Chapter Three

Tommy

Knowing Blake was back in Canfield was hard enough, but seeing him this morning when I left for therapy? It felt like a punch to the dick. He and Killian were just sitting there, watching me. Should I have said hello? Probably, but that wasn’t who I was anymore. I just wanted to get this session over with so I could go home and continue to feel sorry for myself. Story of my life.

“Your brother is getting married soon.” My therapist, Jamie, sat behind his desk, his laptop cracked open in front of him.

I pulled at a loose thread on the hem of my shirt. “Saturday.”

“Are you excited about it?” Jamie asked.

When I didn’t answer right away, he started typing. Probably to mention how unresponsive I was. Not that this was anything new. During our first few sessions, I’d answered in grunts. That had been super fun.

I stared out the window. “No,” I told him truthfully. “I’m Jax’s best man, and that means I have to stand up in front of people. They’ll see my face, and sure, they know about my scar, but I hate it. I don’t want people staring at me. If it weren’t Jax and Maverick, I wouldn’t do it.”

“Do you like his fiancé?”

“He’s pretty cool. I mean, he’s different from how he used to be, but yes. I like him.”

Jamie typed something else into the computer. “Different, how?”

“He’s quiet. Shy. He wasn’t like that when I was a kid. He was this big shot drummer, super friendly, and so awesome in my eyes. I mean, he’s still awesome, but Jax said his parents fucked him up big time. They’re religious assholes.”

I liked Jamie. He never sassed me for swearing or some of the other language I used. It’s why I continued to come see him. He wasn’t much older than I was, so that helped, too. If he were some boomer? This wouldn’t work.

“His brother, Dean, is closer to my age, and he’s not like that. I think Maverick might have taken the brunt of what his parents dished out.”

Jamie steepled his hands. “That means that the band is here, then?”

Aw, hell.

“Yes, the band is here. Blake was...” Jamie knew all about Blake and what had happened between us. “He was less than happy with me when he saw my face.” His brows dipped. “Killian was typical Killian. He was all ‘what happened? Damn, bro, you look like shit!’ And he kept staring, asked me a million questions, and it was such a breath of fresh air. I wish all adults were like that. He asked me if it hurt. Like who does that? I didn’t realize how much I’d missed him until he came storming back into my life.”

“And you mentioned Blake?”

“What about him?”

Jamie’s lips twitched slightly, but he didn’t smile. “What did he say?”

“Blake’s pissed at me. I mean, wouldn’t you be? We haven’t spoken in years because I lied to him and went behind his back to get his mother the help she needed. I was only thinking of him. If she hadn’t gone in for the rehab and stopped drinking? Blake never would have left Canfield. I couldn’t let him give up his dreams because his mother was so selfish. He had to become the great Blake Duncan. He’s this huge star, and I’m exactly where I said I would be. Back here, in Canfield.” I fought the urge to kick over the table in front of me.

Jamie leaned back in his chair. “Being back here isn’t your fault, Tom. You had an accident. We’re working on getting you back on the ice, back out there, and—”

“Fuck that. We both know that I’m not getting back on the ice. The last time I tried to put on skates, I nearly passed out from the panic attack I had. It was bad. I will never be able to get back out there, and you know it. No amount of medication is ever going to fix me.” I gritted my teeth as my vision blurred. Damnit.

Jamie pressed his lips into a tight line. “How long have you been coming to see me, Tom?”

“I don’t know, a few months.” I reached for the box of tissues to dab at my face. When had I become a crier?

“It’s been almost a year. I’m the therapist you’ve managed to keep the longest since your accident. Why is that?”

“Because you’re not an asshole.”

Jamie chuckled. “That might be true, but there must be a reason. You gave me permission to talk to the others, and they all seemed fine to me. Therapists I would recommend to a patient if they didn’t want to talk with me anymore or if they needed more help. Medication I can’t prescribe.”

I got that from my general practitioner, who I knew kept in touch with Jamie.

“I already told you, man, you’re not an asshole. You don’t make me feel stupid for my issues, and you treat me like an adult. Not with kid gloves like the others. You’re real.” I shifted my weight as he continued to stare at me. “What?”

He shook his head. “I’d like to meet him.”

“Him, who? Oh, hell no.” That wasn’t going to happen. “I’m not bringing Blake here. He already feels sorry for me. The last thing I need is for him to find out that I’m on medication, see a shrink, and you want to talk to him.”

“I’m not a shrink,” Jamie reminded me as he scribbled something down on one of his business cards. Right, he was a psychotherapist. “Give this to Blake for me. Only with your permission.”

I popped my jaw. “You don’t have my permission. Throw it out. I’m not dragging him into my shit-show nightmare life. He has his hands full already with Maverick and Killian. He doesn’t need me.” I saw Jamie’s eyes light up the second the words tumbled from my mouth.

“Killian’s bipolar, right?” He was back to typing into his computer. “Maverick has some sort of trauma that you’re not exactly sure about. You mentioned his strict religious parents a few times.”

I scowled. “I’m not bringing Blake into this hot mess express.” I felt my hands starting to shake at thought of him knowing what a true disaster I had become. It was bad enough I had this horrible scar on my face and wouldn’t let anyone kiss me or touch my face, but dragging Blake here? Not fucking happening.

“You have PTSD, Tom. It’s not uncommon after an accident. It’s nothing to be afraid or embarrassed about. You’re doing well,” Jamie reminded me. He glanced up and frowned when he saw me staring at him. “You want to talk about what you’re feeling right now?”

I held up my hands to show him. “You know, he was my best friend first. It was Blake, Helena Hampton, Killian’s sister, Matthias Fuller, and me. We were like the four stooges.” I tried to get the tightness in my chest to release. “Growing up changes you, you know? Friends change, get married, have kids. But I always thought Bug and I—ah, fuck.” The tears started again. “I see Helena every now and then. She’s a nurse.”

“I’m aware.” He nodded at me. “You’re more emotional today than I’ve seen you in a while.”

I sniffed into my tissue. “It’s Blake,” I admitted. “Seeing him...” I glanced out the window again, trying to gather myself together. “I have this box in the back of my closet. I call it the Blake Box.” This was the first time I’d ever mentioned this to Jamie before. “Pictures, memories, movie and concert ticket stubs... I shoved them all there when I told him to forget about me. I opened it last night for the first time in years.” When I looked up, he was waiting for me to continue. “You know, he was always this force, right? Happy, friendly, and kind to everyone. He always saw the good in everyone. When I first kissed him...” I bit my lip as I thought back to that day. “He said he was waiting for me. That he wanted to be with me.”

“Is he bisexual?” Jamie asked.

I shook my head. “No, he said he was gay for me. That’s crazy, right?” I barked out a laugh as Jamie thought it over.

“You two spent a lot of time together. It happens a lot. Look at your brother,” he told me.

I managed a half smile. “That was one of the happiest days of my life. When Blake told me that he loved me.”

“You loved him, too.”

“Yeah, I loved him, too.”

***

I was emotionally drained after the visit with Jamie. Opening up to him about the Blake Box hadn’t been on my schedule for this morning, but it had happened. There was so much in there I had forgotten about, but that picture made me sad and happy at that same time. I pulled my car into the driveway, climbed from the vehicle, and came face to face with Killian.

“Hey.” He grinned at me, those dimples slipping out. “We were wondering if you weren’t busy—”

I started to walk around him. “Pass.” I didn’t need this now. I wanted to be alone.

“You didn’t even hear what I had to say.” Killian jogged up behind me. “Man, you’re just no fun.” He tugged on my shirt, and I bared my teeth at him. “Okay, got it.” He held up his hands.

I spun back around. “Why are you here right now? You weren’t my friend, Killian. You used me for the pool. Blake was my friend. Helena was my friend, so was Matty, but you? Nah, you didn’t like me.”

“That’s not true,” he said, but his eyes gave him away. “Look, I was a dick back then.”

Understatement.

My brows shot up. “When’s my birthday?” When he didn’t answer, I turned to head inside the house. “Thanks for the invite, but I’m good. No one wants the freak to hang out with them, anyway. Find someone else to pity.” I slammed the door behind me.

“Making friends?” Jackson was sitting on the couch with Maverick tucked against him.

Didn’t they have wedding stuff to do? I didn’t want to see them all loved up and happy right now. My brother glanced up at me as I stood there trying to figure out how to approach this.

“Don’t take out your frustrations on Killian. He had a lot of issues back then. He was trying to figure out his sexuality while he was infatuated with Matty. He was confused.”

I dropped my head. “How is that my problem?”

“Because maybe he’s trying to make up for that now? Killian’s a good guy. You just have to get to know him,” Jackson answered.

Maverick turned his intense eyes on me. “Killian didn’t have parents to help him with what he was going through. His grandmother did the best she could have, but he could have used a father figure in his life. I get that.”

Oh man, why was he doing this to me? “Are you two trying to guilt me into being his friend? Is that what this is? I don’t need any more friends.” I took off my shoes. Wait, I didn’t even have any friends now that I thought about.

“Just trying to get you to understand why he was the way he was.” Jackson smiled at me. “How was therapy?”

I shook my head. “Peachy.” I started toward the kitchen. “Wait, do you think I should actually hang out with them? I mean, Killian and Matthias? I think he was trying to invite me to something.”

“That something is dinner at Helena’s. To meet her new fiancé.” Maverick stood up. “We’re all going, so if you need a ride, let me know.”

That meant Blake was going to be there. “Nope, still going to pass on that.”

“You’re going.” Jackson stood up to his full height, like he was intimidating or something. He had two extra inches on me. That was it.

“I said no, I meant no. End of story.” But when I moved into the kitchen, I knew he was right behind me. “Fuck off, Jax.”

My brother spun me around. “I will hog tie you and carry you to the car myself. You’re getting out of this house, spending time with your friends, and you’re going to like it.”

“I’d like to see you trrrrrry!” The word echoed out in a long r as Jackson did exactly what he threatened he would do. He grabbed my wrists with one hand and yanked me over his shoulder.

“Mav, sweetheart, did we bring the handcuffs?”

Handcuffs? What handcuffs?

“Put me down!” I kicked out, and Jax grabbed my legs.

“I think they’re in the suitcase. What is happening right now?” Maverick asked as Jackson carried me into the living room. “Should I grab his shoes?”

I glared at my soon-to-be brother-in-law. “Don’t you dare put your dirty sex handcuffs on me!” I warned. “You’re in trouble,” I hissed.

Maverick smirked at me and followed Jackson out the front door.