Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

" M atthew? What are you doing here?" John looked up, startled, when the servant announced his cousin's presence.

"Is your father at home?" Matthew asked.

John furrowed his brow. "Father is away on business. He has not yet returned. Do you need him?"

"No." In fact, this would be easier if his uncle were not at home. "And Isabelle?"

"She's calling on her friend." John was staring at him even more steadily. "I expect her back soon."

"I need a place to stay," Matthew said finally.

"Has something happened to the townhouse? Are you all right? Is Diana all right?" John was instantly concerned, and while Matthew appreciated it, it did nothing to make him feel better.

"The townhouse is fine. Diana is fine. I simply need a place to stay for the night."

John narrowed his eyes at him, a searching look on his face. It wasn't often that he had anything but a happy or playful grin on his face, but when he was focused, he often knew far more than he should. Or rather, he could deduce far more than he should.

"Of course, there is room for you here. But what is the matter? What has happened that you cannot stay in your home?"

"It is nothing to trouble yourself with," Matthew replied, turning toward the door so that he could make his way upstairs to one of the many extra rooms and have some time to himself.

"You have come here to find a room to sleep in rather than stay at your own home. You are worried that my father or sister would know that you are here. Surely there is something that I should be troubling myself with," John retorted. "What is it?"

"There's nothing."

"Matthew, I have known you far too long to believe that."

"I would appreciate a little privacy if you don't mind," he retorted.

"You're being ridiculous. Clearly, there is something the matter, or else you would be at home. And it is clearly not related to business, or you would be seeking out my father to discuss it. If the business is not in any trouble and the townhouse is not in any trouble, then are you ill? Or Diana?"

"No one is ill. Now, can you see about getting a room prepared for me?"

Again, John narrowed his eyes but rang a bell, and a servant entered the room almost immediately.

"His Grace shall need a room," John instructed.

The maid bobbed a deep curtsey to them both and then scurried out of the room, presumably to prepare a room for Matthew.

But John was not done. "You'll need to tell me something."

"It is… I have not had time to consider it myself," Matthew sighed.

"Then perhaps it is best if you discuss it with a friend. I may be able to assist you when it comes to dealing with it. Perhaps I can help you with some ideas of what to do next." This time John sounded calmer and more reassuring, but that was not enough for him now.

Matthew very much doubted that, and he very much worried just what John would think if he did tell him what had happened and why he was upset.

Would it change anything? What would John think of the whole thing? John, who treated just about everything as a joke and a game, would he see just how important all of this was?

"Diana does not want to have children," Matthew revealed finally, though he couldn't look at his cousin as he said it.

And then he strode out of the room, determined to wait for his chambers to be ready in the hall rather than staying in the receiving room with John.

He had hoped that the next morning would bring some level of clarity. That it would tell him what he needed to do. But it did not seem to help. He still had no idea what he would do next. No thought of how he would fix this situation, and even as he put on the clothes that John had thoughtfully sent to his rooms, nothing seemed to make sense.

The idea that Diana did not want children… that the two of them would live the rest of their lives entirely alone… well, it wasn't as horrid as he might have thought.

The two of them, spending the rest of their lives together, alone.

It was a pleasant image. But then he had always assumed that he would have children someday.

He switched back and forth between the two thoughts in a way that made his head hurt.

By the time he sat down at the table with John, he wondered just what he would do. The Duke must have an heir, right? Even though there was still a line of succession, if he did not have an heir… He knew his father would be furious if someone outside of their family inherited the duchy. And the idea of angering his father still filled him with dread.

"Have you had a good sleep?" John asked.

Matthew stared at his cousin in confusion. He had expected more of the same questioning he had received the night before. To have his cousin make inquiries like any host was not what he had anticipated.

"I slept well enough," he replied.

Apparently, that was all that John was waiting for.

"Good. Then you can tell me just what it is that caused your wife to send you away. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can find a solution together. What's this nonsense about children?"

"She did not send me away. I left," Mathew informed him, staring down at his plate

"What do you mean that you left?" John stared at him incredulously.

Matthew looked down at his food, struggling to take a bite.

"We had an argument," he admitted, "and I left."

"Well, that was a foolish decision. What is it that happened that made you choose to leave? You are not one to back down from a challenge. I've seen you face horrible odds before and stand firm. Yet, you run away from a lady?"

Matthew bristled at his cousin's incredulous tone and shook his head. "This is not a competition, where the solution is to trample over my opponent. As you mentioned, the opponent here is my wife."

"And what will you do, then? You do not wish to trample over her, that is a good start. But what is your plan?"

"I have no plan. There is nothing to be done."

"There is always something to be done," John scoffed. "What has happened that caused this rift between you?"

"She and I might never have children," Matthew stated.

"You said something about that last night. But what brought about this decision? I did not know you were ready to have children. I had assumed it would be some years before you would be ready for such a thing."

"We purchased a house," Matthew began. "And the couple from whom we purchased it said that they had never been able to have children but they wished they had."

He then explained to John what had occurred and how Diana had blurted out that she did not want children of her own. That she had never had any intention to have children.

"I am the Duke. No matter what else, I am expected to have an heir one day."

"Perhaps. But there are noblemen who do not produce heirs, and their estate passes on to other male members of their families," John said with an indifferent air.

Matthew wondered if his cousin was even aware that he was second in line to the duchy if Matthew did not produce an heir. It did not seem as though the thought had occurred to him.

He was certain that John knew his position in the line of succession, but it did not surprise him that John did not think of it. Or that John was uninterested in the prospect.

"It is expected. My father would have expected it of me."

"Indeed, he likely would have," John agreed. "And you have chosen to live all your life according to what your father would have expected, have you not?"

Matthew scowled at that, and John simply stared at him. "That is not the point."

"You have sought to break free of your father's influence at every turn. Why should the life you lead with the woman you've married be any different?"

"Having children is the way things are done. It is one of the reasons I wanted to get married in the first place. In fact, I insisted on finding a bride within the year, so by the time I became a father, I would be mature enough to handle it and young enough to be able to face the challenges."

"Life is not something that can be lived according to strict plans!" John retorted, this time some level of agitation breaking through his calm demeanor.

"Well, that's how I live my life. If I do not plan it, things go awry. Much like my relationship with my wife. I tried to let myself enjoy my time, not trying to control everything, and look how it turned out."

"You cannot throw away everything else that may have happened between you and your wife because you have had a single fight," John scoffed.

"A single fight that is about one of the most important things in a marriage. And especially when one of the people in question is the Duke, John! Getting married and having children is the way that things are done!"

"For many, yes. But it does not have to be. You do not have to follow convention, after all."

"You do not understand. All of this has been sprung upon me without a warning. How could she not have said that she had no interest in children?"

"To me, it sounds as though this has all been sprung upon her quite quickly. To expect her to suddenly be ready to have a child, when not that long ago, she was not even sure she would ever marry, it seems a lot."

"It is what she should have been raised to expect," Matthew argued.

John shook his head. "Perhaps. Most ladies of the ton are raised to understand that they will one day be wives and mothers. But it seems that Diana had long since stopped believing that. And to now expect her to be ready to become a mother…"

Still, Matthew was unsure what to think. If she had not intended to have children, she should have informed him of that before they wed. He would have been able to find someone else so that he could do what was expected of him. But now… now it was too late, was it not? And she had trapped him in a situation where he would not have children.

"Think of it this way, Matthew," John continued, pulling him back into the present moment. "Would you rather be with Diana and live with the possibility of never having children? Or would you rather live without her?"

"I don't want to lose her," Matthew said without thinking.

John raised his eyebrows, leaning back in his chair and picking up his water glass. He raised it as if in a toast. "Then you need to resign yourself to the fact that you may never have children. And you need to go get your wife back."

It was as if everything suddenly fell into place.

Diana was his wife. Diana was important. Children … well, other than the fact that it was expected of him when had he ever really thought of having children? When had he even cared?

No. What mattered was her. And who knew, at this moment, what she could be doing. He could have lost her forever already with his cruel and thoughtless words.

And for what?

Matthew jumped up suddenly, the chair wobbling as he did, and very nearly ran into Isabelle as she walked into the room.

"Oh! Matthew, I did not know that you were here. What brings you here so early?"

He did not have the patience or the time to speak with her, to try and explain to her what was going on. And he had no inclination to do so.

So he simply brushed past her and practically raced out of the room, leaving it to John to explain the particulars if he were so inclined.

The fact that John was laughing at his expense as he fled the house didn't bother him as much as it normally would. All that mattered was getting back to his home as quickly as possible. And fixing everything with Diana, because he didn't want to lose her. No matter what the tradeoff might be.

All this wasted time focusing on what his father would want. Focusing on heirs and expectations. When all he cared about was Diana. If the two of them were all the family that he ever had … well, that would be plenty enough for him.

As soon as he stepped into the townhouse, his valet was there to take his coat, but he did not care for any of that. Miss Jenkins had met him at the door as well, and he immediately turned toward her.

"Where is Diana?"

For once, the woman seemed at a loss for what to say, giving him a somewhat bewildered look as she handed over a sheet of paper.

He took it automatically, glancing down at the single folded sheet and recognizing the handwriting immediately. He had not received a great many letters from Diana, but he had seen enough to know that this was it. And that whatever it contained would not be good.

With a strength and patience he did not know he had, he took the letter with him to the study and sank into a chair before reading it.

And then he read it a second time.

And then a third.

Because nothing he was reading made sense. His mind could not comprehend what she was saying. Could not come to terms with what the words on the page seemed to say.

He stared at it for a long time before he called for Miss Jenkins. And while he waited, he read Diana's letter yet again.

Matthew,

We may have come together under less-than-ideal terms, and I know that I was not your first choice for a wife. But I had hoped that, over the last few weeks, things had changed between us.

I see now that I was mistaken. That I could never be what you want me to be. If you desire for me to be gone, then I will not force my presence upon you.

I only want you to be happy, and I will do anything to make that happen. I love you, and I believe that I always shall, and it is only that love that allows me to say goodbye to you, knowing that it is for you that I do so.

Goodbye, Matthew, and I am sorry that I could not make you happy.