Chapter Twenty-Four

Iyawn, looking at Marco and wondering how he manages to get almost no sleep and yet he keeps going with vigorous energy.

He must have a secret vitamin water or something that he takes every day just to allow him to work on less than three hours' sleep.

Once again, the morning light filters into the beach house and I am wide awake.

There's something about Marco that makes me forget that sleep is actually a need. We so easily stay up and ignore the clock.

Tonight we even kept our clothes on, energized only by the thought of this plan.

It's smart, and not half as evil as I believe Marco could be. He has nothing to lose here since his cousin has already cut him off.

Marco is much smarter than I gave him credit for in the beginning. I always knew he had ideas, and that his emotions were deep, but I had no idea he could plan things in such detail.

It would be almost impossible to surprise him with his planning ability.

I start to feel a little tired now, the initial excitement draining from me, being replaced with an ache in my back and a slight headache.

But I don't want to go to sleep, because then Marco is going to leave, and then I'm alone again in the beach house.

I wonder if, after we've just spent an entire night collaborating on his next big move, he would consider taking me back to his house for the day.

I'd be mostly sleeping, anyway, but at least there would be other people around, and a TV to watch.

Maybe I should just ask him to get me a TV here.

I didn't think I needed it while I was waiting to be handed over to my brothers. There's something about the thought of being stuck in this beach house forever that would be made a whole lot easier if I could just switch off my brain and watch a mindless movie that will make me laugh or cry; either one would work for me.

I catch myself yawning for the fifth time, my eyes watering as well, and now I know it's time to either go to sleep or wake myself up.

Marco is still bent over his diagrams and notes, indulging in the smallest details of his plan like a kid planning a trip to Disneyland.

It doesn't look like he's going to go to sleep anytime soon, so I figure I may as well stay up with him.

It's not like I have anywhere to be in the morning.

"I'm going to make coffee. I'll bring you a cup," I say to him, hoping to buy another few hours of being awake and having him here.

He follows me into the kitchen, and I lean against the kitchen counter while I wait for the coffee machine to finish.

Marco is standing so close to me that I can smell his cologne.

There's something about the sun peeking through the window and landing on his face that makes me reach up and kiss him.

At first, he kisses me back, and I sink into his arms, but then he stops abruptly.

"Grazia…" He pushes me away, and I'm confused. He just kissed me a couple of hours ago. We just had a great night, and we've done a lot more than just kiss.

"I know I haven't fully answered your letter yet. I just…I think we should be careful not to get too attached right now. Let's keep it calm and not cross all of the lines at once. Okay?"

I stand back, shocked by his words. Too attached?

What does that even mean? I thought that moment had passed already, but clearly not for him.

There is no fight left in me right now, so I nod and give him a thumbs up.

"Okay."

I make the coffee and give him a cup, walking past him and back to the living room. My eyes are stinging, partly from the lack of sleep, but also partly because his words have shocked me.

I thought we were getting closer, and it was good. But all this time he's been hoping not to get too attached.

"So, can we run over this last bit one more time?" he asks me. I stare at him silently. "Is something wrong?" he asks, confusion taking over from the excitement he's had all night.

"No. Everything is fine."

I look away from him and slowly sip my coffee. I don't even want to talk to him about this, because he's not going to understand or care.

"Grazia, are you upset about the kiss?"

He sits next to me, sounding genuinely concerned, and I wish he would stop confusing me with his contradictory words and actions.

"Forget the kiss, Marco," I snap at him. "Apparently kissing is too much like getting attached. If only we knew this a couple of nights ago, we could have saved ourselves a bunch of time."

His jaw clenches. "Grazia, you need to grasp the reality of our situation. This isn"t some fairy tale. There"s no room for attachments. I understand that what we have been doing might have confused you, but there is a much more important mission to tackle right now."

My hands ball into fists, the sting of his rejection fueling my rage.

It seems that every man in my life is just going to discard me like an old napkin as soon as I become a burden to them.

"Attachments? Is that what you think we are? Some inconvenient entanglement in your twisted world? I"m not just another pawn in your game, Marco. And fuck you! I am not confused because we had sex, I'm baffled by your constantly changing mind and emotions."

He averts his gaze and doesn't respond to me, which does nothing but intensify my fury.

"You can't keep bouncing between treating me like a real human being and then acting like I'm just a part of this business deal and nothing more. I deserve more than that and you know it."

Marco"s eyes meet mine, a hint of regret flickering in them momentarily. "Grazia, of course you deserve more than that, but you"re not seeing the bigger picture. This deal is big, and having you be a part of it… it puts you in danger. Why would you want that for yourself? I am thinking of you, not me."

I scoff, bitterness lacing my words.

"So, what? You"re protecting me by pushing me away? I never asked for your protection, Marco. I asked for your honesty."

His patience wears thin, and a sharp retort escapes his lips.

"You"re being naive, Grazia. This isn't some pretend game that we're playing. This is real life, and whether or not you asked for my protection, you're in my home, so you're getting it. Trust me, it's better than the opposite."

"Naive?" I challenge, my anger flaring. "Maybe it"s you who"s acting naive, Marco. You think that after all of this time, you can really talk about not getting attached? Because I don't think you can. And by the way, I'm not in your home by choice! So your protection is useless because it should be used on yourself."

The last bit is a low blow, and I cringe as soon as it's out of my mouth. I'm just so annoyed and hurt and angry that my emotions have taken over control of my mouth.

Marco starts pacing the room.

I can feel my anger slowly dying down, only because I am so tired that I'm starting to feel numb.

I stand up and walk over to the window.

"If you don't want me to get attached," I say without looking at him. "Then what do you want from me? To stay in this house forever? Helping you with your plans, letting you fuck me whenever you're horny, and never complaining about any of it? Is that my fate?"

I hear him stop pacing. "No. That's not my plan for you, not even close, Grazia." His voice sounds like he's hurt by what I've said, but I'm glad because he hurt me by telling me not to get too attached.

"Well, whatever your plan is, I hope it involves me getting some sleep."

I turn to face him now, my expression blank and a new resolve in my mind. Maybe I have been too naive, thinking that I could reason with this dangerous man who cares about nothing except his own life and finding more wealth.

But if he is going to make my life hell for the foreseeable future, I won't let him see that it is affecting me.

"If you're tired, of course you can go to bed."

He walks up to me with his arms out, but I sidestep him and move towards the bedroom.

"I am not here to keep you awake like a monster."

"I know you can let yourself out, so feel free to do so," I say over my shoulder, getting into bed.

I hear the front door open and shut. I'm surprised he listened to me and left, but glad that the fight is over.

Lying in bed, I run our conversation over in my head.

I don't know where he suddenly came up with the idea of us "not getting attached", because even before the blow-up with my brothers, Marco has been the one crossing most of the lines.

And since Luca and Enzo left Mexico, those lines have been almost non-existent.

But now that he has a whole new plan, and I'm not needed for this to work, he suddenly doesn't want me getting attached to him.

It"s fine, I try to convince myself. The original plan was to get back home.

If Marco has no use for me, and he doesn't want to be attached to me, then there should be no reason why I can't go back home.

I decide that next time he's here, I'll give him that logical piece of information and let him decide on the date.

Being home will be nice, although I have no idea what has happened since I left.

Luca and Emelia were going to move into the family house so that they have a nursery for the baby, so it might be a little cramped in there now.

Maybe I can convince Luca to let me stay in his bachelor pad in the city, if he's taking over the mansion.

I smile at the thought of Luca having to give up his studio apartment now that he has a wife and baby on the way.

As my eyes are getting heavy and I feel sleep coming closer, I hear the door again and Marco's voice calling me frantically.