11. Chapter Eleven

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Diamond, Stoli, Shadow, and Joey—four of the five main guys I wanted to avoid popped up around every freaking corner I turned. I’d just narrowly avoided running face first into them when I met with another blast from the past I wished to avoid.

Maiden fans.

“Hey, man, I know you.” This kid whom I’d never met before raised a fist to bump mine. “You gonna play ‘Her Embrace?’”

What the fuck was up with everyone asking me to play that fucking song? “Nah, man, I don’t play that anymore.” For years I’d forced myself to do so nightly for me and me alone as a form of punishment. When I finally accepted that failed part of my life wasn’t all my fault was when I allowed myself to stop.

“Bummer,” he sighed.

“Come out on Sunday and you can watch me play songs that belong to my new band, Chaotic Abyss.” Time to man up and promote us. With a nod, he walked off. I should’ve been the one on tour in Europe with Maiden when Ryder got hurt, filling in for him. But no, I’d already blown my chance and Stoli stepped in to cover. I knew those two were fucking for years before they told anyone. Thinking back, that was the second serious blow Joey took when he found out. Probably was harder on him than Lucas and me fucking was.

My bandmates and I had split up to watch different bands play across the smaller stages, which in hindsight might not have been the best idea. While I’d seen a couple of great performances, my anxiety was off the chart and I just wanted to get back to the bus and yes, hide. Which is exactly what I did.

“Too hot for ya?” The guys walked in a couple hours later drenched in sweat. “We got to mosh with the GP.” General Public. Marley was a big fan of acronyms. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and a towel from the cupboard and chugged it down as he wiped the sweat off.

“Nah, I saw a couple play and that was good enough.” Tonight, I knew I’d sneak around and watch some of the bigger bands, but they didn’t need to know I’d become a lame ass chicken shit who ran from his past. Watching Masterson’s latest pet project, Embrace the Fear, was on my list and they played later today. Might as well see what Chaotic was potentially up against.

The rest of the night went off without incident. Embrace had a huge following and even though I wasn’t familiar with their songs, I still got rowdy with the crowd. I was so amped up for our show on Sunday that deep sleep never came. Both a blessing and a curse, but no more nightmares in front of my bandmates were more than worth being tired the next day. Masterson was one of the best management companies you could get in with, but they took no shit from the talent. You fucked up and your ass was out.

No surprise, I was up with the roosters pacing our mobile confines. I’d either totally fuck things up for my band today or rock the shit so hard Sal wouldn’t dare walk away from us. Confrontation with Social and Maiden was inevitable, but it was time for my testicles to descend and for me to man the fuck up and face this shitstorm head on.

Jason, Marley, Nigel, and I had that nervous excitement coursing through us. Pacing, humming, Nigel ran around spinning his sticks between his fingers. When Deuce announced, “Head ‘em up, move ‘em out. It’s showtime, boys,” we huddled up one last time.

“Guys, best feet forward and let’s rock the fucking shit out of Rocktoberfest so they have to invite us back.” Jason was our frontman for a reason. Fair, energetic, and an all-around great guy I was proud to call a friend.

“Hey, um…” I paused. “I just wanted to thank you guys for taking a chance on me. I won’t let you down.” They patted my shoulder as they passed me on their way off the bus. No words were said. Now it was make it or break it time for all of us.

“You good?” Deuce asked when we were the last two on the bus.

“Well, about as good as I will be. I’ve worked my entire life for this.”

“All right, Rockstar, let’s see what you’ve got.”

As we neared the stairs to the stage, the familiar sea of bodies lining it only spelled trouble for me.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Stoli said so loud every set of eyes followed his line of sight, including my band brothers. And in typical Josh fashion, I went into protective smartass mode and blew Stoli a kiss.

“What are you doing playing with a has been like Josh Gray?” Ryder asked Jason. His husband, Max, was glued to his side, ready for whatever was about to go down. Little did they know, I wasn’t here to fight. At least not physically. My fight would be left onstage where I’d prove my worth.

“Now, now, gentlemen, there’s no need for such hostility.” Filter? Filter? Looks like I left it at home. I didn’t know what it was about these guys that made me act this way, but it was like I couldn’t help myself.

Jason backed up, hands in the air as Shadow pushed his way through. Shadow was fucking pissed. One punch from him and I’d likely never be the same. “I’m gonna break both his hands so he never plays again. End of story.” The guards nearly knocked everyone down to get between us.

“Stand down!” a huge ass guard said. That dude was a behemoth and was clearly in charge given the fact no one challenged him. Hell, I’d bow and lick his fucking boots if he told me to.

And there he was, the man of the hour. Lucas. “Daddy’s little lackey came to play. I see you’ve fucked your way through more bands.”

Shadow growled and tried to sidestep the guards, but Lucas put his hand on his chest, and he stopped. “No worries, I’ve got this,” Lucas was through the throng of bodies before anyone could stop him. Before my dumbass could say anything else, he clocked me with a right to the chin and I stumbled back. My boot caught on a roll of cable and down I went.

Fucking humiliating.

“Right on, babe.” Shadow picked him up and kissed him. “Let’s go ice your hand.”

“Great, now Masterson will never sign us,” Nigel was pissed. “Remind me again why we hired that asshole?” Well, there went the progress I thought we’d made.

“What did you say?” Joey asked Nigel at the same time Diamond screamed, “Easton!” and stormed off in search of his husband who’d just hopped a ride on a golf cart with one of their personal bodyguards. Every member of Maiden, Social, and Embrace followed them.

“Here,” Marley helped me up. “Let’s get up on stage and salvage our short career in the music industry.”

Fuck. My. Life.

“You all right to play?” Jason asked as I brushed off my pants.

“Yeah.”

When we got up on stage, the massive sea of fans in front of it was insane. “Good morning, or is it afternoon, Nevada!” Jason hollered into the mic, rousing them. “We are Chaotic Abyss from Seattle, and we are here to kick. Your. Sunday. Off!” That got them even more riled up and kept them busy while the rest of us got hooked up.

When I struck that first chord it was like…wow. All my hopes and dreams were finally within reach. I played without error, felt every note rip through me and headbanged along with the crowd.

Fucking amazing.

Our forty minutes of fame went far too fast and now it was time to face the firing squad, only as we walked off stage it seemed my band mates weren’t the only ones I’d have to contend with. So much for celebrating a kick ass show, thank fuck that at least went well. I even managed to enthrall the crowd with my mad eye contact skills I’d honed. Now, it was all coming to an end.

“Come with us.” The same man who broke up the fight before the show along with another guard and Deuce were there.

“Who’s taking care of our gear?” Nigel asked.

“Masterson road team has it under control.” Thank fuck Deuce knew what was going on because I was lost. We followed the guards back to a huge blacked-out rig.

“Fuck me.” It was filled with every member of Maiden, Social, and Embrace, plus Easton and another dude.

“They’re here, Dad,” Easton said into the phone. “I’ll put you on speaker.”

“Great show today, Chaotic, though I understand there was a bit of a scuffle beforehand?” Lucas and I made eye contact but neither said a word.

“Lucas handled it,” Shadow growled.

“The guards have already debriefed me. Look, I’m gonna be straight with you guys. I want to sign Chaotic as a Masterson band.” All hell broke loose. Eight grown men talked over one another. Diamond was pissed. Easton was pissed and the only thing that stopped the madness was an ear-piercing whistle that rolled through the bus.

“Enough!” Sal shouted. “You are grown ass men. What’s done is done. Josh is a talented guitarist, and his skills are going to waste since it rolled through every god damned band in the industry what had happened. That was years ago and it’s time for this ridiculous shit to end.”

“Can I please say something?” Wow, that silenced the crowd. “Look, I’m sorry for what happened. I was young and cocky, and Lucas was willing.” Shadow stood so fast two guards blocked him. “Down, big guy, this isn’t going where you think it is. How is it that you’ve all forgiven Lucas but I can’t receive the same? You don’t think losing every fucking thing in my life was punishment enough? When does the past get to stay in the past and I’m freed from the shackles that kept me there?”

Stoli moved in front of me, arms crossed, jaw firmly set. “What you did was unforgiveable. You sent Joey into a negative, destructive spiral and I nearly lost him.”

“I can’t take the blame for all of that. There was more than one party involved in that and I do own up to my portion. Fuck, man, I can’t apologize enough. Not to you, not to Joey, not to Karma, but I promise I’ve more than paid my dues.”

“Honestly,” Joey moved beside Stoli. “I don’t have a problem with Josh. He’s right, it was a long time ago and it opened my eyes to the man I was meant to be with. No offense, Lucas.”

“None taken, and you’re right.” Lucas adjusted the ice pack on his hand and winced. Little shit deserved that pain. How did he end up the token angelic one?

“Why are you so upset, Stoli?” Joey asked him.

“A better question is why aren’t you?” Stoli was not about to let this go.

“Again, that was a long time ago and yeah, at the time it sucked. But Lucas and I had run our course. Josh didn’t put those drinks in my hand or that pile of coke up my nose. Let it go, Stoli. Sal is right, Josh is a talented guitarist, and he deserves a chance.” Joey was the last person I expected to be in my corner, yet there he was.

“Fuck it. All right, if Joey’s good, I’m good.” Stoli relented, though I knew he’d watch me like a hawk.

“Glad to hear that, son.” I’d forgotten Sal was still on the line. “I’d like you to mentor Chaotic Abyss, Josh specifically. Take the band under your wing and show them the ropes.”

“Fuck,” Stoli muttered. “Should have kept my mouth shut.”

“I’ll help, too, Stoli.” Joey had grown up a lot since I last saw him and definitely held the role of his group’s mediator.

“Dad,” Easton cut in.

“Trust me, son. If we can keep Josh’s dick under control, Chaotic will be a perfect addition to our brand and a great way for Jeremiah to dip his feet into the management pool.”

I had no clue who Jeremiah was until he squeaked. His eyes nearly bulged out of his skull. “Um, Sal?”

“Jeremiah, I have the utmost faith in you and will set up dual headlining shows with Chaotic and Embrace. Easton and Diamond have their hands full with other projects. I need you to step up to the plate.”

“Look, I know I’m not everyone’s favorite person.” Collectively the group groaned. “And I’m sure Shadow would kill me if given the chance, but I can promise you things have changed. I don’t fuck around. I have a special person in my life that I’m deeply committed to. Please don’t hold my past digressions against Jason, Marley, and Nigel. These guys deserve this chance. Hell, I deserve it and you have my word I will not fuck up.”

“Your word was shit before,” Ryder said as he now entered my personal space.

“My word was never asked for nor taken into consideration. My place was behind the scenes with my mouth shut and you in the limelight.” I knew why they hired me, cheap, grunt labor. They just lucked out I could play guitar as well as I did. Two for the price of one and at a bargain deal because I didn’t make shit. But my room, board, and travel were covered, and it kept me off the streets.

“Too bad that didn’t include keeping your dick in your pants,” Shadow added his two cents.

“Look,” Lucas stepped in front of him. “Josh isn’t my favorite person either, but we were both used and discarded by dear old dad. If you can give me a second chance, how can you not do the same for him?”

Blink. Blink.Um, did I enter an alternate universe?

“Have we reached an accord?” Sal asked.

“We have,” Easton replied for the group.

“Excellent. Jason, I’ll be in touch. Jeremiah and I will put together a schedule for Chaotic. I’ll expect all four of you along with Stoli, Joey, and Jeremiah in my office Wednesday morning at ten a.m. Mickey, if you’d like to help out, you’re invited, too. I’ll have the contracts ready for everyone to sign.” On that note, Sal hung up.

“Well, welcome to the Masterson Family,” Easton told us. “We’ll be in touch.”

Class dismissed. I couldn’t get the fuck out of there fast enough.

As soon as we were far enough away from their bus Jason, Marley, and Nigel tackled me. “You did it. You crazy bastard, you fucking did it.” Jason’s cheers and laughter rang out and I’d never been happier in my entire fucking life.

“Dude, I’m so fucking proud of you.” Nigel’s words stole my breath. “You owned your shit and stood your ground even though every fucking one of those guys wanted to beat you down.”

“I had to. It was the right thing to do. You guys deserve that contract.”

“We,” Jason squeezed my shoulder, “my friend. We deserve that contract.” Tears threatened but I refused to let them fall. Not the right place or time. Alone later or while celebrating with Reagan, then I’d allow it.

“Come on, man,” Nigel slung his arm around my shoulder. “Let’s take a walk.”

“Nothing good has ever come from that line being said.”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Nah, man, we’re in search of celebratory alcohol. Rumor has it we can score a couple of bottles from the dining tent.”

And that was how I woke the next morning stark ass naked and praying to the plastic god. Who knew toilets on buses weren’t porcelain?