30. Bennett

The glow of the streetlights cast long shadows across the empty parking lot as I trudged toward my car, exhaustion weighing heavily on my shoulders. A shift at the hospital had left me drained, both physically and emotionally, and all I wanted was to go home, to hold Carly and Ella close and forget about the world outside.

But as I climbed behind the wheel and started the engine, my thoughts turned to the events of the previous day, the argument with Carly still fresh in my mind. I couldn"t shake the feeling of guilt that gnawed at my insides, the knowledge that the impatience Nate, Logan, and I had shared, wanting to claim Carly openly before she was ready, might have been too much. I didn't like the idea that I was pushing Carly further away when all I wanted was to pull her closer. At least I hadn't given her an ultimatum like Nate had, but that was a small consolation when I was worried I was going to lose her, this incredible and electric connection we had, either way.

I drove to Dwight's house and parked in the driveway, turning off the engine but not getting out of the car just yet. Somehow, it felt safer in here, and it was easier to tell myself I was going home to Carly and Ella if I didn't have to get out of the car and go see my foster father instead. With a heavy sigh, I leaned back against the headrest, my mind drifting back to the conversation I'd had with Jodie the night before as she and I put Ella to bed. The memory was a vivid one, each word etched into my mind like a scar.

"Can I talk to you, Bennett?" she'd asked me before I could duck into my bedroom. I'm not sure whether I knew in the moment what was coming, if I was trying to avoid it, or if I was just tired. I was still getting used to my new work schedule after being idle for the past few weeks.

"Uh, sure, Jodie. What's up?" I asked her. She gestured for me to follow her into the living room, and I did so without heaving a great sigh, but only with considerable self-control.

She didn't mince words once we were away from Ella's door. "So, I just wanted to know, are you planning to step up as Ella's father and marry Carly now that you"re back in their lives?" Her tone was so casual, yet so probing, her eyes searching mine for answers.

God, it was painful to think about now, and I felt myself cringe like I had wanted to in that moment. Instead, I gaped at her, unsure of how to respond. The truth was too complicated, too messy to put into words. "I don"t know, Jodie," I had finally admitted, the weight of her question bearing down on me like an anchor. "Things are… complicated between Carly and me."

Jodie had regarded me silently for a moment, her expression unreadable. "Complicated how?" she had pressed, her curiosity piqued.

I had struggled to find the right words, the truth lodged in my throat like a lump of coal. "There are… other factors at play," I had said vaguely, evading her probing gaze. "It"s not as simple as just marrying her, even if I wanted to."

Of course, I did want to, but that was beside the point. Jodie didn't need to hear that now, or maybe ever.

"I know that Carly is… popular," Jodie started to say, her voice low and slow, "but I really think you're the best one for her, Bennett. You're Ella's father, after all, and Carly has always wanted that perfect picket-fence family. You could give her that better than, say, your brothers could."

Oh, damn it. Did she think we were fighting over Carly, too? It would be so much easier, in some ways, if I could clear things up for her. How could I explain that this dynamic with Carly felt right? That I wasn't sure the two of us would even work on our own without Nate and Logan to round out our full family?

As I had looked into Jodie"s eyes, so full of understanding and compassion, I had felt a pang of guilt twist in my gut. She deserved to know the truth, to understand the complexities of our relationship with Carly, but the words had remained unspoken, trapped behind a wall of fear and uncertainty.

It was Carly's secret to tell. And now, I wasn't sure if she'd ever want to.

Eventually, I forced myself to climb out of the car and make my way up to the front door of Dwight's picture-perfect house, the familiar tumble of the lock opening an echo in my ears as I turned my key and stepped inside.

"Dad?" I called out, my voice ringing through the house. I couldn't hit him with a Dwight right now. Not when I was coming to him for a very dad-like purpose.

"Hey, Benny, in here," came the reply from the living room, and I followed the sound of my dad"s voice. He was sitting on the couch, his warm smile shining under his gray mustache. He put down the mystery book he'd been reading to give me his attention.

"Hey, Dad," I said, sinking down onto the couch beside him.

Dwight studied me for a moment, his gaze searching. "You look tired, Son," he observed, his voice filled with concern.

"I am," I admitted, running a tired hand through my hair. "It"s been a long day."

Dwight nodded sympathetically, his eyes full of understanding. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I hesitated, unsure of how much to share with my dad. But as I looked into his eyes, so full of wisdom and compassion, I found myself opening up to him, the words spilling out in a rush.

"It's about Carly, and me, and the guys," I confessed, the admission leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. "Things have been… great. Too good, maybe. But I think that scared her, and I'm scared too, and… I don"t know how to fix it."

He nodded carefully, mulling this over. "I can't say I'm an expert on… this kind of relationship, buddy. But I can see how you three light up whenever she and Ella are around, so I can understand how hard this must be."

Christ, Ella. In all of this, I'd been so worried about losing Carly as a partner, I hadn't even considered how a rift between the two of us could affect Ella. I knew Carly was too good a mother, too good a person to ever keep me from our daughter again.

"What just went on there?" Dwight asked me, pointing toward my face, which I guess I'd screwed up in distress. "You look like you did that time Nate dared you to eat a spoonful of mayonnaise."

I let out a laugh that was mostly air, and I figured this was at least a secret that was mine to tell. "Well, another reason it's complicated, Dad, is because… I'm Ella's father. Biologically."

Dwight blinked in surprise. Then he blinked some more. And when he kept blinking rapidly, I sort of worried I'd broken him. He was trapped in a loop, never to stop blinking again.

"Well, that's… huh. I'm surprised, Son, I can't say I'm not."

"Yeah," I said lamely.

"But now that I think about it, that little girl favors you in a lot of ways. The eyes, obviously, but her little personality, too. So much like a baby Bennett. How did you two…?"

"College," I answered simply. "I never knew she got pregnant."

Dad nodded again. "Well. Do you want things to progress the way they were… progressing?"

I looked at him, confused. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Erm, I mean, Son, do you want to stay in this relationship? With… the warts and all?" He gestured vaguely toward me, indicating, I guessed, the whole "sharing Carly with my stepbrothers" thing. I thought of how good it felt when all of us could hold her, that night in her bed.

"Yeah, Dad. It's weird, and… it's not what I ever pictured. I'm a normal guy, you know? I've never really gone too far outside the box. I'm not even brave enough to get a tattoo, much less all the ones Nate has. I think… it's been hard for me. But if I ignore all the outside stuff, it just all feels… right."

It felt so much better just to say those words. Dad nodded in that sage way a final time, stroking his chin in thought. Finally, he looked at me with a small, sad smile.

"I think all of that makes sense. You need stability, and… aw, hell. Just something normal. Your life hasn't been normal so far at all. We both remember how hard it was for you, adjusting after your parents…"

Dwight's voice cracked, remembering Luanne and Derek Maren, my biological parents who had been his closest friends before the night of their crash. The night Dwight had been driving, and I knew he carried guilt he didn't deserve about it to this day. He'd hit a patch of black ice, invisible in the darkness. There was nothing he could have done. But it had always been hard for both of us, I think, to fully embrace our roles as father and son. There was a lot of guilt and baggage on both sides.

"Yeah," I said, swallowing around a hard knot in my throat. "Yeah, I think… I wonder what they would have thought of all of this. I have this image of us as this perfect, conventional family in my head."

"They wanted you to be happy," Dwight reassured me. "No matter what that meant. To hell with conventions."

I felt some of the tightness in my chest loosen, just hearing that belief I'd tried to have about my parents validated by someone who had known them better than I did. Before I could find a way to thank Dwight for that small kindness, he went on.

"As for Carly and your brothers… I know it"s hard to face things like this head-on, Son," he said softly. "But all relationships take work, and sometimes, they all hit rough patches. The important thing is that you"re willing to fight for what you want, for the people you love."

His words struck a chord deep within me, resonating with a truth that I couldn"t ignore. Despite the uncertainty that clouded my mind, one thing was clear. I loved Carly and Ella more than anything in this world, and I was willing to do whatever it took to make things right between us. To have the family we deserved, society be damned.

I just hoped, prayed even, that Carly was willing, too.