Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Carter

" W hat? You're turning me down?"

I search Lacey's eyes for an explanation and see a flicker of pain hidden within the blue orbs. An equally distressing look crosses her face before she schools her expression.

Her hand falls out of mine, the warmth of her touch fading like a distant memory. I turn away before she sees the hurt flashing across my face. I force nonchalance in an attempt to mask it. Night is falling, and its impending darkness cloaks me in its inky depths. I struggle for composure, her rejection slicing open my heart as I manage a tight rein on my emotions.

"Carter, please. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't know what to say to make it better."

I shrug off her pity with feigned indifference. "What more is there?"

A crack of thunder steals the sky as I turn away from the woman I thought would be my wife. Her rejection claws into me, finding tender flesh within my psyche to mangle. A storm is brewing, and the sound of its impending waves pummel the shore and provide a tumultuous soundtrack for what rages inside of me.

"I'm sorry."

"So am I." I walk off toward the house, putting distance between us to cater to my need for silence.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." She calls to me, her voice disappearing in the wind.

"But you did," I mutter. The heady mix of disbelief, anger, and resentment jabs me as I arrive back at the house. I pass by my mother and brother, their curiosity evident as Lacey follows silently behind me.

I fling open the screen door with a vengeance that nearly takes it off its hinges and barge through the house to the kitchen where I help myself to a beer.

"What's wrong?" A look of bewilderment scratches lines across Mom's forehead.

"Does it matter?" I snark before chugging down the cold brew.

"It matters to me."

She watches as I stomp the pedal to the garbage can and slam the bottle into the bag-lined cavity. Lacey catches my eye as she breaches the doorway, but I quickly catch myself and look away.

"It's my fault," she quietly admits.

"What? How so?" Mom asks in disbelief. Her attention shifts away from me to Lacey.

"I said no."

Silence falls over the room as Declan appears. "What's going on?"

No one speaks as the three of us exchange glances, our gazes ricocheting between us all.

"Well, somebody better spit it out," my brother declares.

I wait but Lacey says nothing.

"I'll just say my week's getting shittier by the day. Funny thing is, it's not my fault."

"It's my fault." My mother's tone is somber as she pulls out a chair and drifts down into the seat. Lacey follows behind her and the two exchange a glance. A sad look slides across Mom's face and I suddenly feel like there's something unspoken weighing down their mood.

Mom looks first at Declan, then me, and at that moment my heartbeat staggers its beat.

"I have cancer."

The words tumble from my mother's trembling lips and my world kilters from its axis. Cancer. The word echoes through my mind, bouncing around like a cruel joke. I glance over at my brother, his usually carefree expression now corrupted with sadness and worry. There she sat. Our rock. Our guiding light. Looking so small and fragile.

Tears distort my vision as they well up in my eyes, the pelting rain now beating against the cedar shakes. As I wrestle with my thoughts and try to process this news, my thoughts consume me. How can this be happening?

"I would have told you sooner." The sound of Mom's voice wanes and Lacey squeezes her hand.

"You knew," I convict her with my eyes and she lifts her gaze.

"I wrote it on a piece of paper with an oncologist's information. The paper fell out of my book and Lacey found it."

In that moment, I feel a surge of gratitude for her presence as Lacey's eyes fill with compassion and concern.

"I wouldn't have betrayed your confidence, Rose."

"I was going to tell you sooner but didn't want to ruin our time away." Mom's voice holds a tremble.

Tears glisten in her eyes as Lacey comforts her. I'm her son—her blood—and I'm lost for what to say. What's an appropriate response when your world falls to pieces? When six letters form a curse and change your whole life?

"What can I do for you, Mom? What can any of us do?" Declan asks, his palms raised in surrender.

"Make the memory of this week last me for a lifetime." She smiles a sweet smile and I swallow a stone of emotion as she sets her sights on me. "Are you okay?"

I nod. It's all I can manage.

The room falls silent for what feels like an eternity, Mom's news shrouding us all with its dark, heavy curtain. I was so self-absorbed I hadn't until this moment noticed the fatigue in her eyes or the way her spirit flickered when it used to shine bright. The unseen, relentless beast attacked when I wasn't looking.

"I'll come down and take you for treatment."

"That won't be necessary," she states with a shake of her head. "It's late stage. I've decided to forego treatment."

"You can't," my brother protests.

"I can, and I am. It's my decision and I don't want to spend what's left of my time being injected with poison."

"But it'll buy you time."

"I don't need more time to be sick and weak. I'm choosing quality over quantity."

My throat is dry. I struggle to find words. How do you respond when someone you love tells you something like this? My thoughts are all over the place and so many of them turn to questions. How long does she have? Did I treasure every moment? How will I survive losing the woman who's always been my rock—my guiding light?

I'll respect Mom's decision, but I resent it. I want her here, with us, for as long as possible.

"I will visit the oncologist when we return. Right now, I'm confident I'm making the right decision, but I want to hear all the options before I've totally made my peace with it.

"I'll go with you."

"I'll go with you, too." Declan repeats.

"I'd like to go alone."

"I don't think that's wise," I protest.

"The doctor wants to do a biopsy but from the test results they have so far, it appears that it's very invasive."

"I'll come down and go with you."

"Carter, I don't ne?—"

"I know you don't but hear me out; there's a lot going on in your head. I might catch things that you might miss. I won't interfere with your treatment plan or your decision to forego it. All I'm asking is for the privilege of being there for my mother when she needs me most."

"I'm the same, Mom." Declan's voice drops with a grave tone. "You've always been there for us. Let us be there for you."

"I'll think about it this week. What I would really like is for the four of us to have fun. To enjoy the remainder of this vacation and make each day the best that we can. There are so many unknowns to face when I get back to Baltimore, but this week is familiar to me. Being at the beach with my boys is the highlight of my year. No matter what I face, I want to savor these memories."

"Rose, I know I'm not family but whatever you need, whatever I can do ..."

"I know, Lacey, and I appreciate it." Mom pats her hand. "It's nice to have a woman to talk to, and I'm a little too modest to talk to my boys about some things. Some personal things. I know these hulking men aren't boys, but the thought of talking about intimate, feminine things to my sons is unsettling."

Lacey's love for my mother shines through her eyes. Now, I understand better what happened tonight on the beach and I'm reminded just how special a woman she is but am also reminded that I could have been a better man.