3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Roman

I should be excited about my first ever first date, and I am. But it’s partly overshadowed by the dark cloud that is Dad. He’s raging today. Unhappy with me, unhappy with his life, unhappy with himself—if I had to guess. Though I’d never be brave enough to tell him that.

He waves his glass of whiskey around like it’s an extension of his hand. The brown liquid sloshes over the edge, spilling over his fingers and dripping onto the floor. He doesn’t seem to notice, but that doesn’t surprise me. He doesn’t notice much of anything when he gets like this. He lifts the glass to his lips and I watch as he downs the contents in one large swallow before reaching forward to pick up the bottle on the dining room table.

“What did you say you were doing?” he asks again, his words slurred and thick with anger.

I sigh. We’ve had this conversation three times already. “I’m going out with a friend.”

He grunts, tipping the bottle up to take another mouthful of whiskey. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and glares at me, his eyes narrowed and full of something that makes my skin crawl. God, I can’t wait to get out of here.

“Who’s the friend?” he asks—demands, actually.

“Beck Hart.” I’m not sure why I even bother. He hasn’t retained the information in the last half hour, and something tells me by this time tomorrow, he won’t even remember standing here talking to me.

“I don’t like that kid or his family. They act like they’re better than everyone else,” he sneers.

That’s not my impression of Beck at all. Beck has always seemed incredibly humble and kind. “I don’t know about that, Dad. I’ve never met his parents, but he’s always been nice to me.”

“His dad’s a cop, you little dumbass. You don’t need to be hanging out with no cop’s kid,” he spits, his face contorting in anger.

My face scrunches up in confusion. What in the hell does Beck’s dad being a cop have to do with anything?

“Bunch of holier than thou assholes,” he grunts, and I know there’s no point in arguing. Logic doesn’t live in the same house as a drunk. I can see the anger simmering in his gaze, and I take a step back, trying to keep some space between us. It’s never a good thing when he gets that look in his eyes.

He slams his bottle down on the kitchen table with a loud bang, making me jump. Fear twists my stomach. “Take a look around, kid. You think that boy’s gonna want you around when he sees what you are? He’s too good for you.”

I don’t take my eyes off him. I don’t trust him, not with that look on his face. And definitely not while he’s building up a head full of steam. I know, after years of going through this, that any sudden movement might set him off.

“Nothing to say?” he sneers. I say nothing. I know better than to engage. I don’t move, I don’t breathe. I play dead and hope he loses interest.

I glance quickly toward the clock. 3:46. Almost time to go. Dad glares at me like he’s waiting for me to say something, but I won’t be saying a word. It’s not worth it. I’m excited about tonight, and I’m not going to let him take that from me. I’m not going to let him break my spirit. Not this time.

“You disgust me. Get away,” he growls, his voice menacing. I don’t need to be told twice. I practically run from the room, not stopping until I’m standing on the front porch. Once there, I double over, hands on my knees, gasping for air. No matter how hard I try, I can’t get enough oxygen into my lungs.

After what feels like an eternity, I finally manage to catch my breath. I step off the porch and turn to look back at the house. I’m thankful it sits so far back off the road and that a line of trees essentially hides it from view. Dad may be right about one thing, and it’s that Beck most likely wouldn’t want me if he saw this. You’d think that with Dad’s job in construction, we wouldn’t be living in a house that’s barely standing, but he doesn’t care. And try as I might, I don’t know how to fix the problems.

With a heavy sigh, I take off down the driveway. There’s no reason to tempt Beck to drive up here. When I reach the end, I sit down on the grass and tap my fingers nervously against my thigh.

The sound of a car approaching has my head snapping up. My heart skips a beat in my chest when Beck’s car pulls into the driveway, the familiar nerves rushing to the surface. Not the kind of nerves my dad gives me, but the good kind—the happy, giddy kind. The “I’m about to go on my first date with a guy I’ve been crushing on for years” kind.

Beck rolls the window down and waves at me, a big smile on his face. He motions for me to come on, and I smile as I hop up and make my way to the car. Sliding into the passenger seat, I shut the door and sneak a glance at him out of the corner of my eye. He’s already looking at me with a smile, that cute little gap between his front teeth on full display. God, I’m so screwed.

“Hi. Thanks for coming to get me.” It feels like a damn victory that I’ve managed to form a full sentence without tripping over my words.

To my surprise, he slowly trails his eyes down my body. “Oh, definitely my pleasure.” Is he checking me out? I watch as his throat bobs with a heavy swallow before his eyes dart up to mine. There’s something in those blue depths that sends a shiver down my spine. He seems to shake himself out of whatever little trance he was in and turns his attention back to the driveway.

I clear my throat as he backs out. “Thank you again for asking me out.”

“Thank you for agreeing. I was kinda worried you would turn me down.”

I stare over at him in shock, my dad’s words echoing in my head. He’s too good for you . “You were nervous?” I ask, genuinely confused. Because even though I don’t want to admit it to myself, I fear dad isn’t entirely wrong. Beck is like sunshine in human form. And I’ll taint him with my darkness, with my baggage.

He shoots me a look out of the corner of his eye. “Yes. I’ve always wanted to hang out and be friends with you, but…” He trails off with a shrug, his eyes back on the road. “I don’t know. You always seemed closed off. Like you didn’t want to let people close.”

I look at him for a second before turning back to stare out the windshield. I mean, he’s not wrong. I didn’t want to let people in. I was far too scared they’d start asking questions. Questions I didn’t want to answer. My overwhelming fear of someone finding out about Dad’s abuse kept me from getting close to people, especially people who had the power to have me taken from my home.

I mean, the whole town knows he’s a drunk. But they don’t know about the abuse, and I’ve always been desperate to keep it that way. My shame is too big, even though a small part of my brain is whispering to me that it’s not my fault, that I have nothing to be ashamed of. Something about Beck makes my walls drop a little, though. It’s hard not to feel good when sunshine is beaming at you, warming your skin from the inside out.

“I, um, didn’t really. It’s nothing against you. I had a lot going on at home when we were in school, and it seemed easier to keep to myself.”

For a long while, Beck doesn’t say anything, and I can practically hear the gears turning in his head. I know I’ve said too much, given too much away, but I can’t find it in myself to regret it. Beck makes me feel like it might be okay to be a little vulnerable.

He hums, a thoughtful little sound that makes me fidget in my seat. I’m spared from having to explain any further when he pulls into the parking lot at the fairgrounds.

I open the door and practically fall out of the car trying to get out. Beck’s gentle laughter follows me, and I can feel a blush rising up my cheeks.

He comes around the front of the car and walks toward me, a little smile gracing his lips. He stops in front of me, close enough that I can smell his cologne, something spicy with… vanilla? Standing face to face, with nothing between us, I realize we’re very close to the same height. He may be a bit taller, but just barely. His smile has the corners of his eyes crinkled up, and I can’t help but admire how fucking gorgeous he is.

Slowly, he reaches a hand up and touches my cheek with his fingertips. The contact is electric, and my nerve endings go haywire. Beck Hart is touching me. Oh my God. My heart feels like it’s about to explode from my chest.

He drops his hand and grins. “I love that blush so much.”

My breath catches in my lungs, and I feel my lips curling up against my will. His eyes dart down to my mouth and linger there for a heartbeat. I watch in fascination as his expression shifts, something intense shining in his gaze. My tongue darts out and swipes against my lower lip, and his eyes widen briefly before he clears his throat and takes a small step back.

“You ready?” he asks, his voice a little rougher than before, and I nod, my heart pounding hard in my chest. For a second, he looked like he wanted to kiss me. I would have been so down for that.

We take off together, side by side, and walk toward the fairgrounds. There are faint screams echoing through the air, the low murmur of conversations, and the giggles of kids. The scent floating around us is a strange combination of hay, funnel cake, and farm animals.

“I hope you don’t mind starting with the animals,” Beck says with a grin in my direction. “It’s always been my favorite part of coming to the fair.”

I shake my head. Truthfully, I’m good with whatever he wants to do. I’m just happy to be here with him.

“Okay, cool,” he says, his grin widening as he leads the way toward the barns.

He wasn’t kidding when he said the animals were his favorite. He’s an equal opportunity animal lover, for sure. As we work our way through the livestock barns, he’s in his element, moving from animal to animal with infectious enthusiasm.

“You’re a handsome boy, aren’t you?” he coos at the rooster in front of him, his voice soft. “Yes, you are. Look at how pretty your feathers are.” It’s something he’s said to every single rooster we’ve come across. It’s honestly adorable as fuck. He’s just so… sweet. To everyone and everything.

The goats and sheep were my favorite by far, though. I was laughing my ass off as he baa’d at them—his smile at them infused with his sunshiny goodness. The cows were a close second. There’s something to be said about a man who moos at cows like he’s one of them. My cheeks are starting to ache from the grin I can’t seem to wipe away, and my stomach has been swooping and twisting for the better part of an hour.

Every time he talks to an animal—and trust me, he’s left none out, not even the rabbits—my heart does a little jump in my chest. The soft quality of his voice, and the easy affection he shows, affect me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

He turns his attention from the rooster, and the full force of his smile hits me square in the chest. “C’mon, let’s go check out the rides.”

Before I can respond, he reaches down and grabs my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. My heart takes off at a gallop, the contact sending a rush of warmth through me. He tugs me along, and my feet get the memo and follow him.

“Where do you wanna start?” I ask, despite the nerves fluttering around in my stomach.

He glances back at me. “Ferris wheel?”

I’m a little scared of heights, but the way he’s looking at me makes me forget that completely. His big blue eyes are so full of happiness that I find myself nodding without even thinking. “Sounds good.”

He pulls me along behind him. Some people are shooting us dirty looks, but most are ignoring us. I’m thankful that he hasn’t noticed—or at least hasn’t mentioned—my sweaty palms. God, I’m so nervous.

We get in line for the ride and my fear of heights makes itself known. “Holy shit, that’s so high.”

Beck follows my eyes up and cocks his head to the side. “It’s not too bad. Are you scared of heights?”

I nod, and he laughs. “We don’t have to ride it.”

“No, that’s… I’m alright. A little nervous, that’s all.” I say, trying to come across braver than I feel. I can feel his gaze on me. And I know if I turn to look at him, his pretty blue eyes will be trained on my face.

“If you’re sure,” he says slowly, and I turn to him, giving him a small smile.

“You have a dimple when you smile like that. Did you know that?” His voice is soft as he reaches up with his free hand to touch his finger to my cheek. “Right,” he pauses to gently brush against my skin. “There.” I stare at him with wide eyes. “It’s cute. I like it.”

Heat burns my face, and his eyes light up. Ugh. I like that he finds me cute, or I guess, my dimple, but I’d be lying if I said that I enjoyed that my every emotion plays out on my face in the form of a blush. Or, at least, the ones I’d like to keep hidden. Like how much I enjoy his gentle attention on me, and how warm I feel inside when he compliments me.

He leans a bit closer to me. “It’s our turn. It’ll be okay. I’ll keep you safe.”

I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to get my nerves under control. Holy shit, I can’t believe I’m about to willingly get on this spinning wheel of terror. “Not sure how you’re going to keep me safe if we both plummet to our deaths,” I mumble under my breath.

He chuckles. “So dramatic. We’ll be fine. I promise.”

I can do nothing but nod as I follow him onto the death trap.

The ride lurches forward, and I grip his hand tighter, preparing to careen through the air to my death, but we only move a little and then stop. “Why did we stop? Is something wrong with the ride?”

He shakes his head. “No, we stopped because they’re loading the ride. We’ll stop a lot between now and the top. Then, once everyone is on, we’ll go around in circles.”

“Wait, wait, wait. We’re going to be stopped? At the top? Why didn’t you tell me? Holy shit, we’re going to die. I can’t believe I let you talk me into this,” I say, my words spilling out in a panic.

He gapes at me and I feel my blush creeping back in. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

He swallows, his throat bobbing. “Nothing, it’s just… that’s the most words you’ve ever said to me at one time.”

“Well, I guess being scared for my life makes me less scared of talking to you,” I joke. He laughs, the sound so loud and cheerful that it makes me laugh too, despite the fear coursing through my body.

“You’re not going to die,” he finally says after a moment of laughter. “I ride this every year, and I’ve never died.”

The ride lurches again, and I gasp, squeezing my eyes closed so tightly that spots dance behind my eyelids. He chuckles beside me, the sound deep and warm.

“Oh my, you’re adorable. I should have taken you on a date to the fair years ago.”

I’d love to open my eyes and see the smile I somehow know is on his face. But nope, not happening. I’ll keep my eyes closed until this is over, and hope I don’t fall to my death.