22. Melanie

22

Melanie

I roll over in bed, and reach for Brady, only to find out he's not there. I sit up, a little panicked as my heart thumps. Last night, I'd never seen him so hurt, and it still breaks my heart to think his mother said such cruel words to him. He was only standing up for himself, and while it's great to help out family, there is a line in the sand, and they've crossed it too many times.

I listen for sounds, and when my ears are met with silence, I push the covers off and walk to the window, expecting him to be out for a morning jog and that's probably good for him. As I search the sand, and find no traces of him, my hand goes to my cramped stomach. Another wave of panic moves through me.

The other night when I was out with Brighton and Dani, I did stop at the drugstore and pick up a pregnancy test. I didn't take it, because I'm one hundred percent sure I'm not pregnant. Heck, I had my period not long ago. Okay, maybe I'm ninety-nine percent sure I'm not pregnant, and maybe I should take the test to confirm it.

Lord knows I don't want to be having a baby, especially after last night. I can't even imagine what Brady would do if I had his child growing inside of me. He certainly made it clear that he never wanted to be a father, and yes, I've told him there was no way I was bringing children into the world either.

I push that from my mind, and stand, going to the closet to grab my old but fluffy robe. I don't have a lot of clothes, and when I went back to the apartment to get my things—when I knew my roommate was gone—I only had a bedroom full of personal things to bring. I didn't have to haul a bed. Not because Brady had one, but because the place was furnished, just like my sublet is going to be furnished.

I walk to the kitchen and the delicious scent of hazelnut vanilla coffee reaches my nostrils. Brady must have already made a cup, but where the heck is he? I inhale as I put a pod into the machine. I spot movement on the patio and walk to the door. My insides soar when I spot Brady, leaning against the rail. God, I love that man so much it's insane.

I note that he's dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, ready for the day, as I slide the door open. He turns, and I'm surprised to see his phone pressed against his ear. Something moves into his eyes when he sees me—something that looks like annoyance, irritation even— and he gives me a curt nod. That's when it occurs to me, he doesn't want me in his space right now. He turns his back to me, speaking quietly into the phone, his words for the listeners ears only.

Is it his mother again? Anxiety grips my stomach, and I swear if she hurts Brady again, I'm going to have words with her. But right now, his words aren't for me, so I inch back to give him privacy.

The coffee machine finishes and I grab the milk out of the fridge. I pour it into my cup and don't know why I'm suddenly feeling rejected. That man is allowed to have private conversations that don't involve me. I take a much-needed sip of coffee and I'm about to take it back to the bedroom, to give him even more privacy, when he steps into the kitchen.

"Hey, sorry about that." He steps up to me, puts his arm around my waist and gives me a tender kiss that eases some of my worries.

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I ah. I just had some things to deal with." He must read the worry in my eyes, because he continues with, "No, it wasn't Mom. I don't think I'm ready to talk to her just yet."

I go up on my toes and kiss him again. "You know I'm here if you need to talk or work anything out."

"Thanks, babe." He checks his phone and frowns. "Listen, I have to go to town. I have some errands to run." I'm about to tell him I can shower fast and join him when he inches back and scrubs his face, glancing around like he's searching for something. "How's your day looking? Studying?"

Ignoring that pang of rejection again, I blurt out, "Oh yeah, always."

"Okay. I'll catch up with you later then?"

I nod, and he steps from the kitchen, leaving me there with my coffee, concern and confusion about what the heck is really going on. Where is he rushing off to in such a hurry, and who was on the phone?

Nope, don't go there, girl.

The man is allowed to have a life outside of me, plus I really should go over yesterday's notes and I do have to work tonight. Yes, Brady paid my tuition, which helps ease my financial worries, but I'm not going to slack off on work, and I'll pay him back one way or the other, because that is going above and beyond what a boyfriend does for his girl.

A little jolt of excitement wells inside me. I do like being called his girlfriend. I roll my eyes so hard, I nearly give myself a headache. Get it together . I'm a grown woman, not a love-struck teenager.

I leave the kitchen and walk into the living room, dropping down onto the sofa. I stare at my backpack, but I'm not really in the mood to pull out my laptop. Brady comes from the bedroom, sliding his wallet into his pocket and heads toward the door.

"I'll catch up with you later. Maybe we can go out to dinner?"

"I work tonight, remember? I'm not off until eleven."

He frowns and glances down. "Oh, right."

What is going on with him? Why does he seem so ruffled and out of sorts?

"I can make us dinner," I offer.

"I'm not sure what time I'll be back. I'll text you, okay? I can grab take-out for us. Maybe Thai?"

The thoughts of Thai food, which I usually love, suddenly turns my stomach. "Sounds good," I tell him, not wanting to worry him about my health when he clearly has something very important on his mind.

"See you later. Good luck with studying today." His phone pings, and he pulls it from his pocket to read the message. "Oh, I might be grabbing a beer with Conner and Gunther later." Then just like that, he's out the door. I sit there for a moment, hear his car rev in the driveway and then stand to get my day going. I'm not one to mope around, and I'm sure if something horrible was going on in his life, he'd share it with me, right?

I finish my coffee and take a quick shower. Maybe I'll check in with Brighton after lunch. I could take Camryn to the park, to give her a break, and I still owe her for letting me crash at her place that weekend when she was away. That's when I remember it's Saturday and she's headed to their summer home.

Feeling an odd bout of loneliness, I dress in comfy yoga pants and a T-shirt and since I have no appetite, I go to the sofa and boot up my laptop. I study for a while and it's well after lunch when I lift my head, deciding I should put some food into my stomach. I head to the kitchen to eat. The second I crack an egg into the pan, nausea overtakes me, and I turn off the burner. What the heck is wrong with me?

Maybe you should take that test, Melanie.

Ugh. I push the pan to the back burner and walk into the bedroom. I tug open my nightstand drawer and dig out the test that I had buried under all my lotions, pens and notepads. I hold it for a second. This is stupid. I can't be pregnant. I open my phone and check the dates. I know I had a period like two weeks ago.

Just do it.

I walk to the bathroom, and even though I think I'm being ridiculous and over cautious, I decide to pee on the damn stick. Once done, I set my phone to chime in three minutes, and I pace up and down the hall. When I'm writing an exam, three minutes goes fast. When I'm waiting on a pregnancy result, it's the longest three minutes in the world.

My phone finally chimes and I hurry to the bathroom. I pick up the stick, expecting to see negative results when two of the biggest, pinkest lines I've ever seen kick me in the gut.

What the ever-loving hell?

I take two fast breaths, sure this is a mistake. I sink to the floor and grab the pamphlet, reading it for the second time. But there's no mistake about it. Two pink lines means I'm pregnant. But how, when? The room closes in on me and I pretty much catch my breath. Seconds turn into minutes, and I have no idea how long I've been sitting on the floor when I reach for my phone, although I don't even know who to call.

A car outside draws my attention, and I jump up and run to the window in time to see Noah pull out of the driveway, Camryn in the back seat. That must mean they haven't left for the cottage yet and Brighton could still be home. I hurry to my door, tug it open so hard it hits the wall, and bolt across the hall. I knock hard, and hear Brighton call out, telling me it's open.

I fling the door open and when I enter, she's nowhere to be found. "Brighton," I practically yell. "I'm pregnant."

She comes from the kitchen, a cup of coffee in her hand as her eyes go wide. "What did you say?"

I hold the stick out. "I'm…pregnant. Two pink lines. Ohmigod, how did this happen?" I begin to hyperventilate, and she comes hurrying over. She sets her coffee down, puts her arms around me and rubs my back as she leads me to the sofa.

"It's okay. We can figure this out."

"No, we can't," I shriek. "This is bad. Ohmigod it's so bad. Brady…oh, God, Brady. How can this be real?"

"Did you have a period?"

"Yes." I pause and think about it. "I mean I was spotting, and I figured that was my period. Sometimes when I'm stressed, my periods get messed up. I'm on the freaking pill, Brighton." I take it regularly." Wait, did I miss a day or two when studying? Oh God, what is happening in my life.

Brighton lifts her head, and looks toward the kitchen, her lips twisted in worry. I follow her gaze and that's when I spot Dani standing there. Oh, shit. I didn't know she had company and I certainly don't want anyone knowing my private business.

"I should go." I'm about to jump up when Brighton puts her hand on my leg to stop me. "No, you should stay. I think there's something you need to hear."

My gaze goes from Brighton to Dani back to Brighton. Brighton frowns and I'm guessing whatever it is she needs me to hear, I'm not going to like. "I'm having a hard time believing it," she begins quietly. "I mean, I know Brady quite well and this doesn't sound like him, but Dani overheard something that night at your party. It's been eating at her, and she came here today to talk to me, trying to figure out what to do."

By now my heart is in my throat and a new kind of panic overtakes me. "What's going on?" Dani drops down next to Brighton, her bottom lip red and raw from chewing on it. "Dani?"

"I didn't know whether to say anything or not, but now that you're pregnant, I think you need to know."

Heart beating so hard against my ribs, I lean forward and hug myself, but there was nothing I could do to brace myself, or prepare for what she said next.

"You were a bet, Melanie. I'm so sorry."

"A bet?" I grip the stick tighter, nearly snap it with my hands. "I don't understand."

Dani swallows and glances at Brighton, who gives her a nod. Brighton turns back to me and takes my hands in hers.

"I overheard Gunther and Brady talking about double or nothing." I lean toward Dani, her voice is so low I can hardly hear her. "Gunther said he owed Brady a beer because he got you into his bed. Then he said something about him owing Brady another beer for getting you to fall for him."

I sit there, blink once, twice, three times as her words bounce around inside of my brain, making no sense at all. What is she talking about? I was a bet…and the prize was a beer? No, she must have heard them wrong.

"Melanie, are you okay?" Brighton's voice cuts through the confusion in my head.

"Yeah. Sure. I think you must have heard them wrong, Dani."

Dani and Brighton exchange a glance and I push to my feet. "I need to go."

"Melanie, please. Don't go. We need to talk."

I have no idea how my wobbly legs carried me to the door, but the next thing I know I'm back in Brady's suite, staring up at the ceiling from his bed. Soft knocks sound on the door, but I ignore them, and when Brighton texts, I message back that I need some alone time.

Brady was meeting the guys for a beer…

I wrap my arms around myself. A bet would explain why he was with me when he could have his pick of women. I take deep gulping breaths, as my mind goes through everything, from the first time we met, to this morning, when he was completely distracted by something. As old insecurities creep back in, I can't seem to push them down. I lay still for a long time, my thoughts a chaotic mess, and when I hear the front door open and Brady call out to me, worry in his voice, I force myself to sit up.

Why is there worry in his voice? Does he know that I know?

He calls out to me again, and when I don't answer he eventually checks the bedroom. "Hey," he whispers, crossing the room to sit next to me, but I scoot to the other side of the bed, and force myself to my feet.

"What's going on?" He stands and walks to the end of the bed. "Brighton texted me, told me I needed to come home. Are you sick?" His gaze moves over my face. "You're pale again."

Unable to help myself, I blurt out, "I'm pregnant."

Blood drains from his face, leaving his skin a greyish white color. He falters backward, his eyes wide with shock, surprise…disbelief.

"You're…pregnant?" His gaze drops to my stomach. "Is this a joke?"

"No."

His gaze cuts back to mine, and there's a new kind of hardness there, and accusation in his glare raises the hairs on the back of my neck, "You said you were on the pill."

A crazy sound bubbles up in my throat. "I was…I am," I shoot back.

"Lanie, what the fuck is going on? How could you be pregnant if you were on the pill?" He goes quiet and scrubs his face, and I try to examine the barrage of emotions hitting him. Confusion. Disbelief. Anxiety. Fear.

Understanding.

His eyes lift, and there's a different kind of hardness there now, and that's when I realize his demons have come back to haunt him too.

"Holy fuck. You weren't on the pill. You did this on purpose. You wanted kids, didn't you?"

I briefly remember the way he reacted when I told him I was on the pill to regulate my periods. There was a moment of hesitation, like he wasn't sure if he believed me. "I didn't do this on purpose." I'm not sure he's even registering what I'm saying as he begins to pace. "Do you really think I'd lie about being on the pill?"

His voice lacks emotion when he retorts, "You've lied about things before."

"Are you kidding me." My heart jumps into my throat. I can't believe he's bringing up the money I hid from my parents. "You're bringing that up," I yell.

He shakes his head with disgust. The weight of his glare sits heavy on my shoulders. "Jesus. Fuck. I was warned about this."

My head rears back. "You were warned about this? You were warned that I'd get pregnant?"

"Yeah, the guys warned me you were probably looking for a baby, because you were older than me and were no doubt looking to settle down."

"The guys told you that?" I run a shaky hand through my hair. "And you believed them?"

"I saw the way you looked at Zoe on the beach, the way you are with Camryn." A derisive snort fills the air. "I used to wonder what was holding you back, what was missing from your life that was keeping you from having children, but I guess now I know."

I fold my arms as my body begins to shiver. "Do you now? Then why don't you enlighten me."

He snorts again, and backs away from me. "The only thing holding you back was a sperm donor. Fuck, you wanted something from me, just like everyone else in my life."

I fight back the tears. He doesn't deserve them. I work not to sound as shaky as I feel. "Wow, that's what you think of me?"

He turns toward the window and I take in his stiff shoulders as they curl up to his ears. "I can't have a baby, Lanie." Fear reverberates off every word and heightens the anxiety coursing through my veins. "I can't do it. I can't take on that responsibility. I told you that."

"Is that it, or was I just a bet to you?"

He turns fast, his jerky gaze back on my face as his body stiffens. "What?"

"I was a bet." I glance at his bed and call on calm, even though there's a storm going on inside me. "A beer to get me into your bed." His body is practically trembling when I turn my focus back to him. "A beer to get me to fall in love with you. Is that where you were today, out collecting your wins?" He opens his mouth and I hold my hand up to stop him. I'm not nearly done. "I get it, Brady. I told you a long time ago everything was tit for tat, and you just proved it to me once again." Despite my best efforts to stay calm, a hysterical little laugh bubbles out of me. "I live here, you get sex in return, and a nice cold beer to wash it all down. Fantastic. Well done." I clap my hands.

"Lanie, it's not like that."

I arch a brow. "Truth or dare."

"What?"

"Truth or dare," I snap again. He cocks his head and I explain, "You still owe me a truth from our previous game, and you should probably stick with that because I don't think you'll like the dare."

He exhales hard, and runs his hand through his hair. "Truth."

"Did you make a bet with the guys? Was there beer involved?"

"It was a joke."

I shake my head as my heart crumbles a little bit more. "Is everything a joke to you? I thought you were something different. I thought you were someone more. I thought we had a real connection. But maybe I should have stuck with my first impression of you. Maybe that's the real Brady, and this new, kind, tender, sweet version you presented to me, was just the Brady who was trying to get into my pants and my heart."

He starts to come my way but I back up and he stops. "Lanie…"

"Did you make the bet? Remember, you picked truth."

He looks down, shame reddening his face, telling me all I need to know. "Yes, I made the bet, sort of…"

I don't think sort of counts. "If you picked dare, I was going to tell you to leave, so I can pack my stuff in private. I think that still stands."

"Lanie, wait please. Don't do this."

I gulp as hurt rakes down my throat, making speech painful. "It's okay, Brady. I got your sperm, remember. So, I don't need you anymore now, and if you had to rush home before you got to have that beer with the guys, maybe now is a good time to rectify that."

He stares at me long and hard, until his expression shuts down. I finally find the strength to turn my back on him. A moment later, his footsteps sound on the floor and the front door opens and closes with a slam. My entire body shakes, tears flooding my face. I sob like a toddler and sink to the floor, my legs too weak to even hold me up. I cry for a long time, until a soft voice pulls my attention.

I glance up to see Brighton. "I heard Brady leave, and let myself in. Don't be mad." She sinks to the floor with me, taking my hands in hers. "Talk to me, Melanie."

Before I even realize what I'm doing, I'm talking non-stop, blurting out everything that happened since Brady first found me in her apartment and nearly poked me with the fireplace poker. I spill it all, leaving nothing out, and I cry the entire time.

Once I'm done, Brighton grabs a few tissues and wipes my face. "Do you know what I'm hearing?"

I sniff and take the tissue from her. "What?"

"That you two love each other very much."

"I was a bet to him, Brighton. He was using me, and trust me, I've been used enough to know it when I see it."

"Okay, I've given this some thought, and Noah and I have talked, so let me ask this: why would the man throw a wonderful party for you, get your car fixed, pay your tuition, and bring you into his home when you needed out of yours?"

I crush the tissue in my hand. "To make me fall in love with him. To win a bet."

"Deep in your heart, Melanie, do you really believe that?"

I sniff and bend my knees, bringing them to my chest. "Yes," I answer half-heartedly.

"I don't know a lot about your past, but I do know there was trauma. Do you think you're still clinging to that and expecting the worst from everyone, never taking anyone at their word?"

"I…I don't know."

"I've seen the way Brady was with you. I've seen the way he looked at you. He was tender, caring and loving. I don't think those things can be faked. You brought out another side of him. A good side. A great side. He's a wonderful man with a huge heart. Not many people get to see that side of him."

"He said…he said, I used him for his sperm."

"He was reacting. He might be a great man, but underneath it all, there's so much vulnerability. I know you see it too. He obviously has a lot of work to do on himself. I think you know that."

Her words ping around in my brain for a long time, and when I realize everything she's saying is right, I let loose a garbled laugh, the knot in my chest loosens. "Who's the psychologist here, anyway?"

She squeezes my hand, her expression pained. "Which brings me to my next point." I arch a brow and she continues, "If a client came to you and said everything you just said to me, what would you tell them?"

Fear erupts inside me as my brain races. "I would tell them to unpack the past, deal with it and then leave it there, otherwise they can't move on to a happy and healthy future. I'd tell them that things in the moment are often said out of fear and trauma." I take a couple of deep gulping breaths as my words sink into my own brain. I glance around the room and feel Brady's absence like a deep ache. "Oh, God, Brighton. I've made such a big mistake."

"Okay, so then maybe for the first time in your life, it's time to take your own advice."