Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

BILLIE

T he next several weeks went by in a blur. We worked from sun up to sun down. While I knew I was taking on a big project, as I saw the sheer physical labor involved in redoing the roof, fixing the windows, and adding stabilizing beams to the ceiling, I realized I wouldn't have been able to do this without orkin help. Joey and I pulled our weight, and I was continually astonished by her physical capacity, given her tiny size. Watching her lift tables on her own was impressive. She was a force to be reckoned with. By the end of the first three weeks, we had all what I had started to think of as "the big stuff" done. The roof and exterior were finished, and finally—the doors and windows were fixed. The bar was completely clean inside and out. It was time for the interior work.

Over the last several weeks, I was with Steve constantly, but generally in large groups. We all got to know each other as we worked and chatted. Steve was funny in a quiet, unexpected way. Sometimes, his jokes would almost slip under the radar, and I would chuckle to myself. He was curious about anything and everything. He didn't stop at questions about the humans or Earth. One day, he asked me to explain a telephone. Given his dated understanding of Earth, it took much longer to explain than I expected, but I didn't mind. He wanted to know everything. He made me think of someone who had been told "don't ask questions" his entire life and was now making up for it with an unending quest for more information. It was both endearing and overwhelming. I didn't know all the answers to his questions, but he always appreciated whatever I could tell him.

One morning, while we were working together on installing window panes, Steve asked me to explain a cassette player.

"My mom said it was a way to play music but never really could get me to understand beyond that," he said.

The wheels turned in my head. I didn't even remember the last time I had seen a cassette tape, considering how technology had advanced since his mom had been abducted. Her knowledge of Earth stopped in 1991, so Steve's knowledge of Earth also ended there.

"Well, it is a little box with two speakers, and noise comes out of them. You put another tiny box inside of it and press play, and it plays the songs that have been recorded onto the tape. We no longer use them, so I am unsure if I am explaining it well."

"You mean you don't listen to music anymore?" He was confused.

"No, we still do! It's just that the technology has changed a lot since then. Now everything is cloud-based."

"Music comes from the clouds on earth?" Steve looked shocked.

I did my very best to keep a poker face and not laugh out loud, having to breathe through my nose several times.

"No. Not actual clouds," I said trying to keep my voice even. "Everything is virtual now, you don't need to physically own a cassette to play music."

"But how does the cloud know what music you want it to play if you don't have the tape?"

"I really don't even know how it works, honestly. I know we've advanced far beyond cassettes." I shrugged.

It was these little interactions with him that pulled me to him. He wanted to know and experience so much and had spent so much time wanting to know so much and having no one to ask.

I was also getting to know the other Snaerfírar, and they were solid, if somewhat quiet orkin. I was usually the one that got everyone to laugh, a role I also played at home. I loved the group that we had all working toward my dream. Longing for more alone time with Steve, I concocted errands that would only involve the two of us. Whenever we worked, my eyes strayed toward him, and I hoped it wasn't my imagination that I felt his eyes on me, too.

It was a few more days of solid work after the roof was finished when we ran into a problem—we hadn't picked out any interior furnishings. Osif wanted me to have the final say on all the bar decor and tasked me with meeting with the appropriate merchants. I was ready to ask Joey to spend the morning shopping with me when, to my pleasant surprise, Steve volunteered. I gave Joey a furtive look, and she just gave me a barely perceptible smile back.

I had a list of all the things that I wanted to look at and it would take all morning, if not all day. Here I was, finally presented with some time alone with Steve and I was nervous. I had developed a major crush on him, but nothing was going to happen if we were never alone.

"Ready for a day of shopping?" asked Steve.

"I mean. I can shop . Are you sure you can keep up with me?" I teased.

"I shall even carry parcels," he said with a straight face.

I laughed. "Alright, let's be off."

It was a bit of a walk to the town center as the bar was right on the edge of the village. Suddenly all of my thoughts shriveled up, and I couldn't think of a single thing to talk to Steve about. We walked in companionable silence for awhile until, much to my appreciation, Steve spoke.

"So, now that you are seeing the bar come together, what are you thinking?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Is this still what you want? Is this still your dream?"

"Oh…" I hadn't given it much thought in the last several days.

"Not so sure anymore?" he asked.

"No. I think—" I struggled with conveying my jumbled thoughts "—I think, I am more sure."

"How so?"

"I want something that's mine, something I can see grow and then feel accomplished afterward. Building this with my own hands has made me incredibly proud." I turned to him. "What have you been thinking while we worked?"

"I like it here," he said simply.

"Oh?"

"I have felt more free to be myself around you, around the other Fyrifírar. I always felt like I asked too many questions—‘too many whys'—as my dad would say. I have learned more about humans, other orkin, and myself in the last several days than I have in my entire life. You've been a big part of that, Billie. You are endlessly patient with my questions and my need to know anything and everything. You haven't noticed, but you are the one who keeps answering my questions when the others have long since stopped." He blushed a shade of olive green as he looked down into my eyes.

I held his gaze, feeling like it was the moment to ask if he wanted something more from me. He'd just told me how much he loved spending time with me. If that wasn't a clear signal, I didn't know what it was.

"I have noticed that you have slipped into our community seamlessly. I love talking to you, too. I love your questions and your curious mind. I love that you don't look at me like a zoo animal because I am human. I love that you are so determined to decide what you want out of life. I find it incredibly… attractive." I fidgeted with my cuticles, not making eye contact.

I was almost certain we were on the same page, but it was still hard to be the first one to say it out loud.

Steve looked surprised. "You're attracted to my mind?"

"Well, I am attracted to a whole lot of you, but your mind is what got me started," I said, feeling my face get hotter.

"I am attracted to your mind… and all the rest of you, too," he mumbled the last part.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I tipped my head closer and held a hand up to my ear, as if to hear him better.

"I am… drawn to all of you, Billie." He sounded more confident but was still blushing.

Oh, shit, we were really having this conversation. My heart felt like it would come out of my throat, and my hands were clammy, but I was doing it. I hadn't been imagining those stolen glances. I wanted to be smart about this. I wanted to do this right. With all our endless conversations, I had never explained dating, human or otherwise.

"Well, do you want to do something about this mutual attraction?" I asked, my stomach feeling like it was full of snakes.

Steve's jaw hung open at the knowledge that we had similar feelings. It took him a minute.

"Uhhh… what do humans usually do?" he asked.

"Well, we would go on dates. Do things together, just the two of us. See if our attraction grows?"

"I would love to spend more time with just you," Steve said earnestly. "What kind of things could we do?"

Jesus Christ, why am I so nervous? Keep it cool, Billie. Okay, you both expressed interest in something. Just suggest something, anything. Come on, brain!

"We could go on a walk?" I suggested.

What the fuck? A walk? Who am I, an 80-year-old bird watcher?

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion. "Aren't we currently going on a walk?"

"Technically, yes, but when you go on a walk as a date, you usually go someplace scenic and maybe pack snacks or a picnic?"

"Oh, I would like to do that with you," he said, still blushing. "Uh… do we just like… do that now?"

I laughed. "We're supposed to be picking out things for the bar, remember?"

While I loved his excitement, I knew there were other things we needed to consider. I didn't know how the tribes would feel, his or mine, if we started dating. And given my bad luck with relationships, I wanted to keep this just between the two of us for the time being. Not only did I not want tribal politics involved, but I also didn't want to be peppered for details as the first woman, outside of Piper, who had pursued something with an orc. I didn't want the opinions of all the girls.

"So, not now. But when?" Steve's lips were twitching like he was trying to stop himself from grinning.

"We could do that tonight, if you'd like?" I offered. "I have wanted to check out the glowing mushrooms on the forest's edge, but it is only worth going at night."

"I've never seen them up close either. That sounds like a fantastic date. " He emphasized the last word, causing my stomach to feel even more squirmy.

Now we had a date planned, and I had to spend the entire day with him calmly picking out furnishings and pretending like I wasn't thinking about everything from what to wear to whether orkin expected shaved vulvas.

I had to reel myself in. For one, I was determined to take this slow. If I had learned anything in the several weeks last week of working with Steve, if I was going to date him, I was going to date him for real. He was not the type of guy that would want to do casual. He had never been in a relationship before. I wanted to set the right tone. That meant no fucking on the first date, especially considering his lack of experience. I mentally removed shaving from my to-do list.

We wandered through shops, where I picked out beer steins and glassware. I chose gas lamps and candles for the tabletops. I wanted everything to feel warm and cozy, so I chose jewel-toned fabrics and tableware. Steve and I continued to chat as I made my decisions, and I purposefully offered him the ugliest option available just to see if he'd tell me he hated it. I showed him some particularly horrendous patterns for curtain fabric.

He cringed and said, "I think you can do better."

"Ha! You passed the test!"

With a baffled look, he said, "What test?"

"These are terrible. I wanted to see if you'd agree with me just to be nice."

He looked relieved. "I considered it, but you've always been honest with me, so I decided to go with honesty, even if it hurt your feelings."

I almost melted into a puddle. I would never get over the lack of facade Steve had with me. True honesty, no guessing games. I was dangerously close to handing my heart over then and there. Maybe it was my terrible past experiences making the bar for a good guy staggeringly low, or maybe Steve was just that amazing. Maybe both?

We finished up shopping. I had opted to have everything delivered to the bar once it was ready, so as it reached late afternoon, Steve and I stopped just at the edge of the center of town. Everything was electric around us as neither of us moved to head to our respective rooms. I finally broke the silence.

"Why don't we get cleaned up, and I'll grab dinner? We can meet at the edge of town just before sunset?" I asked.

He hesitated. I panicked.

"Do you not want to go anymore?" I was prepared for him to have completely changed his mind after spending the day with me. "If not, that's totally okay?—"

Instead, he cut me off. "No! It's not that. I promise." Sweat beaded at his temples. "I just don't really know what to wear to a date, and I've been using the tribe's extra clothes because we're staying longer than we planned. They don't fit a half-orc very well. Some of them are baggy, and some of the pants are too long."

This orc was going to kill me dead with his vulnerability.

"Oh." I breathed out shakily. So this was just a clothing emergency, not an I've-decided-you're-a-little-too-much-after-all emergency. That was fine. I could solve that. "Wear something you feel comfortable in. These mushrooms are a bit of a walk. Also, clean clothes are a great start," I added with a grin.

I'd seen Steve in all states of cleanliness as we'd restored the bar. I wouldn't have cared if he showed up in his work clothes.

"Okay, I can do clean."

Just as he was about to walk away, I thought of something.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we keep tonight just between us?" Steve cocked his head to the side, brow furrowed. "All the girls will want to know every detail about everything, and I'd like to see what we can be without their input, if that's okay."

"I'll tell Reykr I am tired and going to bed early. I also don't need Reykr, and the guys peppering me for details about my date ." He smirked.

"Oh good, I'm glad we agree." I hesitated for half a second before I stood up on my tip toes and brushed a small kiss on his cheek.

"See you in an hour!" Then I turrned and left before he could respond. When I snuck a look over my shoulder, he was still standing there, hand pressed to his cheek, lost in thought.