Twenty-Eight

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TOBY

I don't getnervous often. I've been comfortable in my own skin for a long time. In the past, I've met several hookups' friends before. I've even met one's father. And also enjoyed that father's ass. I'm equal opportunity here.

Or I was. Now I'm all about Atty.

The last two weeks have been… a dream. He finally invited me over to his place and we spent the night together for the first time, too. I've never woken up next to anyone other than Jayse, and that wasn't sexual. We used to share beds when we traveled.

It felt like I was given a glimpse of the future we were working toward. The way I constantly have butterflies in my stomach is just ridiculous. I'm a grown ass adult. I shouldn't get this excited.

But I can't help it. Somewhere between just wanting to bend him over and the month following the moment I first laid eyes on him, I fell in love. Like, seriously, I fell in love! It's fucking terrifying to know this person has made me feel so much and there's absolutely nothing guaranteed about our relationship. Our future. It could all disappear one day and be out of our control.

Like today. This is a big moment for us. I'm meeting his friends for the first time. The people he's closest to. What if they don't like me?

I'm under the impression that he hasn't even told them all about me, either. Only one—Noah—knows. He's basically going to be dropping this all on their laps! I'm not at all nervous about their reactions. Nope. Not in the least.

Atty's nervous too, though, which doesn't settle me. His friend's house isn't far, so we're there before either of us is ready to be, I think.

"So… Noah's gay," Atty says as he stares at his house. "He's my teammate. Noah Kain?" His dark eyes dart to mine.

I can't help it. I smile. "Yes, I'm familiar."

He grins. "This is his house. He lives here with his boyfriend, Elixon Kipler. You know him too."

"I know of him, correct."

"Winslow and Hugo, my teammates will be here. Do you know about Egon Aahnu?" he asks, looking at me. "I don't know how much college hockey you follow, but he was pretty big then. Egon Wolf and then Aahnu when he married his husband."

"Yes! I followed his career. I was so fucking bummed he didn't go pro! What happened?"

Atty laughs. "He didn't want to go pro. Never did."

"Damn," I say, not expecting that answer.

"Yeah, I know. He's one of L.A.'s physical trainers now. He's a good friend. He and Rakesh, his husband, will be here."

"Okay. Cool. Cool. Who else?"

"Someone named Sid. Based on context and knowing where Elixon retired from, I'm going to say Sidney Phelps from Edmonton." He raises a brow in my direction, and I nod. Damn, this is a hockey fan's wet dream right here.

"And… Lix's brother and his boyfriends. I'm unfamiliar with any of them, which isn't that surprising since they don't have any ties to hockey except Lix."

"Wow. Okay. Just act cool," I say, teasing.

Atty smiles again. "To my knowledge, that's all. But I haven't talked to Noah about it in a few days, so things could have changed. Also, I expect the screen we'll be watching this on to be bigger than we are since Hugo's is nearly so and Noah said Hugo is going to lose his mind."

I laugh, shaking my head. This feels almost surreal. "Okay. Got it. Hockey players, big TV, don't freak out. I'm ready."

His grin is adorable. I could look at him smiling at me all day. We get out and Atty immediately takes my hand, but our trek up the driveway is slow. "So… is it okay if I introduce you as my boyfriend?"

The way my smile feels like it's cracking my face has my jaw immediately aching. "Yes. Definitely."

"If someone asks if I'm gay, do I just say I am?" he asks, quieter.

My smile softens and I pull him close. "That's up to you. What answer do you want to give?"

Atty sighs. "I don't even know. I kind of wish I had a flag, and could just wear it to avoid questions."

"A flag?"

"Yeah. A pride flag, but the one that describes me. You know?"

If I could love a man more than I do right now, I'd probably combust. "You've been looking at flags?"

He shrugs one shoulder. "Yes. My coach is aromantic and uranic—which you are too, right?" I nod. He remembers me saying that. I did so in passing as we talked about labels without expecting him to remember! "I learned that because he was wearing the patterns on his suit the day we met him last week. Noah gave me a website to look them up. I've been reading about them."

It's on the tip of my tongue. Like, so close. Instead, I manage to ask, "Which have you felt most connected to?"

"Nothing," he says, laughing. But I can hear the stress in it. "I mean, I think I fit most in with straight, but… then there's you. And I recognized features about Ajo that I have only noted on women, so… that must put me as a bisexual, right?"

"I think the fact we're together and you're mostly attracted to women otherwise suggests, at the very least, bisexual to some degree. Remember when we were talking about grayscale? Spectrums?" Atty nods. "You can be very much at the side of preferring women, but there are occasions where a man might hit something right with you."

Because I'm looking into his face, I see the moment that a whole mountain of stress falls away. "Bisexual," he whispers, his eyes closing for a minute. The soft smile on his lips touches something inside me. He nods. "Yeah, okay."

"Does that make sense? Does it feel comfortable?"

"It does with the way you just said. I like women. It's not a choice; they're just the ones who create a reaction in me. Except under certain circumstances. And that's you. Maybe someone else here and there, but mostly you."

I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing myself to him. "Feel how my heart's racing?" I ask as he brings his arms around my waist. Atty nods, a smile playing on his lips. "You have no idea how happy I am to be your exception, Atty."

His lips press to mine and it's a fucking struggle not to get lost in it because I'd truly like nothing more than to bend him over his shiny SUV and fuck him until he's whining like a dog. "If we're going inside, we should go now. Or we'll have a very different afternoon ahead of us."

"Later," he murmurs, licking my lips. No really, he traces my lips with his damn tongue. Everything inside me turns over. I want to feel his tongue everywhere. "You can do whatever you want to me when we get home tonight, Toby."

"Anything?"

He nods, his eyes looking straight into mine. "Anything."

Only because this is a very big step for Atty and I don't want him to feel like he's chickened out later, I pull away and right my clothing. I'm nervous enough knowing I'm going to meet guys I've been fanboying over since I was a teenager that I know my chub will go down by the time we hit the door.

Atty links our hands together. "Ready?" he asks.

I glance at him. He's staring at the house. I think our nerves together will keep us from busting out. Squeezing his hand, he glances my way. "Ready," I confirm.

His smile is soft. His shoulders relax. I love that I can do that for him. And when he relaxes, so do I.

We don't go to the front door. Instead, Atty follows a path around the house. The closer we get, the louder it becomes. It's not a wild party, but there are voices and laughter. Also, the smell of food makes my stomach growl. Damn, I'm hungry.

Atty's hand grips mine tighter. I match his hold with my own, letting him know I'm right here. He's not facing this announcement on his own.

I recognize a lot of faces. Jesus, if sixteen-year-old me knew that one day I'd be meeting guys who I've worshiped for their skill on the ice! He'd probably wet himself.

Elixon fucking Kipler notices us first. He smiles and then turns Noah to face us. Noah's smile is beaming. He makes his way through the patio to reach us.

His eyes move between us, and I swear, his smile gets wider. "Hi, I'm Noah," he introduces, offering me his hand.

I laugh and it sounds slightly hysterical. "I know," I say, taking it. "Toby."

"You know, you never show your face online," Noah comments. "Since Atty told me about you, I've been dying to know what you look like."

"Yeah? And?"

"You're shorter than I imagined," Noah says, tilting his head as he examines me. "I kind of guessed that someone who was as well-versed in hockey as you are would be—please don't take offense—but some old, washed up high school hockey player who couldn't cut it."

I laugh, covering my face.

"And you're younger than I thought. Your feed has been around for a decade."

"I started it when I was fourteen. As soon as I was allowed to have social media."

Noah shakes his head. "Wild, man. I'm really glad you're here." He looks at Atty. His smile is soft and… proud. "You okay?"

Atty's eyes flit around the yard before meeting Noah's again. His hand once more tightens on mine. "Bisexual," he whispers. "More so one way than the other."

Noah hugs him and while his words aren't meant for me, I barely make them out when he murmurs, "I'm really proud of you, Atty. That's a big step."

"Thanks."

Noah grins at me and then turns. "Come on. No need to linger at the edges."

It's then that I notice he's wearing a skirt. It's short with uneven edges. And there's a bow in his hair. It's small and petite, almost blending in with his hair. He's wearing an L.A. Golden Tides shirt with the bottom gathered and knotted at his hip and sneakers.

"He's so damn cute," I whisper, leaning into Atty. "He has nothing on you in a skirt but… He's so pretty."

"He doesn't like to be called pretty by anyone but Lix," Atty says quietly.

"Noted."

As soon as we make it to the cooktop where Elixon is (holy shit, I'm seeing him in person—up close!), a hush falls over the yard. Hugo tenses, his eyes straight ahead on Atty. There's a moment where no one moves. If Atty's hand wasn't so tight in mine, I might have let it go so he could have some space to gather himself.

Seconds tick by. They drag and I'm sure I can hear the echo of a clock tick tick ticking away.

Then someone finally moves and bumps his shoulder into Atty's. "Why do you always have to be late to the show?" he asks.

I don't recognize him right away, but when he flashes me a smile, I'm pretty sure I'm looking at Egon Aahnu. There was a lot of buzz when he was in college and came back from winter break married with a name change.

Atty releases a breath. "Dunno," he says, his voice quiet.

"Want a drink?" Egon asks. "I can show you where the closest bathroom is." I appreciate him offering Atty a moment of quiet when everyone is suddenly looking at him.

Before Atty can answer, Hugo Bladen is on Egon's other side. His light eyes look between us, his eyes ping ponging in three places—between our faces and down to our linked hands. Before he can say anything, Winslow fucking Oberlin is there, slapping a hand over his mouth. "Think before you speak."

Oh no.

I glance at Atty. He doesn't look entirely distressed, for which I'm thankful because I might vomit for the both of us right now. I didn't picture Hugo as someone who would be an asshole. I mean, Noah's gay. Egon's gay. They're good friends. Right?

"This is my boyfriend, Toby," Atty tells them, and my breath catches. He pulls me to his side, letting go of my hand so he can bring it around my waist. Then he pulls me slightly in front of him so he's hugging me. "We've been seeing each other for a few months."

Hugo's eyebrows knit together, but Winslow still has his hand over Hugo's mouth.

"I know you're going to have a lot of questions because you always have questions," Atty says, "but right now, I just want you to respect that I don't want to answer any. Okay?"

Winslow releases Hugo, who nods wildly. "Okay, Atty."

Atty exhales. "Thanks."

"You know I'm not mad, right?" Hugo asks. He winces. "I know that's a question. Sorry. What I mean is?—"

"I know," Atty promises. "I know you'd support me if I told you I was fucking a kangaroo." Hugo, without humor, nods adamantly. Atty smirks. "But you're the most inquisitive person I've ever met, and I really just can't handle questions right now. Not about this. I'm not ready to talk about it."

Hugo looks at me. "Okay. No questions."

Atty relaxes, leaning the side of his face against my temple. I can practically see the questions buzzing around in Hugo's wide eyes as they look between us.

"Can I tell him?" Noah asks me.

It takes me a minute to understand what he's asking. But when he holds up his phone, I nod. "This is the Toby Eads," Noah announces with a wide grin. "He predicts whether we're going to suck or win. Begin bribing him for his good blessings!"

"Shut up," a new voice says. We shift and I recognize Sidney Phelps now. But my gaze has been snagged by someone close by. Someone I've seen naked, and fucking a whole array of guys too many times to count.

No. Mother. Fucking. Way.

Is that… Honey Sin? There's a freaking porn star here! I look around, trying to determine if I'm the only one who knows that we have a goddamn legendary porn star in our midst. No one? Seriously?

When I meet Noah's eyes, he's smirking at me. I have a feeling he knows who I just recognized. When his eyebrows wiggle up and down, I'm convinced he knows that I recognized him immediately. My cheeks flush.

"You're seriously that Toby?" Sidney asks, distracting me.

I nod. "Yes."

Sidney shakes his head. "I swear, you're a blessing as much as you're a curse."

"No. I crunch numbers," I say, shrugging. "And if someone knows what they're doing… Odds are in their favor."

"You're saying my stats say I'm on the way out?" Sid deadpans.

"I think…" I pause, pressing my lips together.

Sidney grins. "I'm totally not going to be upset. But I definitely want to know what you think and why, because I'm going to prove you the fuck wrong."

Atty kisses my jaw and lets me go. "Okay," I say. "Then let's talk about your last two seasons and see if you can climb your way out of the downward spiral you're in."

"Ohhh!" Hugo's eyes are wide as they dart between the two of us. "Fuck the draft. I want to watch this!"

I smile at Atty and my heart beats unevenly when I see the look on his face. Happy. My man is happy right now. I'm going to strive to make sure that he's always smiling at me like that.