Chapter Forty-Five

Blake

Five years ago

It was eerily quiet in the car. I wasn’t sure if it was nerves or the fact that we were all cramped inside the vehicle, but no one had spoken as we drove through New York. I turned the radio on to a rock station only for Maverick to shoot me a glare and turn it off. Somehow, I’d gotten stuck with him as shotgun while Killian and Dean took up the backseat. We had left Canfield early this morning. I’d also left without saying goodbye to Tommy, and I regretted it. I missed his warm smile, his strong embrace, and the way he made me feel like I was invincible.

Yet what he had done still rattled inside my head. He’d lied to me. He’d blackmailed my mother to go to rehab with the promise of God only knows how much money, and once she was done? She’d go back to the bottle. Maybe even kill herself this time.

I gripped the steering wheel as I tried to clear my head.

“You love me, Gretzky?”

“Yeah, I suppose I do, Bug.”

What would Tommy do when he found out I was gone? Would he try to call me, or would he let me gather my thoughts together before I reached out to him? I should turn around. I should go back and make everything right between us. I couldn’t...Shit, this was a terrible idea.

“What climbed up your ass?” Maverick smacked my shoulder. “You look like you’re about to throw up. You need to make a pit stop?”

I ignored him as I glanced in the rearview mirror to find my singer staring down at the phone in his hand, his brows furrowed, and worry written all over his face. I brought my eyes back to the road, but the anxiety in the car felt like it went up by ten notches.

“Are you going to just sit there staring at your phone?” Dean asked.

Maverick snorted next to me. “You still think he’s going to answer you?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t he...wait.” Killian paused. “Mav, what did you do? I told you to let it go!” he exclaimed, as panic shot through me. “I will slit your throat while you sleep.”

Maverick twisted his small frame around. “We can’t have our lead singer tied down the second we hit California, Killian. Not to mention sucking dick like some—”

I caught the movement out of the side of my eye as Killian’s fist collided with Maverick’s head.

“You piece of shit. Let go of me, Dean!”

“It’s done, Kill. There’s nothing you can do about it. The entire school already knows. Hell, I’m betting the whole town knows by now,” Maverick told him.

I started to panic as they all started yelling at one another. Was Matty okay? What did Maverick do to him? I felt sick. We hadn’t even been in the car for ten hours and these two were ready to rip one another to pieces.

“Let go,” Killian hissed. I glanced in the mirror again to find him struggling as Dean tried to hold him back. “I didn’t record anything.”

“You didn’t have to. I set up my own recording device. Nice touch with the lights, dude. Very romantic. It seems you might have actually cared for the guy, so maybe I did you a favor. Getting attached is a bad idea.”

“Dude, what the hell! Are you trying to get us killed?” I slammed on the brakes and managed to pull over the car just as Killian launched himself over the seat to grab our drummer and pinned him down.

Killian’s blue eyes were wild as he snarled at Maverick like an animal. “No, just him.” He straddled Mav as an ugly smirk grew over his face. “You know I’ll do it. You want me to hurt you? Is that what this is? Are you just as sick as I am, or do you want me to end up in jail?” He wrapped his hands around Maverick’s throat, causing his eyes to bug.

I grabbed at Killian. “Enough.” I tried to loosen his grip. “You’re going to regret this,” I warned as Killian turned to stare at me.

“He’s ruined my life,” he whispered in a tight voice.

“You can’t do this, Kill. Mav’s an asshole, but he’s my brother. Imagine if someone tried to hurt Helena,” Dean tried to reason with him.

Killian slowly released Maverick, who then began coughing and gasping for air. Killian raised his arm again and punched him in the face. “Fuck you!” He did it again. “I will never forgive you for this. Do you hear me?” He shoved Dean away, opened the car door, and climbed out, landing in the damp grass. He slid his phone from his pocket, and his entire face morphed into pain before he tossed it onto the ground and buried his face in his hands.

Dean and I glanced at one another before we climbed from the vehicle. I went to Killian while Dean attended to his brother, who was taking in long, deep breaths of air. I squatted down next to Killian.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Fuck off, Blake.” He glanced up at me and gritted his teeth. I saw the tears in his eyes just as he looked away. He dropped his chin as the sounds of the cars driving by filtered through my ears.

I put a hand on his shoulder. “Kill—”

“I said fuck off!” he exclaimed and jumped to his feet. “There is nothing to talk about. I was just having fun, that’s it. Drop it.”

I nodded. “Yeah, okay, sure.” Only I didn’t believe him.

But nothing would be the same for four years.

***

Blake: I think I’m ready to talk to you now. Can I call you?

Blake: Seriously, you’re going to just ignore me?

Blake: I miss you, Tommy. Do you miss me at all?

Blake: Killian and Maverick might kill one another before we even make it to California.

Blake: Please talk to me. Let me know if you’re okay.

Blake: I’m not.

Blake: Okay, I mean. I feel terrible about leaving without saying goodbye. It was wrong.

Blake: Please? You can just text me one word.

Blake: One letter.

Blake: I love you.

Blake: I got a tattoo of your bite mark today. Killian had an appointment, and I went with him. I thought it was a good idea. Now I can keep a part of you with me when we’re apart.

Blake: I love you, Tommy. Nothing is ever going to change that.

Blake: I haven’t forgiven you yet, but I’m trying. I know your heart was in the right place.

Blake: Tommy, please. We’ve never gone this long without talking since we met. I hate it.

Blake: We did it, Tommy. Mulligan got signed today. I wish you were here so we could celebrate together.

Blake: I saw you were drafted to Arizona. You know that’s not too far from California. Maybe I could come to a game sometime and we can catch up? Just talk.

Blake: I love you.

Blake: I just wanted to tell you that.

Blake: We’re going on our first national tour. I can get you tickets if you want. We could hang out after.

Blake: I can’t believe “Smalltown, USA” hit number one! This is crazy. Killian gets this look in his eye whenever we sing it. Do you ever talk to Matty?

Blake: Congrats on your first shutout game, Gretzky. I’m so damn proud of you. I watch your games whenever I can.

Blake: I’m going to the Grammy’s tonight. I’m going stag because you’re the only date I want to bring with me. I wish you were here. I’m a little nervous.

Blake: We were in Arizona yesterday. Do you think of me at all? I can’t stop thinking about you.

Blake: I was going to go to the arena for your morning skate, but it turns out you’re not even here. You’re in Vegas.

Blake: I love you.

Blake: Maverick and Killian had a huge fight on the bus tonight. It was terrible. Mav drinks too much, and Killian is busy snorting all the drugs he can get his hands on. Do you ever talk to Matty? Helena and I text from time to time, but she won’t give me his new number. I miss when it was the four of us.

Blake: I miss you.

Blake: Dean and I had to call 911 for Killian tonight. He cut himself so badly that he nearly died. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever seen. There was so much blood.

Blake: I’m exhausted, Tommy. I just want to climb into your arms and sleep for a couple of months.

Blake: I love you, Tommy.

Blake : There is no one else for me but you.

Yet he continued to ignore me. I sent dozens and dozens of text messages over the next few months that turned into years, but they were left unread, and he never responded.