1. Sage

CHAPTER 1

Sage

The image of my broken, bleeding body surrounded by swirling mist whirled around and around in my mind. Someone was going to kill me. Except I didn’t know who or how or when or even where exactly.

All I really knew was that I was still in the Gray, still a Guardsman, and that they still thought I was a boy. Did they even know who I was supposed to be or had the attack been random? Had I just been at the wrong place at the wrong time? And who would attack a Guardsman in the Gray? I’d thought only Guardsmen and shadow monsters were in the Grey.

The vision had happened so fast, I hadn’t gotten a good look at my surroundings. I had no idea where it was going to happen, only that the towering ominous Shadow Gate had been standing in the distance. But the Gate was so tall I didn’t doubt it could be seen for miles around the Black Tower. I also had no idea who to watch out for, only that there’d been two of them.

The fear and cold within me deepened, sinking into my bones and making my hands shake.

I needed more information. With the vision of Sawyer’s death, I’d had a sense of urgency, the knowledge that what I’d seen would happen soon. I had no idea when this new vision would come to pass. Vision?—

Oh, Great Father! I was truly seeing things now. Twice in as many days and it had just come over me, stronger than the premonitions I used to have.

And both times I’d nearly collapsed. I probably would have fallen to my knees the first time if Lord Quill hadn’t steadied me, which meant these visions were going to be harder to hide than my premonitions.

Before, I used to just blank out for a moment and look — according to Sawyer — like I was daydreaming. Falling to my knees was going to draw a lot more attention and I couldn’t afford anymore attention. I had to figure out how to make them go away so I didn’t expose myself?—

No. Not the point.

The first thing I needed to do was to make sure what I’d seen didn’t come to pass.

If I wasn’t a Guardsman, the vision wouldn’t come true. Which meant I needed to reveal myself and beg for mercy from Lord Rider and the King of Erellod for lying. But I couldn’t tell the truth until Sawyer was safely out of the Five Great Kingdoms and that would take at least a month, more if he had to sell his horse or ran into trouble.

Did I have that kind of time?

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remember what I’d seen, or hell, make the vision happen again. But the dizzying darkness and mist didn’t sweep around me and the image of my broken body didn’t reappear.

Of course, I hadn’t been able to make my premonitions in the past happen, either, no matter how hard I’d tried. And I’d tried hard when Father had gone missing while hunting brigands and when Mother had fallen ill.

I’d been unable to sense where he’d gone or how to help her and had been just as helpless as everyone else in the end. The only advantage I’d had was the torture of knowing something bad was going to happen. At least with the visions, I had a clearer idea of what.

But it was foolish to think I could make these visions happen when I wanted them. I should be happy that I’d been warned about my impending death especially since I’d already been warned twice about Sawyer’s yesterday.

Except, if I couldn’t foresee when my latest vision would happen did that mean I had to choose between my life or Sawyer’s?

If it came to that, I’d choose Sawyer’s. I’d do anything for him. I’d taken on the spell meant for him that bound a Guardsman to the Black Tower knowing the odds of him finding a way to break the spell and free me were slim.

I’d also known taking the spell meant if I left the Grey where the Black Tower stood and didn’t return, the magic would kill me.

There were only a few ways for me to leave and none of them were good. If I revealed I was a girl, I’d be punished. And given Lord Rider’s temper, the punishment would probably be severe before I was tossed back to Edred who might forego trying to sell me into marriage to just take his frustration out on me. And if I confessed too soon, they’d hunt Sawyer down and bind him to the Tower, making all the risks I’d already taken to save him pointless.

Hell, for all I knew Sawyer was still going to die in the Gray.

I thought I hadn’t been able to change the outcome of my premonitions because I hadn’t known what was going to happen, but there was still no guarantee that I’d be able to change it even though I could see what was coming.

But then what would be the point of seeing into the future ?

My hands still trembling, I grabbed the edge of the basin secured to its stand and the wall in my small room and used it to steady myself as I stood.

There had to be a third option where neither of us died.

Dying meant our step-father, Edred, would win. He’d already manipulated the lottery and had Sawyer’s name drawn, ensuring Sawyer would never succeed him as Marquis of Herstind March even though Sawyer was his heir and not yet sixteen.

I had no doubt that Edred had hoped the Gray would kill Sawyer. My brother’s lungs were weak and while he might have survived the first day of Black Guard training, I knew — because I’d seen it — that he wouldn’t have survived for many more.

So if I didn’t know when the attack would come and I couldn’t reveal myself for at least a month, then I had to make sure I was prepared.

I had to become the best fighter I could possibly be in as short a time as possible.

It wouldn’t guarantee that I’d changed the future since I’d still be wearing the Black Guard’s uniform, but it was better than revealing my secret and having Sawyer bound to the Tower.

At least now I knew the fight of my life was coming and I could prepare for it.

I finished washing off the day’s grime as best as I could with just a small cloth, a bar of soap, and a basin of water that thankfully I could drain and refill as many times as I desired — thank you fae magic! Then I rewrapped the strips of cloth around my breasts, determined to ignore my achy sore muscles from a day of near-constant physical exertion and the pain from the dark purple bruise staining my chest and along my left side.

I’d slept naked my first night in the Tower because I’d had to wash my clothes and been in shock over escaping Edred then arriving in the Gray and being attacked by shadow monsters. Tonight, and for the rest of my time here, I wasn’t going to be so foolish. I didn’t have a lock on my door, and I still didn’t know if those higher up the ranks liked to barge in on the sacrifices— pardon me, novices , as they insisted on calling us.

I pulled my shirt and pants back on then finally collapsed on my bed. Tomorrow was going to be another day of dirty looks and hissed remarks and mucking out the stables, not to mention whatever the Lord Commander of the Black Guard was going to throw at me.

So far he hadn’t taken his temper out on me like Edred used to, but I didn’t trust that he wouldn’t. I’d made a serious mistake endangering Guardsmen’s lives by using the fae ring after dark, and he and the rest of the Guard were angry about that.

But I’d take whatever they gave me. I had to. For Sawyer .

Exhaustion pulled at me and I let it drag me into darkness. I didn’t think things would look better in the morning. In fact I was sure my body was going to hurt more when I woke, but at least I’d be rested.

The thought flittered through my mind, a spark dancing on a breeze, dimming then flaring, dimming then?—

I gasped and jerked upright.

I’d thought of something… except I couldn’t remember what. It had been there, at the edge of my thoughts. Something important, something?—

My thoughts stuttered as my vision cleared.

Somehow I was in the fae’s Garden again.

It was the same as last night. I sat on a patch of soft grass at the edge of a pool bathed in gentle moonlight. Long hair that I shouldn’t have had because I’d cut it short like Sawyer’s tickled my back and bare arms, and I wore the same soft, gauze and lace dress as before. It was cut low, revealing what little cleavage I had along with the strange red spots that encircled my neck and trailed down between my breasts.

I leaned forward and glanced at my reflection in the pool. Once again my hair was a vibrant red, darker and richer than my normal color, my eyes were a bright emerald, and my ears were pointed as if I were actually fae.

I brushed tentative fingers over my ear tips.

They felt real.

It didn’t make sense. I wasn’t fae. I didn’t know how I could look fae when I manifested in the Garden or how I even manifested in the first place.

When I’d asked about it, Kit and Payne, the two fae Guardsmen who were on speaking terms with me, had been adamant that only fae could enter the Garden — spiritually or physically — and that there was magic that prevented humans from entering it.

I’d figured ending up in the Garden last night had been an accident, a mix of my strange fae-touched ability to sense the future combined with the fae magic binding me to the Tower — although don’t ask me how that could have possibly helped me.

I hadn’t thought I’d ever be here again.

And if I was here again, would I run into the Lord Commander or Talon or Lord Quill? What about the mystery man who I’d thought had been a fantasy who I’d let kiss and touch me in the most intimate way?

Heat burned my cheeks, half in embarrassment and half in desire. My body still throbbed with need from Talon using his magic on me in an attempt to force me to show him my bruise and prove I wasn’t more hurt than I claimed to be, and that throbbing flared hot and needy between my thighs at the idea that Fantasy Man might be in the Garden right now.

Movement reflected in the pool caught my attention and I realized someone was sitting on the bench on the other side of the pool .

The last time I’d been here, three fae had practically pounced on me and then I’d been swarmed by dozens of men, which had been overwhelming, intimidating, and confusing.

And while I’d gotten the impression from Lord Rider that I could have told them to go away, everything I’d been taught said that a woman needed to be demure and comply with a man’s wishes. My purpose was to obey and please my husband. Nothing more.

Which made me furious. Not all husbands deserved to be obeyed or pleased. That and I could be so much more than just my ability to please a man. My identity was mine, not my association to my father, step-father, brother, or husband.

Except I didn’t know if I’d be able to fully resist a lifetime of discipline, not when it was just for myself. If Sawyer was with me and in danger, I’d have shouted and fought and not cared how disobedient I was. But just me… it was easier — and often less painful — to bow my head, say what they wanted me to say, then try to slip away.

I raised my eyes to the man on the bench and fell into Lord Rider’s silver gaze for a heart-stopping moment. A hunger burned inside those silver orbs, a ferocity that I hadn’t noticed before that stole my breath and made Talon’s magic inside me burn hotter.

The spots around my neck and trailing between my breasts grew warm and pulsed in time with my suddenly pounding heart, and a tight heat swelled in my chest. Then he blinked and the hunger vanished and I was released from his gaze.

“I didn’t think you’d return,” he said, his voice gruff.