17. Vale

Chapter 17

Vale

I shouldn’t be here.

Darkness seemed to swallow me whole as I felt for the rocks that I knew would gouge my palms. The damp stones cut into my flesh just like I thought they would, the sting of my skin breaking telling me everything about this prison.

But even though I knew exactly where I was, I still didn't know anything at all.

“Nyrah,” I called, the ache in my chest threatening to break me.

A part of me really wanted Nyrah to be at the end of this tunnel, to have one good thing to happen today, but I knew better. If I called her name, there was no way on this earth or any other that my baby sister would ignore me.

This place wasn't right—never had been. I’d just been too blind to see it. As much as I wanted to find my sister, I did not feel her—not even a little.

No light.

No warmth.

No air.

Idris was too tired to come save me. I had to make myself leave. I had to do this myself.

Closing my eyes, I pictured the burned-out church Idris pulled me to the last time I’d been stuck in this gods-forsaken place. I visualized the skeleton of the building reaching for the sky like a giant’s hand, the pews knocked over and scattered, the sanctuary in disarray.

I yanked myself from that darkness, pulling myself away from the vile things that called me forth, and the world around me faded. Shimmering in the waning sunlight, the church melted into existence exactly like I’d pictured it.

It was just as broken and burned out as I remembered, but this time, it was somehow different. When I’d been here with Idris, it hadn't seemed as sinister. Maybe it was just because I’d been so mad at him then. Maybe it was just his powerful presence that reassured me. But now I felt like the not-so-brave girl I'd always been under the mountain.

Somehow, I’d returned to the coward, the weakling, where nothing seemed within my grasp.

The funny thing was, I shouldn't be here, either. I was dream walking alone—something I not only should not do but, had not so long ago, nearly killed me. I had no idea what being here meant or why my dreams pulled me into the darkest places, but my mates had enough to deal with without me fucking up again.

A high-pitched female giggle echoed all around me. It was as if the owner was right next to me and everywhere at the same time. Whipping my head this way and that, I searched for the source of the sound, but there was no one. It wasn't until I got a glimpse of blonde hair out of the corner of my eye that I realized just how fucked I was.

I should be alone. In this dream, in this place, I should be all by myself unless Idris came to find me. Whoever was with me shouldn't be here.

I fought off the urge to go looking, ignored the insistent pit in my gut that told me it was Nyrah. The one that screamed my baby sister was simply playing hide-and-seek with me.

What had Idris said? Not everything you see in your dreams is what it appears to be.

I knew enough of liars and cheats to know that if someone was offering me my greatest wish it would always, always be a trap. This was a trick.

“If you're not my sister, please leave me alone,” I begged, unable to crush the last bit of hope flickering in my chest. “I don't want your tricks, and I am not going to fall for your lies. Please, I’m begging you, just leave me be.”

And still, my feet disobeyed me, sluggishly striding forward as if to follow the tantalizing sound of my greatest wish. In my wildest dreams, Nyrah was safe and warm in a bed.

Not in rags, not starving, not prey.

In my fantasies, she wasn’t touched by the guild, or a bargaining chip to hoard away. She was free, she was cared for, she was safe.

Intellectually, I knew whatever I found here wouldn't be the truth. It wasn't as if I had brought myself to this damned place. Whatever resided here was meant to hurt me, to stall me, to drain my power—what little of it there was. But even though my rational mind knew without a sliver of a doubt that I had to get out of here step by step, bit by bit, I still followed that voice.

A hard, warm hand closed around my bicep, and instantly I breathed a sigh of relief.

Idris.

Whirling on a foot, I met those glowing golden eyes, the rage in them familiar, but behind all the anger was pain—pain I knew well. My relief got the better of me, and I jumped into his arms, clutching him close to my chest as the knot in my lungs loosened.

Not everything you see in your dreams is what it appears to be.

He himself had said that, right?

How could I know it was really him?

How could I be sure?

Slowly I let him go, backing away as a new fear took root. “How do I know it's you? How do I know anyone is who they say they are?”

His expression softened, the rage in his eyes melting ever so slightly as understanding replaced his anger. “At least you took one thing from our lessons. You don't, my brave one. You can never really be sure, but what does your heart tell you?”

My lip trembled, and for the first time, I let myself be vulnerable just this once. “That it’s you. That you're here with me. That you didn't leave me by myself to wander this place alone.”

He tilted his head to the side. “Then why don't you believe it?”

How could I explain it in a way that didn’t make me sound completely crazy?

“Because I heard her giggle. Nyrah—it sounded just like her.” I held up a hand, stopping him before he told me something I already knew. “I know it isn't her. She wouldn't abandon me to wander. She would come find me just like I would come find her. But what if it's all just wishful thinking? What if in my desire to not be left behind, I conjured you instead?”

“You're far more advanced at dream walking than I ever thought you would be as a novice, but I doubt you can create something from nothing—even in this place. This church? It exists in my memory. I assume it still stands not too far from where we fell asleep. This place is real.”

“So, you're saying the woman I could see giggling out of the corner of my eye is real, too? You're real?”

That wasn’t good.

“Everything might not be what it seems in a place like this, but yes. Just like how you can get hurt in these dreams, and items can be brought into reality, what exists here, in some way shape or form, exists out there, too.”

Dread yawned wide in my belly, stealing any relief I’d had.

“It's not her, is it?” I whispered, the echo of a giggle sending a chill down my spine.

Gently, he shook his head. “No. There might be someone out there, but it's likely not your sister.”

That still didn’t tell me if he was really him, though. “Tell me something only my Idris would know. Tell me something that only we share.”

A hint of a grin lifted the edges of his lips, and with that faint smile, his entire face changed. In that single instant, he wasn't drowning in grief like I was or worried for my safety. He was simply a man with a salacious secret.

“Sometimes when you don't guard your thoughts from me, you think about what our bonding night will look like,” he admitted, curling his arms around me and pulling me in. “Sometimes we are alone, and you contemplate what I’ll do to make sure you come screaming. Others, all four of us are together, worshipping your body, making you come over and over and over again.”

Shock curled in my belly. There were only a few times I’d let myself consider what our wedding night might look like. When we spoke about the ceremony, everything seemed so formal, so bound by rules and regulations and royal protocol. There had been so few times where Idris and I had been alone together without anger or fear separating us.

“You've been snooping again.”

“And like I have told you time and again, it's not snooping if you're yelling at me. But I'll tell you a little secret. It's only going to be you and me on our bonding night. Every night after, I’m open to making all your fantasies come true, but that one night? You’re mine, Vale. All of you.”

His voice was like sugar on my tongue and honey down my spine. It reminded me of my first dream walk with him. We’d been in his bedroom, and somehow, I’d ended up wrapped around him with his fangs at my throat. I’d woken from that dream wrapped around Kian and Xavier, my need so acute, I’d started kissing them in my sleep.

That one dream set everything into motion, and it seemed like it was starting all over again. It was as if he were seducing me, stealing my thoughts, my worries, my…

I didn't realize until it was almost too late but his grip on me was iron, and he was pulling me away from that church, moving me through the space, stealing me away. Roughly, I pulled my arm from his grip.

“What do you think you're doing?” I hissed, trying to get my bearings.

“I’m trying to get you out of here while I still can. You haven't strayed far from your body yet, but we still need to get back.”

And then it was as if light dawned in my brain. “We're closer to Direveil than we were in the castle, right? We're closer than we've ever been. Meaning, we don't have to go back—not yet.”

Idris dug in his heels, his strength making it so much more effective than when I did it. “What are you talking about?”

How could he not remember?

“The book. My family's book. It has all the information on the Luxa.”

Guilt threatened to drown me as I considered all the knowledge I could have had already if I hadn’t been too scared of the truth. Had I just finished reading it, maybe Xavier wouldn’t be dying, maybe I wouldn’t have lost Nyrah, maybe…

“If Selene was telling the truth, then my parents stole the scrolls of the Luxa and hid them. What if it's in that book? What if all of this could be solved—your curse broken—if we found it? I can pull objects from the Dreaming, right? I did it without even trying before. What’s to stop me from walking right into Direveil and taking it?”

“That's a big if, Vale.” Idris rubbed at the growing stubble on his jaw. “We have no idea whether Selene was just trying to save her ass or not. We have no idea if the information she had was on the level or twisted to out traitors. If they're looking for that book, it won't be where you left it.”

Something in my gut told me otherwise. “But you said that the church we were just at exists somewhere, correct? Even if it's just in your memory. I know that book. I know exactly where I put it—exactly where I hid it. If the answers we need are there, shouldn't we try? If we can break the curse, if we can save Xavier, if we can bring magic back to everyone, don't we have to try?”

I would beg if I had to. I would do anything if it meant he would survive.

“What about the bonding? Many have said that it ? —"

“If you believed that the bonding would break your curse, we would have been bonded days ago. You don't think it'll break your curse any more than I do. The only reason you're still going through with it, is because you believe it will bring me a modicum of protection. Fenwick burned the scrolls, so we have no idea if what he knew was even in the realm of truth. This is something to go on. This is something we can try.”

Idris’ jaw turned to stone, his eyes flashing from gold to red and back again. “It's too risky.”

But I couldn’t accept that—I wouldn’t.

“What is risk if it means Xavier will die without it? Who gives a shit about risk if we lose him?”

Idris fisted his hands in his hair, the stress threatening to break him.

“And what good is any of it if we end up losing you? I know you care for us, but we love you—all three of us. Even Rune loves you. If you sacrifice yourself for us, how will any of it be worth it? How will any ounce of magic, any grip we have on power, how will it mean anything if you're gone?”

As much as his words touched me, I couldn’t back down—not about this. “You can't stop me. I'm going to the mountain. I will find that book. You can come with me, or you can let me go, but you can't fucking stop me.”

For the first time, tears welled in his eyes as despair etched itself into the lines of his face. “Don't do this.”

“I have to. What if it has more than just how to break your curse? What if it has information on how to heal grave magic? How to stop it? How to do anything but just sit there at his bedside and watch him die? I have to do something. Please.”

Gritting his teeth, a lone tear fell down his cheek. “I won’t lose you both. Do you understand me? I won’t.”

“Then help me. Because I’m getting that fucking book if it’s the last thing I do.”

With a solemn nod, Idris relaxed his hold and folded me into his arms. “As you wish, my brave one,” he croaked, before taking a shuddering breath. “It seems I can never say no to you.”