Chapter 18

Gwen

Ijerked awake and looked around, confused. Then I remembered the kids and I had come over to Jordan”s for a night of movies since the guys were going to be out late. I looked at the clock and frowned. It was two in the morning. I”d already laid the kids down in Jordan”s spare bedroom, and we must have fallen asleep on the couch during one of the movies.

Tucking a blanket around Jordan, I made sure she was warm and comfortable before I left her apartment. As soon as I got into the hallway I heard talking downstairs. I nibbled my lower lip. If the guys were back, this could be the perfect time to speak to Static about almost sleeping with him, then actually sleeping with him, and everything in between. Steeling my nerves, I marched down the stairs. I froze on the last one, jaw hanging open as I watched Static, Butcher, and Hellfire hauling in packages of... ”Are those drugs?” They”d mentioned something about drugs during church while I”d been there, but I hadn”t really thought about it at the time. And certainly hadn”t thought they”d bring them here.

Every eye shot toward me.

”Shit,” Static muttered.

Butcher dropped the packages and held his arms up defensively. ”It”s not what you think.”

”Yeah, it”s an…intervention. For Toxic,” Hellfire said.

I folded my arms over my chest, not believing a word they were saying. They looked at each other, then Butcher scooped up what he dropped with a shrug.

I looked over and saw Ricochet, Lock, and Priest coming out of the hallway that led toward the meeting room, Lock”s office, and the gym. As I watched, Lockout gave Static a meaningful look, then jerked his head toward me.

”Here,” Static said, piling the packages he was carrying into Hellfire”s already overloaded arms.

”Why not give them to one of those guys,” Hell grunted as he struggled not to drop everything.

I”d seen him help carry a car engine, so I knew it had less to do with weight and more to do with the fact that the pile was awkward and could topple at any point.

”Figure it out,” Static said with a chuckle as he walked toward me.

I glanced over at Ricochet, who just gave me a wide smile. Why was I nervous? I”d come down here specifically to speak with Static, but now that he was striding toward me my belly was tying itself in knots. Oh, right. Because I was planning to lay it all out and leave myself vulnerable in front of him. That was easy to do when you were alone. Much harder when the gorgeous man was gripping you by the arm and ushering you in front of him up the stairs.

He opened his door and urged me through.

”I”m sorry,” I told him before he could say anything. ”I”d never tell anyone club business, but I definitely won”t tell anyone about this. You don”t have to worry about me.”

His brows shot up. ”Slow down, Sugar. I just wanted to explain what you just saw.” He frowned. ”Why are you so pale?”

Because I was panicking. I was just Ricochet”s sister. They weren”t obligated to let me stay here. To protect me. Not like they were with the other old ladies.

His eyes narrowed when I didn”t answer. ”What”s bumping around inside that beautiful head of yours, Gwen?”

I blinked up at him. He thought I was beautiful? Were the girls right? Did he actually want me? I mean, he”d kissed me, but it wasn”t like these men needed much encouragement to want to kiss a woman.

”I promise you whatever it is, you”re wrong.”

”I don”t want Lock to send us away,” I admitted, voice small.

Static looked stunned. He stood there in silence, staring at me long enough that I started twisting my fingers together to ease the anxiety. ”You”re kidding me? Right?”

My brows drew together. ”About what?”

”Lockout would never do that,” Static told me. ”He would never even consider sending you away. Or the kids. He”d fucking kill anyone who tried to hurt any of you.”

”But-”

”But nothing, Gwen.” He stepped closer and I had to tip my head back to keep looking into his face. ”And if he even did consider it, I wouldn”t fucking let it happen. You belong here.”

My cheeks warmed and the tension drained from my body. ”Thank you,” I told him, placing my hand on his chest. The leather from his cut was cool beneath my touch. ”I was only coming downstairs to see if maybe we could talk...” I broke off. ”But it”s late-”

”We do need to talk,” he interrupted.

I nodded and started to take a step back. It was getting ridiculously hard to breathe while standing so close to him. I was caught up in the clear blue of his eyes. He reached out and grabbed my arms, holding me still, pulling me even closer. With every breath, my nipples were brushing against his chest. I sucked in my breath and held it because my body was starting to tingle and I was afraid I”d go up in flames.

”Where you going, Sugar?” he asked, voice low, the quirk of a smile on his lips.

”N-nowhere,” I breathed, searching his eyes.

”That”s what I thought.” He released one of my arms and lifted a hand to cup the back of my neck. His thumb brushed over my nape, making me shiver. ”Am I scaring you?”

God.The fact that he even had to ask me that made me sad. But another part of me was so grateful he was asking, because sometimes I needed that question to be voiced. I shook my head in answer. ”I wanted- I thought we should talk about last night.” The way he was watching me had my body rioting. I wanted to press closer to him. I wanted to step away. What would he do if I just jumped up into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist? Pre-Trent I might have been brave enough to do something like that. What happened to that girl?

His thumb brushed over my lower lip, forcing my chaotic thoughts to the back of my mind. ”Where”d you go?”

”Sorry. Nowhere.” I gave him a shaky smile.

”We”re not doing anything you”re not comfortable with, Gwen,” he told me. ”You can set the pace.”

”For what?” I asked. My heart was screaming in my chest, hoping that he”d say what I so desperately wanted to hear.

A smile spread over his face. ”For anything you want.”

Ugh.He was doing everything right. But it was frustrating because deep-down, I wanted him to take any and all decisions out of my hands. Only, we both knew what would happen if he did that. I”d lose it. It was sure to give me a panic attack. So instead of being able to sit back while he just took control of the situation, I had to pull on my big girl panties and communicate with him. Damn.

”Thank you,” I told him. The injured piece of me really meant it. ”This hasn”t been easy for me.” This time, when I took a step back, his hands fell away from me and he let me put space between us. ”I don”t know what you want, Static.” I said, walking past him and then sitting on his bed. I stared down at the floor. ”I”m not...the same anymore.”

”I never knew you before,” he countered.

My eyes shot up to his. He was right. We”d really only met after that night.

”This woman,” he said, holding a hand out to indicate me, ”is the only Gwen I know. And I don”t see a damn thing wrong with her.”

I swallowed back tears. ”Thank you.”

”Stop thanking me,” he growled. ”No one here, except maybe yourself, thinks any less of you because of what happened. We all want to murder Trent, revive him, only to murder him again,” he said.

A wicked smile tugged at my lips. ”I think I”d like that, too.”

He chuckled. ”What do you want to talk about, Baby Girl?”

I groaned and huffed out a breath. ”It kills me when you call me that.”

His brow arched. ”You don”t like it?”

”Oh, no,” I said, a little too quickly. My face was burning with embarrassment, but I forced myself to say the next words. ”I like it too much.”

A muscle in his jaw flexed. His arms and chest tensed, as though he was physically stopping himself from grabbing me. The thought made my breath catch in my throat, but not in a bad way.

”Telling me that isn”t a way to get me to stop saying it, Sugar.”

”I like that nickname, too,” I whispered, staring up at him. Fisting my hands, I let my nails dig into my palms. The pain settled me so that I could take the next step. ”I like you, Static.”

He blew out a breath and raked a hand through his hair. ”As much as I”m glad to hear that, Gwen, maybe this isn”t a great idea.”

Embarrassment flooded me when I realized what he was saying. He must have seen the crestfallen look on my face. I tried to hide it, but concealing my emotions wasn”t something I was very good at.

”Shit. It”s not like that, Baby Girl. I like you, too. Fuck. I”m messing this up,” he muttered. ”I don”t just like you. I”m trying to take this slowly and not scare the hell out of you, but all I want to do is shove you down onto that bed and fuck you senseless.”

My eyes widened. The shock was only there because the girls had actually been right. The rest was because his words triggered a need inside me that ached so badly I had to clench my thighs together to ease it.

He didn”t miss the movement and a tortured groan rumbled from deep inside his chest. It was an incredibly sexy sound.

”But I know you”re scared,” he continued after a few seconds of silence while he pulled himself together. ”And I want you to be comfortable and to actually want this.”

I really did. But there was just one thing holding me back. Well, probably more than one, but one thing that was front and center in my mind right now. ”I don”t sleep around, Static.”

He looked over at me with shock written all over his face. ”What?”

I shook my head. ”As much as I want you, I don”t sleep around. I”m not going to...have sex...with you, and sit by and watch as you sleep with other women. I may have some...issues that I need to work through, but I still have my pride. And I won”t share,” I told him. ”So if you”re desperate for a quick lay, then that”s fine, but it won”t be me.” I didn”t want to accuse him of anything, but I also needed to set my boundaries. I had children I needed to look out for and I refused to bring men around them if it wasn”t going to be a long-term relationship. Granted, Static already had a relationship with my kids. But that was even more reason I had to make sure he knew where I stood. I wouldn”t break my babies” hearts like that.

It was amusing to see him at a loss for words for the second time that night. He always seemed to know exactly what to say. He shook his head and gave a wry laugh. ”You think that”s all I want?” he asked.

”I don”t know,” I told him. ”We haven”t spoken about it. So, I thought we should.”

”You”re right,” he said. ”We should. Let”s talk about the fact that I haven”t slept with anyone in a year and a half.”

My mouth dropped open. For the first few months after the attack, I”d been in my own little world. Once I”d slowly started catching on to the fact that I was beginning to have feelings for Static, I forced myself not to pay attention to what he was doing. I was trying to convince myself that I didn”t care. That I didn”t want him. And refused to moon over him, seeing who he was chasing after.

”O-okay,” I said. ”I haven”t slept with anyone since...”

”I know, Sugar.”

I gave him a quick, shaky smile. Trent didn”t belong in this conversation. Really he didn”t belong in my thoughts at all, and maybe someday I”d be able to banish him.

”I”ve been fucking kidding myself for nearly a year, Gwen.”

Focusing back in on Static, I frowned. ”What do you mean?”

He sighed. ”I don”t know how to have this conversation with you and take things at your own pace. I think you”re right that we need to lay all our cards on the table outright. There are too many factors to this to do otherwise.” His bright blue eyes latched onto mine. ”I don”t want to just fuck you.” His eyes narrowed. ”It”s more than that.”

”My kids-”

”I love those kids more than I can explain,” he butted in. ”I”d hurt myself before I”d hurt them.”

My heart swooned a little inside my chest. This was what every single mom prayed to find. A man who didn”t just want her, but wanted her kids, too. Loved them as much as she did.

”I want to date you,” he said, folding his arms over his chest. ”I don”t want to fuck other women. And I sure as hell don”t want you fucking other men.” He gritted his teeth together, as if just saying those words made him want to wrap his hands around a guy”s throat and squeeze. ”I”ll give you whatever level of relationship will make you feel comfortable enough to be mine.”

He strode forward, holding out a hand. I took it and smiled as he pulled me to my feet. We were back to standing so close together there wasn”t more than a breath of air between us. ”What do you say, Sugar?”

It was a risk. Things weren”t back to normal with me just because a gorgeous man wanted to date me. ”It”s probably not going to be easy,” I admitted. ”I”ve been...struggling.”

”I”ve noticed.” He didn”t say anything else, yet somehow it made it easier to keep going. I never wanted to be pitied. His straightforward response helped me hold it together.

”It would probably be easier for you to find another girl.” I broke off with a squeak when he reached out and threaded his fingers through my hair at the base of my skull. His grip was tight, but not punishing. He wasn”t hurting me, and he was watching my reactions closely. I knew he”d let me go if I needed him to. He pulled enough to tilt my head back so I was forced to hold his gaze.

”I”m not an easy man to deal with. I can be jealous. I”m possessive. Once you”re ready for it, I”m going to manhandle you while I fuck you.”

I swallowed because his words made my pussy pulse. He was also so kind and caring with me and the kids. He”d been very slow to show me this side of himself, and I understood why. If he”d acted like this even six months ago, I would have run away from him.

”But I don”t want another woman,” he continued when I didn”t say anything. ”I want you. I”ll do my damndest to rein myself in until you”re ready, but I”m not letting you leave this room until you answer my question.”

I should know his question. I knew that much. But my mind was foggy and my body was begging me to let him make us forget everything, and I couldn”t focus. ”What-”

”Will you be mine?”

Searching his eyes, all I could find was the man who had dropped everything to help me time and again over the last year. He babysat. He made meals for both me and my kids when my shifts had run over. Sure, he was about ten times more intense right now than normal, but I was handling that just fine. This was the man I”d slowly started falling in love with. Sloane”s words popped into my head. It starts with a man you know is trustworthy. And I did trust him. ”Yes.”

His hand tightened in my hair, but the small sting only amped up the arousal coursing through me. ”Something like this can only be sealed with a kiss.” He moved slowly, giving me time to back up. Even though his hand was still buried in my hair, I knew I could avoid his kiss if I wanted to. I just didn”t want to.

He pulled me closer until our bodies were pressed together. It was like all my nerves sang out at once. Then his lips were on mine. I didn”t think, didn”t overanalyze. I just reacted. My mouth opened and his tongue brushed mine.

It was heaven. It was hell. It was a mixture of everything. And it was over too soon.

Static”s eyes were burning when they met mine. He looked ready to devour me, and I had to admit that I”d never been more eager for that to happen, but he pulled away. ”I have to finish helping the guys unload.” The look on his face said it was torture for him to stop, too. ”I”ll explain about the drugs later. They”ll be locked up in the gym.”

”Okay,” I whispered. I wanted to ask him to stay, but honestly, I needed the space to think things through. He seemed to recognize that. Somehow he understood me better than I did myself. And I had a commitment from him. Whatever happened with us moving forward, I knew he wasn”t going to fuck me and leave. He wasn”t going to cheat on me. We were going to try to make something of what was between us. It wasn”t marriage, and that was just fine by me. If he”d said that word, I would have run screaming. I got the feeling he knew that, too.

”Come on,” he put a hand on my lower back and guided me out of his room and back to my apartment. ”I”d tuck you in,” he said with a wicked grin, ”but then I”d never leave.” His smile held the promise of what was to come.

”I”ll see you in the morning?”

”Yeah, Baby Girl, you will.”

He shut the door between us, forcing both of us to move away from one another. I floated around, getting ready for bed, content in the knowledge that my kids were safe with Jordan and that from this point on, Static and I were in a new place with each other. The nerves and excitement—not to mention the desire—made it hard to fall asleep. But this was a big step forward for me, and I knew it was time to take it.