CHAPTER 37

VENUS

Peace. It was a feeling that had felt so foreign to me in recent times. But not right now. Not waking up in the arms of Griffin Not after finally making the decision that had been tormenting me.

My soul flame.

I had almost forgotten that had been a thing, with everything that was going on. Just chalked up those electric sparks between us as some aspect of Griffin's power—his energy. And not this living thing between us.

But this was so much better.

Despite everything we still had to tackle, I wouldn't let this peace go out just yet. I'd shield it and enjoy it as much as I possibly could. Even as I left the delicious male in my bed. Even as I told him that I needed to see River.

He didn't object or have any qualms this morning, sure of himself and this new step in the right direction of our relationship. As he should be. Because despite everything, despite how hard this decision was to make, I knew this felt right. And the peace that overcame me was a sure sign.

I tried to hold onto that confidence as I pulled up to the pack house and opened the door. Held onto it as I walked down the hall and found River in his office, surprisingly alone—as if fate had wanted us to have this moment uninterrupted.

His head shot up immediately when I entered the room, his door wide open—a symbol of his openness with his pack, his trust in them and their familial bond. They didn't hide things from each other. River was an open book, just like I needed to be now.

When he saw it was me, a smile bloomed across his face, warm and bright, making me swallow nervously.

Please let him be okay.

"Hey, Angel. I wasn't expecting you this morning." He got up from the desk and walked towards me, pulling me in for a tight hug like we'd been apart for days and he'd missed me. Truth be told, despite all the distractions I'd had with Griffin, I missed him too. Missed my friend.

I returned the hug, almost not wanting to let go, afraid of ruining the moment.

"An unexpected but very-welcome surprise," he said against my hair with a chuckle.

I took a deep breath to centre myself before squeezing him one more time. He happily obliged and laughed again as he squeezed me back. Then he pulled away and looked down at me with his signature lovable smile, those dimples popping.

"Hey, Riv," I finally got out.

"Are you alright, Vee?" He asked, noting the infliction in my tone. His brows bunched with concern.

I mentally wiped away whatever traces of worry I had and tried to hold onto that peace again. Let it overcome me and provide strength while I did what I needed to. While I talked to my best friend and told him the truth he deserved.

"I'm good. How was your trip?" I started off easy and was grateful that my voice didn't hold any of the previous nerves this time round. I offered him a casual smile which he returned. I didn't want to just jump right into it. Plus, I knew this pack visit was an important one.

Pulling me with him to the couch, we sat down facing each other before he responded.

"It was effective. You remember how things went down with Sky and the Wellsboro pack?" I nodded and he continued. "Alpha Aiden was still a little bitter about his son not getting his true mate. So having me there felt vital and it definitely did wonders when it came to pleading our cause. Axel was right, the Alpha would have felt like we'd disrespected him further if I didn't personally visit. As much as I would have liked nothing more than to teach his spoilt shit of a son a lesson—and the Alpha himself for his outdated ways and the shit they put Sky through—we smoothed things over. Arlo, the pain-in-the-ass, has mated his lover now anyway, so there was no need for grudges. If Sky is over it and moved on, then everyone else needs to as well. Her words, not mine." He grinned recalling our friend's wise and forgiving nature. "They"re on our side now, and we need the alliances of as many of the closer packs on the East Coast as we can get. They're also one of the larger territories, so this is good for us."

We didn't bring it up often, but Sky had rejected her mate a couple years back. Alpha Aiden's son—Arlo, the future Alpha of the Wellsboro pack in Pennsylvania—had sniffed her out and found her when he'd visited Saint Claire for pack business on his father's behalf. Long story short, she moved there for him for all of two months before he cheated on her with his ex. Sure enough, when he told her he still loved his former lover and couldn't let her go but wanted to love Sky too and keep their bond, he became her ex quicker than he could say sorry. If it was up to him, he would have wanted to keep both girls. But Sky deserved much better than him.

Things had been a little bit strained ever since then. She'd never take Arlo back, even if he begged, but she sure as hell wouldn't let the rift impact our pack either. Nor would she let him have any more real estate in her mind, meaning she'd let go of that anger years ago.

Even with her merciful nature, she refused to set foot in that pack herself this time, which was why she'd stayed back to watch over Saint Claire. That, and the fact that Riv didn't want to chance bringing her back there in case they tried to make a move and refused to let her leave.

I was so relieved that nothing unfortunate came out of their visit and that it worked in our favour. I wasn't going to put my faith in the kindness of an Alpha who clearly thought that one's mate was their property. But this was big for us. And they'd all returned safely, which was my main concern.

"I'm so glad that it went well and that we have more wolves on our side. With the sour history between your pack and theirs, it's a relief we got to them first and they haven't sided with the rogues or anything," I confessed, voicing a fear I had. So far, the rogue army was sticking to their own kind, but who knew if they had other allies we didn't know about in shifter packs. Hopefully most shifters would want to stick together. We were counting on that for this impending war that was bound to arrive at our doorstep. I mean, what other reason did the rogues have to create an army of their kind?

Riv nodded his agreement. Then he squeezed my hand. "We wouldn't have been able to do all this liaising and rallying if it wasn't for you and the Knights holding down the fort for us here." His bright eyes and genuine smile showed his gratitude.

"It's a team effort, and the least we can do," I assured him. "But I'm happy we're able to help and that you're no longer facing this alone."

He leaned back on the couch, dropping his head back and slumping down further as he chuckled tiredly, fatigue seeming to settle in. "Trust me, so am I." Honey eyes slid to mine again. "You have no idea how much it means to me, Vee." His large hand casually shot out to my knee, caressing it gently.

"I know," I said softly.

Despite the exhaustion that I could see lingering in his face and plaguing his body, he smiled happily at me. "What did you lot get up to? Was everything all good here? I didn't hear anything from Sky."

This was my opportunity.

Be strong, Vee. Tell him the truth. Give him the honesty he deserves.

"Everything was all good with the pack. Patrols went smoothly and we managed to scope out the camp site that Amelia had mentioned, the one everyone in town used to rave about. But a storm made the process a little more difficult than we had hoped and the place was empty. We still managed to catalogue everything we could though, just without the benefit of seeing it populated and buzzing like it would be during the Harvest moon." I took a breath again. I had to rip the Band-Aid off and boy did I fucking hate doing that; I was very much a slowly tear it off bit by bit kind of girl.

"But Riv … I came here to talk to you about something else."

My heart was going ballistic in my chest and before I could say another word or even take another breath, he looked at me with understanding and compassion before he calmly said, "You made your decision."

All I could do was nod.

"Griffin?"

I nodded again. "I am so sorry, Riv. I didn't want to make that decision while you were away. That was not my intention at all, but things just happened, and I realised that I was holding on and refusing to make the decision because I was scared of what it would do and how things would change. I wanted to wait. Wanted to talk to you first before I told him, before I …" I shook my head, sparing him the details of what happened between Griffin and I while he was away.

"All I seem to be doing is apologising for all the stupid things I do to hurt you. But I am sorry. I'm so sorry that things didn't work out the way we had hoped. I am so, so sorry that I fell for him in the time I was gone, when I thought you were someone different to the guy I had always known." A wave of sadness panged through me, but I had to explain myself.

"I can't pretend that I didn't fall for him anymore. And I couldn't put off making that decision. It wasn't fair on any of us. My intention when I found out the truth about you and the rogues was to come back and mend things—to apologise—not necessarily to rekindle our relationship. Because things were already turning into more with Griffin."

My eyes pleaded with him to understand as I continued to spill my soul to him. "But when I saw you, and with the way things were left with Griff, I thought maybe I could push away what I felt for him and simultaneously pick up how I felt about you—if our issues were addressed. Especially because I was wrong. And the guilt for leaving was riding me. I thought I owed you that much at least. You did everything right. From the moment I've been back, you have been nothing but amazing and perfect. And open. But my heart still lingered with him. Even when I tried to pretend that maybe it didn't. I might have gotten over it if he never came back. But that wouldn't have been fair on you. I wasn't honest to myself, and as a result, I wasn't honest to you or him either. I'm so sorry."

He had sat up while I divulged all that to him, grabbing my hand and brushing his thumb against it in comforting strokes. He cupped my check now, wiping away the tears that slid down my face. I had no idea when they had started, but there was a whole stream of them.

"Vee, stop. This isn't something you can control. You don't need to apologise for this. In fact, you need to stop apologising so much in general." He pulled me into his chest and encased me in his strong arms. Then just held me, rubbing my back soothingly. His head rested against the top of my own and his next words sounded muffled with how tucked into his embrace I was.

"I am happy that you made your decision. And I'm happy that you figured out what you want. You deserve to be happy. We'll be okay."

The kindness and understanding in his response made me sob harder and I knew that I was drenching his top. Not that he cared one single bit. That would never matter to him.

And how the fuck was he the one comforting me right now?

Gosh, he was too good to be true.

When I finally calmed down and the sobbing slowed, he continued to rub my back as he spoke to me. Told me his truth.

"As much as I want to be everything that you need, I'll always struggle with the balance of keeping you safe and giving you what you want. The desire to protect what's mine at all costs will always be part of who I am—who my wolf is. I'm an Alpha and it's my job. It's my innate nature. Especially when it comes to the person I've chosen to be my mate. I lose rational thought when it comes to her and her safety. When it comes to you. I've seen what an incredible, badass fighter you are. How capable and strong you are. But even still, it's an internal battle for me every time you are out on patrol or putting yourself in danger. Letting you take care of yourself without running to your rescue. Letting you fight your own battles and grow as a Knight. I know it's what you need, and I would have fought to be that for you forever. But I've seen that when it comes to you, that comes naturally to him. He knows what you need and want without you having to say a word."

I pulled back a bit so I could look up at him. "He's my soul flame," I admitted, taking a minute to explain the concept to him.

"Well… that makes sense." His gaze was a warm and comforting caress. As was the little knowing half-smile he gave me.

I narrowed my brows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"I could see it. Like this aura around you two. The way you moved around each other was almost in question and answer. Like yin and yang. I don't know how to explain it, but I could tell. Could feel it."

"Oh."

"I had a feeling this was coming, Vee. It's really okay. I'm sorry that I couldn't be that for you. That we were doomed to begin with, but I am happy for you."

"Don't say that," I begged.

He chuckled, the sound so juxtaposing to how I felt. "You know what I mean. Maybe we were destined to be in each other's lives for other reasons and we just took the reins and tried to change fate. Made it what we thought it was meant to be."

Seeing the deflated expression still on my face, he smoothed down my hair with both hands. "I wouldn't change a minute of it, though. Not for anything. But maybe this was the way it was meant to be, Vee."

And this was why I'd always love him.So full of warmth and tenderness. River was golden; sunshine incarnate. Like that luminous amber embrace you felt when you closed your eyes in the sunlight. Radiating light and pleasure and gilding everything around him.

You would think that the wolf would be the night, ruled by the moon—dark and unpredictable and full of unseen dangers. But that wasn't River.

My Knight, on the other hand, was the unbridled serene depth and mysterious beauty of the dark. The night.

They were both beautiful in their own way. But one just happened to be more suited to me.

Yet I knew that River would find someone that was perfectly created for him.

"I love the person that you are, Riv. You know that right? A part of me will always love you. Always hold on to the years we spent together," I confessed.

"I know, Vee. I love you too. I always will."

"Don't forget that your fated is out there somewhere. You have a mate, Riv. It was the elephant in the room we always refused to acknowledge, but we knew one day it would become a reality we had to face."

"You know how I feel about that."

It was my turn to offer him comfort. I gently pushed his hair out of his face. "I know. But I think now that you don't have me holding you back, you need to be open to it. You know what all the mated wolves say about the bond. I know you're afraid, but it's going to be everything you need and want, all wrapped up in one amazing person."

He nodded, not looking fully convinced but accepting it anyway based on my conviction.

When I got back, the girls were waiting for me. They'd come to Casa Stone and were inside with Cel.

Kitana barely gave me a second to walk through the door before she jumped up and bombarded me.

"Girl, you know the deal. Details. Now." She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the living room where Billie and Celeste waited on the couch. Then she lowered to the floor, likely where she'd been previously sitting, bringing me down with her so we sat beside each other.

Billie gave me a warm look. "Sky's here too, she's just—"

"I'm making tea!" Skylar shouted from the kitchen. "Wait for me!"

"Wow, the whole gang is here," I noted, still in a somewhat overwhelmed state.

"Sure are," Cel chuckled.

A moment later, Sky entered from the kitchen, juggling a few mugs.

When she handed one to me, my expression immediately softened and I pouted in awe.

"You're too good to me," I proclaimed.

"If you can't decide between the boys, you can always have me," she replied with a wide, toothy grin as she threw herself on the couch next to Billie, almost spilling her own tea in the process. I laughed at her.

"Alright, everyone's here and ready." Kit's observation was paired with wide eyes, eagerly egging me on like she always did when she was waiting for the goss.

Celeste sat forward on the couch, giving me a comforting yet encouraging look. "So, a decision has been made then?"

I released a long breath. "Yes." Looking to Kit and then Billie I said, "I made the decision the night I spoke to you girls."

"We didn't want to push you when we'd finished our patrol, but we were wondering what happened. It's been difficult not asking you about it, especially when you stayed over the other night after the scouting mission," Billie admitted with an apologetic and guilty look. "We figured if you didn't bring it up, you weren't ready to talk about it, and we wanted to give you time to sort it out."

"I'm sorry I didn't confide in you all straight away. I wanted to talk to both of them first. In fact, I was hoping I'd get a chance to let River down easy when he got back before I told Griff—"

"SO YOU PICKED GRIFF?!"

Kitana rose excitedly, unable to contain herself and interrupting me before I could finish my sentence.

I hadn't meant to let it slip like that, but I couldn't help but laugh at the happiness oozing from her at the revelation.

I looked around the room. Sure enough, Cel, Billie and Sky were all looking at me with wide, surprised eyes. Although Cel's expression was similar to Kit's, in the sense that there was a smug, "I knew it" vibe to the way she smirked at me. But equal happiness shone in all their eyes, including Sky's—which was a huge relief.

"I did pick Griffin, yes."

"I knew it!" Kit bounded on the spot. She looked at the other girls. "Didn't I tell you?!"

Skylar chuckled, nothing but joy on her face. "You sure did. Although, I think we all had a feeling."

"You did?" I questioned.

Cel was the one to answer. "Yeah, I think it was pretty obvious to all of us. Not that we couldn't see that you loved Riv. But Griffin just seemed right for you. I know you enough to know that you were holding onto River and your history. You're a softie and a sucker for love and happy endings. You desperately wanted that with Riv. But I have no doubt that Griffin will give you that, Vee." She gave me a loving, sisterly smile which I returned, tears pricking my eyes once again.

Fuck, I was just a ball of waterworks at this point.

"Okay, so that explains you two being all flirty-sexy-training-partners in the garden at HQ yesterday! It was fully giving me Compound Venus and Griffin—the ones that couldn't keep their hands off each other," Kit mused, attempting to piece the timeline together.

"Hold on!" She exclaimed. "So did you tell him when you scouted the campsite? Because you were clearly trying to distract us with anything and everything possible when you got back. So that makes complete sense."

I cringed. "Not exactly."

Kit tilted her head, looking at me confused but clearly indicating I needed to expand, ASAP.

Simultaneously, Sky said, "Girl, what does that even mean?"

I chewed my lip. "Well … I didn't necessarily confess it to him in words. But my actions hinted at it. I didn't actually tell him until yesterday morning, when we both couldn't sleep thinking about … ah … said actions …" I trailed off, hoping they would catch my gist.

"Vee!" Celeste scolded. Kit's jaw was wide open, taking in what I'd just admitted with what was clearly shocked delight. Billie's brows were high on her face and Skylar was desperately suppressing a laugh.

I shot my hands up in surrender. "I know, I know."

"Way to give the poor guy mixed signals!" My younger sister continued to chide me, shaking her head. I had to admit that I loved how protective she'd gotten over Griffin already, like she'd fully accepted him and had his back.

"Trust me, I know. I mean … I realised. I didn't mean to, but I had mentally made my decision and was forcing myself to hold off until River was back. And well … we were alone, and there was a storm and water and we were drenched and … I couldn't help myself, okay?!" I huffed in frustration. "I'd been holding back for so long. And fuck, has it been hard. Especially with him in this house every day," I gestured around us, "being so domesticated with all the cooking and the making coffee and the cleaning. I couldn't resist anymore."

"I mean, fair," Sky shrugged with glittering eyes. "I'm glad you made your choice, Vee. I hope this gives you the peace and happiness you deserve. And River will be okay, in time."

I offered her a smile. "Thanks, Sky. I hope so. This wasn't an easy decision to make, and I feel awful."

She leaned forward and reached out to me, grabbing my shoulder. "I know you do, honey. But you shouldn't. And I'm sure River told you just that," she said, giving me a knowing look.

"He did. He took it really well." I let out a relieved exhale.

"Alright, alright," Kit was gesturing excitedly with her hands, trying to calm herself down. "But how was the sex? Did it feel right?"

"Where's mum?" I directed at Cel, not wanting to divulge the details with my mother in ear shot.

She waved me off. "She's out. Can't remember where she said, but I recall something about running a few errands and then needing to stop by HQ. She'll be a while."

Mum was out more often now. It seemed that with me being back—with both her daughters home—she had retreated out of her shell again. Never mind that there were rogues terrorising the town. That was just a normal day for her. But she seemed like she was doing well having more responsibility and purpose in the Knights again. Like she'd also re-found herself. The pep to her step and inner glow was proof. It looked good on her.

Relieved she wasn't around right now, I let it all out. There was something so therapeutic about having girlfriends to talk about this stuff with.

"Fuck was it good. I wasn't sure if that was because it had been a while for me. Griffin was my last and that was months ago. But every time with him has always been insane. Not that it hadn't with River—we never had a problem there."

Skylar let out that giggle she'd been holding back. "Yeah, I can attest to that. My ears will never recover."

I blushed. "I'm so sorry."

Her toothy grin was magnificent. "It never bothered me. It's natural and wolves can get a bit wild. Living with three boys, who happen to also be wolves … let's just say I had to get used to it early. We're a carnal bunch—animal instincts and all that."She gave us a what-can-you-do? shrug.

Kit blinked a few times as she looked at my beautiful wolf friend and took in what she said with pure Kitana curiosity. "Damn, now I wish I lived at the pack house," she pouted.

"You live in the compound. It"s basically the exact same for us. There's zero privacy and essentially no rules," Billie chimed in, exasperated.

"True," Kit shrugged. "We digress. Please continue, Vee."

I shook my head at how ridiculous my friends were, but Cel was the one who said, "You're all crazy. I'm surrounded by crazy, horny people."

Her extremely accurate comment earned a bark of laughter from the rest of us.

"You have no idea," I replied with pure amusement. "It's been an adjustment dealing with everyone's obscene salaciousness, but more than that, their openness to it. Yet here I am … Kitana has really rubbed off on me."

The mentioned female sketched a bow from her spot on the floor which she'd resorted back to, pleased with herself beyond a doubt.

"Anyway," I continued, "I don"t know what it is about the guys in my life, but damn, they'd been so good. I'm not saying they're unnaturally gifted, but I've only slept with two guys and let's just say I am two for two."

"Yeah you are!"Kitana did a little silent, excited clap of glee.

"I forgot what that fire, that was purely Griffin, had felt like. And I've been missing out these last few months—which truly was a sacrifice considering what he has to offer." Gosh, Kit really was rubbing off on me. "Thank the higher power for whatever magic blessed him," I added.

Getting laid again was doing weird things to my brain. But more than that, it was the excitement and prospect of having it all with the warrior male now; the relationship, the soul flame bond. Him.

My lascivious friend nodded enthusiastically before laughing to herself. "Explains the absolute pep in his step he's had since then. Guy gets laid and all his doom and gloom brooding jumps out the window."

I raised a brow at her.

"You weren't really at training today, but I swear he basically complimented us on form and technique all morning," she replied. "I thought he'd hit his head or something. But this makes more sense."

Billie added, "He was even nicer to Raven."

"Damn," I breathed.

"A guy in love is a thing of wonder," Sky sing-songed in her melodic voice, sounding like something straight out of a poem.

"You think he's in love with me?"

"Babe, he's head over heels for you," Kit declared with so much confidence that my heart skipped a beat. Or three.

When it regained its normal rhythm, I told them about us being soul flames—which Kit and Billie were not at all surprised about—and then explained the finer details of both the conversations I'd had.

And when Griffin eventually came home from whatever Knight things he'd dealt with today, the girls took that as their sign to leave and we found our way back to my bedroom, more than a little relieved to finally be alone after a day of being apart.

Especially now that nothing was in our way.