Chapter Three

Maximus

“What’s going on?” Burke asked, appearing at my side and looking down at the large bag of rhubarb. “Did you manage to get Uber Eats to deliver rhubarb? You’re so smart.”

“Uber Eats? Hey matey, do I look like a delivery driver,” Tim snapped, apparently able to change conversations in the blink of an eye.

Whereas I was still working on the one brain cell that got caught on the fact that this flirty omega was all up in my head and thought we were… I gulped, definitely unconvinced we were anything.

Then why are you rocking a heat-seeking missile that’s working to force its way out of your sweats? Your drill wants to meet my diamond, honey.

The snarky voice now residing in my head sent my pulse to the top of my skull.

Burke reached for the bag of rhubarb, but I flung it at Tim and slammed the door shut in my panic. I leaned on the door for good measure, needing the support while I sucked in a deep breath, hoping it would get rid of the urge to re-open the door and impale sassy pants on the end of my dick.

Please tell me I didn’t just moan at the thought.

“Guys, you better come quick! Maximus is having some sort of weird out-of-body experience,” Burke shouted, loud enough to wake the dead and bring me back to my senses. Although my dick had no sense at all as it waved about, looking for the damn party.

Then a voice sang through the closed door, “Hello, is it rhubarb you’re looking for?”

Apollo, who was the first to reach us, stared at the door, looking perplexed as his lips curled down. “Is someone singing Lionel Richie’s classic, Hello and switching out the lyrics for… rhubarb?”

“Yeah, we’re being hazed!” I muttered, not sounding at all convinced.

The man outside the door continued to sing, getting so much into the swing of it that Burke started to giggle. “Ya gotta say, he’s not half bad… if you discount he’s using the worst camp Welsh accent I’ve ever heard.”

“How do you know what a Welsh accent sounds like?”

“Well duh! Michael Sheen, of course.”

The rest of the pride just looked at each other in confusion.

“Can I smell rhubarb?” Gordon gave a noisy sniff of the air like a kid with a stinking cold. He was our unfortunate goat who had a bit too much testosterone and most of the time behaved like he’d taken a bucket load of Viagra. We’d made him stay inside our new house, figuring the townsfolk were not ready to have a horny goat in their small town. Considering the woman treated us as if we were monsters, that was a good decision.

Burke stopped giggling and scowled at me. “Yep. Only Maxi lost his marbles and threw it at the singing guy.”

“Why?” Gordon asked, looking at the others with confusion. “We all love rhubarb.”

Drew, our grumpy llama, nodded vigorously. “Wasn’t it you who was complaining when we got home about how they wouldn’t let you have any?”

Randy pointed at my dick. “It appears the question in the van wasn’t rhetorical. It seems our revered alpha really, really likes rhubarb if he has to keep it out of the house. Is that so we don’t catch you fucking it, Maxi?”

Everyone laughed without exception and, red-cheeked, I threw up my arms and spun back to open the door. “Give us the damn rhubarb,” I demanded to the man, who stopped singing to smile brightly up at me.

“Well, I’m not that kind of rhubarb… I like sex.” His interested gaze swept those standing behind me and he winked at them, making my blood pressure hit the roof at the violent urge that came with thoughts of him with… rhubarb, did he refer to himself as rhubarb?

He carried on chatting aloud, only answering my question internally at the same time.

I really did . He stressed the point as if he thought I was going to contradict him, like I’d do that when I was already believing I’d lost the entire bag of marbles.

“Only this mating thing…yeah, that’s new. It means this rhubarb has really won the rhubarb lottery.” Then, as if it all made perfect sense, he took off his top.

“What are you doing?” I squeaked as he shimmied out of his jeans. “What… shit… why…” I glanced up and down the street in panic. I liked a naked man like any gay lion does, but why was he stripping on my doorstep? I just knew from the stunned silence behind me that this show had everyone’s full attention.

Where the hell had we moved to?

I rapped my head to wake myself up, because this had to be a dream. The man continued to undress until he stood on my doorstep, gloriously naked, wittering about who the fuck knew what. I had one focus; a slim, willowy, fuzzy-haired body and the slender cock that was as equally aroused as mine.

“Get ready,” he said excitedly. “What do you call a polite rhubarb?”

Huh?

“Oh, I know,” Randy said eagerly. Far too eagerly for my liking. “Stalk-friendly.”

Tim laughed and didn’t appear to register that he was standing on the doorstep, butt naked, and with an audience. “You got it.”

“I got one,” said Drew, coming closer to me and giving Tim a shy smile. “Why did the rhubarb go to therapy?”

Tim’s brows came together, then he clicked his fingers. “It had too many stalk issues.”

“You’re good.” Drew beamed at Tim.

“You have no idea.” Tim’s attention returned to me and the air burst from my body at the sexy grin plastered to his cheeky face. “Ready to ride the rhubarb?”

There were splutters behind me, but my attention remained riveted on Tim as the vibe that Randy had mentioned coming from the rhubarb in the store fizzled hotter in the air. The scent of fresh rhubarb came in a heady wave. “Catch me,” Tim called out, then the man became a very furry stalk of… rhubarb .

I did not drop the flying fruit, although it might have been a close-run thing. I pumped the air with the stalk of rhubarb, absolutely riding the crazy train.

My hero. Whoop! Whoop!

And didn’t his enthusiasm make me go all warm and fuzzy inside? Just like rhubarb.

The silence behind me was deafening as Tim wriggled a fuzzy tango of appreciation in my hand, sending all sorts of crazy tingles through my palms, straight to my cock.

“Uh… Max? What just happened?” Randy asked.

I spun around, my dick bouncing with fucking joy as I stared wide eyed at my confused pride.

“I’m mated to a stalk of rhubarb,” I exclaimed. Never in any universe would I have thought I’d have ever uttered those words.

Ain’t it cool! Tim projected at me, utterly delighted with his hairy self.