Chapter 31

31

Unease formed in my belly and the fear that was never too far away returned like a vise circling my throat. I looked at Roth and the muscle in his jaw ticked. “What do you mean?”

She turned those milky-white eyes on me. “He knows. You know. That is all I am willing to tell you. Your coming here was unnecessary. Now go.” She lifted her frail arm and waved slender, bonelike fingers at us. “I am tired and done with this conversation. Go.”

Roth didn’t give me a chance to protest. Wrapping a hand around mine, he hauled me to my feet. Then he bowed at the waist. “Blessed be.”

The crone hooted. “Silly, Prince, silly...”

His grin was cheeky as he turned, but the look in his eyes could freeze the circles of Hell. He held on to my hand as we headed around the tables and past the witches. They may have been looking at us once more as though they were about to dump a hex on our heads, but I didn’t care.

You seek what is right in front of you, Prince. You know that.

I tried to pull my hand free as the knots in my stomach tripled, but Roth tightened his hold. “Don’t, Layla.”

My breath was coming too fast—two breaths in, one breath out. I let him pull me out to the hallway and down to the elevator. As soon as we stepped inside, I pulled free and smacked the emergency button.

“What are you not telling me?” I demanded, hands curling at my sides.

Roth leaned back against the wall of the elevator. “I don’t know what would make you think that.”

“Don’t mess with me, Roth. I want to know why you really came back from Hell. What is the truth?”

“You know why I came back. To look for the Lilin,” he said, crossing his arms.

Everything in me told me there was more to this. “It seems like the crone expected us to already know who the Lilin was. Like maybe it was right in front of our faces—in front of mine. And you know what I think? I think...” My voice cracked and I looked away.

“What do you think?” he asked quietly. “Tell me, Layla.”

Our eyes met. “I don’t think there’s a Lilin, at least not one that was born successfully from the ritual with Paimon.”

He didn’t say anything as he kicked his head back against the wall. Closing his eyes, he swore under his breath and my stomach dropped.

“Roth,” I whispered.

He uncrossed his arms and rubbed his hands down his face. “It’s not simple. I don’t think you’ll understand that it’s not.”

I took two breaths. “Try me.”

Lowering his hands, he pierced me with eyes that were...that were sad, and that told me everything before he spoke. “I wasn’t around when the chains started to break and I don’t know if it happened before I was cast into the pit or during. The Boss...well, wasn’t really paying attention. We couldn’t figure it out. We knew the ritual wasn’t completed.”

I slumped against the wall, forcing my legs to hold me up. I’d asked for the truth and I needed to hear it.

“At least we didn’t think the ritual was completed, but Cayman was right. Who knows if the carnal sin was sex or just something related to it? None of us know that, but we knew something was happening up here and we knew that either a Lilin was born or...”

“Or it was me?” I asked.

Roth closed his eyes again briefly and then he nodded. “Or it was you. Those are the only two options. All of us knew that. So the Boss sent me back up to either find the Lilin or find proof that it is you.”

I pressed the heel of my hand against my chest.

“That’s why I returned to the school at first. I wasn’t convinced that the Lilin was really there, but I knew I needed to...to stick close to you, to see if you’d changed,” he continued as he pushed off the wall. He started to pace in front of me, the elevator music an odd backdrop. “I didn’t think it was you, because I know you. You may be part demon, but at your core, you’re pure. Not in the bullshit way people label things pure, but you’re inherently good.”

My heart ached, because his words reminded me so much of what Zayne believed. It appeared their undying faith in my gooey goodness was the one thing they had in common.

“But then it was other students who were infected, people who’ve all been tied to you, one way or another.” He shook his head as he passed in front of me. “And there was no proof of the Lilin. Still really isn’t anything concrete other than a cocoon. I’d hoped that the crone would point us in another direction and not confirm what I...what I feared.”

That it was me.

He stopped in front of me, his striking features strained. “From the beginning, I knew your abilities were like the Lilin’s, just slightly different. Where the Lilin can take with touch, you do so by breathing the soul in. But maybe your abilities have shifted. I don’t know, but I do believe you’re not aware of it. That you have no idea that it’s happening.”

I closed my eyes. “Does that make a difference?”

“Yes.”

A harsh laugh escaped me. “Not to the Wardens or the Alphas. Or to humans or—”

“You once told me that everyone has free will and I told you that free will was bullshit. Remember that?”

I opened my eyes. “Yes.”

“And you were right. We all have free will. Even demons.” He placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned in. “I proved that was true. And what is happening to you—if this is you—it’s not something you’ll freely choose to do. So to me, it makes a difference.”

“What do you mean by if? We haven’t found the Lilin. The crone all but said it was me. You even came back up—” My voice cracked again and I didn’t know why—why knowing that the reason he’d returned to the school was that he thought I was taking souls and nothing else hurt like a stab to the chest. “You came back because you thought there was a good chance it was me. Why...why didn’t you tell me at the beginning?”

He turned his head and breathed deeply. “What good would it have done?”

“You should’ve told me.”

Roth hung his head. “I didn’t want to put that on you.”

Something lurched in my chest at the soft admission, but there was something else I needed to know. “What are your orders if I’m the one causing this?”

He shook his head a little.

Anger rose swiftly through me and I reached up, knocking his arms down. “Tell me.”

Roth’s gaze latched on to mine. “I’m to take care of you.”

Hearing his words was like being smacked. “In other words, you were going to kill me?”

He swallowed. “Layla—”

“Oh my God, Roth, you...you’re really here to take me out, aren’t you? If you find proof or another demon or the Wardens discover that it’s me, you’re here to stop me.”

“It would be my job to do so.”

“Are you serious?” I slid along the side of the elevator, putting space between us. My stomach roiled. After what we’d shared, after he’d comforted me when I admitted my fears... “I trusted you. Jesus, everything about you—about us—has been nothing but a manipulation. Do you understand that? You were here the first time around to find Paimon and I was just a means to an end then. And now I’m literally the means and the end for you. Another fucking job.”

He flinched.

I moved in a tiny circle, pushing the hair out of my face. My thoughts whirled and bounced from one messed up thing to another. “Is there anything else that I don’t know that you want to tell me?”

There was a pause and even as he shook his head, I knew differently.

I lowered my hands, staring at him. “You’re lying now.”

“You don’t understand.”

That was it. I lost it. Who knew what exactly flipped the switch. The fact that Roth was technically topside to kill me might have had something to do with it. My arm swung back and my hand cracked across his face. The blow stunned him, but didn’t move him. And he didn’t retaliate. He just stared at me. Silent. Full of more secrets. I swung again and his hand snapped out, catching my arm.

“Stop it,” he said.

I was beyond listening.

Bringing my leg up, I aimed my knee at a vulnerable spot, but he whipped me around before I could make contact. He crossed my arm over my front and then locked me in an embrace.

“Let me go!” I shrieked, throwing my weight back.

Roth braced himself. “Yeah, I don’t think I want to get bitch slapped again.”

I pulled my legs up and then swung my upper body weight down. Caught off guard, the momentum pitched us forward. He shifted, taking the brunt of the fall, but rolled quickly, forcing me onto my stomach. I started to push up, but he was suddenly on me, the entire length of his body pushing me down.

“Stop,” he hissed into my ear. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

My heart turned over. “Yet.”

Roth suddenly shifted, rolling me onto my back. Before I could raise my arms, he caught them, pinning them above my head. Raising my hips, I tried to knock him off, but that ended up having the complete opposite effect, pushing him farther down on me.

His eyes met mine and something shifted in his gaze. My chest rose and fell in ragged breaths. Roth didn’t look angry as he held me down and my emotions were too much of a storm to pick up anything from him, but when his gaze dropped to my lips, the shadows that formed across his face made him look...hungry.

In spite of the billion reasons why this was wrong, the familiar wave of awareness rose between us, a connection that threaded us together.

“Please,” I whispered.

He popped off me and was on the other side of the elevator in a blink. His eyes were glowing as he straightened.

Pushing to my feet and panting, I hit the emergency button again and the elevator kicked into gear. He took a step forward and I shook my head.

Roth closed his hands. “Layla...”

“Did I mean anything to you?” I knew I’d asked him that before, but now...now it meant so much more. And when he didn’t answer again, I nodded, finally getting it. I cleared my throat, but it ached when I spoke. “I don’t want you coming near me.”

His jaw worked. “That’s not possible.”

“I don’t care what you think is possible. You come near me and I will hurt you,” I warned. And then it struck me. Bambi. It suddenly made sense why he’d ordered the snake to stay with me. After all, it was like having a GPS chip installed in the form of a demonic tattoo. “Bambi, off.”

Roth’s eyes widened. “Layla, that’s not smart. Don’t do it. Bambi is as much a part of you as she is me.”

“I don’t want anything that is a part of you.” I called the snake again and she spilled into the air, forming between us. “Go to him,” I said, voice thick and shaky.

Bambi cocked her head to the side, studying me. As the elevator stopped and the door slid open, she turned to Roth.

“No,” he said. “Layla, you need me. You need—”

“Stay away from me.” I backed out of the elevator as I reached up, snapping the chain off my neck. I tossed the necklace at his feet. “Just stay away from me.”

The elevator door slid shut on Roth and Bambi as I turned and ran out of the small lobby, into the cold night.

Zayne was waiting, leaning against the Impala. He pushed off the car when he saw me. “Whoa. You okay?”

“Yeah.” I slowed down, glancing over my shoulder. Roth hadn’t followed me out. “We need to go.”

Instead of asking a dozen questions, he opened the passenger door for me and then jogged around to his side. But the moment the door closed and the engine roared to life, the reprieve was over. “What happened?”

I shook my head, not sure where to start. “I need a minute.” Leaning forward, I pressed my hands against my face.

Zayne reached over with one hand, wrapping it around my knee as he hit the roads. “I’m here.”

Nodding, I closed my eyes. Those were the only two words spoken the entire ride back to the compound. Whatever Zayne sensed, he knew it wasn’t the time to push. And that was good because I didn’t know what to say.

For the most part, I was numb. Or maybe some part of me had already accepted the truth, gotten all up and friendly with the idea when I started putting two and two together earlier, but Roth’s betrayal cut deep.

He’d known this whole entire time, since he’d come back. Every time he’d spoken with me, he could’ve told me, especially when I’d gone to him last time. He could’ve told me. But why would he? I’d trusted him. As stupid as that was, I’d trusted him and if he’d found proof beyond a doubt that I had been responsible, it would’ve been easy to get to me.

God, all those times I’d been alone with him. The day I’d been in the bottom of the Palisades with him, in his loft... I shuddered. He could’ve “taken care” of me any of those times. And that hurt because, damn, it was honesty time. Even though he’d rejected me like I was faulty brakes and there was Zayne and every wonderful thing I felt for him, I still—deep down, nestled in a part of me I held close—cared for Roth and those feelings were stitched inside me.

There was really nothing left to do but go rock in the corner somewhere. Okay. There was a lot to do. Like for starters, what next? Another shudder rocked me as I curled my fingers into the hair at my scalp.

“Layla?”

At the sound of Zayne’s voice, I lifted my head and realized we were sitting in the garage at the compound. The car was off. I had no idea how long we’d be in here, but chilly air had seeped into the interior.

I looked at him and he was pale, but his gaze was steady. “Let’s get inside,” he said. “And we’ll talk. All right?”

The house was silent as we headed in, passing Morris in the foyer. He was carrying a pot of poinsettias into one of the living rooms. Upstairs, Zayne closed the door behind us.

I turned just as he crossed the room and his arms circled my shoulders. He didn’t say anything as he drew me against his chest. For a few peaceful moments, I leaned into him, closing my eyes. When I was with him, when he held me like this, I felt like I had before all of this began. But I really couldn’t live in the past.

Drawing back, I lifted my head, preparing myself to tell him what the crone had said and what Roth had admitted to. I had no idea where we’d go from here, but everything had changed and I had to deal with that.

I didn’t get to speak, though.

Zayne cupped my face with both hands, smoothing his thumbs along my cheekbones. My eyes fell shut again and as his breath danced over my lips, the troubles eased off, temporarily retreating into the background. Kissing him shouldn’t be high on the priority list, but he was safe with me, and I needed to be reminded of that in this moment when I felt like a monster.

His mouth brushed over mine in the sweetest way possible, and my lips immediately opened to him. A deep sound rumbled from him as he deepened the kiss. I breathed in his taste, moaning against his lips as we both took the kiss deeper.

A tremor coursed through Zayne’s hands, and his fingers curled in, digging into my cheeks. The spark of pain snapped my eyes open. His were wide, unseeing and I... I felt it.

It gathered in the pit of my stomach, like a tight ball of energy. I grasped his wrists, hoping to break his hold before it was too late.

But it was already too late.

I could feel Zayne’s essence—his pureness—and it tasted like peppermint. The tremor in his hands spread to his body. Panic dug in with nasty claws. I struggled against his bruising hold, but he was locked on.

And I was taking his soul.