Chapter Thirty-One

Tommy

Five years ago

Blake chewed on his bottom lip, shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and furrowed his brows. It was when he dragged a hand through his blond hair, grabbed a handful, and let out a low whine when I finally gripped his head between my hands and stared into those scared green orbs. I wanted to soothe that worry line from his forehead, kiss away all his fear, and keep him safe. Take him as far away from his mother as I could.

“I love you, Blake Duncan.” I watched the fear in his eyes fade to happiness. “You’re going to go inside that room, talk to your mother, and tell her how it’s going to be. That you’re not going to cover her for anymore. You’re leaving Canfield, just like you’ve always planned, and going to California to achieve your dreams, and you won’t let her hold you back anymore. That doesn’t mean you don’t love her; it just means it’s time for you to put yourself first. You’re an adult, just like she is, and it’s time she started acting like it.”

Blake’s brows dipped. “But, Tommy—”

“Nope.” I popped the ‘P’. “No buts about it.”

He nodded. “You’re right.” Blake squared his shoulders and took my hand from his face to link our fingers together. “I can totally do this.”

Spoiler alert, Blake could totally not do that. The moment he walked into his mother’s hospital room, everything that came out of his mouth was nothing we had talked about. When Monica told him she loved him, promised to stop drinking, get a job, and thanked him for all he’d done, I knew Blake was never going to tell her how he felt. Not unless he had no other choice. A choice I was going to have to make for him.

“You’re mad at me,” Blake murmured as we stepped out of the hospital and into the early evening. “Tommy, I’m sorry. I love you, but I love my mother, too. I want to tell her how I feel, but not yet. She’s going to have a long road ahead. I can talk to her when she’s healed.”

I stopped abruptly, and when he realized I wasn’t next to him, Blake turned to stare at me.

“So, you lied to me.”

“What? No, I would never lie to you.”

“You stood there and told me that you weren’t going to let her push you around anymore. You fucking lied. You’re going to give up everything for your alcoholic mother. A woman who doesn’t love you enough to stop drinking.”

Blake’s chin began to quiver. “She’s sick, Gretzky. She has a disease.”

“Well, maybe I’m sick of you saying one thing but doing the exact opposite.” I stormed past him, my hands balled into fists, and headed toward the parking lot.

I heard the sound of feet against pavement. “Tommy, please, don’t do this to me.” Blake jumped in front of me.

“Move out of my way, Bug.” I snarled and gritted my teeth.

He raised his chin. “You want to hit me, fine, do it. Use me as your personal punching bag. But remember how much you mean to me. How much I love you.”

“I don’t want to hit you. I would never do that.” I was desperate for Blake to achieve his full potential. “I love you, too, but I’m pissed at you right now,” I warned. When I saw the tears begin to well in his eyes, I reluctantly yanked him against me. “I know you’re scared.”

Blake pressed his face into my shoulder. “I am. I’m terrified of my mother never getting her life together, that Mulligan will never be the band we know it can be, but mostly, I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you.”

“What?” I gasped as he clung to me. “You’re the jelly to my peanut butter, Bug. You won’t lose me.”

He sniffed as he met my eyes, tears spilling onto his cheeks. “Promise? Even if I screw it all up, never leave Canfield, and end up taking care of my mother for the rest of my life? That no matter what, we’ll still be together.”

“You’re stuck with me.” I watched his lips curve up. “I promise that you will never lose me. Never, ever.”

Blake managed a small smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but I have no idea what you’re thanking me for.” I brushed the tears from his face with my thumbs.

“For loving me,” he whispered as he gave me a shy smile.

“Loving you comes naturally to me, Blake.”

“That is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.”

I chuckled. “That’s me, a romantic son of a bitch.” A sparkle began to show in Blake’s eyes again. “Come on, Bug. Let’s go home.”

***

I had no choice but to go to school the next morning. I had already missed several days, and my parents wouldn’t budge when I tried to stay home again. When I left the bed, Blake had curled into himself, like he needed comfort. He had moved from his side of the bed to mine, and he clutched the blanket like his life depended on it. I kissed his forehead, whispered that I loved him, and headed off before the sun had even come up.

Something landed against my cheek, and I blinked in confusion. I had totally spaced out.

“Are you even listening to me right now?” Helena tilted her head, her blues searching my face.

I sighed. “Sorry, I’m just worried about Blake.”

“I know you are. How’s his mother?” she asked, but when I didn’t answer, she gripped my wrist. “That bad, huh?”

I glanced around the classroom before I spoke. “She’s awake, so I guess it’s not that bad. I mean, she’s his mother.” Blake’s alcoholic, disaster of a mother.

“Mm, but how is she? Is she alert, can she talk, how did the stroke affect her?” Helena murmured.

I let out a long sigh. “I’m afraid that Blake isn’t going to go with Mulligan when they leave.” I watched as Helen’s eyes grew wide. “She’s going to need some rehab, but of course she expects Blake to take care of her when she comes home.”

“He can’t do that.” Helena gasped. “The band needs him. He and Kill write a majority of the songs. Without Blake, Mulligan isn’t going to make it.”

She wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already know. “Maybe he needs more than just me to remind him of that.”

My eyes caught Matthias as he moved into the room and sat down, his hand coming up to touch his neck. The hickeys had almost faded into obscurity. I wondered if Helena had any idea what was going on between her best friend and brother.

“Matty.” Helena nudged his foot with the toe of her boot. “Blake’s thinking of leaving the band.”

Matthias’s eyes went round. “Wait, what? Why would he do that. There’re so close.” He held up his thumb and forefinger so that they were inches apart before he shook his head. “Because of his mom?”

“Yeah.” I nodded and dragged a hand through my hair.

I resisted the urge to text Blake and see how he was doing. Again. I had already done that once this morning, and he’d given me a one-word answer. Fine. I should have stayed home with him again. He was far from fine. He needed me.

Matthias gave me a reassuring smile. “And if he stays? What does that mean for the two of you and your friendship?”

“We’ll figure that out, if and when it happens.” I wasn’t about to give Blake up now that we both realized what we had together.

Helena twisted her hair around her finger. “Even if you get drafted. Move across the country?”

“He can come with me. If that means his mother moves in with us, wherever that might be, then so be it. I’ll take care of both of them.”

But I didn’t like that idea. Not one bit. I didn’t want Monica to be part of our future. I slid my phone from my pocket and pulled up my brother’s contact.

Tommy: Are you still coming home this weekend?

Jackson : That was the plan.

Tommy: Great. We need to talk.

Jackson: Is this about Blake’s mom?

Tommy: Yeah, it is.

Jackson : Whatever you need, little brother.

“Is that Blake?” Helena asked.

I shook my head. “Jax. He’s coming home for a couple of days.” I knew she meant well, but I didn’t trust Helena with what I was about to ask of my brother. “Are you and Dean still...?” I wiggled my brows, and her cheeks flushed pink. When she ducked her head, I glanced over at Matthias, who was suddenly busy picking invisible lint from his shirt.

“I’m not a virgin anymore.” Helena ducked her head as a small smile slipped over her face. “He was gentle, sweet,” she assured me. “I think I might even love him.”

I wanted to be supportive, but this was going to turn into a disaster the moment her brother got wind of it. Killian had such a short fuse.

“Mulligan has a show this weekend. Are you going?” Matthias asked, and the look in his hazel eyes told me all I needed to know. He was in way over his head.

I hadn’t missed a show yet. “I’ll be there.”

“I want to tell Kill about Dean. It’s getting him to agree that’s going to be a problem.” Helena chewed on her bottom lip.

Killian was going to be so pissed when he found out about them. I opened my mouth to remind her of that when our teacher, Mrs. Kane, walked in. I had no choice but to keep my thoughts to myself.