Chapter Two

Keylon was sick of waiting. He and the others were waiting to find out what had happened to Sol. They were waiting for Carlyle to do something. Keylon was waiting for Winter to try to talk to him and tell him he wanted to break their bond.

Waiting made him want to scream.

Maybe it was time to stop waiting and do something. He couldn’t find Sol, and he had no idea what Carlyle was up to, but he knew where to find Winter. Winter wouldn’t be happy to see him, and he’d probably try to avoid talking to him, but Keylon was done. He wanted to know what would happen, and he wanted to know it now. He was done torturing himself, wondering what Winter was thinking and what he wanted. If they were going to break their bond, he wanted to do it as soon as possible. It was probably a bad idea to do it before they fought Carlyle, but Keylon wasn’t going to torture himself.

He hadn’t been able to focus on his work, anyway, so he pushed away the book he’d been trying to read and got up from his desk. He didn’t give himself time to rethink what he was about to do. He left his office, telling himself to be strong as he went to look for Winter.

The castle was large. Usually the mages could be found in their offices, but things had changed since the dragons had started to move in. Now, Keylon had no idea where to find anyone. Normally he would call Winter, but he didn’t have his phone number, and he doubted Winter would give it to him if he asked. That meant he had to walk around the castle, hoping Winter wasn’t hiding in his bedroom or in Samuel’s.

He told himself not to think about that. He was pretty sure that Winter and Samuel weren’t together, but he suspected it wasn’t because Winter didn’t want it. Keylon understood it wasn’t fair to resent Winter or Samuel for this, but he couldn’t help it. No matter how many times he told himself that Winter wasn’t Alvin, he looked like him. In a way, he was him. Keylon would recognize him in the dark just by touching him because he knew Alvin’s body so well. That hadn’t changed. Only the inside of Alvin had, including his feelings for Keylon.

And his feelings for Samuel.

Since many of the dragons seemed to spend a lot of time in the kitchen with Jillian, Keylon decided to head that way, but he was relieved when he turned a corner and found Winter staring down at his phone. Winter didn’t hear Keylon right away, and while Keylon was tempted to pause and look at him, he shook off that feeling and made a beeline for him. “I need to talk to you,” he announced.

Winter screeched, clearly startled by Keylon’s appearance.

Keylon shouldn’t find it funny or adorable. Winter had never been as large as some of the other dragons, but he was still a big man, and that screech had been out of place.

Winter put his phone into his pocket and scowled. “What?”

“I said that I need to talk to you.”

“I heard you the first time. What do you want?”

It hurt to hear Winter talk to him like that, but Keylon reminded himself once again that this wasn’t Alvin. Alvin would never have been rude to him. He would never have dismissed him.

But this wasn’t Alvin.

“We need to talk about our bond.”

Winter shook his head. “We don’t need to do anything. I don’t have time for this.”

Keylon snorted. “You don’t have time to talk about our bond?”

“No, and I don’t see a reason for us to talk about it. I need to go.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve been avoiding me since you arrived here. This problem isn’t going to solve itself. It’s not going to disappear because you run away from me.”

“I’m not running away from you. I have things to do.”

“Like what? You’re here as my shield, which means your job is to protect me. Are you protecting me right now? Because if you are, I don’t know what from.” Keylon looked around. “Is there something hiding in the walls?”

They both knew that wasn’t possible, since the walls were stone. Keylon hated that his first reaction to Winter was to be snarky. When Winter snapped at him, he found himself snapping back because it hurt.

Winter had the power to hurt Keylon like no one else did. Keylon found it easier to attack rather than wait for the knife to come at him.

“Fuck off,” Winter said as he turned.

Keylon grabbed his arm, but Winter shook him off and stormed away.

Keylon was tempted to go after him, but he didn’t think his heart could take it. “You’re running away again,” he called after Winter. “Typical of the man you are now.”

That didn’t stop Winter. He turned the same corner from which Keylon had arrived while Keylon leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, wondering when things had become so complicated.

He knew when. It was when Carlyle had cast his spell and taken the dragons away. If he hadn’t, Keylon would still have Alvin. He would never have lost him.

If Keylon ever got his hands on Carlyle, he would strangle him.

“I know it’s not my place, but I’m sorry for what he said.”

Keylon opened his eyes. He hadn’t realized Samuel was there, but he’d probably heard everything. Samuel had no fault in this, but it was impossible for Keylon not to feel like he did. He could tell how important Samuel was to Winter, and he hated Samuel for that. He hated him for the years he and Winter had spent together when Winter should have been with Keylon.

Keylon shook his head. “You’re right. It’s not your place.”

He turned and walked away. He heard Samuel call for him, but just like he’d accused Winter of doing, he was running away.

No one would blame him. Why would he want to talk to his shield’s new mage? It was hard enough to know that he’d have to break his bond with Winter and watch Winter and Samuel bond. How could he accept that?

How could he survive it?

* * * *

Winter wasn’t sure where he was going, but he didn’t want to be in the same hallway as Keylon. Actually, if he had things his way, he wouldn’t be in the same castle as him.

The thought of talking to Keylon made Winter feel panicky. He wasn’t sure why. He already knew what he wanted and didn’t want, and it should be easy to explain to Keylon that the two of them weren’t suited as a shield and mage.

Winter wasn’t the man he’d been before. Part of him was afraid to find out how close he and Keylon had been. Winter didn’t want to hurt Keylon, even though it was what he found himself doing every time they were in the same room. He didn’t know Keylon, and he resented the fact that they were mage and shield, but none of this was Keylon’s fault.

Why did Winter snap at him every time he saw him, then?

“Winter! Wait up!”

The only reason Winter stopped running away was that he recognized the voice behind him as Samuel’s. He paused and turned, watching as his friend rushed to reach him. He was smiling when Samuel stopped in front of him, but that smile didn’t last long.

Samuel punched Winter in the shoulder. Winter yelped and rubbed the spot, glaring at his friend. “What did you do that for?”

“Do you really need to ask? You were an asshole to Keylon.”

Winter swallowed. He hadn’t realized Samuel had heard them. He hadn’t even known Samuel was there. “I didn’t want to talk to him.”

Samuel still didn’t look happy. “Well, you’re going to have to. Like it or not, you and Keylon are dragon and mage. You’re bonded, and you need to honor that bond. You shared a past, even though you don’t remember it. Keylon doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you’re treating him. He had nothing to do with what happened to you, and it’s not fair to treat him like it was his fault.” Samuel’s expression softened. “I think you were fully bonded to him.”

The thought almost made Winter run. “I don’t think so. I can’t see myself bonding like that with anyone.” Anyone but Samuel, but Winter couldn’t tell him that.

Samuel didn’t want a shield, and he didn’t know that Winter was in love with him. Winter didn’t want to ruin their friendship, which was why he’d always kept it a secret. It felt even more important now that Keylon was in the picture.

“You might not be able to see yourself bonding like that with anyone, but you’re not Alvin. You might share the same face, but he was a very different kind of man.” Samuel arched a brow. “For one, I don’t think he would’ve run away from his shield the way you did. What’s happening, Winter? You’ve never been a coward. You’ve never run away from problems.”

Winter raked a hand through his hair. “My problems have never been like this. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my life to change or to give you up.”

Samuel blinked. “Give me up? Why would you think you had to do that? I don’t think Keylon would demand you stop being my friend because you’re his shield.”

Winter shook his head. Samuel didn’t understand. He couldn’t, and Winter wasn’t about to explain. His feelings for Samuel were staying where they could do no damage.

Deep in Winter’s heart.

Samuel sighed. “Give him a chance, all right? You don’t have to continue being his shield if you’re not comfortable with it, but you have to see things from his point of view. He’s hurting, Winter. When he looks at you, he sees Alvin, and as far as he’s concerned, Alvin is rejecting him. If the two of you were fully bonded before, it has to be hell. If you were in love and a couple, Keylon has to be grieving the loss of that relationship. You’re not helping him by telling him to fuck off in the middle of the hallway. You’ll need to talk to him eventually.”

“Eventually, but not now.”

Samuel opened his mouth, probably to tell Winter to stop being a coward. Winter couldn’t say he wasn’t. He was terrified of talking to Keylon and of what that conversation would mean.

“I’m not ready for it,” he said quickly. “I know I’ll need to talk to him, and I will, but not right now. Not when everything’s still so confusing.”

Samuel stared at him for a moment before nodding. “Fine. But keep in mind what I told you. Keylon had nothing to do with what’s happened to you. He didn’t take away your memories, and he’s been trying to find you again for decades. Now that he has, you don’t remember him, and you don’t even seem to want anything to do with him. I don’t know if you’ll fall in love with him again, but the least you can do is give him a chance and be nice to him.”

Winter knew he wouldn’t be able to avoid this forever, but he could try to avoid it for as long as possible.

* * * *

After what had just happened, Keylon needed some air. Even though the castle was massive, it felt like its walls were closing in on him. He wasn’t claustrophobic, but it was getting to him.

He considered returning to his office and quickly dismissed that idea. He could hear someone talking in the distance, and while he loved his brothers, he wasn’t up to talking to any of them right now. He definitely wasn’t up to talking to the dragons, and there were so many of them in the castle these days that it felt like every time he turned a corner, he found one.

Instead of going back upstairs, Keylon turned and found the nearest door that would lead him outside. He carefully shut it behind himself, then leaned against it and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, then another, and once he felt more settled, he opened his eyes again.

The day was gorgeous. Fall had just started, and it was cooler than it had been for the last month or so, but it was still warm enough for him to be comfortable wearing short sleeves. There was a light breeze that ruffled his hair, and he could smell the lake.

His feet took him there almost on their own. He had to climb down the long set of stairs that led from the castle to the shore of the lake, but he didn’t care. Being careful not to fall face-first down the steps meant he had to focus on something that wasn’t Winter, which was what he was aiming for.

He wasn’t sure what he’d expected when he’d decided to talk to Winter. What he hadn’t expected was for Winter to tell him to fuck off and run away. Keylon was angry, but at the same time, it felt like his heart had been torn from his chest for Winter to stomp all over it.

Winter wasn’t Alvin. Keylon had to remind himself of that several times a day. It was getting easier. How could it not, when every time they were in the same room, Winter fled? Alvin would never have done that. He would never have made Keylon feel like he didn’t matter.

All those feelings were gone. Winter would never feel them for Keylon. Accepting that hurt.

Keylon had hoped to have more time. He knew Winter didn’t want to be here and that he was staying because they needed his help with Carlyle. Keylon had no doubt that as soon as that was over, Winter would be gone. He wouldn’t even look back. Winter didn’t care about Keylon or the other mages. He didn’t care about his past. To him, he didn’t have one.

Keylon stopped once he reached the water. He wasn’t planning on taking a dip, but the wind was stronger here, and it felt good on his skin. The sun was warm and made him feel like he was wrapped in a hug.

He could get plenty of hugs if he went back inside and found one of the other mages. He could even go to Jillian and tell her he needed one, and she wouldn’t hesitate. The non-mages who worked at the castle were like family as much as the mages.

But Keylon could only think of Winter.

He didn’t know if Winter wanted to become Samuel’s shield or what Samuel would think of it if Winter offered, but he did know that once all of this was over, he’d never see Winter again. That meant he had to make a decision.

Keylon didn’t feel like he’d ever be ready for another shield. It was the main reason he and the other mages hadn’t found new shields over the decades. They’d wanted their shields back, and they’d thought that once they found them, everything would go back to the way it had been before. They’d known it wouldn’t when they’d found the first dragon, but even then, they’d all hoped that eventually things would settle down.

Keylon hated to be the first mage to lose his dragon, but there was no hiding from that. That meant that he’d have to find a new shield, and even though his mind and heart rebelled at the thought, it would be best if it happened sooner rather than later. Maybe he could even find someone else before Carlyle attacked. It wouldn’t be fair to pull a new dragon into this fight, but Keylon would make sure to tell them everything so they could make an informed decision.

If the bond between Winter and Keylon was broken and Keylon bonded with another shield, Winter would be free to leave. Keylon wouldn’t bond with his new shield the way he had with Winter, but he didn’t need to. Maybe in time, he and his new shield would fall in love like what had happened with Alvin. Maybe they never would, and they would have to be satisfied with half a bond. At this point, Keylon didn’t care. He just wanted the pain to end.

Which meant breaking the bond between him and Winter. Keylon didn’t have a choice, even though he desperately wished he did. Winter didn’t want to be here, and Keylon wouldn’t force him to stay. It wasn’t the kind of relationship he wanted.

He had to let Winter go, no matter how much it hurt.