23. Brady

23

Brady

I 've been driving around aimlessly for hours now, my thoughts a chaotic mess as my painful conversation with Melanie plays out on repeat in my mind, until I don't know what's up or down anymore.

Melanie is pregnant…

My God, I can't be a father. What the hell do I know about raising a baby, and don't I have enough responsibility as it is? What if I fuck the child up? Or worse. What if something happens to me and I can't be there for them?

I take deep gulping breaths, and when I nearly rear-end the guy in front of me, and car horns start honking at me, I pull over. That's when my phone rings, and I snatch it up to see that it's Noah. I stare at his number and debate on answering. I'm not much in the mood for conversation, and I'm sure he's fully aware of what's gone down by now, which means a lecture is incoming—and deserved. Fuck, I can only imagine that he's going to tear me a new one.

And why would he do that, Brad y?

Oh, because of the way I reacted and handled the situation.

How did you handle it, dude?

Like a goddamn asshole.

I have no doubt he's going to yell at me for the things I said to Melanie, and for making a stupid bet in the first place. What was I thinking? I might have been joking with the guys, but Melanie was never a bet to me and I can't even imagine how much that would have hurt her. But fuck, she didn't believe me when I tried to tell her the truth, and after getting to know her, I can totally understand where all the distrust came from.

You didn't believe her either, dude.

Jesus, do I really think she's the type of girl to trick a guy? No, I fucking don't, and yeah, I lashed out, because I've spent a lifetime with others taking things from me, using me for what they want—I can see that so much more clearly now, thanks to Melanie—a woman I've really hurt. A tortured groan rumbles out of my throat. Deep in my heart, I know she's not a woman to take advantage of anyone. Which is why I want a future with her, and why I left the house early today. I didn't want to just tell her how much I loved her. I wanted to show her.

Yeah, you did a real good job of that, asshole.

Oh God, what the fuck have I done?

I start breathing so hard and fast, I begin to hyperventilate. Even if I went to her now, no way is she going to forgive me for the things I've said, and I'm not sure she'll ever believe she was so much more than a bet. Trust is hard for her, taking people at their word even harder, and I fucked all that up. I pound the steering wheel, my chest rising and falling rapidly as I debate my next move.

When my phone continues to ring, Noah not letting up, I slide my finger across the screen. "Hey."

"Brady, where are you?" I sit up a little straighter when I hear the panic in his voice.

I glance around, not really sure where I am. "I'm over in Weston. I think." Christ, I don't even know how I got here.

"You need to get to the hospital. Brighton and I are here with Melanie."

Hospital?

Panic bursts through me. "What the fuck, Noah? Is Melanie, okay? Is the baby…" Did Melanie have a miscarriage, brought on by anxiety—compliments of my cruel words. Or maybe she's at the hospital to…

My heart lurches and as I grip the steering wheel, my life flashes before my eyes, everything that's important and precious to me, suddenly coming into clear view. My blood drains to my toes, my vision narrowing as I try not to panic.

If anything happens to either of them…

"Which hospital?" I ask, and flick on my signal to pull back into traffic.

"Brigham."

"The baby?"

"We're waiting to hear."

I hear beeping sounds in the background, and a fresh wave of fear washes over me. "Noah…"

"Just get here, Brady. She needs you."

With fear gripping me, I toss my phone onto the passenger seat, and I grasp the steering wheel harder, my earlier conversation with Melanie hovering in the shadows of my brain and haunting me. She needs me. I need her. Jesus Christ, the things I said, things I accused her of. What the hell was I thinking? Melanie is not the kind of woman to get pregnant on purpose, and hell, it takes two to make a baby, right?

With my heart pounding so hard, I can barely hear or see anything around me, I jerk my vehicle to the left, pulling into traffic. Unfortunately, with fear practically debilitating me, I don't see the fast moving vehicle in my blind spot, and the next thing I know, it slams into me, hard, crushing my driver's side door. My car lurches forward, my head banging against the steering wheel. I only come to a stop when I hit the lamppost, and I don't give a shit about my car, or the fact that my arm and head hurt. All I can think about is getting to the hospital.

A knock comes on my window, and the world spins around me as I struggle to open my door, only to find it stuck. How the hell can this be happening? I fight to get my seatbelt off and when I do, I move to the passenger seat and tug on the door handle. Sirens sound in the distance, and my throat tightens. I don't have time for any of this. Melanie needs me and I need to be there for her. I can't fail her.

As every worry I've ever had about failing others comes rushing back to the surface, tears prick my eyes. Someone opens the passenger side door and reaches for me.

"Are you okay, man?" He helps me out, and on the sidewalk, I glance up and down the street, the pavement swaying before my eyes as a crowd forms.

"Yeah, I need to go." I begin to pace, a headache brewing as I try to figure out what to do next. "I have to get to the hospital."

"You're hurt?"

I move my arm, which feels bruised but not broken, and I stare at one point on the sidewalk to stop my head from spinning. "I'm not hurt. I need to get to my girlfriend in the city."

The elderly gentleman puts his hand on my shoulder and I lift my head. His eyes narrow. "You can't go anywhere, dude. Police are here now, and they need to question you. You cut that guy off. I saw the whole thing, and from the way you're wobbling, I think you might have a concussion."

"No, I don't and I have to go."

A police car pulls up in front of my car, and two officers get out. Panic overtakes me, and I glance around, my body shaking as I search for a cab, or a bus.

"Are you hurt?" one officer asks me as the other checks the damage on the car.

"No, I need to go. My girlfriend is in the hospital."

"I need to get some information from you and your vehicle isn't fit for the road." His gaze moves over my face, a careful assessment. "Wait, you're Brady Fisher."

I nod, hoping he's a Bucks fan and that will help me get out of here faster.

I scrub my face, my breath coming in shallow gasps. I need to go. Now. "Yeah, that's me."

He checks out my car. "What happened here?"

I once again tell him that my pregnant girlfriend needs me, and that I need to go, but he doesn't seem to be all that concerned about that.

"Okay, let's get some pictures and paperwork done and this car towed. Then I can let you go."

As my panic escalates, I briefly close my eyes and try to calm myself down. "I really need to go."

His voice is much firmer when he says, "This won't take long."

I reach into my pocket, and grab my phone to call Noah, but I can't find it. Where the hell did it go? Did I even tell him I was on my way? Jesus, I don't even think I hung up before I was sideswiped. I look back into my car, and the world spins around me as I search for my phone. I'm failing Melanie. Jesus Christ, I'm failing her, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Maybe I am no good to anyone.

My legs go weak and the officer puts his hand under my arm to steady me. "I think you need to get checked out."

Dread moves through me when I can't focus enough to find my phone. "I will, later. I need to find my phone."

"Tow truck is on the way," the other officer calls out.

The officer nods toward my glovebox. "I'll need your paperwork."

I drop back down into the passenger seat and open the glovebox to hand over my paperwork. For the next fifteen minutes, pictures are taken and paperwork is exchanged, and a tow truck comes to tow my vehicle away.

After the crowd clears and insurance is called, and I'm free to go, I ask a stranger on the sidewalk to call me a cab. Forty-five minutes later after a very slow and agonizing ride to the city, he drops me at the hospital. I pay him, and hurry inside, even though each step is like a jackhammer to my skull. The place is crowded and I make my way to the nursing station, only to find out Melanie has been discharged.

Jesus Christ.

I grip the counter to hang on as the world tilts on its axis. The one time Melanie needed me and I wasn't even there for her. Maybe she and the baby deserve better, someone who will be there for them in their time of need. Christ, no one has ever been there for her, not even when she was a child, and I'm no better than any of them.

Back outside, I hail another cab, and try to calm my chaotic thoughts as he drives me home. When I get there, I hurry inside, and go straight to my wing of the house, hoping to find Melanie there. I shove the door open and search.

"Melanie," I call out, fear gripping my chest, making breathing near impossible. I gulp air, barely able to fill my lungs as I rush through my place only to find it empty. I head back to the door, ready to storm Noah's place when my feet come to a resounding halt.

"Lanie," I breathe out when I find her standing in my doorway. I lower my eyes to her stomach. "The baby…" My voice is as shaky as my body.

She touches her stomach and her eyes are full of worry, and…tears. "The baby is okay. I was spotting, and it scared me, but we're okay."

A loud, hiccupping sob rises in my throat and with my legs no longer able to support me, I sink to the floor, my body giving out on me. "I'm so fucking sorry, Lanie. You deserve so much better from me."

"Hey," she says quietly, coming to sit next to me, her eyes still watery. She takes my hands.

"I'm so fucking sorry for the things I said to you. You were never a bet to me. I think I was in love with you the first time I ever set eyes on you, and I know you didn't get pregnant on purpose. I also know you think I'm an asshole, a joker, a guy who never takes anything seriously?—"

"Brady." I go quiet at the seriousness in her tone. But when warm eyes move over my face, I realize she's not mad. "I don't think any of those things."

I stop breathing as I try to make sense of her words. Why wouldn't she believe any of those things after the way I acted?

"You were never a bet," I manage to push out as my breath comes fast.

"I know, and I know underneath this fa?ade you present to the world, you're an amazing man, with an amazing heart."

I gulp, hardly able to believe what I'm hearing. "You're…you don't…hate me?"

She smiles at me. "No, you see I was recently told I needed to take my own advice so that's what I'm doing. I'm thinking with a clear head and a heart full of love." She cups my face. "I know who you are, Brady. I know I was never a bet to you, and I also know why you reacted the way you did when I told you I was pregnant."

Another wave of fear burns through my blood. I shake my head, hating myself even though there's so much forgiveness in her heart. "I wasn't there for you, or the baby. I'm so fucking sorry. I wanted to be. I just…couldn't be."

She brushes her fingers through my mess of hair, comforting me. Christ, shouldn't I be the one comforting her. She was the one in the hospital, not me. And after the things I said to her…

"What if…" A sob tightens my throat. "What if I…I can't be what you need? What if we have this baby and something happens to me and I can't be there for you."

"Brady, I know this is scary. Hell, I'm scared too, but you've been letting fear keep you from living for a long time now. Not everyone or everything is your responsibility, especially when you were only eight years old."

"I know but…I was in an accident. I couldn't get to the hospital in time." I swallow against a raw throat. "I'm so fucking terrified, Lanie. You're everything I've ever wanted. The baby too. But I'm so fucking terrified of fucking up. What if something happens to me, what if I can't be there for you guys? I wasn't there today. What if it happens again and again? No one has been there for you, and I was no better. I'm so sorry."

"First, let me say, you're the best man I know, and second let me say it's good to let yourself feel these things. It's healthy. As far as not being there for us, sometimes circumstances are out of our control. Life happens. Accidents happen. Accusations happen. Brady, we both reacted horribly. Our past hurts and fears are why we both lashed out. While emotions are good, I don't want to live in the past anymore. I don't want it ruining our future. We need to feel all the feels, deal with them so they don't come back to haunt us, and learn to move forward. Emotions are not weaknesses, Brady."

Our future.

She's saying we have a future…

"I know I have to make some big changes. I know what's important to me, and I want to be there for those who truly love me. I want to be there for you and our baby. I'm sorry…the hospital…"

"The point is…" She pokes my chest. "You wanted to be there for me." She touches her stomach. "And for our baby. That's what counts and it's not your job to always be there for others."

"Others, no, maybe not. But you and the baby. I want to be there."

She smiles at me and the love and emotions in her eyes soothes my soul and makes me just a little bit less afraid. "I want you to be there too and if something does happen to you, I'll deal with that at the time, and if something happens to me, you'll deal with it. People do find a way to go on. Until then, I think we need to live in the present, and love and care for one another the best way we can."

My heart soars. "I love you, Lanie, and want us to be a family. A real family."

She goes quiet for a long time, and fear grips me. Does she not want that, too?

"I love you too, Brady, but you have to be sure that this is what you want. You have to be sure you're not saying that because of the baby. Because you have this huge sense of responsibility in you and feel it's the right thing to do."

"I'm not." I stand and pull her to her feet. "Come with me, and I'll prove it."