Chapter Five

Maximus

One day post monster incident!

My head was full of singing rhubarb stalk. He never quit the commentary and between that he sang!

Sing it with me, lion…

We were born to be alive. We were born to be alive. Yes, we were born to be alive.

Twirling, full high kick, naked butt shimmy, full hip bend into a bouncing split.

What the fuck was that? My mind boggled as I battled to shut him out and failed as he sang on.

Yes, we were born to be alive, yes to be alive, it’s good to be mated.

Time is not on my side.

I’m wilting, can’t you see without you I’m not alive…

Sing the chorus with me.

Born to be alive.

We were born to be mated…

My lips trembled as I tried to stay mad at him… he was making it very hard.

Your cock? Is that what I’m making hard?

Giddy excitement came with a repeat of the song, and somehow he was projecting the music. How the heck he was doing that, I was at a total loss as my head swam with 70s disco music along with the camp gay Welsh voice he’d used the day before.

He was too much.

Hiding out was for the best. No one asked to be stalked by bad disco. I know I didn’t.

Day two post the monster incident.

It’s party time, pretty lion.

Those words rang through my brain, waking me from the most erotic dream where I was…

For the love of rhubarb, I was losing my shit.

You love me? The quivering excitement through our link was too much.

Oh, dear God. I’m rhubarb obsessed.

Just the way it should be, my alpha.

And there was more wiggling in my head. How did he do that?

Showering in record time, I tried to shut Tim out, but my mate was persistent. Dressing in baggy clothes to hide what was happening in my pants was essential, when I’d no control over my dick when the singing started.

I was doomed.

Doomed!

Come now. I’m sure today you’ll see my stalk in all its magnificence.

Downstairs in the kitchen, I grunted and nodded at Gordon, who was sitting at the table when the dreadful singing started in the same gay Welsh accent.

King of lions, mate of rhubarb. Voice of c-r-u-m-b-l-e. hear my song. Louder than the thunder, make you love the custard glory. Hail, hail Lion of rhubarb, let the Lion roar! Roar! Let the lion roar.

“Why aren’t you answering me? Are you ignoring me?” said Gordon, sounding utterly miffed.

I glanced over my shoulder, staring blankly at Gordon, confirming my suspicion he was miffed. “I’m not.”

He arched one perfectly plucked brow. “What did I say then?”

I wracked my brain, coming up empty except for Tim. I groaned and walked to the kitchen table where Gordon had spread out his paints, as usual covering the entire surface, meaning no one could use it for breakfast. “Sorry… just got a lot going on in my head.”

Not a lot, just a singing stalk of rhubarb!

Two days… and nights of rhubarb karaoke. How long could he keep this up for? How long could I survive?

As long as it takes for you to see that I wasn’t being mean calling you a monster.

“You called me one, though, more than once,” I pointed out, still hurt that anyone would call me that when I wasn’t.

“Are you talking to me or yourself?” Gordon questioned, his gaze not moving from the canvas in front of him.

Thoroughly pissed, I stomped my foot, realizing I was now talking aloud on top of everything else. Tim was driving me crazy. “No, I was talking to Tim.”

Gordon’s attention returned to me after giving the room a sweeping glance. “But Tim isn’t here? So why are you talking to him?”

I tapped at the side of my head. “Oh, he’s here alright and driving me nuts.”

This was going to be another long day. I could see it as the singing, with dance descriptions, started again! How was it that one delectable stalk of rhubarb could upend my whole life when we hadn’t mated officially?

Roar, let the lion roar.

“I never asked for a mate,” I said huffily, doing everything I could to block the warmth spreading through my chest.

“He smelled real tasty and his body…” Gordon smacked his lips together. “That looked yummy, too. I can’t see a downside.”

“Hey, that’s my mate you’re talking about, despite the fact he called me a monster.”

“Something you haven’t let us forget at every opportunity.” Gordon grinned cheekily. “By that, I mean at least ten times every hour.”

“Is it my fault when he’s up in my head being all… rhubarb?”

“Is that even a thing?” asked Apollo as he strolled into the kitchen, clearly having heard some of the conversation, if not all of it.

“It’s a thing, believe me,” I said wearily. “It never stops.”

“You’re gonna have to do something before we put you in the crumble,” Apollo said dramatically, heading for the one seat at the counter that I’d made the day before, when I’d had the urge to stroke some rhubarb… feel the furry stalk against my palm.

You wait till you get to fondle more of me. How do you like your custard?

The tent housing my dick extended, and I groaned when those in the kitchen grinned at me.

Bloody sexy rhubarb, you aren’t helping!

The early rhubarb gets all the custard.

Stop it, I snapped back with no heat at all when he sent an image of me licking custard off him. All the heat was in my sweats, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to cream myself in front of my pride. This rhubarb was a complete menace.

Save all your cream for me. Save all your cream for me. I’m here, lion, I’m here. Uh doop doop doop doop.

“He’s gone again,” Gordon said, bringing my attention back to him.

What had I missed this time?

“Can’t you just go find him, bite or do whatever, and stop torturing us!” Apollo asked, his voice full of laughter.

I was the one being tortured. I huffed and finally caved.

Tim, get your ass over here, now!

Woo hoo! On my way, oh love of my stalk.

We’ll see about that. I had one order.

And no talk of damn monsters!