Twenty-Seven

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ATTY

On the first of August,the entire team is called into a meeting at the arena. I have a feeling it has to do with the head coach position that's been vacant since Coach Donahue left L.A. at the end of last season. We're not entirely sure about the details since the truth is rarely ever released to the public.

I have a feeling it had to do with our standings over the last few seasons. It's not entirely a reflection on the coach, but I suppose management is going to do what they want. Honestly, some teams were just fucking better than us.

The Golden Tides are a solid team. Our individual stats are reflective of that. Sometimes that's not enough to make the team gel so that we're good together.

We were asked to meet on the ice in our skates. When I step into the locker room, there's a lot of excitement. I think it's more due to the fact that we get to be on the ice than it is for whatever the meeting is about.

I feel the excitement buzz under my skin as I lace up. We're not getting into pads, but we have our helmets and sticks with us. There's nothing like stepping onto the ice after not being there for a couple months.

When I told Toby I had to be on the ice, he gave me permission to take out the plug and to leave the thong at home. He requested I wear a jockstrap instead. Which isn't asking a lot since I'd have done that, anyway.

It feels amazing being with Toby. Since we named what we are, where our relationship is heading, it's felt like a breath of fresh air.

With Marie, it always felt like a weight. We talked about getting engaged. Once we even went to the jewelers to pick rings. Thankfully, we never took that plunge. Even with the pressure surrounding us to do it.

With Toby, it's entirely different. I'm not dreading tomorrow like I did with Marie. There's no waking up feeling like I hate what's waiting for me down the road.

This is an entirely different experience. I'm happy. Fucking ecstatic. I'm so damn in love!

Not that I've told him that. The reality of the situation is that we haven't been together long. There's still a lot to learn about each other. There is tons we need to talk about and plans to make.

But those are all things that make me excited to get there. The difference between my relationship with Marie and mine with Toby is night and day. It makes me sad Marie didn't get that with me. That I didn't have that with her. Because this, this thing I'm doing with Toby—this is what I've always dreamed about.

Noah gently shoves into me as he catches up. "Why are you smiling?"

Because I haven't stopped smiling in six days! Even now, I can't make the smile fall away.

He's grinning in return. "I like this look on you, Atty. Looks like you finally found some peace."

I take a deep breath. "Yes and no. But I think I might have finally come closer to the moment you said I would. The pressure for absolute answers isn't quite as suffocating as it was."

"Good, I remember that pressure. It's really difficult when you're not sure where to go to find the answers and support you need."

"Not to sound sappy or anything, but knowing where to go to find support hasn't been hard. I have some really amazing friends."

Noah rolls his eyes. "You're right. That's sappy."

I laugh, and it feels good. Light and almost carefree. Hugo joins us, beaming with his nearly always oblivious joy that just is Hugo Bladen. Winslow may as well be as opposite as one can get. Not that he's sad or anything, but where Hugo's personality is loud and enormous, Winslow is quiet and observant.

The team is moving around the ice, catching up. Egon isn't here, but looking around, I think all parts of admin and management are missing. They'll come together when they're ready. Maybe they're waiting for us all to show up.

Noah tells us about the grill that Elixon just ordered. It'll be installed and ready to go by the party next week. Which only gets Hugo pumped for the draft. Based on the number of bodies on the ice, I don't think that we'll have anyone new on our team. There were already a few changes at the end of the season. It's not unheard of for them to happen later in the summer or even early in the fall, but generally speaking, they try to get everyone to their final homes early, so they have time to settle in and bond with their new team.

The general manager is a man named Sunol Fremont. He's always been really good to talk to when I've had reason. With him are faces I recognize, but I'd be pressed to remember names.

The med team isn't joining us, apparently. Which means no Egon. But Assistant Coach Avondale Laveen is among those who meet us on the ice as we gather around.

"Looks like everyone is here," Sunol says.

We look around dutifully to see the familiar and not so familiar faces. I'm not sure if I'd notice someone missing unless it was one of my friends. Since they're beside me, I do as my teammates do and nod.

"Good. As you know, Donahue has left the Golden Tides after four years with us. We wish him well and support him in his next endeavor, which he's reported as coaching for the Thunder."

I narrow my eyes, trying to remember what team that is.

"ECHL," Noah murmurs. "New York, I think."

Ah. I nod.

"We'll be making an official announcement of who will be replacing him next week. Just before the drafts. However, we didn't want to blindside you, so we asked you here for an early meeting. We're very excited to welcome Ajo Tonopan to our team."

The man that steps forward is in a crisp charcoal suit. His button-up shirt is a shade lighter and his tie is black. I can see red peeking out from under his sleeves, though and am infinitely curious.

His dark hair is neatly brushed to the sides. Just above his ears is gray. He's clean shaven, but there's a dark shadow around his jaw and pink lips. And his eyes… they're this piercing blue.

I'm uneasy as I realize the things I notice about him. I might not have in the past, but today, I see those details loudly. It's reminiscent of how I'd see a beautiful woman that I'm attracted to for the first time.

Does that mean I'm attracted to my coach?

I shift uneasily on my skates. Noah presses his shoulder into mine. Maybe he knows. Fuck.

"Hello, team," Coach Ajo says.

I even like his voice. Squeezing my eyes shut, I force my attention to the ice. This is work. I can't crush on my coach. Besides, I have a boyfriend. I have Toby!

"I'm excited to be here working with you. You're phenomenal athletes and I'm looking forward to seeing what we can accomplish together next season."

There are murmured greetings in response. Noah's hand wraps around my wrist and I peek at him. There's concern in his eyes, and I shake my head subtly. I'm fine.

"I asked for you to bring your sticks so you could shoot for a bit. Nothing strenuous and no goalies. I'd like to observe you for a while."

Avondale empties a crate of pucks onto the ice and the team breaks apart. Noah falls in stride beside me. "What happened just now?"

I glance over my shoulder at the new coach.

"He's pretty hot, huh?" Noah prompts, and I meet his eyes. He's grinning.

We break apart to grab some pucks and skate them toward a goal and take shots before coming back together.

"First time finding someone other than your friend attractive, isn't it?"

"I'm that transparent?" I mutter, feeling slightly distressed.

"Only to someone who recognizes it," Noah assures me.

"I'm not sure if it's that exactly. I just noted things about him I haven't in another man before," I loudly whisper.

Once more, we break apart for some puck work. This time, we pass to each other, moving around our teammates like obstacles until Noah sinks it.

"Ah," Noah says when we come back together again. "Relax, Atty. I promise it's normal. You're just more aware. Look." He nods toward our new coach and I'm not sure what he's looking at.

"See on his tie. The pin?"

It takes me a minute, but I nod. It's hard to make out, but it's colorful.

"It's a pride pin. He's either part of the community himself or he's an ally."

"Really?" I ask, staring at Ajo Tonopan again.

He chuckles. "Yep. My guess is he's gay. I'll put money on that."

"You going to ask him?" I ask, raising a brow.

Noah smirks. "Nope. Just wait."

The next time we break apart for the puck, Hugo meets us as the wall he is. Still in his sweatpants, freeballing. But that's only distracting for me, apparently. Even without making full contact, he's a force that somehow manages to strip the puck from Noah and me.

Noah watches him skate off, amused.

"Well, his skill is defense," I say.

However, we also watch him maneuver the puck around two sticks and between someone else's legs before landing the goal. It's an empty net, but I have a feeling he'd likely have landed it even with someone in the net.

"Show off," Winslow says as he slides to a stop beside us.

I laugh.

Stealing another look at our coach, I find him watching Hugo like most of us are. My eyes drop to the pin on his tie and I try to make out what it is. The colors are telling, right? They represent something. I'm too far away to tell.

"Come on. Let's try again," Noah says, as he grabs another puck from the side.

Noah and I play on the ice together often. We complement each other well most of the time. There are moments when our frequencies are off and one of us isn't where we think they are or need them to be, but usually we do well.

Thankfully, this is one of those times that we're on the same page. Hugo saw us coming for him and turned to block our progress, giving us his full attention. His eyes are predatory, watching the puck like it is prey about to die.

We make it around Hugo, but celebrate far too soon since he has the puck stripped from my stick before I make it more than two feet beyond him. Noah meets him as I skate around to get open. Trying to avoid another teammate has me colliding with Noah, and we topple into Hugo.

The puck goes sliding across the ice and edges itself just inside the goal.

"That doesn't count," Hugo insists, laughing.

"It's in, it counts!" Noah declares triumphant. "Even an accidental goal from our own goalie counts."

"Don't say those cursed words," Winslow says, and we look up at him in time to watch him cross himself. Though, not in an actual cross. It's like an eight-pointed star.

"What is that supposed to be?" Hugo asks as he pulls himself to his hands and knees.

"Hockey gods, obviously. Crossed sticks and the goal posts. Bless them all," Winslow says.

Hugo cackles. "Winny, you're too much."

I forget that there's a new coach watching us as I lose myself in playing a little two on two with Winslow, Hugo, and Noah. We play rough without actually sending each other to the ground or slamming into each other. But we play for keeps all the same. Most of the time, we prevent each other from falling. The goal isn't to actually win. We're just having fun.

The whistle calling us back together reminds me that this isn't just a fun free-for-all. We were called here with a purpose. When I look at our new coach again, the strange panic that had begun to rise in me is gone. I sigh in relief.

When we settle into a group around our new coach, I take the time to study the pin he's wearing, making note of its colors. Only as I am, do I see that there are other patterns of color on his suit, too.

The buttons on his left wrist are dark green, light green, white, gray, black. The opposite buttons are rainbow, which even I know represents the pride flag. And the pin on his tie is four shades of blue and two shades of beige. I have no idea what any of them mean.

I spend the rest of the meeting half-listening to the words he's saying, but primarily trying to memorize the color patterns I see. As we're skating off the ice, I wonder what my colors are.

I keep these questions to myself until we're outside and I follow Noah to his car. Hugo breaks off early, but Winslow is parked next to Noah, so I'm forced to climb into his vehicle before I ask my questions.

"He's wearing three different color patterns," I say.

Noah looks at me with his eyebrows knit together. "Who?"

"Coach Ajo. I recognize the rainbow, obviously. But on his tie. Did you see it?"

"Oh," he says, grinning. "Yeah. I'm not familiar with that one. I'll have to look it up."

"What?"

He laughs. "There are some newer terms within the community. So much of what you see and hear is new because for a long time, anything other than normal heterosexual wasn't okay. It's becoming more common and acceptable, so now new terms are slowly coming out for people to find a way to understand themselves and help the world to understand them."

"Like gay and twink and androphilic," I say, trying to remember the words that Toby was telling me. There were others, but I can't remember them all. "Oh, and vers."

Noah stares at me before laughing. "Have you been online?"

I grin. "Yes, but those are all labels Toby uses."

"Ah. I see. Yes. Androphilic is a newer label to come out. It has its own flag too. Which are the various pattern colors that Ajo was wearing. I saw the pride color buttons on his wrist, but I didn't realize the other side was different."

"The other side was green, green, white, gray, black," I tell him.

"That one I know. Aromantic. It means they identify as someone who doesn't feel romantic attraction."

"I'm not sure I understand that."

He grins. "Read about it. See what you think. I'll send you a website that helps you identify the colors of different flags. It's not incredibly informative otherwise, so you'll have to do some more research if you have further questions, but I think it's a good place to start."

Maybe I'll find my own colors there. I nod. "Thanks."

"So you want me to drive you home or you want to take your car?"

Glancing out the window, I realize I'm parked at the other end of the lot. "I've already exercised today. Drive me to my car, Noah!"

He laughs.