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Chapter 23

~Justin

It"s morning. I"m drying my face after a shower when I end up staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. It"s been a long time since I looked in the mirror and recognized myself and now I kind of do.

It"s weird. I seem more like me, but at the same time, not seeing the pain burning in my eyes, or myself looking pale and thin seems false somehow. Like there"s no me without the pain, like I don"t know how to separate myself from it any more.

After breakfast, Gabe has me label some packets of papers that need to be sent out by courier. Then he has me go into his office to box up some files he wants sent to storage. It seems like I"m doing office work today. I don"t mind it. It seems more like real work than the stuff I normally do.

Since I"m there, I ask Gabe what he wants to do about lunch. "Why? Are you going to cook me something?" Gabe asks me challengingly instead of just answering the question.

"I might," I say and he smiles.

"You don"t need to do anything for me, I"m not hungry."

He goes back to staring at his laptop screen, and I"m left disappointed. Why? I don"t love to cook.

I"m in the kitchen thinking about dinner since lunch isn"t happening. Then I notice Gabe watching me from the living room. "You looked disappointed that I didn"t want you to cook for me," he says.

I wish he hadn"t noticed that, and I"m not about to admit it. "What? I did not. I don"t give a crap. It"s not like I love cooking," I say defensively.

Gabe chuckles. "I could help you out."

"With cooking?" I ask. Gabe nods. "You want to cook together?"

"I just thought I could be... helpful," he says.

"You being helpful? I bet you can"t cook," I say.

"Let"s see," he says and starts messing around with the pots and pans. I can"t tell if he"s pretending or he really doesn"t know what he"s doing. The way he lives, it"s possible he"s only ever reheated food.

Though I"m in the kitchen, watching him, I"m standing well out of his way, but Gabe starts crowding me and tells me, "You"re in my way." He presses me against the edge of the counter then he lifts me and has me sit on it. He"s pushing his way between my legs now but my phone chimes with a text.

My phone is sitting on the kitchen counter, just out of my reach. When I try to lean over and grab it, Gabe holds onto me and won"t let me check it.

"I can"t look at my phone?" I say.

"I want you all to myself," he says, his expression deadly serious. "But I know that"s wrong."

It doesn"t sound wrong to me, but I don"t say that. I"m just staring at him, holding my breath while my heart beats too fast. Gabe loosens his hold on me and I look at my phone. Damn. It"s Royce. Knowing how much Gabe doesn"t trust him, I almost tell him it"s Fay, that I"m going to meet her. But I can"t lie.

Gabe notices how I"m frowning at my phone but he just waits for me to tell him what"s wrong. "I have to go meet Royce," I say.

"Have to?" Gabe steps away from me. He"s staring at me hard and I"m wondering if he"ll tell me not to go.

When he doesn"t say anything, I just confirm it. "That"s right. I have to go."

"I think your sense of obligation is leading your astray. Royce is not a good person to know," Gabe says.

I get another text and this time it"s Martin saying he"s coming over and he might take me out to lunch if I"m good. I text him back that he can come by to keep Gabe company. When I tell Gabe what I did, he"s not happy.

"I thought you might be lonely," I taunt him.

His grim expression doesn"t change. "I have work to do."

Gabe goes to his office, and I leave. I hate how much it bothers me to go see Royce when Gabe doesn"t want me to. I don"t really want to go but I can"t forget I owe Royce.

He said to meet him at this expensive café and find him sitting at one of the tables outside. After looking me up and down, he motions for me to sit. He asks about Gabe, how things are going, tells me I don"t look as dead as I used to. "Gabe must be doing you good. Are you doing the same for him?" Royce asks pointedly.

"He seems OK," I say. I"m uncomfortable telling him anything about Gabe.

"And what are your plans after this arrangement with your stepbrother comes to an end?" Royce asks.

Startled by the question, I just stare at him. I wonder if he knows something. "Why do you ask?"

"Gabe will be heading to Germany soon. He"ll be staying for a while. He"s overdue for a move. From what I hear, he should be gone by the end of the month. It"s a positive sign. You"ve been good for him. Better than therapy," he says with a knowing chuckle. "I wasn"t sure it would work out with you two being stepbrothers, but I"m glad you didn"t let it get in the way. Or maybe it even helped Gabe to work through some of his issues with his real brother."

I don"t like what he"s insinuating and I want to tell him he"s way off base, but it"s not like he would believe me. I just want to get out of here, get away from him, and arguing with him will just drag things out so I don"t say anything.

Royce isn"t done yet though. He tells me, "I know a guy who could use your kind of... help. He"s not as rich as Gabe, but you"d be comfortable."

I"m about to tell him that I"m not interested, but what if he thinks I still owe him. Royce gets a call and tells me he"ll see me later, dismissing me.

Now I don"t know where I stand with him. Is he just going to keep pimping me out? Is that my future?

When I drag myself back to Gabe"s, I find Martin loitering in front of the building and texting. I almost want to hang back until he leaves but he raises his head just in time to see me. He smiles and comes up to me but then his brow furrows.

"I might have set off Gabriel a little bit. Sorry," he says but he doesn"t really sound sorry at all. I groan and Martin explains himself. "Well, I was telling Gabriel that he should take you with him when he leaves the country. I mean, he"ll be gone a long time and where will you be? God knows where you might end up. No offense. Anyway, he got mad, told me you knew it was temporary and you didn"t have any expectations. I don"t know, is that true?"

He peers at me and I tell him. "He"s right."

"Gabriel told me it wasn"t any of my business, which is fair. But I told him he should at least write you a glowing recommendation for when you start applying for jobs. I mean working for someone like him, that does mean something. But he said you wouldn"t need one considering how you would be making your money." Martin stares at me though I"m making sure to keep my face blank. "Sorry. I did tell him you might want a real job, but he just scoffed. He did say he"d give you some extra money. I guess that"s something."

Feeling sick, I start to walk past him, but he grabs my arm. When I pull away, he says, "Don"t hold it against him. That"s just all he knows. Money."

I thought Gabe was about more than that, and that I was more to him than someone he paid and pitied, but I guess not.

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