4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four

Beck

R oman is absolutely adorable. I already knew that, of course, but it’s more now—so much more. I’m so glad I finally get a chance with him.

As the Ferris wheel climbs higher, I lean into him, bringing my lips close to his ear. “Open your eyes, Roman. We’re fine.”

He takes a shaky breath and peeks out of one eye, only to slam it shut again immediately. I don’t want him to think I’m making fun of him, but it’s so cute that a laugh bubbles up in my chest and leaves my mouth before I can stop it.

I try again. “C’mon, open up. You can do this.” I watch as he takes a deep breath, steeling himself before forcing his eyes open. His grip on my hand tightens, and I’m amazed my fingers haven’t gone numb from the pressure.

We’re almost at the top now, the Ferris wheel swaying slightly in the wind, and he glances around. He inhales sharply and squeezes his eyes closed again before murmuring, “Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. I’ll stay like this, thanks.”

I give his hand a little shake, trying to coax him to open his eyes again. “Nah, you can do it. Open your eyes. You’re going to miss the view.”

He opens his eyes reluctantly, glancing at me before taking a couple of deep breaths. Slowly, he looks around at our surroundings just before the ride takes off again, and then stops us right at the top.

“Holy shit, holy shit,” he chants softly, a combination of awe and stark fear in his voice. “I can’t believe I’m all the way up here. Holy shit.”

“You’ve got this.”

He turns to me, his eyes wide with fear and amazement. His hand is tucked in mine—albeit a little more tightly than is strictly comfortable. There’s a slight flush on his cheeks and the wind is blowing through his hair. Everything about him and this moment is perfect, and my stomach flips as I realize I want nothing more in the world than to kiss him.

I lean in slowly, my eyes dropping to his mouth. When we’re close enough for me to feel his breath on my lips, I glance up at him one last time. His eyes are closed. But not in fear—in anticipation—and that’s all I need.

I close the distance between us and press my lips to his, feeling a riot of emotion explode inside me. He gasps softly against my lips. I’m not really sure what I’m doing, but I move my lips against his, trying to soak in every second, and he does the same. It’s a little clumsy and awkward, but it’s perfect, too.

When I finally pull back and look at him, something inside me shifts. It’s like all my molecules rearrange themselves, like my heart starts beating for him. Does that make me sound crazy? His eyes are closed, his face tilted toward mine, and our foreheads are almost touching.

“Wow,” he whispers, his voice so soft I almost don’t hear it over the sound of the wind. Wow is about right.

The ride jerks forward, and his eyes pop open. A squeak escapes him, and his cheeks flush crimson as a manic laugh bursts from his lips. “Oh God, this is terrifying.”

“Fun though, right?” I ask, still riding the high of kissing him. He glares at me, but then his face softens and he nods, so slightly I almost miss it. I’ll take a win where I can get it, though.

His grip on my hand eases some as he looks around, taking in everything. I’ve always loved the view from the Ferris wheel. It’s my favorite ride, but today I can’t focus on anything but him. His cheeks are still flushed, and the wind is blowing his hair around. He looks torn between terrified and exhilarated, and he’s so beautiful that I can’t force myself to drag my eyes away from him. I already know the image will be living in one of my sketchbooks.

When the ride comes to a stop and we get off, he turns his gaze to me and smiles, gently squeezing my hand. “That was fun. Terrifying, but fun. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me,” I say. “I’m glad you came with me.”

“Wanna go get a funnel cake? It seems like funnel cakes are mandatory at the fair.”

I’m obviously not a fan of funnel cakes, but that’s not something for him to know, at least not yet. So I smile and nod at him, willing to do just about anything he wants.

I manage to choke down a few bites of funnel cake. The sweetness on my tongue is disgusting, but I force myself to chew and swallow. I’ve got to keep up appearances and all that. If things go the way I want them to, I’ll be able to see him whenever I want, and I won’t have to worry about pretending to like stuff like this. And hopefully, he’ll laugh at my ridiculousness instead of feeling like I lied to him or misled him.

Roman has a bit of powdered sugar on the corner of his bottom lip. It’s nothing more than a tiny little speck of white, but I can’t drag my eyes away from it. Something tells me I wouldn’t mind the sugar if it was on his lips.

As we walk back to the car at the end of the night, I realize that I’m not ready for this to end. I want another date. And another. And another. I can only hope he feels the same. Only one way to find out. “Do you want to go on another date with me?”

He glances at me and a soft smile spreads across his lips. His honey-brown eyes are glowing with joy, and my heart skips a beat. “Yeah, I’d really like that,” he says. “I had a lot of fun with you. Especially watching you with the animals.”

Now it’s my turn to blush. “Yeah, I’ve always liked animals.” I shrug. “They’re cool. They have no preconceived ideas about people. They don’t judge you or expect anything from you. They exist and live in their own little worlds. Always happy to see you. I don’t know. I like them.”

“I like that. It’s sweet.”

I rush around to open his door for him. The look of shock on his face is adorable. “What? My momma raised me to be a gentleman.”

He ducks into the car without saying a word, but the sweet smile on his lips and the pink tint on his cheeks are enough for me.

The ride back to his house is quiet but comfortable, filled with unspoken words and shared glances. Every few seconds, I can feel his eyes lingering on my face, and my stomach is alight with butterflies. I can’t believe that I got to go on a date with him, that I got to kiss him. I wonder if he’d want to kiss me again. I sneak a glance at him out of the corner of my eye, and his eyes are already locked on me. They widen in surprise, and he quickly turns away, a flush rising on his cheeks again. God, I really love that so much.

We pull into his driveway and he clears his throat. “You can drop me off here.”

“Oh.” I try to hide my disappointment by forcing a smile onto my face. “Alright, I can do that.”

I stop the car and put it in park. When I look over at him, he’s staring at his lap, fiddling with his fingers. “It’s not, um, anything you did wrong. My dad’s kind of…” His voice trails off and he shrugs.

“No, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain anything to me,” I say quickly, not wanting him to feel like he has to share more than he’s comfortable with.

He nods and pushes his door open. “Thank you again. I really had a lot of fun tonight.” He gets out of the car, and I scramble after him, meeting him at the front of it before he can take off.

“I had a lot of fun too,” I say. “I’d definitely like to go out with you again. Maybe go to the movies? Or dinner?”

His eyes dart up to mine. “I’d really like that.”

“Okay, perfect,” I say, giddy excitement bubbling inside me. “Text me your workdays and we’ll plan something.”

With a bright smile, he turns to walk away, but I can’t let him leave like this. Not without one more kiss. I reach out and take his hand in mine, pulling him back to me. He stumbles forward, colliding with my chest, and my breath hitches at the contact, the warmth of his body seeping into mine. I wrap an arm around his waist, holding him close. His eyes lock with mine and I lean in slowly, pressing my lips to his. He sighs against my lips and practically melts in my hold. Our lips move together, slowly exploring. My body responds instantly, my cock swelling in my jeans, a shiver running down my spine. I gasp when he whimpers into my mouth, the sound causing flutters to take over my stomach and goosebumps to explode across my skin.

When we finally break apart, he looks dazed, his eyes half-lidded and his cheeks flushed. He brings a hand up to touch his fingertips to his lips.

A shy smile graces his lips, and he gestures up the driveway. “I should… go.”

“Okay,” I whisper. “Text me?”

“I will.”

I walk back to my car as he starts walking up the driveway. I can’t wipe the goofy smile off my face, and I watch him until I can no longer make out his form in the dark.

When I walk in the front door, I’m practically floating, giddy as hell. I can’t believe my first kiss was with Roman freaking Miller. I’m still riding the high of it, and right now, not a single thing could bring me down. Tonight was everything I’d hoped for. Getting to hold Roman’s hand, seeing the awe and wonder in his face at the top of the Ferris wheel, and then kissing him? Tonight was quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

As I make my way through the living room, I catch sight of Mom. She’s kicked back on the couch with her feet pulled under her, a glass of wine in her hand, and some medical drama on TV. I can’t help but smile. For someone who works in the medical field, you’d think she’d dislike these types of shows. But no, she’s obsessed.

“Hey Beck, how was your night?” she asks, and I all but run to her side, excited to tell her all about it. I came out to my parents early on. They’ve always been accepting of others, so I never even worried about how they would react to me coming out. The second I had worked out my feelings, they were the first to know.

I sit down beside her on the couch. “It was the best, Mom. We looked at the animals and rode the Ferris wheel. Roman even got me to eat funnel cake.” I scrunch my face up in disgust, and Mom laughs.

“You’ve got to tell that poor boy you can’t stand sweet foods. Weirdest kid I ever met. Didn’t even eat your first birthday cake.”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You’ve only told me that story a hundred times. And I will. But not yet—not until I know I won’t have to keep going to the bakery to see him.”

She smiles at me, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m so glad your date went well. From what I’ve heard, he’s a sweet boy. His dad’s a real piece of work, though.”

I cock my head at her. We didn’t talk much about his dad tonight. Roman mentioned him, but he didn’t seem like he really wanted to talk about it, and I didn’t want to push. “What do you mean?”

Mom sets her glass on the coffee table, turning her full attention to me. “Well, it was the talk of the town about nine or ten years ago. The poor boy’s momma ran off in the middle of the night and after that, his dad was always at the bar or the liquor store. Sometimes both. I know your dad has locked him up in the drunk tank a couple of times. Stories around town are that Roman pretty much had to raise himself.”

I didn’t know that his mom had left, or that his dad was an alcoholic. Knowing the things he went through—that he’s still going through—makes me like him more, though. He radiates goodness, like it shines from his soul. And to know that’s still the case, despite everything, makes me even more awed by him. “I didn’t know that.”

She frowns. “Yeah, it broke my heart when I heard about it.”

We talk for a while before I start getting tired. I stand up and kiss her on the forehead. “I’m gonna head to bed. Night. I love you.”

“I love you too, honey. Sleep well.”

I take off to my room, my mind racing with thoughts of Roman and the memories of tonight. I climb into bed and pull out my sketchbook. Even though I’m exhausted, there’s no way I’m sleeping anytime soon. Not with the way my body is buzzing with the urge to draw. I get lost in the pencil strokes, adding color and details for hours.

When I’m finally done, I take in my work. I’ve always enjoyed drawing eyes. They’re the window to the soul. Roman’s soul is bright and pure and that radiates in his eyes, which is why I’ve been so obsessed with drawing his eyes specifically. But this time, I’ve drawn something different. It’s a single eye, but the iris is split down the middle. One half is blue, the same shade as mine, with the lighter and darker variations of blue blending seamlessly into the other half, which is Roman’s honey-brown. The yellows and golds mix with the deep, rich browns, creating a stunning contrast that somehow feels like it belongs together with the icy blue of mine. My heart skips a beat at the sight of our eyes intertwined on the page.

I pull out my phone and shoot Roman a text.

Me

I had so much fun tonight. I hope we can go out together again soon. :)

I stare at my phone in anticipation, waiting for his response. But as the seconds turn to minutes, nothing comes through. My heart sinks a little, but it’s late, and I did draw for hours. Maybe he’s already asleep. I fall asleep with the memory of our kiss playing on repeat in my mind.