Chapter 36

The weightof my grief presses down on me as I stand by my father's graveside, flanked by Steel, Kiki, Trucker, and Draco. Marni wanted to come, but Steel and Pistol insisted she stay back at the clubhouse since it's still unsafe for her to be out and about. The wind gently rustles through the trees, bringing the aroma of damp soil and the bitter hint of sorrow with it. It's hard to believe that he's gone, that I'll never hear his laughter or see his face again.

I glance over at my mother, her eyes puffy and bloodshot from crying, and my heart fills with an overwhelming sense of guilt. She's been doing this alone, and I've been too wrapped up in my own pain to truly see it. As she approaches me, her footsteps slow and hesitant, I can see the unsaid words swimming in her eyes.

"Iggie, I'm so sorry. I know I haven't been the best mother," she murmurs, her voice choked, and filled with regret, "but I want you to know that I love you. You should also know that there's nothing left for me here. Next week, right after Christmas, I'll be making the move to Florida. I'll be staying with my friend Clarice."

Like a punch to the gut, her words knock the wind out of me, making it hard to breathe. She's leaving, just like that. Starting over somewhere new, like my dad didn't just get murdered and her son doesn't still need her. Overwhelmed by panic, my chest tightens and my eyes well up with tears, struggling to contain my emotions.

Steel's hand landing on my shoulder calms me, his touch warm and reassuring. He's been my rock throughout all this when I felt like I was drowning in sorrow. I manage to nod at my mom's words. "Sounds good, Mom. Do you wanna do anything for Christmas? Get together before you leave?"

Her watery smile tugs at my heart as she reaches up to gently push a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you, Iggie. And no. I do not want to celebrate the holidays with the news we've received. I'll just spend the day packing. You go on and have fun."

With one last hug, she turns away, disappearing into the crowd of mourners. My anger swiftly overshadows my grief. How can she act like she lost her son and her husband? She apologizes, but then says she's moving and doesn't want to get together for Christmas. Has she no heart? I know she had to have known about Dad's affairs, but to treat me so coldly as well?

Steel's hand is still on my shoulder, his presence a steady anchor in the storm that is my life right now. I let out a sigh, using it as a tool to clear my mind, and then shake my head to refocus. Holly is gonna have her work cut out for her. I do feel a lot better about coming today to see my dad off. I needed closure, to make peace with what happened.

Leaving the gravesite, we walk in silence toward where we parked. The air is heavy, our steps measured and solemn.

A chorus of car doors slam shut, we start our engines and navigate our way back to the clubhouse. When we arrive and step out of the vehicles, Kiki lets me know she'll see me later before Draco turns to me, his gaze soft. "I need to go home," he says quietly, his voice tinged with regret. "But first I have news, too."

My heart lurches in my chest, fear tearing at the edges of my mind.

"I took a slight demotion," he admits, his gaze meeting mine with a mixture of uncertainty and determination. "I'll still be with the same company, but I won't be traveling anymore. I want to stay close to my best friend and put down roots, maybe meet a nice lady."

Trucker winces at those words, his body tensing up as if he's been physically struck. Unspoken emotion causes his jaw to tighten. Does he have feelings for Draco? It wouldn't surprise me, but Draco is straight, so this will only end with Trucker getting his heart broken.

As my unease grows, Steel grips my shoulder again, offering silent support. "That's great news, Draco."

Draco returns the smile, albeit somewhat hesitantly. He wraps his arms around me for a brief, tight embrace. "I'll text you later. I'm excited to be home for good. Traveling was fun, but being here full time is what I want."

"I'm happy if you're happy. Hey, since I'll be bumming it solo for Christmas next week, you wanna come here and we can do something, the two of us? Maybe get drunk and watch Christmas Christmas?"

"I'll be here with bells on." He smiles and turns, heading to his car.

Trucker's eyes never leave him until his car disappears from the compound property. With an annoyed huff, he stomps toward the clubhouse, his steps heavy and purposeful. Yup, he's got it bad.

Steel breaks the silence. "Iggie, you wanna have dinner with me?"

I hesitate for a moment, torn between the comfort of his company and the overwhelming fear of being in public. Today was enough for me. I'm not ready for the bustling of a restaurant.

"I can't, Steel. Not yet."

"Just the two of us in my room. I promise."

The allure of being alone with him is too strong to ignore, and before I realize it, I find myself nodding in agreement. "I'd like that," I say, a small smile playing on my lips.

Dinner with Steel is a much-needed escape from the overwhelming pain and sadness that's consumed me throughout the day. He has the room set up with candles and soft music, the atmosphere warm and inviting. And as we sit down to eat, a sense of peace settles over me.

For the first time in weeks, I feel like myself again, free from grief. Our eyes meet across the table, and a mischievous smile spreads across Steel's face, reminding me of the deep connection we share. He's more than just a friend; he's a lifeline, a beacon of hope in the darkness.

I reach out to take his hand, my fingers trembling slightly. "Thank you, Steel," my voice barely above a whisper. "For everything."

He squeezes my hand in return. "Anytime, Iggie."

The soft flickering candlelight lights up his face and casts dancing shadows on the walls. I can see the truth in his eyes. With Steel by my side, I can face whatever challenges the future may bring, knowing I have someone who cares for me deeply. And for now, that's enough.