Chapter 35

The air is frigid this morning, cutting across my skin and raising goosebumps in its wake. As always, not putting on a jacket was a bad idea. But just like every other time, I don't seem to have learned my lesson. It's okay, though, since my car is not too far from the exit door.

A chill runs down my spine—the reason is unknown—but it encourages me to speed up my steps and close the distance between me and my vehicle a little faster. The next thing I know, I'm running to it, glancing around frantically like a demon is after me, trying to claw its way into my body. I know I really need to stop being so fucking paranoid, but it's hard when you've had a monster after you for months. No matter how long I work here, exiting the hospital doesn"t get any easier.

My steps crunch on the gravel, and my ankle almost twists as I slow down for some stupid reason. I take a deep breath, gripping my door handle to find some kind of cloth lodged into it. I can't open my door without taking it out, and another chill runs down my spine as the freezing barrel of a gun finds its way to my temple.

"Miss me, Bailey?" Robert's warm breath coasts down the back of my neck, and more goosebumps prick my skin. These are painful though, along with the ominous feeling running through every inch of my body.

"Not even a little bit," I growl, trying to move out of his hold.

His hand grips my hip, "Don't do anything stupid, Bailey." Robert chuckles. "There's a fucking gun to your head."

"So kill me," I shrug, feeling nothing but deep-rooted fear. My hands shake, and my fingers are already numb from the cold. The tips prickle painfully, and I clench my fists. Yeah, a mere long-sleeved shirt under my scrubs was definitely a bad idea.

"Why would I do that?" He kisses the back of my head and I cringe. "When I could have so much more fun with you."

"What do you want, Rob?" I ask him, trying to stall as much as possible. And secretly hoping someone rescues me. Someone getting out of work could see the gun to my head and call the cops. Anyone.

The gun moves against my temple as if he's flexing his wrist, and he growls. "Just. You."

Trying to stall, I ask him, "Haven't we had enough? Haven't you done enough? It's time to let go."

"It'll never be enough, Bailey." Fear crawls down my spine, and I swear if I could give it a sound right now, it would be nails running down a chalkboard. Please don't let him— "Open the fucking door."

"What is that?"

"That," he chuckles, "is your ticket into the car—unharmed. I'm not afraid to shoot you, Bells. Or does the scar on your side not remind you of what I'm capable of?"

"Are you asking me to drug myself?"

"I'm not asking." He laughs, the gun on my temple flexing once more, but I don't dare move. I know he would shoot me without blinking. "I'm telling."

"Where are you taking me?" I ask him, my knees feeling weak. If he takes me out of Washington State, I'm well and truly fucked.

"You'll find out, eventually." His possessive grip on my hip tightens even more, and the barrel of the gun digs into my temple until it bites the skin. "Now sniff the fucking tissue, or I'll force you to."

My hand trembles as it reaches out to grab it, and my traitorous fingers wrap around it. I bring it to my nose and inhale deeply, the disgusting sour smell making my head spin immediately.

"Keys," Robert growls. "Now."

I hand them to him, all the while trying to keep myself upright and praying that he doesn't find my phone in the cargo pocket of my scrubs when he puts me in the car. However, I don't have a lot of time to worry about it as my body gets colder than it already was, and I go limp. My eyes fall closed, and no matter how hard I try, I can't open them.

Unfortunately, somehow, I'm still aware of everything that's happening. I bet this was on purpose, too. He wants me scared and helpless, and goddamnit, he's achieving it. I promised myself that the last time he fucked me up would be the final time, yet something tells me that promise is about to be obliterated.

Robert throws my body in the backseat like a sack of potatoes, and I feel my head bounce hard. My body and my mind are completely detached from each other. I seem to be an entity floating around in limbo even while I'm aware of the rumble of the car as he turns the key in the ignition, the sound of the gravel under the tires, and even the suede scratching at my cheek. It's all so intense, and I want to make it stop. Only I can't even move my limbs. He's given me some sort of paralytic, of that I am sure. I have no hope left in me to cling to. All I can do is wait it out and hope that it wears off by the time we get to wherever he's taking me.

"We could've been so good together, Bailey," Robert says on a sigh, as if this pains him when we both know he's capable of worse. Or I guess I'm about to find out what worse means because my leaving him doesn't bode well with him. His ego is hurt that I was able to escape and evade him for months, so now he's going to make me pay in blood.

"But now you're tainted, aren't you? You let that hockey player fuck you. You let him parade you around!" I hear his fist land on the steering wheel, and if I could flinch, now would've been the time. "Not just that, but I spent a little time in jail when security caught me at the hospital, you fucking cunt." If I could flinch right now, I would.

Where are you taking me?

Will I live?

Please don't hurt me.

Tears sting the back of my eyes and I feel them fall, even though my eyes won't move still. It's as if I'm trapped in my own body. Maybe this is how it feels to get possessed, to lose all ability and autonomy over your body. Or perhaps this is how people feel when they're in a coma? Fuck, this is awful.

I want to beg and plead and make promises, but I know they'd fall on deaf ears. Even still, it wouldn't hurt to try. What if he still has a soft bone in his body for me? What if he cares a little bit? Maybe I can convince him we can get back together, that Theo meant nothing.

He means everything to me.

But he doesn't have to know it.

I can tell him that I may be tainted, but the love in my heart is still there. That we could give it another shot if he wanted. Clearly, he's here for a reason, and I refuse to believe it's only for punishment. He has to care, even if only a little.

Bile rises to the back of my throat, and I can't swallow it down. It's fucking choking me—God, I'm going to die choking on my own vomit. My body spasms, and Robert growls. I can only assume he's pulling over, though, because a moment later, he's grabbing the back of my head and tilting me forward. He opens my mouth, letting the contents spill out on the seat right next to my face.

"You nasty little bitch," he mutters, and then he's gone.

The car is moving again before I can make sense of what happened, and I can only be grateful that my phone is still in my pocket. If I can't get in contact with anyone, surely Theo will know where I am.

Please check my location, baby.

My body relaxes into the seat, and so does my bladder. I have no fucking control over myself right now, and while I would feel embarrassed in any other situation, right now, I can't even care. I am scared. Scared of what he's going to do to me, scared of pain, scared of dying. But mostly, I'm scared I'll never see Theo again.

"Did you just fucking piss yourself?" Robert laughs. "Bells, I knew I'd scare you, but this is just gold."

I hear myself whimper, the first sign that my vocal cords are working again, and now I wonder how long he's been driving. This indeed lasts at least an hour, depending on how much I sniffed. I couldn't even tell a dosage based on that, but I have a feeling we're farther from Seattle than I think. Robert seems completely oblivious when it comes to the sound though, and that's to my advantage. Maybe if I pretend to be paralyzed after my limbs wake up, he will make a stop somewhere, and I'd be able to make a break for it.

More time passes, I don't know how long, but before I can keep asking myself…the car stops. It sounds like a dirt road, with the little rocks jostling the car slightly, but I can't be sure. I can finally wiggle my toes in my shoes now, and my leg can move, at least one of them. I can't make any big movements however, since I don't want him to know that I can run away, so it's hard to know which part of my body is ready for me to make a run for it. In fact, my mind could be betraying me right now, and I'm not ready at all.

Don't make a fool of yourself, it'll only cause you so much more pain.

I hear his door close, and I rapidly open my eyes just to be blinded by the sun. He pulls my door open and before he can fully see, I shut my eyes once more. I know I have to be careful, basically play dead, and that's sure going to be hard with the way he's going to hurt me. I just know it's coming.

Robert grabs my ankles and pulls, utterly uncaring in how he handles me. My head hits the edge of the car, where you step to get in, then bounces off the rocks on the ground. I whimper when the small, sharp edges cut into my temple while I try to keep my face as neutral as possible. God, that fucking hurts.

He's really going to kill me.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Why can't he just let me go?!

This can't be happening. I was so strong, and now I'm just…weak again.

He grabs a hold of one ankle and tugs, taking me with him. I relax my body even as I get cut by all the little rocks on the path. Once I feel the shift in his body, as if he's facing away from me, I open my eyes. I see the back of his head, his oversized jacket because he's not used to the cold, and pine trees everywhere. I don't know where the hell I am. Although I see he's taking me down a trail, deep into the forest.

No.

I close my eyes again, contemplating my options. I'm underdressed, with no water or food and probably no cellphone signal. In other words, I'm fucked. There's nowhere to go that I'll make it out alive, but I think I'd rather take my chances with the elements than die at his hand. I'd prefer getting hypothermia than being his victim again.

Somehow, luck must be on my side, because he stops.

Letting go of me, Robert walks away. This is when I'm brave enough to open my eyes again, just to see him with his back turned to me, walking to a bench. I don't wait; I quietly get up, and before he can turn around, I sprint at full force away from him.

My shoes are extremely loud on the path, but I don't turn around to see where he is. I pump my legs as hard as possible, and I thank God that I'm not the shortest and have long legs. My chest begins to burn with exertion, reminding me further that I should be going to the damn gym. It sure would've been helpful right now. Maybe I'd even be able to fight back. However, I know I'm not going down without a fight, regardless.

I hear the telltale sign of him running after me, and before I can run away any faster, I'm on a beach. There's a lake that looks identical to the one I came to with Theo, and I bet if I go to the other side of it, I'd be able to get on the path that leads up the mountain. But I must be dense because when I look back, Robert is almost on me. I don't have enough time to make it across, so I run to the water instead. If I could just jump in and wait it out until he leaves, maybe I'll survive this after all.

That is, if I don't die from hypothermia first.

My scrub top is grabbed from behind, and I'm yanked backwards with one tug. I trip but throw my elbow back as fast and hard as I can, and thankfully, it connects with something, knocking the wind out of him. He lets go of me momentarily, and right before I can jump in the water, I trip yet again. My face joins the rocky sand, my head jostling once more, and he grabs a hold of my ankle, swiftly pulling me into him. Without thinking twice, I throw my opposite leg back and kick him right in the face. His grip loosens, and I crawl as fast as possible toward the water.

Once I'm waist-deep in the water, I stand, trying to get deeper, but I hear something that makes me turn around—the click of a gun. I freeze in place, and the sound of a shot rings out. I know it's going to hit me before it connects with my stomach, but I wasn't expecting the blinding pain that actually came with it.

The wind is knocked out of me, and I fall back into the water, swallowing it with my scream immediately. The faint whoosh of metal connecting with the water is loud in my ears, and I see more than hear the bubbles as it comes down beside me. My heart pounds like thunder in my ears, and I haul my body from the sticky mud at the bottom so I can take a breath.

The water is crimson, no longer gray, and I can't see the bottom anymore. I gasp for air as I break the surface, clutching at my stomach for dear life, knowing the bullet is in there with every shift of my body. I can feel it moving, and I know I don't have much time before I bleed out. Did it nick my artery? Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't want to die. Not yet. I haven't had enough time with him.

There's a splash, and then Robert is in the water with me. I tread under the surface, willing my body to go faster, but I can feel the tugging in my abdomen. Feel the pain that accompanies it, and I can't help moving forward into the fetal position, swallowing even more water.

"Bells, I'm sorry." Robert actually appears regretful. "Please come with me. Stop swimming further in."

I can't touch the bottom anymore, and panic claws at my insides, making me tread water even faster. Helping me die even quicker. I'm bleeding out. Help me.

"No."

He swims toward me anyway, grabbing my arm, and I can feel myself growing weaker. I don't fight him anymore as I let him drag me back to shore. "Please. Please, don't let me die," I beg, but he just chuckles.

"Bailey, this has been a long time coming," Robert growls. "You don't get to fucking leave me." He drags me toward the shore by my arm, and once there, I crawl on my hands and knees, sitting up right next to the water that's lapping at the rocky sand. "You don't get to escape me anymore."

"I'll be with you," I blurt out, though it sounds like a lie even to my ears. I'm hitting the first stage of grief. Denial. "I'll do anything you want."

Within the next blink, he's on top of me.

"Prove it, Bells." Robert begins to rip at my scrub pants, and the more he jostles my body, the more pain I'm in. Hot and searing, yet my limbs feel cold and slightly numb. "Prove it."

"Is shooting me not enough?" I yell. "Are you going to fucking rape me too?"

Robert shoves my legs open, and this time, I fight back. I kick him right in the chest. Except he's too strong for me as he shoves his pants down, and I'm appalled to see he has an erection. I'm bleeding out, and his dick is hard. What. The. Fuck.

In my fear-induced stupor, my legs go numb too. Or maybe that's because I'm bleeding out on this rocky sand with no one to save me. His hands grip my thighs again, but this time, I don't have it in me to fight. My body is heavy, anchored to the ground. I can't move. I can't move.

"Did the fight leave ya already?" he asks, shoving himself inside me. I only know because he's rocking my body with the motion, and I clutch at my stomach, coming back with hot, sticky liquid. I feel the waves lapping at my face, and the more he thrusts into me, the closer I get to the water. "That's good. Just let it happen, Bailey."

"Please…" Bargaining. "Please don't do this, Robert," I sob, my lower lip trembling. I'm not above begging anymore. I don't want to die. "Please!"

"Shut the fuck up!" He screams, slapping me across the face. My entire body jolts from him fucking me harder, but I don't feel it. All I feel is numb. Maybe that's mercy, maybe there is a God after all.

"Theo!" I scream loudly. "Theo!"

Fear snaps my spine as Robert's hands wrap around my throat, and my torn scrubs keep giving way to his depravity. My back bows off the rocky ground, the pebbles digging into my shoulder blades, and I try to scream, but all that comes out is a loud wheeze. I mouth the words again though, Theo, which only seems to piss him off even more.

"I said, shut the fuck up."

I hear him groan, getting closer to his release. I see blood on his dick, and I close my eyes and pray.

Please, God.

Please don't let this be the end.

I'll do anything.

Fire invades my chest as the air dissipates from my lungs, and when he lifts my head and slams it against the ground, I feel my skull crack. The adrenaline that hits me makes my heart thump harder in my chest, and I begin to claw at his hands. Only it's no use, and with another jostle, my head is underwater. I see the blood in front of my eyes, the now red water taunting me.

Why?

Why?

Why?

Terror nestles itself into my very bones, breaking them, or maybe that's Robert. I scream into the water, but nothing comes out. No bubbles. And this is when I know this is how I die. I feel my lungs give way, and involuntarily, my nose begins to breathe in water. I choke on it, trying to expel it from my lungs, but it's no use. My body's betrayal comes at a high cost.

Someone help me.

My lungs burn, and white spots begin to fill my vision, but then they turn, leaving me more scared than ever. My hands claw at Robert, but I let go, thrashing in the water. My hips drive up, and I can feel the bullet move inside of me again. Blinding, searing pain takes over, and this time, I just give up. I inhale another lungful of water, and I'm not delusional. I know this is the end of the road for me.

My eyes widen as images of Theo flit through my mind. Us at the skating rink dancing together, the way he held my hand as we stared up at the laser lights on the dome ceiling, the way he cupped my face as he kissed me. I see it all playing like a highlight reel in my head, and I take one more deep inhale full of water.

Everyone talks about the white light when you're dying, the one you see right before you drift away. But it's all bullshit. All I see is black—a hole so deep there's no digging myself out of it. The color engulfs my vision, starting from the edges and creeping its way across the entirety of it. And once I'm blinded, once I'm truly scared, it grips its talons into me and tears my eyes out.