Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

K age

Panic attacks.

That's what the so-called experts called them. Hell, even Dr. Daniels had mentioned them to me after I'd been tossed in solitary confinement the first time I'd nearly beaten a man to death after arriving at prison.

What I'd experienced was nothing like what I'd witnessed happening to Noel. I'd used my anger to keep the demons at least locked down until I'd needed them, using the energy and the hatred of almost all things breathing to fight my way through the years of incarceration. Sure, I could admit even to the fucking parole board that I'd deserved some form of punishment, even if it wasn't for the reason the bastard cops had pegged me for.

Yet I'd killed my share of assholes threatening my new way of life. Every kill, every bullet put in a son of a bitch's forehead had been about killing the people who'd destroyed my life.

Over and over again.

But the prison this woman had been forced into was one she deserved in no way, shape, or form. She was one of the innocent creatures who deserved only the best things in life, shit I couldn't give her. Just standing like a statue in the center of the kitchen of a man it turned out I barely knew told me that. I was nothing but a shell.

I was thankful I'd already had some tools in my truck, useful instruments I learned to keep with me. I'd found a few tools belonging to my grandfather in a locked shed, but right now all I needed was a pry bar to get off the haphazardly secured boards on the windows. The moment I'd gotten a better look at the exterior, I'd realized the cabin would need some work. It would be a shame to let the beautiful place fall into any additional disrepair.

After tossing another board, I grabbed a bottle of water, chugging down half. It was cold as a witch's tit outside, but I was sweating like a pig, likely more from the continual rush of adrenaline than what little exertion I was engaged in. Max was dutifully watching me, which wasn't what I wanted but as I peered down at the special boy, I felt that same pang from the night before and weeks before that.

I'd been so proud when he'd graduated with his little medal and diploma but that had been quickly replaced with another wave of loneliness.

I hunkered down, pouring water into my cupped hand, which he lapped greedily. His tail constantly wagged, which was amazing given how he'd been in the beginning.

The intense sun was suddenly blocked and I almost reached for the weapon I had shoved into the waistband of my jeans. It was habit and a necessity. I could swear by the look on her face she knew what I'd almost done. She was pensive, uncertain, and standing a solid six feet away.

Max realized she was there, trotting off to nuzzle her leg.

"He really likes you," she said as she started to walk closer.

"He's a good boy but he belongs to you."

"Now, he does. I'm curious about something. Did you ever hear about a program where prisoners incarcerated in a penitentiary train dogs for use as support animals?"

The comment was so out of the blue that I was caught off guard to the point of not knowing what to say. "Is that where you got him from?"

"I did." She walked closer, finally forced to shield her eyes from the sun.

I should hate myself for gawking at her, lusting after her but seeing her dressed in a flannel shirt that didn't belong to me, boots that I doubted belonged to her, and a jacket that I had a feeling was owned previously by my grandfather was the sexiest thing I'd seen in a long time.

Noel was suddenly self-conscious, glancing down at her attire. "I hope you don't mind. I had no clue what to bring with me. I wasn't given much time nor was I told we'd be in the middle of a snowy world."

"I don't think my gramps would care now that he's dead. Looks better on you."

After closing the distance, she stared into my eyes. "The program and the trainer must have been amazing. I heard what Max suffered at the hands of some fucking assholes. Beaten. Burned. Left for dead. I can't imagine how horrible the little boy felt. So alone. So unloved. I was told he was scheduled to be euthanized because he'd turned aggressive against anyone trying to handle him. Someone believed in him and found him the perfect handler, someone who was allowed to give him the nurturing love he deserved, pulling the poor creature from the depths of darkness, the kind that consumes your soul."

She was watching as Max was romping near the tree line. Her tone was different, not accusatory but as if she knew a secret.

"See, humans supposedly have enough spirit left in them to fight the evils of mankind. Animals don't get it. They are truly innocent creatures in a sea of vipers."

"It sounds like you know that well from experience."

She exhaled, finally returning her gaze in my direction. "You don't know me and from what I can tell, you don't want to know any more than what you were forced to endure. So, if I'm stuck here for the long term, then show me how I can help so we can make the place feel less like a prison. I'm sure you'd like that too. Come on, Max. Let's get you inside out of the snow. We'll play later."

I watched as she escorted him to the front door and a moment of possessiveness drifted into the back of my mind.

As well as the thick bulge I wore between my legs.

Goddamn it.

We were now in forced close proximity, the conviction I'd determined to keep thrown to shit.

I wanted this woman.

A twisted part of me, the scarred man turned into a monster needed her. If I had any decency at all, I'd drive her somewhere far away, ensuring her protection then leaving.

But no part of decency was left inside of me.

Fuck me. I would have her.

And I doubted I could ever let her go.

Hate.

The woman was determined to hate me. Hell, I couldn't blame her after the shit I'd put her through. We worked side by side for a solid three hours on the exterior of the house, pulling every board, ensuring there were no loose nails. She'd even helped me install a couple of deck boards I'd found in the shed, replacing the rotten ones.

And the entire time she'd remained silent.

Then again, so had I.

She'd told me she wasn't hungry, returning inside where she'd even slammed the door. I'd checked out some of the perimeter, checking the cameras my grandfather had installed. From what little time I'd had, they seemed to be working. The equipment inside was being cranky, but I'd figured it out. I just needed time.

Now as the afternoon sun began its afternoon descent, she was inside cleaning while I was out splitting wood from a couple of larger fallen limbs. At least they weren't as rotten as the majority of the precut pieces.

Hell, the woman had fortitude, even helping me drag the huge pieces closer to the property. By the time we'd finished, she'd been a beautiful mess and it had taken all I had not to kiss her.

What was I saying? I'd done what I could not to rip off her clothes in the middle of the frigid temperatures.

I had to make a better plan than hiding out here. I needed to find out which of the men I'd once considered loyal were still around, and which still held the honor of the blood oath we'd all been forced to take when joining the organization.

Saldono was a man focused on legacies and heritage, assuming the role both his father and grandfather had inherited. He'd groomed Antonio for the job as well. That meant the old ways and ancient culture had remained. Including his complete brutality with his men. That had swallowed some of the early days of respect, especially since most of the poor fucks didn't get paid shit.

It was a clear case of the rich got richer, the poor got poorer. Saldono was a greedy son of a bitch.

How to go about finding the men who served under my notorious team without drawing red flags. At least if I got the varied electronic equipment and the internet fully operational, I could potentially fly in under the radar seeking information. My grandfather was that cunning.

I swung the axe I'd found, chunks of wood flying. I had to sharpen the damn thing soon. After placing another oversized piece onto the block, I brought the instrument down again with more force than before. Splintered pieces of wood scattered in every direction.

"What did that wood ever do to you?"

Her voice was laced with either rebellion or hate, possibly both. I rolled my arm across my forehead to keep the sweat from beading into my eyes.

"The blade isn't sharp enough."

"Right. I'm sure that's all it is."

I heard the crunch of the snow indicating she was walking closer. For some reason, every muscle in my body tensed.

"Yeah, it is," I said gruffly, finally tossing the axe onto the ground. At least there was enough wood for a couple of days if not more. I'd split more in the morning. I had to admit I was exhausted.

"I brought you something to drink."

"Thanks."

The awkwardness was difficult.

When she handed me a sports drink of some kind, our fingers touched and almost immediately her eyes opened wide. As soon as I had a grasp on the bottle, she jerked her hand away, shaking her head as she looked off to the side. "I think I found some stuff to put a decent meal together. If you want to have dinner with me, that is."

"Yeah, that'll be fine."

"Great. See ya."

"Are you okay?" I asked, genuinely hoping she was feeling better.

"Sure. Peachy keen." She was turned away from me but had stopped, her back heaving and I sure as shit didn't think it had to do with the cold. Quite the opposite.

"Okay." I took a swig of the drink and did what I could to drag my mind from the gutter.

"No. Nothing is okay." She spun around quickly, coming to confront me, even getting in my face. "Who the hell are you and don't give me some song and dance about you being a bad guy. Yeah, I've figured that out on my own. Because of you, my guess is my place is torn up, which leaves me with no home or at least none I want to return to. You tell me these men want to kill me, which was proven by the fact we were chased like animals. You kidnap me, bring me to this godforsaken place in the middle of nowhere where there's no internet. I did try. And there's barely any food. Thank God for alcohol because at this point, I need a drink."

If she thought her tirade was going to pull some admittance out of me, she was dead wrong.

"Why else wouldn't I be a little on the not so okay side? Maybe because I found your bag of weapons, enough to start a war, or the fact I know you were the man who trained my dog. I feel it right here." She pounded on her chest, her eyes darting back and forth across mine.

"What do you want me to say, Noel? I already told you I was involved with a bad group of men."

"Bad? You keep using bad. Why not dangerous or murderous? Why don't you at least tell me the truth about Max? If I'm right, it means you were in a prison where most of the offenders are pretty damn violent, some never being granted parole. That would make you a killer. Right?"

Goddamn it. She wasn't going to allow this to go. "Drop it. Don't ask shit you don't want the answer to."

"Damn you. I do want the answers. You don't know what my life has been like. You have no clue the torture I had to endure so this shit, although yeah, it caused me a panic attack, is nothing in comparison to the fucking monster who…"

She stopped short, sucking in her breath. I thought for certain another attack was going to occur. "Who what?" I stepped closer, capping the bottle and tossing it onto the ground. "What, Noel? Are you talking about the bastard who kidnapped and kept you in a fucked-up dungeon, doing unspeakable things to you and somehow you escaped?"

Fuck me. I shouldn't have thrown it in her face. The moment her brain comprehended what I'd said, she was suddenly way too calm. But it was just the calm before the storm. She took a hard swing with her fist, which I caught, shocked how strong she was. I cocked my head, giving her a stern look.

"You fucking bastard. You looked me up. Is that why you found me in the grocery store? Huh? Is that what your crazed level of passion was about or the fact you were nice to me with my car? Or maybe you just wanted to see the freak who'd managed to survive. For all I know you made it inoperable on purpose so you could take me home and…" She jerked her arm away and I allowed her.

"That's not what happened," I told her. I'd never felt so much like a shit in my life, but I was even more attracted to her than before, my hunger bursting out of control.

"Then tell me. What did happen? Tell me."

Maybe a small part of me didn't want to burst the bubble that we had around ourselves, so I kept silent.

"Fucking asshole. I'm getting the hell out of here."

I had no clue what she had intended and simply stood watching her as she stormed back into the house. Maybe the best thing to do was to let her cool off. When nothing happened in five minutes, I grabbed a load of wood, prepared to bring it into the house. Suddenly, she appeared with a bag in her hand, guiding Max to the truck. She threw open the passenger door and she tossed the bag first then ushered him inside.

What the fuck did she think she was doing?

She managed to climb inside the cab and start the engine before I could dump the wood from my arms. Where I was located was far enough away from the house in deeper snow that running toward her was tough even for a big man like me.

I did my best, racing after her. Somehow, she managed to back up, although she immediately spun dirty snow everywhere with the tires. Fuck. She was serious about this.

It had been a long time since I'd been a runner and my muscle mass was much larger but I couldn't allow her to leave. Not only would she likely kill herself going down the mountain but if she didn't skid off a cliff, she would be killed within twenty-four hours.

What the hell did I need to do to get through to the woman?

I started sprinting, running parallel in the line of trees where it seemed I had a little bit more traction. She was doing everything in her power to try to outrun me, now slipping and sliding from her erratic driving. The woman had a goddamn death wish.

When I pulled her out of that truck, and I would, I would teach her that following the rules was in her best interest. She had no idea what could happen. None.

And I refused to let her kill herself or worse.

I pushed harder, finally getting in front. When I rushed out in front of the truck, waving my arms to ensure she'd see me, everything happened so fast it was like a blur. But I had seen the look of completely different fear the second she'd realized she was about to run into me.

She slammed on the brakes, which was the worst thing she could have done, the back end fishtailing, the vehicle skidding sideways, almost hitting me before it headed straight for a tree.

By the grace of some god, she didn't smash the truck into the massive oak, destroying our only way out of here or getting both herself and Max injured.

Once the truck was settled, I took a gasping breath then ran to the driver's door, throwing it open. As I pulled her out, I realized I was angrier than I'd been in a long time.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You could have gotten yourself killed."

"Yeah?" she yelled. "What do you care?" Even after that, the woman had more strength left in her than I obviously did, slamming her palms into my chest.

She managed to drop me on my ass then called Max, both of them running off into the woods together.

I was getting way too old for this shit.