Chapter 20

TWENTY

The energyof worrying that he might have just blasted his career to bits by being rude to the morning show hosts on camera zipped through Sawyer as he stepped off of the set. A PA rushed toward him to help remove the microphone that had been hidden in his clothes, and Sawyer was certain they could feel his heart pounding through the fabric of his shirt.

The show had cut to a segment about ducks in Hyde Park after his interview, and instead of staying on the sofa for the duration, the hostess leapt up and chased after Sawyer.

“You have some nerve, making me look like a fool on my own show,” she snapped, her usually sweet, pretty face a mask of fury.

Sawyer whipped back to her, refusing to be cowed. “Are you in love, Miranda?” he asked her, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic.

The hostess pulled back at the question. “What does that have to do with anything? I’m married.”

Sawyer wanted to laugh at the juxtaposition of those two statements. He wondered if she realized how she sounded.

“How would you like it if everyone in England and beyond dissected your love life with your husband in public, and if they sneered and picked on everything you did with the one person you’re supposed to feel safe and intimate with?”

The hostess snapped her mouth shut and stared at Sawyer. She was stubborn, and Sawyer doubted she would admit she’d been wrong, perhaps ever, but her lack of a quick comeback told Sawyer he’d made his point.

“Miranda,” the director called, waving for her to get back to the set.

“You’ll never appear on this show again,” she seethed at Sawyer before turning and marching back to the set, her heels clacking across the floor before she reached the carpeted area.

Her words were meant as a threat and an insult, but Sawyer felt like she had set him free. He’d never have to appear on a chat show or accept insults with a smile on the red carpet ever again if he didn’t want to. He turned and continued on, away from the bright, false lights of the set and off to the small corridor leading to the dressing room he’d been given that was filled with natural light from the tall windows along one side.

He loved acting, loved all of the films and television shows he’d done, but as he entered his dressing room and sat down to wipe off the make-up that was intended not to make him pale under the lights, he could have shouted with relief that it might all be over.

As he sat in front of the mirror, his phone began to buzz. He’d kept it with him but had it on silent during the interview, so when he pulled it out to see who was calling, there were no loud, garish ringtones, just his dad’s name staring back at him.

Nervous, Sawyer accepted the call with, “Dad? Is something wrong? Is it Mum?”

“Er, hello, son,” his dad said in a calm, slightly awkward tone that immediately had Sawyer off-balance. “No, nothing’s wrong with your mum.”

“Thank God,” Sawyer said, sinking into his seat.

“That’s more your mum’s area than mine, really,” his dad said.

Sawyer blinked. Had his dad just made a joke?

He smiled despite the nervous tension coiling in him.

“Er, your mum and I just saw you interviewed on that poncy morning show she likes to watch,” his dad went on. There was a long silence before he added, “Good job, son.”

Sawyer could have been knocked over with a feather. “You…you watched my interview?”

Another silence followed before his dad said, “I always watch your interviews. I’m…proud of you, son.”

Sawyer shoved his free hand through his hair, staring at his reflection as if asking himself, “Can you believe this?”

“If you’re so proud of me, then why are you always trying to get me to give up acting and join your painting business?” he asked, hoping he didn’t come off as aggressive. He had a real moment to change his relationship with his dad on his hands, and he didn’t want to mess it up.

His dad cleared his throat. “That were the drink talking, most of the time,” he admitted. “And even you have to admit that all them Hollywood types changed you into someone else.”

Sawyer could have argued that he was the same person he’d always been, but he wasn’t certain that was true. He’d been playing a role in order to play other roles. “It’s a tough business,” he said.

“Yeah, well, you showed them in that interview,” his dad said. “It’s disgusting the way these hoity-toity types think they have a right to nose into anyone’s business just because they’re on the telly. What you do on your own time is no one else’s business, especially if you’re fruiting it up with that professor bloke.”

Sawyer rolled his eyes but also smiled. His dad was still his dad, even if he’d had some sort of epiphany while not under the influence of alcohol. “His name is Casper, Dad,” he said. “He’s my boyfriend, and I love him. But I’m glad you’ve had a change of heart.”

“Well, your mum told me to. Refused to feed me until I came around, she did,” his father grumbled, but without resentment. He cleared his throat and went on to say, “Your mum wanted me to invite you and your bloke to Sunday roast tonight.”

In the background, Sawyer heard Kenny shout, “Tell him Mum’s made a walnut cake!”

That made Sawyer smile even more. It had been one hell of a road bump, but it seemed like his family was back where it should have been, mad, strange, and awkward, but fond of each other.

“I have to ask Casper,” he told his dad, “but I’ll encourage him to say yes. I’ll let you know once I talk to him.”

Sawyer’s thoughts turned entirely to Casper as he and his dad said their goodbyes. A text from Casper appeared just as he was about to put his phone down. “I’m so proud of you. What a fantastic interview! For the record, I love you, too, and whatever you choose to do with your life next, I want to be right there by your side.”

Sawyer beamed as he removed the rest of his make-up and washed his face. He wanted to text a reply filled with sentiments of love, but some things couldn’t be said over a text, or even a phone call.

Once he was cleaned up and no longer looked like a celebrity on his way to the set, he couldn’t get out of the studio where the morning show was filmed fast enough.

That wasn’t as easy as it sounded, though. There were security checks to go through, thanks to a recent guest stealing props from the set, and a maze of other soundstages and hallways to navigate. Then Sawyer was pulled into conversation by another guest who had just finished their chat show interview, a naturalist who had something to do with the Hyde Park ducks, who just had to tell him how much she’d enjoyed Start at the Beginning.

By the time Sawyer left the building and headed around front to call a cab, he was restless and aching to get home to Casper.

He was so distracted that he almost didn’t hear Casper’s call of, “Sawyer!” from the other side of the grassy stretch in front of the studio building.

Confused at first, Sawyer glanced up and searched the area. When he spotted his beloved, he burst into a smile and changed direction immediately. And as silly as it was, after just a few normal steps, he broke into a run.

“Casper!” he said, dashing forward, arms outstretched.

It was as ridiculous as any romcom, but when he and Casper met halfway along the path, the glittering, glass studio building reflecting the morning sunlight behind them, they smashed into each other’s arms, laughing and happy, as if they hadn’t seen each other for years instead of hours.

“What a brilliant interview,” Casper said when he moved back to arm’s length, his gaze devouring Sawyer as if he’d had a makeover. “I can’t believe you told them all off like that.”

“I did it for you,” Sawyer said. He clasped Casper’s face in both hands, then slanted his mouth over Casper’s in a heartfelt, needy kiss.

Casper kissed him back, circling his arms tightly around Sawyer’s waist, even though a group of tourists on a tour of the studio facility stopped and raised their phones to take pictures of them. Sawyer didn’t care anymore. Let people say whatever they wanted to say. His life was his own, and they might peek in through the windows, but they couldn’t have a piece of him.

“What are you doing here?” he asked once he was breathless from kissing.

“I have a meeting with Rory to discuss some of the historical details on the interior sets for After the War,” Casper said, stepping back enough to take Sawyer’s hand. The two of them continued on together. “But boy, do I have something to tell you.”

Sawyer’s elation flattened, and he stood still, forcing Casper to stop with him. “It’s not…you’re not angry…you aren’t done with me, are you?”

Casper looked at him with a teasingly incredulous look. “Sawyer Kingston. What force on this earth would possess you to think that I’d be done with you after sticking by your side this far?”

Sawyer smiled and let Casper pull him into walking again, but he still wasn’t certain. “It’s a lot. I’m a lot,” he said. “And when I saw you talking to that gorgeous man last night?—”

“First of all,” Casper interrupted him, sounding light and happy, “I’m not leaving you for a hunky black man. I love you too much for that.” He sent Sawyer a teasing, sideways look.

Sawyer stopped again just as they reached the studio door. “You love me?”

“Sawyer,” Casper said, sending Sawyer a wry look and shaking his head. “You just told everyone in England that you love me on national television, and you told that Nigel person last night, without telling me yourself. I have just as much of a right to slip something like that into casual conversation as you do to blurt it everywhere.”

Sawyer laughed, even as his face heated and guilt pinched him. “Sorry about that,” he said, moving forward again. He stepped ahead of Casper and held open the studio door. “Oh, and by the way,” he said as Casper stepped into the studio office building. “I love you, Casper.”

Casper turned back as Sawyer followed him through the door and took his hand again. “I love you, too,” he said, leaning over to buss Sawyer’s lips.

If they were any sweeter, everyone in the lobby around them would have broken out in tooth decay.

“Where do I go to find Rory?” Casper asked vaguely, as if they hadn’t just declared their love, glancing around.

“Our soundstage is this way,” Sawyer laughed, taking the lead and heading down one of the corridors that would lead to the other side of the building and the back lots.

They had to go through security again, but once they were out the other side, Sawyer was eager to know what was going on.

“What do you have to tell me that you’re so excited about?” he asked as they crossed the outside area to After the War’s soundstage.

Casper lit up at once. “I had a call from Dr. Morrow this morning, right after your interview.”

“Really?” Sawyer’s heart beat faster for his beloved. “Are you taking the professorship?”

“No,” Casper asked, sounding far too excited about not taking a job. He must have seen Sawyer’s confused expression, because he went on with, “Dr. Morrow more or less made an arse of himself, asking me about you and your next moves instead of saying anything about me or the professor position.”

“He didn’t,” Sawyer said, catching Casper’s paradoxical joy. He even swung their hands as they walked, as if they were schoolboys. That was how Sawyer felt, like everything was new and fresh and full of possibilities.

“From the start, RUL has only been interested in me because of my connections to you,” Casper went on.

“I’m sorry,” Sawyer said.

Casper held up a finger to silence him. “But last night, that gorgeous man you caught me talking to opened up a whole other path to me.”

Sawyer paused again, trying not to let his thoughts spin off in directions they shouldn’t again. “What path?” he asked hesitantly.

Casper grinned at him. “First of all, the man is called Gregory Anders, and he’s married to Brighton Sinclare.”

“Oh,” Sawyer said, feeling sheepish all over again.

“Secondly, he is part owner and a teacher at the Allan Horsfall Academy, a school for LGBTQ students or children of LGBTQ parents. He offered me a job teaching History to the upper years.”

Sawyer blinked. “Just like that? Offered you a job without seeing your credentials or interviewing you or anything?”

“Well, I’m sure that will all happen in good time,” Casper said. He turned to face Sawyer fully and took both of his hands. “Do you think you could stand to be with someone who was not a professor, just a humble secondary school teacher?”

Sawyer’s heart suddenly felt like it was too big for his body. He squeezed Casper’s hands and said, “Do you think you could settle for a B-list actor who is more interested in indie passion projects than the glamourous, Hollywood spotlight?”

Casper smiled at him as if all his dreams had come true. “Absolutely,” he said.

“Then I think I wouldn’t mind being with an ordinary teacher at all,” Sawyer answered, stepping closer to him for a kiss.

Casper leaned back before their lips could touch and said, “There is nothing ordinary about teachers.”

“No, of course not,” Sawyer said, playing along with his mock seriousness. “Teachers are far more important than actors.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that,” Casper said.

Before Sawyer could protest, Casper pulled him close for another kiss. It was sweet and wonderful, and it made Sawyer’s heart sing. He was happy with the choices he’d made, happy with who he was and how he belonged with Casper. And he was reasonably certain that Casper was happy too.

Sawyer taggedalong as Casper had his meeting with Rory and a few other key members of the After the War production team. Everyone had questions for the two of them, specifically surrounding what Sawyer planned to do with his career after the announcement he’d made on the chat show. As Casper worked, Sawyer had to field calls from Rebecca and from his agent, not to mention a few other producer-types. He kept all of the conversations short, though. He had better things to do than talk shop with the entertainment industry.

Casper was more than happy to join Sawyer’s family for Sunday roast, so as soon as the meeting was over, they headed out to Finsbury Park for what turned into a pleasant visit. His dad, for one, was entirely different when he wasn’t drinking.

“I always knew Sawyer was the smart one in the family,” he said as they all sat around the dining room table, a spread of amazing food in front of them. “He’s better than the rest of us.”

“Dad, don’t say that,” Sawyer said, though in the back of his mind, he wondered if whatever had prompted his dad to say such a thing was also the reason why he turned so hard on him when he was drunk. “You’ve built an entire, thriving business.”

“Not so thriving as you’d think,” Kenny said, continuing to stare at his phone, even though they were all eating.

“Maybe if you got off your duff and helped out a bit more, the business would grow even bigger,” Sawyer said. “You’re twenty-eight years old, Kenny, not eighteen. Step up, man.”

Kenny glanced up from his phone with an offended look, but didn’t have a clever reply.

“Now, now,” his mum said. “We have a guest. Let’s all behave and remember all the blessings that the good Lord has given us.”

Sawyer smiled. Whatever new leaves his family was turning over, some things would always remain the same.

“I actually like your family,” Casper said, sounding surprised, later that night as they climbed the stairs in the Chameleon Club, heading to Casper’s suite. Maybe it would be their suite for a while now. Or maybe Casper would look for a suitable house or fancy flat with him to be closer to the school where he wanted to work.

Sawyer laughed. “They made the worst possible first impression on you,” he said. “I told you that wasn’t an accurate picture of what they’re like.”

“Yes, well, I think we’ve all learned that pictures don’t actually tell the full story,” Casper said, one eyebrow raised, as he unlocked his door.

It truly did feel like coming home to walk into Casper’s tasteful, academic apartment. Sawyer wasn’t so interested in the books or the antiquities Casper had used to decorate the place. Much to his surprise, he just wanted to get into the bedroom.

It was as if the choices he’d made about his career had changed things inside him. Or maybe it was just Casper. He wasn’t ready to leap into a dirty sex-fest by any means, but he wanted to be close with Casper, to be intimate. They brushed their teeth and washed up for bed, and instead of changing into his pajamas, with his heart in his throat, Sawyer made a show of climbing into Casper’s bed naked.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of a night is it?” Casper asked with a cheeky grin, stepping out of the pajamas that he’d already started to put on.

Sawyer shrugged one shoulder as he lay on his side and patted the bed beside him. “I just thought we could end our very good day with a bit of a celebration.”

“I won’t say no to that,” Casper said, quickly climbing into bed with him.

Sawyer was just a little embarrassed by how relieved he was when Casper turned off the lights before snuggling against him. It wasn’t that Sawyer was a prude, and he was more open to sex by the day, but on his own terms. His and Casper’s. He loved the fact that the two of them were taking the physical side of their relationship slow, even if the emotional side felt like it was full steam ahead.

His heart rate kicked up a notch when Casper rolled him to his back and spread his body over Sawyer’s. “I thought we might try this,” Casper said, grinning.

“I have no objections,” Sawyer said, smiling back at him.

The way Casper kissed him as the heat of their bodies grew and as Sawyer swept his hands down Casper’s back to his arse was a revelation. He could seriously get used to thinking of himself as a sexual being.

That thought made him hesitate for a moment, though.

“Casper,” he said, glancing up into Casper’s desire-bright eyes.

“Yes, love?” Casper asked in return.

“I love you,” Sawyer said. He blinked. That wasn’t what he’d intended to say.

But Casper smiled warmly and kissed his lips gently. “I love you, too,” he said.

Sawyer swallowed, then said, “You make me feel things that I never thought I’d feel, but I hope you don’t mind if we continue to take it slow.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Casper said, dipping down to kiss Sawyer passionately. “This suits me just fine,” he said, kissing him again. “I’m not in a hurry for more.”

Sawyer smiled and joined in with the kissing. He circled his arms tightly around Casper, digging his fingers into his back. It was a beautiful thing to discover that he wanted someone and that he was willing to explore those feelings to their fullest. He was happy with where he was and who he was. And as for what they got up to in bed, that was nobody’s business but their own.