47. Stevie Nicks, Harry Styles, and sometimes Taylor Swift

FORTY-SEVEN

STEVIE NICKS, HARRY STYLES, AND SOMETIMES TAYLOR SWIFT

HARLOW

It’s almost two in the morning and we’ve been talking outside nonstop. I got to tell Shep about how I started swimming and why I love it. I told him about my relationship with Margot and how she knows what Beckett did. I gave him little glimpses of myself and he listened intently the entire time.

I’ve tip-toed around Beckett in detail but I did share with him that things weren’t always so bad. It was weird trying to explain who I was prior to him and that made me a little sad.

When I first came to Everson, I didn’t go out of my way to make a ton of friends because my focus was on swimming. I had Lennon in my corner so there wasn’t a huge need for me to be social outside of our team.

I laughed as I shared memories from when Lennon and I first moved into the apartment we have now back in our sophomore year and the dance parties we would have in the kitchen to Stevie Nicks, Harry Styles, and sometimes Taylor Swift.

I reminisced on the wine nights we would have occasionally when Margot came to visit and how the three of us would sit around a bowl of popcorn, drink wine, and play Uno.

The more I talked to Shep about what my life was like prior to getting caught up in my relationship with Beckett, the more I realized how much I miss it. I can’t ignore that there’s hope blossoming in my chest for the new year when Margot is in town and us girls can start hanging out again.

Shep encouraged me to make that a priority and also said he was looking forward to the next few months too. He sheepishly revealed his dream of us being able to date and hangout with Wes and Lennon too.

I know Shep sees me and the trauma that I’ve endured, but I really don’t want to be defined by it. I want to let it be something that gives me the courage moving forward to set higher standards for myself and better expectations. Sure, there’s still damage to be undone, but why should that stop me from finding a way to carry on and be happy?

The more time I spend with Robin, and also with Shep, I start to feel more calm and relaxed. I’m able to be present and I like this version of myself I’m becoming.

“You seem to be doing great with therapy, are you still liking it? I don’t know if like is the right word, but you know what I mean,” Shep interjects.

“Yeah, actually I do like it. I just hope that you don’t treat me differently because of it. I don’t know how you usually treat girls you’re interested in, but?—”

“Well let me stop you right there,” he stifles a chuckle. “You’re not just some girl I’m interested in, Harlow.”

“No, I know. I’m just saying?—”

“And I’m saying that this, what we have, is different from anything I’ve ever had with someone. Honestly, I’m just acting on my feelings for you which sometimes doesn’t work out in my favor, but I want to be real with you.”

I nod my head and smile. “So what do you think?”

He cocks his head to the side. “About what?”

“Me, everything I shared with you in the last two hours.”

“I think the more I learn about you, the more I like you, and I’m excited to keep getting to know you.” He leans forward and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. “But I do have a few questions,” he mumbles into the crown of my head.

I pull my head back and rest my chin on his chest, peering up at him. “Okay, let’s hear them?”

“Is this okay? If we hug or kiss in public? Or if I want to hold your hand? How do you feel about that?”

“I’m okay with it. I’m not huge on PDA, but I don’t mind little things like this.” I smile up at him.

“Works with me,” he presses another kiss to my forehead.

“You never know though,” I drag my hands from around his back to his abs and dig my nails in a little. “I may surprise you.”

Shep’s eyes widen and he shakes his head. “Harlow, baby. C’mon.”

“What?” I ask innocently, running my nails along the waistband of his sweatpants. “I kinda like this look, with the mask and all that. It’s fun.”

“Fun,” he mimics me, but his voice is husky. Grabbing my hand, he pulls me behind him into the house.

“Shep,” I gasp. “What’re you doing?”

“Surprising you,” he throws my words back in my face.

Once inside, he pulls me into a bathroom and shuts the door, locking it. Before I can speak again, he picks me up and sets me on the counter.

“Shep,” I whisper as he pushes himself in between my legs, grabbing my thighs to pick my legs up and wrap them around his waist.

“If you’re going to put your hands on me like that, I can’t act like it doesn’t affect me. Especially with this sexy little outfit you’re in.” He smirks at me then kisses me slowly.

His hands wander up my body and the music vibrates through the house. I swear it’s the song “Make Me Feel” by Elvis Drew, which only adds to the intensity of the moment and makes me want Shep more.

As his tongue moves with mine, there’s an electricity beginning to surge between us and I lose myself in him. Being with Shep feels natural and I don’t have to think when we’re together. I trust myself with him-and him with me- and it feels so good to let go.

I don’t realize that my hips are moving against him until he pulls away, nipping my bottom lip as he does.

“You okay?” His gaze burns into me while he waits for my reassurance.

I nod my head and roll out my neck to let a shiver run down my body.

“Do you want more?” he asks in a low voice. I bite my lip, eyes widening as he continues. “What do you need, baby?”

“Your hand,” I whisper.

“Where?” He reaches for mine and moves it down to the inside of my thigh. “You have to show me because you’re in control here.”

I feel my eyes widen and my mouth falls open some.

“Harlow, what is it?” Shep lets go of me.

I think for a second, wanting to make sure I don’t ruin the moment, but also wanting to speak up for myself. I reach for his hands and put them back on my legs to keep our connection.

“You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile. You’re always worried you’ll do something wrong, and I get that, but I’ve told you this is what I want. I want you.”

His hands squeeze my thighs, and he smirks when I gasp. “I’m just used to you rejecting my touch. I know, I know. Things were different then, but I just want to make sure?—”

“Shep, if I didn’t want you to touch me, I would’ve told you to stop.” There’s a slight edge in my tone, but I really want him to really hear this, so I grip his jaw forcing him to meet my stare. “I know you want to be careful with me, but I’m not a porcelain doll. You’re not going to break me, so please stop talking and do what I’ve been dreaming about.”

He arches an eyebrow and I roll my eyes.

“Fine—”

He silences me with a kiss and works quickly to move the skimpy leather shorts to the side. I gasp as the cool air hits the sensitive skin and Shep starts teasing me between my legs.

I moan into his mouth and buck my hips against him when he slips a finger inside me. He drags it out slowly before pushing back in with another one. He does this over and over, while I claw into his back and bite his lip repeatedly. I’m probably leaving marks on his skin, but I don’t care. No one’s ever made me feel like this.

A fire starts working its way up into my stomach and it’s like my nerves are coiling up. I pull away, letting my head fall back overcome by all these sensations.

Shep takes the opportunity to suck on the side of my neck and presses his thumb on the spot that has me almost screaming with pleasure. I close my eyes, biting down on my lip to stifle the noise, and it only takes a few rotations of his thumb until I’m a trembling, moaning mess. Stars explode behind my eyes and I feel my body go limp in his hold as I tumble over the edge of pleasure.

“That’s it. That’s my girl,” he coos into my ear as I ride out my high. “You did so well. You’re such a good girl. Look at you falling apart on my fingers.”

Shit, he has a mouth on him. I whimper as he slowly withdraws his fingers from me, a shiver wracking through my body. I blink away the lust clouding my vision, my mouth falling open as I watch him move his hand to his lips, sucking my release from his fingers.

“I’ve been dying to know what you taste like,” he hums.

My heart hammers in my chest. There’s no doubt in my mind that Shep is definitely the sexual one between us, but I can see myself exploring that more with him. Especially after that? Damn, I might actually not be able to go slow like I’d planned.

“You make me feel things I’ve never felt before,” I admit. “It’s scary, but I like it.”

“You don’t need to be scared. I’m not going anywhere,” he responds quickly before kissing me again.

“Me neither.” My words are firm and resolved.

He picks me up off the counter, setting me down, and giving me a minute to put myself back together. He even gets me a damp paper towel and wipes off my thighs. Is he real? Was this another sex dream?

Once I’m ready, he smiles. “I’m glad you wore your Docs, it really pulls everything together.”

I follow him out of the bathroom and a flush rises in my chest wondering if anyone could hear us, but by the looks of everyone inside, they’re too drunk to notice or care. I pull my phone out to see if Lennon’s texted me but she hasn’t. Shep must see what I do and pulls his phone out.

“They’re together,” he states.

“Ah.” I nod my head. “Well, I’m kinda tired. Will you walk me to my car?”

“Damn, running out on me after that?” he remarks playfully but I stop in my tracks, crossing my arms.

“Don’t do that.” I frown.

He turns to the side and notices my expression, grabbing my hand out from under my arm.

“Sorry, baby. You always give me a hard time, figured it was time I gave it back a little. C’mon, let’s go to your car.”

We leave the frat house hand in hand, towards the street where my Bronco is parked along the curb.

As we walk up to my car, he turns me towards him. “I’ll double check with Wes that he’ll get Lennon home, okay?”

I lean against my car door and smile at him. “Brownie points for you, taking care of my best friend.”

He shrugs. “You know, just trying to make sure everyone’s happy.”

“Well I appreciate it,” I run a hand along the side of his face. “I’m happy. You make me happy, Shep.”

His eyes light up and he presses one more kiss onto my lips before stepping away. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

I nod my head, and watch him start to walk towards the house and through the front door. I feel light as a feather when my phone buzzes. I pull it out smiling, expecting a text from Shep already, but my stomach drops instead.

There on my phone is a message from an unknown number. When I open the text, my phone falls from my hand onto the asphalt. I look around frantically, searching the tree line, the rest of the street, my head moving like it’s on a swivel.

After another second passes, I reach down and retrieve my phone before getting in my car, locking the doors immediately. I look at the screen again, my hand trembling.

UNKNOWN

Attachment: 1 Image

Hope you’re having fun.

Staring back at me from my messages is a photo of Shep and I walking out of the Chi Kappa house holding hands. The distance at which the photo was taken registers in my mind and I have to open my car door, the contents of my stomach spilling out.

When I’m safely locked in my car again, I open the message and start to cry, and another pops up. It’s a photo of me from just now, throwing up, the text following right after.

UNKNOWN

Glad to see I still have an effect on you.