Chapter 35

Today,as I prepare for my first appointment with Holly, a wave of anxiety washes over me. Which I guess is the point of having a therapist, but I've never done this whole counseling thing before. I don't want to reveal too many details and risk causing trouble for the club... or for Steel. Nevertheless, I have some issues that I need to sort out.

It's been a few weeks since Steel found me and brought me here. While I've started exploring beyond his room, I still haven't ventured outside the compound except for short walks. Even then, Kiki or Steel has been with me. Both have played a significant role in my recovery, and I'll forever be grateful to them. Especially Kiki, since she was attacked because of me.

Tonight will be Kiki's return to whoring, and she is over the moon. I can't blame her. I'm missing Howards, but I'm also terrified to return. It's where I met Susan and Nancy. Where I thought Nancy's advances were harmless. She was pushy and a tad sketchy but never gave me deranged lunatic vibes.

Steel is out at the shop, cleaning up my car since we're going to sell it. I don't want it. I made an effort yesterday to sit in the driver's seat and park it outside, instead of taking up a spot in their shop. However, I was unexpectedly hit by a wave of panic, making it impossible for me to move. Steel had to carry me to the bedroom, and he spent the rest of the afternoon rubbing my back, reassuring me I was safe, and reminding me to breathe.

After much thought, I ultimately chose to part ways with it and put it up for sale. Pistol actually suggested it. He asked if I thought I could drive a different vehicle and I wasn't sure. But this morning I sat in Kiki's Mustang with no racing heart or gasping for air. So I told Steel to list it. Get what he can for it and I'll buy another when I'm ready.

Lifting the lid of the laptop Draco brought from my house, I open the web browser and type in the website I need. With a deep breath, I log in and get settled, ready for my session. On the hour, the screen fills with a pretty redhead, her hair in a bun and green eyes staring at me.

"Nice to meet you, Ignatius. It's obvious, but I'm Holly. How are you today?"

I can't help but smile, feeling a sense of relaxation wash over me as I listen to her soothing voice. Even with just one sentence, she gave off a warm and friendly vibe. "I'm good. A little nervous, I won't lie. How are you?"

"Living the dream." She laughs. "And being nervous for your first session is normal. We're going to work through that and give you some coping skills to help with your nerves. Sound good?"

"Sounds good." I nod.

"Okay, so first off, why don't you tell me about yourself and what happened that led you to my screen?" She winks and I really like this woman.

I tell her where I work, and about my parents and my hobbies. But now the hard part. "My coworker and her mom abducted me. They tied me up in a garage and kept me there. Nancy, the daughter, was obsessed with me. I thought it was a harmless but kinda creepy crush, but I was obviously wrong. She and her mom concocted this whole idea that they could force me to love her and they planned for her to rape me."

"How did you get out?"

"My… well, I don't know what he is at the moment. But this guy I was seeing found and rescued me. I'm staying at his place. It's where I feel safe for the time being. But while I was in that garage, my dad showed up. Turns out he had been having an affair with the mom and while, according to him, he thought they were hosting an intervention, they weren't."

"And where is your dad now? How is your relationship since you've been back?"

I struggle to hold back the tears that are on the verge of streaming down my face and hastily wipe my nose with the back of my hand. "She shot him. Susan, the mother, had a gun. She pointed it at him and told me to choose between my dad or being intimate with her daughter. I chose myself and she shot him. I watched as she murdered him."

She nods, her fingers dancing across the keyboard as she types. "That's a lot, Ignatius, for anyone. We're not going to dissect and work through everything in one session. I think we should meet weekly, if that works for you. I have a few more questions, so I know how to better help you."

"Okay."

"Are these women now in police custody? What came of them? Will there be a trial we need to prepare for?"

I'm at a loss for words. I can't tell her that Steel and his club took them and have them in the shed; wherever that is. I'm not sure if he even kept them alive or if they're now dead. I haven't mustered up the courage to ask yet.

Looking around the room, I scramble to find something interesting to say, desperately trying to avoid an awkward silence.

"That's okay, Ignatius. You don't have to tell me everything. Everyone is entitled to a secret or two, right? Give me a simple yes or no. Will you have to testify at a trial?"

"No."

"Perfect. Well, not perfect, but that helps me make a treatment plan. We won't need to work on a plan for you to handle seeing them or testifying."

Thank God she let it go, because I won't betray Steel, not after everything he's done. I'd rather endure my suffering in solitude, without therapy, than betray him.

"What about your mother? How is she handling the news? Your relationship with her. What does that look like?"

"I couldn't tell her he was dead, so once I was rescued, we called the police with an anonymous tip and they handled his body and told her. She called me a few days later and told me he was gone. The funeral is tomorrow. We had to wait for his body to be released because his death is under investigation."

"How do you feel about attending? Are you going?"

Isn't that the million-dollar question? This morning, though, with the help of Steel, I made my decision. "I'm going. We may not have had a good relationship, but I think it will give me closure, and in the end, when it mattered the most, he proved he loved me."

"Do you have someone going with you? That way, if you have a panic attack, you're not alone?"

"Yeah. Steel… that's the guy I was seeing. He, my friend Kiki, and my best friend, Draco, are going with me." I'm so glad they agreed to go with me so I don't have to do it alone. I say agreed like I had to beg or negotiate, but Draco was going no matter what. Steel said yes as soon as I mentioned it, and Kiki refused to let me go without her.

"So when you go tomorrow, I want you to try two things. If you have a panic attack or feel one coming on, I want you to close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths. If that doesn't help, pick a category, it can be anything. I used to always do baby names because it was easy. Start at A and work your way through Z. It will take your mind off whatever has you panicked."

"Sounds easy enough. What if those things don't work?" I ask because while they sound simple, they also don't sound foolproof.

"This is a marathon, not a sprint, Ignatius. If they don't work, be honest with your friends so they can help you. Next week when we meet, we can discuss alternatives. It might come down to you needing medication, and that's okay. I don't want you feeling a certain way if you have to take anxiety meds. Fun fact: more than ninety-two million prescriptions are filled each year for anxiety."

"I can do that." I smile at her, feeling good about getting through tomorrow and while I hadn't thought of taking medication, I'm not against it. But I'm glad she told me the statistics, only so I know it's not uncommon to feel how I do.

"Alright then. Our time is up. But let's schedule for next week. Does the same day and time work for you?"

"Yeah, that works."

"Perfect. I got you on the calendar and I'll see you next week. Ignatius, I'm going to email you my cell. If it gets too bad and Steel can't help you relax, you call me, okay? I want to be a last resort, though. You can do this."

I nod again, and by this point, I feel like a bobblehead. But she's told me so much yet so little all at once and I'm trying to process everything.

"Bye, Ignatius." She waves, and the screen reverts to the homepage of the website.

Immediately, a notification pops up on my screen, reminding me of the weekly appointment I have with her. I hear a soft ding from my patient portal and quickly click on the message. Along with a reminder of what we talked about for coping skills, she included her phone number just like she said.

I close the computer and step out of the room, ready to head to the shop. I need to find Steel and update him on how it went.