Chapter 20

~Justin

We keep walking then Gabe gets a call. It"s business so he heads back to the hotel to do a conference call. I decide not to go with him. Wandering around, I"m pretty sure I"ll get lost. I kind of want to, but I have my phone so I won"t stay lost for long.

I"m trying not to think about anything but my thoughts keep going back to my mom and Gabe. She"s the reason I want to save Gabe, keep him from sinking into despair. There are times I would do anything for him. I shouldn"t feel that way.

After a text from Fay, I tell her I"m in the middle of nowhere, and she wants to see. I get a video call from her. She frowns when I let her see all around. "It really is the middle of nowhere. I wish I was there." She seems to be in the library, studying. "You seem shaky, you OK?"

"Too much thinking," I tell her.

"You can always call me to talk," she says, but I"ve told Gabe more than I ever told her.

I end the call when I get a text from Gabe"s mother of all people. She then calls. "I got a strange message from Gabe about how he didn"t mean to make things harder on me. Then this morning when I wanted to check on him, his texts were very terse. Is everything OK?"

"Isn"t terse normal for him? He"s doing some business right now, so I think he"s fine," I tell her, but the first message must have been from when he was spiraling yesterday. Was it a goodbye?

"Stick close to him, will you? I"m worried," she says. "And I hope you"ll come by for dinner soon. I think you and your dad should..."

The last thing I want is to spend time with my dad so I cut her off. "I"ll keep an eye on Gabe for you," I tell her.

I don"t think Gabe is as close to going off the rails as last night, but I can"t help heading for the hotel. It"s like I need to see for myself that Gabe is all business again. But I"m very popular today so I get a text from Martin asking how Gabe is doing, that his mom is worried. I don"t want to tell him more than Gabe would want me to so I just say he"s busy with work.

At the hotel, I ask at the front desk for him and the receptionist gives me a funny look when I say I"m his personal assistant. I might not look the part, but what else was I supposed to call myself. His stepbrother?

Gabe is in one of their conference rooms on a call. I see him in there and feel relieved. Do I need to see him every few minutes to check if he"s OK? After seeing him with that gun, I guess I do.

It turns out the hotel has a reading room. It"s like a small library so I go in, grab a few books to see if anything can hold my attention. I used to like reading, but that seems like another life. Seeing Fay sitting in the library reminds me how I assumed I would be going to college. Mom and I had talked about how it would be good if I could get a scholarship to help pay for it. "Your dad should pay for it but..." Mom didn"t like to ask him for money, and I refused to ask him for anything.

After she was gone, I didn"t have a future, only an endless, painful now, and I wanted that now to stop. It"s only been since I met Gabe that I"m wondering what I should be doing with my life, like I suddenly have one. I guess if I want him to live, I feel like I have to live too. But it"s not like we"re linked. We"re just... I don"t know what we are.

After reading a little bit from a few different books, I go to walk around the grounds of the hotel. It"s peaceful, not too many people around. Maybe I like the countryside. I start to wonder if Gabe might want to buy a house somewhere out there and... What the hell am I thinking? The fresh air must be messing with my head.

Gabe finds me and asks, "Have you been bored?"

"Like always," I say. "Your mom was worried about you."

"I guess I gave her reason to be. I already spoke to her and we"re invited to dinner again. I"ll be going but you don"t have to since your father is likely to be there," he says.

"What, you don"t think I should reconnect with dear ol" dad?" I ask him sarcastically.

"No. He"s a prick, and I"m not just saying that because he"s my stepfather," Gabe says.

"Glad we agree," I say.

We drive around for a while and come across an art exhibit in the middle of a field. "Why is this here?" I wonder.

Gabe stops and checks his phone. "There is an art commune near here. Let"s go have a look."

I don"t hate looking at art and it"s kind of neat that it"s outdoors, then I overhear some old lady telling Gabe, "You look like a guy with money. Buy something nice for your boyfriend."

Is the boyfriend supposed to be me? I refused to show I heard that, but then Gabe comes over and tells me, "Pick out something and I"ll buy it for you."

"No, thank you," I say. It"s a knee jerk reaction. I don"t want to owe him.

"You"ll be doing one of these artists a favor," Gabe says.

I grumble and end up considering the paintings and sculptures as something that could be mine. I stare too long at a sculpture that looks like a bird that got turned into a spiral. That makes Gabe ask, "Do you want that one?"

The artist is sitting there and she reminds me of Fay so I say, "It"s cool."

She is low key happy to make a sale. As she wraps it up, she says, "I hope you two stick it out together. I don"t want this to turn into one of those gifts from your boyfriend that gets smashed after a break up."

There goes another person calling me Gabe"s boyfriend. Where are these people getting that from? It"s not like we"re walking around holding hands, or even standing that close. Half the time we"re looking at different things. I do end up looking at Gabe too often, but that"s only because I"m curious about what he"s looking at. It doesn"t mean anything.

After a late dinner in some trendy farm-to-table place that makes its own everything, we go on a long drive. We see the sunset, we see the stars come out then it"s a quiet, night drive in the countryside that feels like it will never end.

I thought Gabe might drive us home, but he drives back to the hotel. He gets a room, and only once we"re in it alone asks me if I wanted a room of my own. "If you wanted me to have my own room, I would already have one," I point out.

He smiles. "True."

As I watch Gabe strip down to his boxers and get into bed, I just stand there. He"s not telling me what he wants so I just glare at him as he gets comfortable in the big bed.

"What, you don"t think you"d like sleeping with me?" he says.

I do actually, but in my imagination, it wasn"t anything like this. Climbing into a big, comfortable bed with him feels weird. Sex on the floor is more my speed, I guess.

Sighing, I do what he did. Take off everything but my boxers and get under the covers next to him. Oh my God, this is so weird. I feel like I"m going to jump out of my skin. Damn, I just want him to bend me over, fuck me rough and then ignore me. Being in bed with him is driving me nuts.

Gabe is staring at the ceiling then he asks. "Is this weird for you too?"

"Yes," I admit with a huff.

He turns me over onto my side with my back to him then spoons me. "How about now?"

Now I can feel his hard cock against my ass. His hand moves over my chest to my abs then lightly over my cock. It"s already tenting my boxers and it only gets harder from the teasing brush of his fingers. "You"re still tense," Gabe says like that was some kind of tension test. "Let"s see if I can make you relax.

His idea of relaxing me is for us to sixty-nine and then for him to fuck me raw. Doing it naked, I can"t keep my hands off Gabe. Every inch of his body turns me on more. Afterward, he asks, "Better."

I don"t want to admit how much better I feel, I just start to fall asleep while Gabe holds me from behind, his naked, hard muscled body wrapped around mine. I don"t know how I can go to sleep when all I can think about is how much I want him to fuck me again.