16. Rider

CHAPTER 16

Rider

Quill tightened his grip on Sawyer, and the boy shuddered and released a strangled groan. Bright red spots of embarrassment stained his too-pale cheeks and colored his ears redder than his hair even as he tried to suck in breaths to get himself under control.

I bit back a growl. He was a mess, and I wanted to storm to the infirmary and stab Talon again.

I hadn’t realized how strongly his allure affected Sawyer. I’d never seen the shadow’s magic affect anyone, man or woman, like that before, and I sure as hell had never seen Talon’s shadow explode from his body like that — and I’d been there when he’d gotten infected with the thing.

It had been like he hadn’t even been in control, like the shadow had completely taken over, which either meant there was something going on with the shadow or there was something different about Sawyer Herstind.

I ran my hands through my hair and realized I’d pulled out most of my topknot. Swell. Sawyer was a mess. Talon was a mess. And I was getting awfully close to being a mess.

“Check on Talon in the infirmary on your way back,” I said.

Quill gave me a tight nod. He adjusted the boy in his arms as if he were a damsel in distress and didn’t bother to let him try walking with assistance, reminding me that the boy’s torso was still terribly bruised.

Sawyer released another strangled groan, his body shaking with Talon’s magic. “This is humiliating. I can walk.”

“No,” Quill said as he marched away. “You can’t.”

What a fucking disaster. I was going to kill Talon for losing control like that and — fuck! — Kit and Payne were going to kill me when they heard what had happened, and being the Lord Commander of the Black Guard wouldn’t stop them. It hadn’t before. It wouldn’t now.

Kit was my cousin and had always been open with me. In fact, I invited it since he had the same kind of common sense Quill and Ash and usually Talon had. The only thing being the Lord Commander had gotten me was that now they told me off in private.

And even if Kit and Payne didn’t know the truth about what had really happened — because the only other person beside me, Quill, and Ash who knew about Talon’s shadow was Flint — they’d still think, like everyone, that Sawyer had been hurt, and I’d been somehow responsible… which I was. I didn’t know how I could have stopped Talon from attacking Sawyer, but I should have thought of something.

As it was, both Kit and his mate liked the boy, and they were going to tear into me over it. He was shy and thoughtful — despite what the rest of the men thought — and it was obvious from their report after the evening meal last night that they were already feeling protective of him.

It had hurt to change them to an evening hunting shift knowing it meant I was taking away the only friends Sawyer had made so far, but I couldn’t risk the safety of the Gray for one boy’s feelings.

Except Talon had just made everything worse for him. Missing this afternoon’s training— hell, being seen on his ass on the ground by the other novices would perpetuate their belief that Sawyer was soft and spoiled. And by sending him to his room and having someone bring him dinner that belief would only get stronger.

But there was no way he’d have been able to run and fight, let alone move. And Quill had to have agreed because he’d carried the boy away .

The first of the novices came down the hill and raced back up the other one for their second pass around the trail, and I undid the leather tie no longer keeping my hair out of my eyes and retied my topknot, trying to physically as well as emotionally pull my shit back together.

I’d wanted Talon to help me with the advanced novices for the rest of the rotation and into the next one before he had to return to the Gold Tower to check in, but now I wasn’t sure.

He’d said his shadow was fine and wouldn’t need to feed again anytime soon, which meant the power of his allure should be weaker than before, but would either him or Sawyer be able to concentrate if they were working together? Hell, would they even be able to concentrate if they were within sight of each other?

Damn it. He’d said he’d dealt with it.

I punched the boulder beside me with enough force to split open my first two knuckles with a satisfying bite of pain and break away a large chunk of stone. I needed to run, let my wolf out, and kill shadows. If I wasn’t being haunted by a stunning redhead every time I closed my eyes, I’d have been able to deal with Talon and Sawyer.

But that was just an excuse. I should have been able to focus despite my thoughts being captured by Sage and the turmoil I felt about her. I couldn’t stop thinking about her and yet I did not — no way in hell did I — want another mate.

Except it had been two days and I still felt guilty about refusing to show her the Garden. Which didn’t make any sense. Turning down the few women who’d approached me since I’d become eligible to be a mate had never bothered me before.

Why this one? Why now?

Because she reminded me of Isemay and I was coming up on the anniversary of her passing. Isemay had been soft and shy and guarded like Sage with a spark that had burned brighter than any human or fae I’d ever met. Sage made me lonely for what I’d lost. That was all.

And not at all what I should be focusing on.

The first of the novices, a group of three fae, ran off the trail, huffing with exertion. They were my best fighters in this year’s group of novices and the fastest runners, and with another hunting team out of commission, I was tempted to put them straight into the rotation and not bother with the rest of the novice training for them.

Talon had wholeheartedly agreed with that plan, Ash had said they weren’t any of the novices he was concerned about, while Quill, ever the voice of reason, had wanted to wait and see how they handled this rotation before making his decision.

Two more fae with Mikel and Durand on their heels raced between the boulders marking the trail then the rest of the fae, Ambrose, and Hamelin followed. Bramwell, who was big, but not as slow as I’d expect for a human his size, followed a few minutes later along with the rest of the novices we were going to put into advanced training.

I studied them, trying to figure out which one of them was Ash… because one of them had to be Ash.

Sawyer was the biggest target among the novices, and if Ash was disguised as a weaker novice, he’d usually be convincing the others to support the boy. But it didn’t look like anyone was even thinking about stepping up to befriend Sawyer which meant Ash was one of the stronger novices and was likely trying to worm his way in with the potential troublemakers to keep an eye on them.

Which was bad luck for Sawyer. Having a few other novices befriending him early on would go a long way to convincing the other Guardsmen to accept him.

The rest of the novices finished their run and the poor chef’s assistant, a heavy-set young man who’d probably never run a day in his life, came in last.

“Tyon,” I said to him. “After training, once around the trail with the rocks.” I didn’t particularly like this part of the training, but it was an effective way to quickly strengthen the weakest novices.

His gaze swept over the group and he frowned. “What about Sawyer?”

“Sawyer’s on bedrest for the rest of the day,” I said.

A flurry of murmurs swept through the group and Mikel huffed. “Coddling him will only get the rest of us killed.”

No shit. But I wasn’t coddling him, and it wasn’t Mikel’s place to tell me how to deal with my men even if I was. His snarky remarks, especially regarding how I was handling things needed to be stopped and now.

“Congratulations, novice,” I told him. “You get to run the trail with Tyon at the end of today’s training with the other bag of rocks.” I strode toward the fighting circles scraped into the rocky ground.

“Doesn’t make what I said any less untrue,” Mikel shot back, making me bristle.

“Know your place!” I snapped, letting my wolf darken my tone.

Mikel’s eyes widened and he paled.

Yes, I was known to be less strict than other military commanders in the human and fae realms, and I had no doubt Mikel’s friends and family who’d preceded him here had told him that. We needed a brotherhood in the Black Tower as much as we needed a fighting force, and I was willing to allow a certain amount of leeway among my men to encourage that, but I was still in charge and it looked like this novice needed to be reminded of that.

“Two times around the trail,” I snarled, my wolf fighting to take over completely. “I shouldn’t have to remind you. I’m the Lord Commander. You will show me the respect I’ve earned, or did your family not teach you any of that?”

Mikel straightened and raised his chin. “Yes, my lord.”

“We’re wrestling today,” I announced as Quill rejoined me.

He glanced at the bag of practice daggers that he’d brought down from the storage locker in the indoor practice hall but kept a straight face at the sudden change of plans.

Except everyone else looked at the bag as well. They’d probably been told by the other Guardsmen at the midday meal that they were going to be tested and training in daggers this afternoon, and me changing my plans just confirmed that I was coddling Sawyer. Except with his slight stature, there was no point in testing his wrestling abilities. Even if he had some skill, he was going to get pummeled and that wouldn’t be helpful for anyone.

“Wrestling,” I repeated.

“He’s changed his mind because the runt isn’t here,” Durand whispered out of the corner of his mouth, barely loud enough for me to hear — and I wouldn’t have been able to hear it if I hadn’t been a shifter.

He stood at the back of the group with Hamelin, Bramwell, and Ambrose and all four of them shared knowing looks as if they’d come to a conclusion, one I had no doubt involved Sawyer and my seeming inability to treat him like everyone else.

Fuck. I had enough to handle with Talon losing control and Sawyer being almost incapacitated.

Why couldn’t the boy have just come through the ring before dark? None of this would be a problem if he’d just followed proper protocol.

Except even if he had, I suspected the others would still look down on him. He was a nobleman and so damned small. No one wanted to fight shadows with him because he looked weak, and if it didn’t look like I was trying to turn him into a proper Guardsman then they were going to do it themselves. Their lives depended on Sawyer’s ability to fight.

And while I couldn’t blame their line of thinking, I couldn’t allow them to take Sawyer’s training into their own hands.

I didn’t think the boy was fragile. In fact, him trying to get up and run after Talon had attacked him just proved he was too stubborn for his own good, but I also was far too aware of how easily human’s bodies and minds broke.

Too much help from Mikel and his friends could prove Talon’s fears true, and if Sawyer didn’t outright kill himself, he’d still be a useless mess that would take even more time and energy to fix to turn him into a Guardsmen .

“Tyon!” I snapped making the poor man jerk to attention and squeak with fright. “Thank Durand. He just volunteered to do your lap around the trail with the bag of rocks.”

“Thank you, my lord,” Tyon stammered.

I swept my glare over the novices, my wolf curling my lips back in a sneer, making all the fae stiffen.

They knew my beast was what had made me one of the deadliest hunters in the Guard before I’d been promoted to Lord Commander, and while I had extraordinary patience for a fae with an animal form, part of my nature was still a predator.

And Goddess help me, I was barely holding on.

A few more pushes and my claws would come out. I didn’t need disrespect from the novices and I sure as hell didn’t need Talon losing control. It was a miracle that Sawyer hadn’t decided to press charges. Except that was just more proof that he wasn’t the haughty noble they thought he was.

“Next man who speaks out of turn is tossed out of novice training and on stable duty all day every day until I’m no longer angry, and I’m a wolf,” I snarled, my fingers extending into claws and my wolf straining against my control. “My regular state of mind is angry.”

“Has the Lord Commander made himself clear?” Quill called out, his expression as dark and hard as mine, backing me up even though he was far more even-tempered that I was.

The novices straightened. “Yes, my lord.”

“Good. Now Rue—” I barked, making the fae’s eyes widen with fear. “You and Quill demonstrate the basics of wrestling techniques.” He breathed a sigh of relief to know he wasn’t going to be wrestling me or my wolf while I was riled up.

I crossed my arms and glared at them as Quill started the lesson. My wolf snarled inside me. It wanted to tear something to pieces, but I had to get through this lesson first. I could only pray that Sawyer would be recovered from Talon’s feeding tomorrow morning, because if he hadn’t and I was forced to keep him in bed, keeping the other novices from taking his training into their own hands was going to become more difficult. And now that I’d pulled rank on them, I doubted they were going to let me see it.

Fuck. If Ash hadn’t befriended the troublemakers yet, he needed to do so now, because the way things were going, the situation could get out of hand quickly.