekend, though I still hadn’t shown him the bar plans either.

“Hey, babe,” Josh came around the bar to give me a kiss. “The line’s around the block.”

“I know they say bad press is good press, but considering how hard I’ve worked to increase foot traffic I would hate bad press on what should be a great night.” I could see the headlines already, sucked, not enough room or never got in after we waited for hours. Fingers crossed that all would go smoothly though I wasn’t na?ve enough to believe that. Easton had sent their tech team in to set up speakers throughout the bar to ensure those who attended could hear no matter where they sat.

“What can I do to help?” Josh had come a long way since we started dating. Happier, more energetic, always willing to jump in and get dirty alongside me.

“Let’s grab some extra bottles for the top selling drinks.” We grabbed a couple empty boxes, loaded them up and set them behind the bar to pull from as needed. When we returned, Joey and Stoli were there setting up the stage alongside Jason and a couple of techs. “Sorry it’s not much. Space regulations and all that.”

“No worries, Reagan,” Stoli patted my shoulder. “It’s perfect for what we’ve planned.”

Security stood ready to check IDs since this was a twenty-one and over show. When the doors opened, the bar filled to max capacity in no time at all. I felt bad for those who couldn’t get in but with everyone from both Chaotic Abyss and Social Sinners plus Mickey’s partners in the house, there was no way some wouldn’t be turned away. This night would be insane. This was huge for Josh, and I wanted it to be perfect.

“All right, Seattle, welcome and thanks for coming out.” Jason’s words riled them up and a series of whistles and shouts rang out as the place morphed into standing room only. “Tonight, we’ll be playing a couple new songs from our upcoming CD slated to be released in the spring next year. Generally, I’m here for lyrics but I’m gonna pull an audible on these two guys sitting me behind me.” Stoli was cool and collected while Josh’s eyes widened, a mixture of excitement and horror. “This first new song, “Lone Wolf,” was written by Josh Gray for his special someone.” My head spun toward him so fast I was amazed I didn’t get whiplash. “So, I’m going to have Mr. Gray sing it to him. I’ll join in and harmonize but I’m doing this to prove something to him —he can indeed sing.”

Silence filled the air and I swore Josh was ready to bail. Daniel pushed me toward the stage and Stoli nudged Josh as Jason lowered the mic to the level it needed to be as both Josh and Stoli were seated for tonight with their acoustic guitars on their laps. Without another word, Josh and Stoli strummed the opening chords in perfect unison and Josh’s deep timbre was all I heard as it filtered through the air.

Loner, loser, that’s all I’ve ever been

Bastard, misfit, delusional sinner

Take your pick, throw your worst

I guarantee my walls won’t thin

Mesmerized. Enthralled. Love. Everything I felt and more as Josh sang the song that he’d written about one of the many nicknames I’d given him. As the song came to an end, he raised his head and our eyes met. “I love you, Reagan.” How could I not storm the stage, take his face in my hands, and kiss him with every ounce of the love he filled me with? The crowd erupted in wolf whistles and catcalls, and we broke apart smiling like two fools in love.

“I love you, too, Josh.” Red-faced and happier than I thought possible, I took my place behind the bar while they continued through their playlist.

“Holy shit, Reagan.” You’d have thought the song was for Daniel as excited as he was. “You have a song written for you. That’s major.”

How did you compete with a gift from the heart such as that? The only way you could, by giving your partner the best life you could, one filled with years of love and happiness. But still, a song? I had a song for me, how freaking awesome was that?

Afterward, both bands sat at the tables they’d placed in the lobby and signed autographs and posed for pictures with those who couldn’t get in but remained in line hoping for a glimpse of the men they idolized. That spoke a lot to the guys from Social Sinners’ character. No wonder they had such a huge following, and having Chaotic do the same would set their path for success. Fantastic music and kind hearts. Amazing how many times those two things didn’t coincide, yet these guys had it all and then some.

Easton came in a while later, followed by his personal guard whom I’d been introduced to earlier. “Reagan, thank you again for doing this. The show was a success, and it was great for the fans to see Josh with Joey and Stoli playing on stage together.”

“It was a fantastic night.” We’d agreed over the phone when Easton and I set this up that it would be a free show. Stoli insisted he wouldn’t take any pay for it. “How do the guys feel about it? Think it went all right?”

“Stoli is our excitable child and he’s very excited. I loved the new songs and look forward to Chaotic’s CD launch. The true test will be while Chaotic and Embrace hit the west coast together the first part of next year. Usually, the bands release one track from an upcoming CD ahead of time but with Chaotic they’re going to play a mix of old and new at their upcoming concerts before we release. It’ll be a great way to push preorders. Will you be joining Josh on tour?”

“I wasn’t aware that was an option and as much as I wish I could, I’ve got too much on my plate here. But I’d like to be at the local shows if possible?” Would be great to have the bar and our home renovations done before he got back. Like a surprise to come home to.

“I’ll make it happen. Well, thank you again. Diamond and I are off. We’ll have you and Josh over for dinner soon.” A stunned wave was all I mustered. Josh thought his life changed a lot, guess mine had, too. Dinner with two of the biggest people in Josh’s world, one of which did nothing but glare at him. Life would never be boring again.

With the bar shut down, I went out to the lobby to check on them and found Josh dozing off in one of the plush lobby chairs. All signs that the bands had been here were gone, everything put away and cleaned up. “Hey, sleepyhead. Ready to go home?”

His eyes opened as he jumped. “Oh shit, I’m sorry.”

“No worries. You haven’t slept much this week.” Thankfully he’d been so overtired with the long hours he’d put in he’d crashed hard into dreamless sleeps once he actually got home. A couple hours later he was back up and off to practice. I was thankful that Stoli and Joey got Easton involved when Josh mentioned a low-key therapist. As far as I knew, Josh had two sessions with her thus far, but his schedule wasn’t his own right now and I understood why. He said she gave him her number and he could call anytime but that if she didn’t answer to please understand it meant she was with another patient and promised to call him back. As far as I knew, he hadn’t called her outside of their sessions, but she’d given him a bit of homework.

“Is everything all right?” Josh asked after wed silently gotten ready for bed. I didnt think anything of it, my mind was running a million miles a minute, focused on the huge list of tasks I had.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I just approved the plans for the bar renovation and the contractor doing it is the one that Stoli recommended who also does residential work. So, I wondered if there was anything in particular, any wish list items you had for our bedroom suite remodel. I dont want to overwhelm you because I know youve got a lot going on, but I was kind of thinking we could get it done after he finishes the bar and Mom’s place. If thats okay with you?”

“Oh? I mean, it’s your house. What do you need from me? I can help move stuff while I’m here. I think we have a little over a week before we head out to Arizona.”

“Josh, this is the last time we’re having this conversation.” I wasn’t mad, just frustrated. I understood his insecurities but damn. “This is our house. Not my house. Our house and we’re making it a home. Our home. Now, is there anything specific you’d like me to add to our master suite? Any colors you like? Anything?”

He blinked. Blinked again. Mouth opened, but nothing came out. Swallowed, and blinked again. “Um, a bigger closet?”

“Done.”

“A bathtub for two.”

“Done and done.”

“Any color, I’m not picky as long as you’re in the bed beside me. Speaking of that, can we get a king-sized one?”

“Absolutely. They’re doing Mom’s tiny house first so we can get her moved in. Well, provided the city approves the plan in time. It was submitted with the bar plans already.” The contractor wasn’t concerned, though we all know dealing with any city was never a quick or easy process.

“I feel bad leaving you here to handle it all. You have enough on your plate.” Josh’s words held that all too familiar, I’m a problem, why would anyone want me tone.

“Josh, don’t go there. Our lives are busy and there may be times you’re off when I’m not, so you will have to take care of whatever’s going on for us. That’s how this works.” Anger wasn’t what I wanted to convey, especially when I wasn’t and Josh deserved better than that. But how many times and in how many ways did I have to explain this before he got it?

“Shit.” Josh sat on the bed and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. I really suck at this.”

“You don’t suck. We are learning together. I’m not mad, don’t think for a second that I am. I just don’t want to make major decisions such as this one without consulting you first. These are things in life we both provide input for. The bar, that’s me. Your music and equipment, that’s you. Our home, vacations, major purchases, those we do together.” Parameters. How did I keep forgetting that? Hopefully I just gave Josh that. “And by the way, congrats on a fantastic night. That song, “Lone Wolf,” man, you had me in tears and the deep timbre of your voice is sexy as hell.”

“Really?”

“Really. The rest of the songs were great, too, but that one was my favorite.” Struck me right in the heart and held there. “Easton asked if I was going out on the road with you guys.”

“Holy crap. That’s cool. I know the other guys’ partners go. They work for Masterson, though, but Stoli and Joey asked me the same thing.” His mood brightened and I hated that I was about to bring it back down.

“Babe, I wish I could but between the bar and the renovations, I won’t be able to.” Maybe someday. “But I told him I’d like to go to the Seattle shows and he said he’d make it happen.”

“Okay. Cool. It’ll suck to be without you. I’ve kind of gotten used to sleeping beside you and you know how to handle my, um, issues.” Nightmares he left unsaid, as though saying the word aloud would trigger them. And who knew, maybe it did.

“You said it happened on the bus at Rocktoberfest?” Josh was really upset about that, and I understood why, but for the most part it was out of his control. “Have any of the exercises the doctor gave you helped?”

“I haven’t really tried. These last couple of weeks I’ve been so mentally exhausted that my brain completely shut down when I crashed. Kinda wished it would stay that way.” I wanted the same for him. Maybe playing for long hours would help while they toured the southwest.

“Well, maybe now that this show is behind you, you’ll be able to do them.” Josh’s mental and physical health was not something I’d bend on. He called himself a work in progress but what he didn’t realize was that we all were. Just some challenges ran deeper than others.

“I have an appointment with her tomorrow afternoon.”

That was news to me. “Good to know. If she requests a session with both of us or just with me, let me know and I’ll be there.”

“Thank you.”

“Come on, let’s shower.”

“Ohh,” Josh popped up off the bed, “can I add to the request list a shower built for two?”

“Already on it, my love.”