Chapter 9

CHAPTER

NINE

Courtney

"So...," Jordyn says, smirking.

"So what?" We both know what she wants, but I'm going to make her ask for it. It's bad enough I can feel the heat in my cheeks. I hear Merrick in my head telling me to stand up for myself, but this is different. This is Jordyn. Not only is she my boss, but she's become a good friend, and I need to talk to someone about this. I would normally talk to Chloe, but she doesn't know the truth, so Jordyn it is.

"Courtney!" she scolds with a teasing smirk. "Tell me all the things."

I can't help it, I laugh. "There's not much to tell. We had dinner with my family on Saturday night. It was... pleasant. No. It was better than pleasant. My mother didn't drill him as I expected she would. She just accepted that we're together, and that was that."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"That's a very good thing. I feel as though I can finally breathe. The pressure to be what she wants me to be is overwhelming."

Her voice softens. "Have you ever considered that a lot of that pressure comes from within? That you want to please her and make her happy, so you try to be what you think that she wants you to be?"

I let her words take root. "Maybe."

"I think she just wants you to be happy. She proved that by not drilling Merrick. Did she call you after?"

"No. She did text me, though."

"What did she say?"

"That she was happy for me. That we make a beautiful couple."

"That's it?" Her brows rise with her question.

I nod. "That's it."

"And Merrick? How are things there?"

I shrug. "Fine."

Jordyn tosses her head back in laughter. I glare at her, then the door, wishing for a customer to walk in. I know I said I need and want to talk about this thing with Merrick, but it's harder to let the words free. That makes them real.

"Come on, Courtney, we're friends. I promise anything you tell me stays between us. I won't tell my husband or anyone else in our family." Her tone tells me she's serious.

"He's... perfect." I cover my face with my hands at my confession. Jordyn sits patiently as she waits for me to stop hiding. Slowly, I lower my hands to find her watching me with a soft smile playing on her lips. "What's that for?" I point to her smile.

"You like him."

"Of course I like him. What's not to like? He's sexy, smart, funny, kind, and so many other things. He's impossible not to like."

She raises her hand. "I can attest to that. I married his brother. They're all pretty amazing."

"Right?"

"So, what are you going to do about it?"

"What am I going to do about what?"

"Court!" She laughs. "You like him. Tell him. See where this goes."

"Oh, no." I shake my head. "Nope. Not happening. I'm not foolish enough to believe that a man like Merrick Kincaid would be happy with a plain Jane woman like me."

"The hell you say?"

I turn to find Ryder Kincaid, Jordyn's husband, and Merrick's older brother. Well, one of them standing behind me. I groan out loud. "You could have warned me," I hiss at Jordyn.

"I didn't know," she hisses back. "Babe, what are you doing here?"

"We finished up the job we were on. I thought I'd come and get Finn." He walks to his wife and kisses her lips. Then turns to me. "You." He points an accusing finger at me. "What's this shit I hear about my brother being too good for you?"

My shoulders slump. "You can't fault me for speaking the truth."

"Courtney, Merrick would be lucky to have you in his life. He is lucky," he amends.

"Told you." Jordyn sticks her tongue out at me, and it breaks the tension.

"I'm a realist," I tell them. "I'm the quiet bookworm."

"And?"

"What do I have to offer a man like Merrick?"

"What kind of man is that?" Ryder asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jeez, maybe this is where Merrick gets it. "He's charming, and sexy, and a catch."

"Okay. You're beautiful, sweet, and a little delusional." He gives me a pointed look. "Never put yourself down like that."

"I can't let myself even consider that this could be more than what it is. He's helping me. We're faking, and if I allow myself to want him, to let a sliver of maybe we could be filter into my mind, it will be harder on me when this is all over."

"I understand that," Ryder says gently. "However, there's a difference between guarding your heart and making yourself believe you're not good enough."

"Must run in the family," I mutter, making him grin.

"I'm going to say one more thing, and then I'm taking my son home to do manly things and you ladies can finish the girl talk I interrupted."

"Fair enough." I smile.

Ryder looks at Jordyn, and his eyes soften. "Never stop fighting for what you want." His eyes find mine. "Fight for what you want. If it's my little brother, don't give up. If it's not him, that's fine, too, but never stop fighting." With that, he leans in close to Jordyn. "Love you, baby. I'll see you when you get home." He saunters off to the back, where Finn is taking his nap.

"He's right, you know. Ryder and I, we didn't get to our happily ever after easily. I let my mother control me. She threatened Ryder and his family. It's a long story, but the end result is the same. Ryder never once gave up on us. He fought for us, and now look where we are."

There's sadness in her eyes. I want to ask her more, but I don't want to impose. She'll tell me her story if and when she's ready.

"I already know it's going to kill me when we walk away from this. It's been a couple of weeks, and I already look forward to our time together."

"I guess you have to ask yourself if the risk is worth the pain?" The door chimes, alerting us to a customer. Too bad Ryder didn't use the front door. She stands and gives me a quick hug before going to help whoever just walked into the store.

All of this talk about Merrick has him on my mind. Who am I kidding? Lately, he's all I've been thinking about. Grabbing my phone, I send him a text. It might not be me fighting for him, but it is me putting myself out there, letting him know that I'm thinking about him.

Me: Hope you're having a great day.

His reply comes instantly.

Merrick: Better now. There are lots of long hours this week, trying to get ahead of the rain they're forecasting next week.

Me: Is there anything I can do to help?

Merrick: You just did.

He follows that up with a row of winking emoji.

Ryder and Jordyn have given me a lot to think about. I know the majority of my insecurities come from me being a people pleaser. I'm always putting others above myself. I know this about me. I just don't know how to stop. It's who I am.

The door chimes again, so I slide my phone back into my pocket and get back to work.

It's Friday and the boutique just closed. I have no plans for tonight. Merrick's working late again. He has every night this week. I could call Chloe and see if she wants to grab dinner, but then an idea pops into my head. I know Merrick's been exhausted. I can hear it in his voice when we talk.

And yes, we've talked. He calls me every night after work. One night, it was on his way home. One was right before he went to bed, and the others were as he was hitting a drive-thru for dinner. That's where my idea stems from.

I'm going to make him dinner.

Instead of going home, I turn my car into the grocery store parking lot. I know from our conversations he'll eat just about anything. I decide to make buffalo chicken pasta and garlic bread. I pick up a few things that I need for home and circle back around to the cereal aisle. He liked the Rice Krispies treats I made for dinner with his family, so I'll make him some more of those. I don't know if this counts as fighting, but I'm putting myself out there. I'm going to show up at his place uninvited. I don't have to stay to eat with him, but I'd be lying if I said I don't hope he'll ask me to stay.

Rushing home, I get to work making dinner. It's not a lengthy process for the pasta, so I start with the Rice Krispies treats first. They, too, don't take long, but they can be cooling while I start dinner.

An hour later, I have everything packed up. I've changed my clothes, and my car is loaded as I make my way toward his house. I don't know if he's home yet, but that's okay. It's a nice night for the second week of May. I have a blanket in my car for emergencies if it gets too cold, but I think I'll be just fine reading my Kindle on his front porch until he gets home. I have a hot bartender that needs some of my attention. That is, at least until Merrick gets home.

It's a few minutes before seven when I pull into his driveway. Grabbing my purse, which holds my phone and Kindle, I climb out of my car and move to the front porch. I settle on the swing and get lost in my book. When I hear tires on the gravel, I look up and see Merrick pulling into the driveway. Turning off my Kindle, I shove it back into my purse, before making my way to my car where I pull open the back door.

"Hey, you. This is a nice surprise," Merrick says. He's smiling widely, as if he's happy to see me.

"I know you've been working long hours this week, and you've been eating out, so I thought I'd make you dinner."

"You made me dinner?" There is surprise in his tone.

"I felt sorry for you," I tease.

"I'll take it." He leans in and kisses my cheek. "That means you were thinking about me. A man can't complain about that," he says, smirking. "Let me take that."

I hand him the buffalo chicken pasta, grab the container of Rice Krispies treats and the garlic bread, and follow him inside.

"This smells great, Court. Thank you," he says, placing the dish on the stove. "I stink. Let me shower and we can eat."

"Oh, I don't have to stay."

"Babe, you made me dinner. You're staying. Besides, I haven't seen you all week. I'll be quick." He disappears down the hall.

I stand in his kitchen with a swarm of butterflies in my belly and a smile on my face because he wants me to stay. Shaking out of my Merrick fog, I preheat the oven and dig around until I find a cookie sheet to place the garlic bread on. Once that's in the oven, I work on dishing us both a plate of pasta and putting them in the microwave to warm them up.

By the time a shirtless Merrick is back in the kitchen, in a pair of sweatpants and bare feet, I have two places set at the kitchen island.

"Thank you, Court." He doesn't waste any time sitting down and digging in. He stands and goes to the fridge. "Beer? I don't have wine or anything to offer you. I have sweet tea or Dr Pepper."

"Sweet tea is fine. I'm not much of a beer drinker." I wrinkle my nose and he laughs. "Really, it can't taste like alcohol for me to drink it." His grin widens. "Just another boring facet of Courtney."

He points at me. "None of that." He pours me a glass of tea and takes his seat. He scarfs down his pasta and garlic bread and goes back for more. He doesn't even bother to heat it up. "This is so damn good. What is it?"

"Buffalo chicken pasta. It's basically buffalo chicken dip with pasta noodles."

"So good." He moans as he takes another bite.

I'm not gonna lie. That sound, I feel it between my thighs. My attraction to this man is off the charts. I hear his brother telling me to fight for what I want and wish I had the courage to just put myself out there.

"Thank you. That hit the spot."

I take my last bite of pasta and wipe my mouth. "There's dessert." I nod toward the container of Rice Krispies treats. He immediately reaches for the container and pulls off the lid. "Oh damn, you're my favorite person." He grabs two and shoves half of one into his mouth.

"Those are all yours. You can take the time to chew," I tease.

He swallows. "Too good. You want one? I might be willing to share."

"Yeah? What do I have to do to get a treat that I made?"

"You have to watch a movie with me." His eyes twinkle.

What he doesn't know is I would have said yes without the promise of a Rice Krispies treat.

"Fine. I'll watch a movie with you." I sigh. "Now, hand over the goods."

Instead of handing me the container, he takes the second Rice Krispies treat in his hand and holds it up to my mouth. His eyes are locked on mine. When he gets close, I open my mouth and accept a bite of the sticky treat.

"Good girl," he says huskily.

Ruined. My panties are ruined. Needing some space to cool down my hormones, I step back and busy myself cleaning up.

"I'll do that. You made dinner."

"You worked way more hours than me this week. Go fire up this movie you cornered me into, and I'll be right there."

"Any preference on what we watch?" he asks.

"I'm not picky. I can watch anything."

"Okay." He grabs another treat from the container before placing the lid back on. I turn to the sink to rinse the dishes and still when I feel his hard body behind mine. He wraps his arms around my shoulders from behind and kisses my cheek. "Thank you for everything, Court." He's gone, taking his heat with him way too soon.

Lines are starting to blur, and for the first time in my life, I'm not going to erase them.

I startle awake when I feel myself moving. It takes me a minute to realize Merrick is carrying me. "Merrick?"

"Shh, go back to sleep, baby."

"Where are you taking me to? I can walk."

"I can carry you. We fell asleep," he says, his voice groggy.

"I should go."

"It's late. You should stay here."

My heart starts to race. I'm an adult; I can spend the night at a guy's house. It's fine. Everything is fine. I've never had a sleepover. The few very limited sexual experiences I've had have been "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am," and either he or I bailed immediately after. So, sleeping over, that's new for me.

He pushes open a bedroom door with his foot, and his scent surrounds us. "Is this the spare room?"

"Mine," he mumbles.

"I can sleep in the spare."

"No bed in there."

"The couch was fine."

"You're not sleeping on my couch. My bed is huge, and we're both adults; you'll sleep with me."

I'm suddenly wide awake. "Merrick—" I start, but him placing me on the bed stops whatever plea I was about to make. He flips on the small lamp on the nightstand and illuminates the room.

My eyes follow him as he reaches into his dresser and grabs a T-shirt before walking back to where I'm sitting and handing it to me. "You can sleep in this."

"Really, I can drive home. I'm wide awake now." It's not a lie. I'm on high alert.

"I don't want to worry about you. Come on, get changed, and we'll get some sleep. I'm taking you to breakfast in the morning. I'd offer to cook, but I need groceries."

Fight for what you want.

Instead of fighting against what I know others might think is right, I do what I want. My knees shake as I stand with the shirt in my hand. Merrick gives me a sleepy smile and a nod.

"Bathroom. Extra toothbrushes under the sink."

"Thank you, Merrick." I don't stick around for him to reply. My wobbly knees carry me to the bathroom. I close the door softly and twist the lock just in case. Bracing my hands on the counter, I count to ten and do it three more times. Looking up into the mirror, my eyes are bright, and even I can see the happiness in them at the idea of sleeping next to Merrick Kincaid, even if it is platonic.

I know I'm not getting any sleep tonight, but that's okay. I don't want to miss a minute of this night. It might very well be my first and last night in his bed, and that's something not to be missed. For the first time in my life, I'm taking what I want and pushing all thoughts and doubts out of my mind.

When I open the bedroom door, I see Merrick standing at the foot of the bed. "All set?" he asks.

"Yes." I tug at his T-shirt. It's big on me, hanging to midthigh. He can't see anything, but I did remove my bra. Not that he notices. He keeps his eyes locked on mine. Merrick is a good guy. I'm certain his eye placement is for my benefit and to make me feel more comfortable about this. He knows me so well, just after a few weeks.

"Get in bed, Court."

"Um—what side?"

"I'll take the side closest to the door."

"Is that your side, normally? I don't want to put you out."

"My side is closest to the door when you're in my bed."

Tilting my head to the side, I study him. "Okay."

He nods and waits for me to slide under the covers before turning off the lamp and doing the same. My heart beats rapidly against my ribs. My palms are sweaty and I try to wipe them against the sheets discreetly.

"Why?" I ask into the silence of the room.

"Why what?"

"Why do you sleep by the door when I'm here?"

The bed dips, and I hear him turn over. I do the same. I can barely make out his features in the moonlight. I suck in a breath when he reaches over and pushes my hair out of my eyes.

"When you're here, I need to be close to the door. If someone breaks in, they have to get through me to get to you."

My heart.

My vagina.

This man… I'll never be the same.

I swallow thickly in order to reply, "I bet you have to drag the ladies out of your bed the next day." It's meant to be teasing. However, my tone sounds more sad than anything. I can't seem to help it. The thought of another woman lying next to him, in this very spot, sends a wave of sadness washing over me.

"I couldn't say," he replies, his voice thick.

How could he not know? "You can tell me," I say, irritated that he's not being honest with me.

"Baby, I wouldn't know because you're the first woman to sleep in this house with me, in this bed."

"What?" I whisper my disbelief.

"Just you, Court. You're the first."

I don't know how it's possible, but he has no reason to lie to me. He's given me a first, and it's only fair he knows that he has one of mine as well. "Mine too. Well, not just here, but my first time sleeping next to someone. A man, someone," I add.

"How is that possible?" he asks, voicing my thoughts about him.

With the darkness of the room, I give him more. "In my... limited experience, it's been more of get in, get out, and go home." I can't believe I just told him that, but Ryder's words still ring in my ears.

Fight for what you want.

I can't expect to get more of this... situation if I'm not willing to put myself out there. It's scary as hell, but I don't want to live with the regrets of what if.

"So you've never woken up with a warm body next to yours?"

"Not until you."